Sunday night at the Swan house… and…go!

Be Here Now- Ray La Montagne

~~oo~~

Chapter 38: I glanced. I peeked. I openly stared.

BPOV

I sat in front of the house in my truck for a few minutes to pull my thoughts together.

I had so much to process, my chest hurt from the stress of it.

I had never felt so much over someone.

Ever.

Edward had worked is way into my heart, and I hurt right alongside him from the magnitude of the life surrounding him. Esme's words echoed in my head over and over again.

Her past.

Her pain.

Edward's father. His betrayal. Because it was, how he treated his son was a betrayal of the trust between father and child.

And Esme, who was afraid to rock the boat.

Did she really understand how much her sons depending on her making them safe in their own home?

I shook my head at the laughable view of Edward's safe home.

You could feel the oppression as soon as you walked into their home. I had no idea how Edward handled it.

I stood in front of Charlie's simple white house, letting my own feelings of this place wash over me. It might not have always been my home, but it was a place I could call home.

Safe.

Loved.

Home.

How very lucky I was.

I had two homes. Because no matter where Renee landed, she made it home.

Was it true what they said?

Home is where the heart is?

My heart was hurting again.

Because I had two, and Edward had none.

I hoped that Esme was taking a stand to offer him what he needed.

As much as I liked Edward, he needed a family that would support him too.

But I really doubted Charlie would ever agree to let Edward find sanctuary in our home.

Not without worrying about Edward finding sanctuary in me. So to speak.

The curtain by the door to my house moved and I remembered I had a certain family member that would be wondering why I was standing outside in the light rain. I shuffled up the steps and opened the door to find Charlie there, waiting for me.

"Everything okay?" he asked, his eyes taking me in for injury or anything that seemed off.

I nodded and slipped past him towards the kitchen, hungry suddenly and not wanting to really talk. He followed behind me, quiet as he pulled out a beer and motioned to the pizza box on the table.

"I didn't want you to have to cook," he said dismissively. But I could tell he was trying to be gentle. He knew me pretty well.

"Thanks, Dad," I murmured and watched him nod and make his way back into the living room.

I grabbed a slice and a juice box and followed behind a few minutes later.

I rarely intruded on the manroom. It was Charlie's sanctuary.

But tonight, I needed my dad.

He paused in sipping his beer when he saw me come in, then set it down and raised his free arm, silently asking me to sit next to him. He seemed to know I needed his comfort.

I slid in close, letting him wrap his arm around me, tucking me in close.

We settled into quiet contemplation as the game played on the television, my mind drifting back to the Cullen house.

I had to wonder how Esme and Carlisle fell apart and why. And their sex life, something I really didn't want to think about, had to have some effect on Edward and Emmett.

I couldn't even think about my dad that way. And even though I had nights burned in my memory of Renee and whichever new love of her life stayed the night, I couldn't fathom my parents being into something like that.

Well, I couldn't imagine it at all.

What did partners like that do?

One ordered the other around? Who got off on that?

I didn't want to be anyone's slave.

I understood the tying up thing. And the blindfolding.

Hey, Charlie had Cinemax.

I tried to drive that thought out of my head. Because the thought of Charlie watching late night Cinemax was just gross.

My dad didn't have a sex life.

I liked to think of him as neutered, if I was being honest.

Because if he didn't have a girlfriend and he still had those urges...

Now my head was full of awkward thoughts.

"Do you wanna watch a movie?" he asked, startling me.

"The game is still in the third quarter," I said, pointing at the miserable score.

He sighed and finished off his beer.

"The Steelers have mopped us all over the field tonight. I don't need to watch every brutal play," he said, smiling wryly.

"What do you want to watch?" I asked, curious.

We never did movie night.

He scratched at his mustache as he eyed me thoughtfully. I could tell he was trying to make me feel better. He didn't want to ask what was wrong. I wouldn't know how to tell him anyway.

He shrugged and clicked on the movie guide.

"There's that backward Love movie," he suggested. "It's supposed to be a good girl movie."

I could hear the pain in his voice.

"Is the Punch movie on demand yet?" I asked, watching his eyes glimmer a little.

Charlie would never say no to a good action flick.

"You sure?" he asked, wary.

I nodded and took his beer from him.

"I don't really want sappy tonight," I said. "I'd like to just enjoy my night with my dad."

He cleared his throat and nodded, that awkward bit of pride crossing his face before he let me disappear into the kitchen to get us more drinks. Coming back, we settled in again, the fist flying on the screen while I relaxed with my dad. I tried to turn my brain off and simply let it reset, but it wouldn't let Edward go.

What was he doing right now?

Was he okay?

My phone had been quiet all night.

I hoped he was handling things all right.

Finding out about his parents past would really be a shock.

I wished I could be there.

But it wasn't something you invited your girlfriend to. If Edward knew that I knew as much as I did, he'd be embarrassed.

