a/n: I was going to wait until my beta had a chance to catch up with all my previous chapters. However, she's been busy with work and I couldn't keep you guys from another chapter. Sorry for the sadness in the last chapter, but it needed to be done. No really, it did. Shepard was exposed to eezo twice in her life. Once when she was still in the womb and again when she was fourteen. See, it needed to be done. -shifty eyes-

-brittsis

Rae came to slowly. The first thing she noticed was the strong scent of clean, as if someone had just finished disinfecting everyone down for the tenth time that hour. The scent was a kin to coming home, the amount of time she'd been in the hospital. The second thing she realized was that she was strapped to the bed with wide heavy straps. Opening her eyes, Rae tried in vain to examine the straps as one was securely over her forehead. Frowning, Rae pulled against her restraints and tried to get free. She opened her mouth to yell for help only to have the words come our hoarsely and barely over a whisper. Panic had begun to set in when a nurse came into view and placed a hand on her forehead. "Shhh, child. It's okay."

Raegan went very still and waited for the woman to unstrap her from the bed. She sat up slowly and finally got a good look at her body. She was littered in scratches and bruises, including dark black ones that circled her wrists and ankles. Her leg, previously in a walking boot, was now wrapped tightly in a bandage. "What happened?" she asked then tried to clear her throat.

The woman handed her a glass of water and placed some pillows behind her back so she could sit comfortably. "Don't stress your throat to much. You had some smoke inhalation that scorched the inside of you esophagus. Do you remember going inside the ship?" When Rae nodded, the woman gave her a faint smile. "Very brave thing dear, very brave indeed. Very foolish was well, but mother always said brave and foolish often walked the same line. In your act of rash bravery you broke your ankle again, obviously the adrenaline kept you from feeling the pain. We had to put you under and do surgery to fix you. Newest of tech went into you, courtesy of the alliance. They are very grateful and pay their debts well."

She put a thermometer in Rae's mouth while proceeding to take her blood pressure. "You'll be on your feet in no time dear. You had a concussion as well, but medigel took care of that quickly enough. We decided to allow your bruises to heal themselves and your throat will be much better by the end of the day. Just try not to over tax yourself and, if you're lucky, the doctor might release you today."

"How long have I been here?" Rae asked when the nurse to the thermometer from her mouth.

"Three days," the nurse answered as she tucked the sheets around her. "Now if you're feeling up to it, you have guests wanting to see you.

Bodie entered the room, moving slowly with his left arm in a sling. There was a thin cut on his lip, mostly healed by now. He reached her bed side and took her hand with his own, giving it a squeeze as he smiled at her. "You gave me a scare."

Rae reached up with her hand and brushed his lip with her thumb as she cupped his cheek. She stayed there for several seconds before dropping her hand and hanging her head. "I… I just had to try."

"Hey now," Bodie squeezed her hand again until she turned to look at him. "You did great Rae, more than anyone could ask for. You saved lives and Brandon wasn't your fault. It was the Batarians, they shot at your brother's ship, they caused the drive to malfunction, they caused it to crash. Not you."

"I know but…"

"No buts Raegan. I want to hear you say it. Who is at fault for your brother's death?"

"The Batarians." Rae answered. Bodie nodded and leaned in, planting a soft kiss to her lips.

Her day had been filled with numerous guests coming to wish her well or thank her for her bravery. Each marine had come in to shake her hand, thanking Raegan repeatedly for saving their lives. Each had swore a debt to be repaid but the only thing Rae wanted none of them could supply. She'd accepted their thanks with a ghost of a smile and told them over and over it was the least she could do. People from the colony had come in bearing gifts and flowers, giving their apologies at her loss. Rae had grown tired and asked the nurse to not allow anyone else into the room. She couldn't stand another grim smile or tear shed for her.

The doctor had stopped by but declared that more test needed run. Because her mother had been exposed to element zero when she was in the womb, the doctor wanted to run a few more test. There had been a brief moment of a blue glow when they brought her from surgery, hence the restraints. But nothing had manifested since.

A knock at the door had drawn Rae from her thoughts. "Your family is here dear. They want to see you."

Rae considered turning them away, unsure if she could face them just yet. Despite what Bodie had said, Rae still felt guilty for Brandon's death. If she had been faster, maybe should could have had time to drag him to safety. But to deny them would be the coward's way. She'd have to face them sooner or later. "Let them in please."

Her brothers came in first. They rushed to her side and gave her hugs and the occasionally shove. She could see the pain in their eyes though, the loss still fresh on their minds. Her father came in next, a ghost of a man. He didn't look at her, only floated to a corner and proceeded to stare at his hands. Loosing his son had broken the once large and proud man. Abigail was the last to enter and the most emotional. Unlike the others, the woman didn't appear hurt at the death of her son. Instead, she seemed angry at the entire situation. Abigail soared to her side and proceeded to glare at her daughter. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Mother…" Ayden cautioned only to be hushed by the older woman.

"Well? No excuses this time? No apologies? Look at what you did to this family. You've torn us apart." Rae flinched at the words. "Why Raegan?"

"I tried…"

"Not hard enough!" Abigail screamed and reached out. She grabbed her daughter's chin and forced her to look at her. "Your selfishness killed your brother. Not once did you think about what your actions would do to this family."

Raegan could feel her temper rising to the call. She clinched her fists, trying to calm herself. "My selfishness? All I could think of was Brandon and how I had to save him!"

At her brother's name, her father wailed in grief and collapsed. This only fueled the anger in her mother's eyes even more. "Then why did you stop to help the others? If you had left them and continued on, you'd have found him faster. Why did you stop Raegan?"

"BECAUSE I'M NOT A RUTHLESS BITCH LIKE YOU!" Rae yelled and threw her arms at her mother. But it wasn't her limbs that made contact. Instead and blue energy had pulsed and threw her mother across the room and everyone else to the ground. Silence filled the room for a few blessed seconds as everyone processed what just happened. Rae was breathing heavily as she watched her mother slowly get up from the floor. Abigail's eyes no longer held hatred. They now held a mixture of fear and disgust and it broke everything in Rae to see it. She looked around at her family and could see a variance in their eyes as well.

Everyone got to their feet slowly and Ayden helped their father to his. With heads down they left the room, one by one, afraid to risk wrath from either woman. It was only Rae and Abigail left when Rae closed her eyes and laid back in bed.

"Brandon's funeral is tomorrow," Abigail spoke softly before leaving.

Rae felt like screaming at the top of her lungs. She felt like breaking something and their was only one place to do that. She sat up and proceeded to pulled the numerous chords from her body. Locking her room door, Rae went to the window and made a break for it.

Rae always kept an outfit in her locker, uncertain when she would need one. The gym was always open, ready for anyone that needed to use it. Everyone in Mindoir trusted one another and locked doors were considered and insult in most areas. Ignoring the pain that shot through her ankle occasionally, Rae proceeded to dance around the punching bag. She could feel her fingers begin to bruise as she hadn't bothered with the gloves. Left, right, move. Left, right, move. It became a rhythm as she beat her frustrations into the bag.

She replayed recent events over and over in her head, trying to find what went wrong. Maybe her mother had been right, maybe she had gone wrong that day on the ship. If she'd been a little more ruthless could she had made it to her brother in time? Could she have left those men and women behind while she searched for Brandon? Maybe her family wouldn't be broken. Maybe they wouldn't be afraid of her. But what about the other marines' family? Could she had faced them, knowing she had left those people behind?

Question after question assaulted her as she assaulted the bag. Crying out in anguished she punched the bag one last time before she hugged it tightly and cried.