Hey All! First week of classes and my kids are keeping me busy! So this is a little short (snort)

Who knew my hormonal mood changes could have such an effect on ya'll!

Yeah- a little sap…. Just making room for the schmexy….

And because I giggled at how many readers are concerned:

No Flour Children were harmed during the writing of this chapter… how awesome is it that an inanimate object is getting so much love from you readers! LOVE IT! ( I may be convinced to do a FC POV one day)

Make Me Over- Lifehouse

~~oo~~

Chapter 31: I felt everything more clearly.

EPOV

I held Bella to me for some time. I had no idea how long.

I was savoring the feel of her warmth and her heart as it beat against my chest.

It was beating so hard.

Was she scared?

Or excited?

I didn't care for the moment.

All I cared about was the incredible feeling of affection and safety in her arms.

The monsters were fleeing, the fear washing away with each heartbeat.

Everything about this moment in time comforted me.

Bella was holding me, her cheek nestled against my jaw where it rubbed every now and then, as if to remind me that she was there.

As if could forget.

Bella was holding me.

She wasn't running away.

She wasn't disgusted.

She wasn't even angry in my confession at being a deviant.

Not a deviant.

I wasn't a deviant at all, but it was difficult to let that go after months of feeling like one.

Bella tightened her grip around my neck and rubbed her cheek against me once more, reassuring me in her own way.

I sighed and tucked my nose against her neck, breathing in the sweetness of her before slowly drawing away from her, so that she was gazing down at me. Bella tipped her head down, kissing me softly on the lips and smiling against them when she adjusted her hips against me.

I might have found some resolution in my condition. It didn't mean I was cured from being aroused by her every waking moment. Groaning at the temptation, I slowly placed her a safer distance from my traitorous cock and shifted in my seat, praying she hadn't noticed.

"Can I ask you something?" Bella asked, her hand drifting towards mine that lay on my thigh. I tensed slightly in anticipation at her hand being so close.

Did she know what that did to me?

She must have, because she tugged my hand closer to my knee, further away from where my mind and body wanted it.

Her eyes were regarding me timidly, and I realized I had not answered her.

"Sure," I murmured and shifted again to relieve the tension in my body.

She remained quiet, chewing on her lip as she looked down at my hand in hers.

"This woman," she said hesitantly, "She did a lot of things with you?"

I swallowed and nodded, on guard.

"Did you enjoy it?" she asked and her eyes drifted up to capture mine.

She seemed so innocent, looking at me with those big brown eyes. But I knew that she was more than she seemed. She had touched me, without my ordering it, and then had embraced me as if she knew it would ground me.

Had Tanya ever given herself so selflessly?

It had always been taking.

Commanding. Ordering. Dismissing.

Had I really enjoyed it?

"Not everything," I whispered and looked away from the innocence staring back at me.

She wouldn't understand what it was we had done.

And much of it I would never do to her.

Or wish her to do to me.

I never wanted to hurt Bella for pleasure.

But some of it. Some of what I had learned I hoped I could do.

I wanted to explore her, make her body sing. Hear her cry out, not from pleasured pain but from absolute pleasure.

I looked up again to see her blush receding, her eyes downcast.

"Bella, it's not something I want to repeat with you," I explained.

She didn't need to know what I wanted.

I didn't even fully know.

What Tanya had done was something most people never did.

So what was normal?

Something I wanted. That's what normal was.

I leaned towards her and tipped her chin up so that she was looking at me again.

"I have no idea what I want exactly, Bella. Only that I want to do it with you."

Poor choice of words maybe by the blush on her face.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"I want to please you."

I frowned at those words. How many times had I said that to Tanya as I kneeled before her? I shook my head and forced the past out of my head.

"I don't want that to be your reason," I said. She looked at me in confusion.

"I don't want to think of this as one or the other being in control, okay?" I asked. "That's why I want to slow down. So that we can learn what the other likes."