Maybe he was embarrassed and that's why he wasn't calling.

I'm sure he'd need to time to think.

Before I knew it, Charlie was yawning and the movie credits were rolling. I checked my phone, and still there was no call or text.

"I have to get up early, you heading to bed?" Charlie asked as he stood.

"I'm going to take a shower and then I'll go to bed," I replied, standing with him.

He stopped at the top of the stairs, wrapping his arm around me gently.

"You know I trust you, right? I know you'll always do the right thing," he murmured. "I'm proud of you, for what you did today."

"Thanks, Dad," I replied. "I learned just how lucky I am to have you for my dad."

He pretended to scoff at my compliment, but I could tell he was affected.

He grumbled a quick goodnight and closed his door to his bedroom, leaving me to step into the bathroom for a quick shower. The hot water always seemed to calm me down, and clear my head.

I needed that more than anything.

I scrubbed up with my bath soap, smiling at how Edward had delighted in how I smelled. He always liked burying his nose in my neck or my hair, inhaling deeply as if it were necessary to survive. Maybe it was.

I liked that I affected him like that.

Fully washed, I bundled up in a towel and slipped quickly into my room, the sound of Charlie snoring already coming from his room. I busied myself with pulling on some underwear and a tank top, contemplating my flannel pajama bottoms. It was a little chilly with the rain outside, so I pulled a pair out to slip on.

That's when I heard it.

A soft tapping.

Like an annoying branch at the window.

Charlie really needed to trim that damn tree.

I grumbled and went to the window, expecting to see the troublesome branch.

Instead I let out a squeak and covered my mouth when I saw dark green eyes staring back at me.

How the hell had Edward gotten up in my tree?

And more importantly, why was Edward climbing up my tree?

I opened the window, reaching out to help him climb in, his shoes slipping on the window ledge until he tumbled over me onto the floor, both of us landing in a damp heap. We both froze at the noise, turning to the door. I prayed Charlie had slept through the noise.

When we were both quiet enough to hear him snoring still in the next room, Edward moved to climb off of me, his eyes raking down my body until he came to my underwear.

I hadn't had time to put on my pants yet.

He moved away more quickly, scrambling to stand and run his hands through his hair as he turned to the window, offering me a moment of privacy.

I wasn't having it of course.

"What happened? Are you okay? Why didn't you just call me? I would have let you in the door?" I asked, stepping up next to him to close the window so the rain didn't get in.

"Um," he stammered, looking back down at my bare legs.

He was uncomfortable seeing me half naked. I understood I guess. It had been unnerving to see him earlier in just his flannel bottoms.

Nice, but awkward.

And he was glancing sideways at me like I was a piece a double chocolate cake to be devoured by a diabetic.

"Sorry," I whispered and went back to my bed where I had left the pants, pulling them on with my back to him. I felt his hands slide up my arms, my breath coming faster when they wrapped around me drawing me close against him. His jacket was already dampening the back of my tank top.

"You're getting me wet," I breathed, although it was more of a moan.

"Fuck," he groaned and stepped away in a flash, leaving me swaying. "You can't say those things, Bella."

His voice was raw, and when I turned around, I saw he was shaking. The chocolate cake had turned into a juicy steak it seemed. Because he looked starving now.

I hadn't caught the innuendo I had whispered. He had stunted my brain tonight.

"I meant… You're wet," I whispered and took a step towards him. He swallowed and reached out with one hand, asking.

"I needed to see you," he replied quietly and took a tentative step toward me.

Reaching for his hand, I took it and pulled him a little closer, his breath fanning over my forehead as he breathed me in.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

He closed his eyes and leaned in closer, his nose brushing over my temple and down.

"No… yes," he said, his voice weak and barely a whisper. "I don't know."

His fingers were tracing along the strap of my tank top along the back of my shoulder blade, making me shiver.

But I wasn't cold, not in the least.

My own hands had worked their way to his chest, where I could feel his heart beating hard.

It was difficult trying to concentrate.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, a little dazed. He shook his head and pulled me tight against him, his mouth leaving soft kisses along my cheek before he found my mouth, capturing it in a warm rush that made my legs rubbery.

Edward held me against him while his mouth continued to explore mine, searching and bolder than he had ever been. His tongue touched against my lips, a little flick as if to ask to come in and make itself welcome.

My tongue was obviously looking for company because it decided on its own to venture out and welcome his in, tangling like some tongue Kama Sutra. I heard him moan and grasp at me tighter, his mouth opening up to let me explore with him.

I could feel the bed against my legs, his body pushing me back into it. He hovered over me, thighs pressed tight to mine, the feeling of him hardening against me making me gasp. I pulled my lips away long enough to breathe and looked up into his darkened eyes.

"I need to lock the door," I whispered hoarsely.

He seemed to awaken from whatever trance he had been in and he let out a long breath as I slid off the bed to quietly lock my door. His clothes had made my damp, and I knew he had to be cold in them as he lay there, gulping air into his longs as he lay on his back in my bed.

"Are you cold?" I asked, watching him as he scrubbed at his chest through the wet jacket.

He shook his head slightly and sat up.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come in like this," he said, shifting to the edge of the bed, eyes closed and hands clenched in my bedspread.

I stepped in between his knees and brushed his hair back off his forehead, smiling when I heard him hum at my touch.

"It's okay," I whispered and leaned in to kiss his forehead. "I'm glad you're here with me."

His hands moved over my arms again, rubbing them as if to warm me.

"I made your clothes damp," he said and then chuckled, shaking his head.

"Yeah, it doesn't sound any better coming from you," I replied, happy to see the beginnings of his smile.

He tipped his head up, the deep green of his eyes drowning me as he took me in. His eyes still held that bit of worry, the hesitation I saw when he was unsure which way to go.

"I want to stay for a while," he whispered. "It feels too weird at my house. Is that okay?"

I nodded and moved to slide his coat off his shoulders, his breath stuttering when my hands slid up his chest and over his shoulders. He licked his lips, watching me as I pulled the coat off and tossed it over my desk chair. My hands returned, tracing over his shoulders and down his arms like he had done to me.

"Your shirt is a little damp," I whispered.

He shook his head, eyes intent on my chin.

"I don't think I have the strength to hold back, Bella."

"Whatever you want to do, it's okay. But you're cold. You have to get out of your wet clothes," I replied, and moved slowly to pull the covers back from my bed. "I can get in first, I promise not to look."

He stood and watched me as I crawled over the blankets to tuck my legs in under the warmth. I kicked my pants off as I shifted, wanting to be able to feel his legs next to mine. It would probably wear down his resolve, but it was a proven fact that bare skin to bare skin provided the best warmth.

He looked over to the door again, swallowing hard before he slipped his shoes off and rubbed his hands over the damp fabric of his jeans. I tried to keep my eyes from wandering, but when his hands went to those fabulous button flies, I couldn't help it.

I glanced.

Peeked.

Openly Stared.

His fingers paused on the second button.

"Sorry," I mumbled and pulled the covers up over my head.

His nervous laugh made me look out over the covers again.

"You don't have to be sorry. I am just wondering how you can break down a days worth of worry with just being near me," he said, standing there with his hands on his button flies, watching me with a small smile.

I chewed on my thumb and offered him a timid smile.

"I don't know. I'm you're ray of sunshine?" I joked lamely. I was nervous.

The boy I wanted to take my virginity was stripping in my bedroom.

He stood there, frozen and watching me as if in a faraway trance.

"You're definitely that," he whispered, the smile turning a little sad.

My heart hurt again.

"Come here," I whispered and patted the bed beside me, trying to spur him on.

I really wanted him to finish those last two buttons and get in bed with me.

Edward let out another breath and pulled his jeans down, kicking out of them and standing there in dark boxers. He fingered his shirt again, as if contemplating.

"You're wasting good snuggle time," I teased gently.

It was so difficult to go gently with him. I wanted so much, and I could tell he did too, but his eyes told a story that said he needed a quiet place.

A place with no monsters and no reminders.

He continued to watch me, and I realized I was staring again, although I didn't recall taking in his beauty. I was faraway myself, wishing for a safe place for him.

His safe place was here.

I slid down into the bed, turning so that my back was to him as I hugged at my pillow, offering him some privacy. I heard his jeans thump down onto the floor, and then the bed jostled slightly before I felt his cool body slide up behind mine.

He held me gently, his body moulding to mine as we lay there back to front. He hummed quietly and stroked my hair absently like he was deep in thought. I smiled when I felt his lips brush against my shoulder, his nose following to trace up along my neck. His arm cradled me to him, his body pressing closer to find more warmth. Covering his arm with mine, I offered him that bit of support he needed to feel safe. He sighed again the heat of his breath sending a shiver through my body.

I let him have his quiet moment, not wanting to intrude on everything that he had to be thinking. He must have gone through a lot, if he had come to my house so late at night, not even calling. We laid there in silence, his arms tightening around me once in a while, as if needing the extra comfort. I squeezed him to me in silent support.

"You feel right like this," he whispered in the dark.

I slowly turned in his arms so that I could face him. His eyes seemed so deep as he took me in.

"You can come here any time you want," I replied softly.

"If I could, I would, but the climb about killed me," he whispered, a ghost of a smile crossing his lips.

"So we'll use the door next time, but you still can't slip into bed with those jeans," I teased.

I may have slid my leg over his naked one, enjoying the intense heat of his thigh on mine.

"You're killing me, Bella," he groaned.