Bella moved a little closer and offered me a small smile.

"Like partners," she whispered, her smile growing.

"Partners," I replied, matching her grin. Pulling her closer, I kissed her again, enjoying the ache as it settled into my groin.

I'd have to embrace that feeling.

That was the only thing I wished to control.

My urges would be controlled.

"Can I ask something else?" she asked.

I nodded. It was getting easier and easier to talk with her about things.

"Um, how do you stay in control of it?" she asked.

"It?"

Her nose wrinkled up in such a cute way, it made me want to push her back into the sofa and kiss her over and over again. Kissing her was better than anything I had ever done with Tanya.

"How do you keep from, you know, blue," she asked and glanced down towards my obvious arousal.

I sat up a little and pulled my shirt over my lap.

"It's not something I can will away," I replied, a little uncomfortable. I definitely didn't want to open up about how I needed to get off several times a day.

She'd develop a complex.

"I just," she said and looked away hurriedly. "Do I do that to you or is it just like an automatic response to things."

"Can we talk about something else?" I hedged.

I really underestimated how much she understood about me.

Bella's lips curved up into a coy smirk and stood up quickly.

"I'll try better not to distract you," she said and made her way out of the living room.

I let out a forceful breath and wondered if she'd notice me disappear into the bathroom for five minutes. Whatever we decided to do about advancing our relationship, I was sure that any release I would be getting would be my own.

For a little while at least.

Slow was good.

Slow was necessary.

Slow was good…. My new mantra.

After a minute of talking myself down in every sense of the word, I made my way to the kitchen where Bella was munching on a cookie.

Was she intentionally trying to tempt me?

Her eyes widened and she put the cookie down as soon as she saw me.

"Did you want one?" she asked.

Really, was she that innocent?

"Um, no. I better not," I replied, not thinking about the actual cookies.

"We should figure out what we want to do today," she continued, pulling the cookie apart.

"You're nervous," I stated.

She shrugged and toyed with the cookie some more.

"I need to know what I should and shouldn't do around you," she said quietly.

"I don't think you can stop doing anything around me," I whispered, not really meaning for her to hear.

"But you want to take this slowly," she explained. "And after what you said, what you've been through. I feel like everything I do makes it harder for you."

She blushed and groaned, covering her face.

I was standing in front of her in an instant.

"Bella, you can't change me overnight," I said softly. My hands moved to her hips, holding her a safe distance from me. "I have no idea how to do this. I mean, I know what I want to do, and I have an idea about what you want to do, but I don't want to rush that part."

"I don't want to tempt you," she whispered and looked up at me. "But it's difficult not to think about it, and then I feel bad."

I slid in close to her, our bodies barely touching. But where we touched I could feel her heat burning through me. It was like a constant need to get closer.

"You tempt me just by being, Bella," I murmured. "And that's okay. I can enjoy kissing you again and again. Like this."

I closed the distance and met her hungry lips with my own, feeling her body press against mine. I let the feelings wash over me, different now that we had talked. I still wanted her more than anything.

I still could imagine every position and situation I wanted her in.

But now as I kissed her, I felt more of her.

I tasted her more deeply, the sweetness of the sugar cookie she ate that was then chased by the flavor that was simply Bella.

I could feel her hips as they pushed against me, her soft stomach framed by the firm pressure of her hip bones against my thighs.

Her fingers clenched around my shirt and tugged me to her until she was wedged against the counter.

I felt everything more clearly.

Who needed fantasies when there was the real thing kissing me?

Reality was so much better than imagined.

"Okay."

I looked down at her and smiled.

"Okay,what?" I asked.

She smiled and kissed me again hard.

"We can do this for a while," she replied and pulled my head back to hers.

I could kiss her like this for quite some time.

And when we got to the other, I knew it would be as incredible.

~~oo~~

I promise, date night next!

Thanks all! More soon!

MWAH!

steph