"Is this bad?" I asked, stilling my body against his, worried that I had ruined his moment of peace.

Edward's fingers moved over my cheek, his eyes following them as they made their way down my neck.

"No, this is what I want," he said, swallowing. "So badly."

"I want this too. With you, Edward."

He sighed and leaned into me, and his lips covering mine briefly before he nestled into my neck, sighing in contentment as his nose followed his fingers.

Down my neck, across my collarbone, a slow dip downward.

Breathing slow. Taking me in.

I let my hands roam along his back, wanting to warm the cool skin that felt prickled from the cold. He hummed, sending the vibration through me along my body wherever he touched.

As he drew his head away, I could feel his hands brushing over my side and down to my hip, gently easing me onto my back so that he could look me over. I remained still for him, to allow him the opportunity to do what ever he wished, to let him know I was his. His eyes met mine for an instant, as if looking for that permission before they made their way down to where his hands held me at my hips. Slowly, his fingertips moved back up my sides, his thumbs trailing along my stomach, to my ribs, lightly brushing the swell of my breasts on their way up.

I let out a soft moan, his eyes shooting up to mine.

I was breathing faster, trembling at his touch. His thumbs rested just above my nipples, making them hard from the anticipation.

He looked back down, where his hands grazed, as if unsure.

His fingertips flexed, his thumb brushing the top of my breasts once more.

"I want to touch you," he whispered.

I nodded, arching up into his hands a little to urge him on. He slid one hand up to move into my hair, rolling partway onto his side so that he could relax against me. His other hand moved tortuously slow up over my chest, just missing my breast. He smiled when he heard me groan, but his eyes remained on where his hand was, as it slowly moved down.

Closer.

Fingertips barely touching the fabric.

Sending tingling jolts straight to where his thigh was now tightly pressed.

I may have clenched that thigh a little.

Because his fingers felt amazing.

Ones own fingers just don't do the same thing.

Having someone else teasing your breasts was like taking a rocket to the Moon.

And when that thumb that had teased finally reached my nipple…

Blast off!

I think I cried out.

I must have because Edward's mouth was suddenly covering mine, kissing me deeply as his thumb stroked over and over again.

That thumb was going to be the death of me. It knew how to rub the right way.

When he broke away from my mouth, he was breathing hard.

"Bella," he breathed, his mouth moving steadily down my neck, kissing the hollow of my collarbone.

I was dizzy.

Good thing I was already lying down.

His nose skirted over the edge of my tank top, leaving his mouth to heat my skin underneath as he moved.

"Please," he whispered. I heard him groan, his head leaning against my shoulder heavily. "Please let me take it slow with you."

I pulled him against me, and wrapped my arms around him, trying hard to forget the throbbing in between my legs. Instead, I hummed quietly against his ear as he nuzzled against me, and closed my eyes. His arms tightened around me, a soft moan muffled in my shoulder.

"I don't want this feeling to end," he whispered.

"Which feeling?" I asked, my fingers finding his hair again.

"Happiness," he sighed. "I feel happy here with you."

"I like that feeling too," I whispered and hugged him a little tighter, my throat closing up.

He relaxed against me, his head laying across my shoulder. One arm pulled me close to him, his body adjusting against mine so that his thigh draped over me like I was the perfect pillow for his long body.

I didn't complain.

He felt wonderful.

My eyes grew heavy with his warmth and his tracing fingers as they grazed my arm. It seemed to soothe him as much as it did me. And while both of us wanted to go further, this was right. Right this moment, this was enough.

Regardless of what our bodies said.

This was a good kind of slow.

I closed my eyes and smiled at how at peace I felt.

I slowly became more aware of how late it was when I felt him move. My eyes slowly opened and I watched him slowly slip from bed, his back highlighted by the light of the moon. He pulled his shirt over his head, reaching for his jeans when he turned to see me watching him.

"I need to get home so Esme doesn't worry," he whispered, leaning over the bed to kiss me tenderly.

I walked with him to the window, my hand touching his for a moment so that I could feel his heat one last time.

He leaned in to kiss me before sliding out precariously onto the branch.

"Next time, you can come in through the door," I said, smiling when he clutched at the branch.

"I'd like that, except then your dad will know I'm here," he replied and grimaced when his foot slipped a little.

"My dad works nights too, Edward," I reminded him.

"We'll have to plan better then," he said, grinning.

I nodded and watched him slowly shimmy down the tree, nearly falling off the last branch. Once on the ground he dusted himself off and looked back up to me, smiling.

"I'll see you in a few hours," he whispered.

I waited until he had disappeared down the street before I closed the window and retreated back into bed, snuggling up to the blanket that now smelled like Edward.

I closed my eyes and willed the night to speed past.

I already missed having him there next to me.

~~oo~~

AN: Charlie needs to work an overnight…soon… JS…

More soon!

MWAH!

steph