Hello again! Yay for FFn getting its act together again! For those that read over on my LJ, thanks!

I may have to switch to every other day or so for the next week or so… I am starting my first round of tech weeks here… sigh. I need a sugar daddy… or a sugar momma. I'm not picky….

So a little bit of Edward today! Enjoy!

The Way You Make Me Feel- Bruno Mars cover of Michael Jackson

~~oo~~

Chapter 43: Being kinky isn't a sin, Edward.

EPOV

Sneaking back into my house was not as easy as sneaking into Bella's window. Esme was a light sleeper typically. But this time she seemed dead asleep, the sound of my car pulling up into the driveway and the stairs creaking doing nothing to warn her that I was home at early five in the morning.

Emmett, however heard me and peeked out of his bedroom to give me a thumbs up.

Sometimes I really hated my brother.

And other times he made me feel like a stud.

I wasn't really sure which time this was, so I simply flipped him the bird and cracked a smirk as I closed my door.

I was sure I'd think he was a prick by breakfast when he asked me the details to my late night.

I flopped into bed with a grin and lay there for sometime, remembering everything about the night before.

Kissing Bella. Everywhere I could.

Seeing her skin flushed in the dim light.

I could still smell her on me.

And then what she did.

I felt myself stiffen at the memory of her lips around me, how warm and wet her mouth was as it travelled up and down the length of my cock. I didn't want to touch it for fear that it just wouldn't measure up to Bella's incredible mouth.

Of course lust won out and I was naked and warm in my bed, imagining her there with me in no time. I replayed our night together as I stroked myself, feeling a sort of jubilation over the progress we had made. And now that I had more tangible images of Bella, my private time with myself was bittersweet as I came.

I needed her again.

I wanted her again.

And again.

I wondered if she would think me insatiable if I begged her to suck me off again tonight.

Because that was the best thing I had ever experienced.

Ever.

Sated, my eyes slid shut just as the sun was coming up, and I fell asleep with a smile on my face, thinking only of Bella.

I awoke to the knocking on my door, mildly irritated to being pulled from my dreams.

But when I saw the time, I groaned and worked my way out of my covers. I was going to be late if I didn't hurry. Esme called to me that she'd make me breakfast while I showered, and I rushed through my routine to meet her fifteen minutes later in the kitchen.

She offered me a raised eyebrow when I came in, chuckling behind her hand.

"You look refreshed," she teased. "Did you get in late? I didn't hear you."

"Um, yeah, after midnight," I replied, feeling her eyes on me. I busied myself with pouring some coffee, needing a little boost for the day.

"Are you seeing Bella today?" Esme asked. "You can bring her here if you like. I can make a nice dinner."

I slid into my seat and shrugged, taking a bite of my toast.

"She's at work until two. She got a job working at the bakery," I replied. "I'm not sure how tired she'll be afterward."

I hoped not too tired. Maybe coming here was a good idea. She could take a nap.

In my bed.

"The bakery?" Esme asked, her face perking up. "Well that will be interesting."

"How so?" I asked.

She smiled and shook her head.

"Just that she's baking. That's all," she replied and set to work on the dishes.

I shovelled my eggs into my mouth and swallowed back as much coffee as I could before standing.

"I gotta go," I said and leaned in to peck Esme on the cheek. "Thanks for breakfast, I'll be home after lunch."

I took off towards the hospital, happy for the sunshine that peeked between the clouds.

Today was different.

Today was a new start.

Today was good.

"Well look who's smiling today!" Alice said as I stepped into her office.

I scrubbed at my face, a little embarrassed at my good mood.

"Don't be upset, Edward," Alice rushed. "I'm sorry. It's just wonderful to see a smile on your face."

I flopped into the chair across from her desk and allowed myself to smile again.

"It's been an interesting week," I conceded.

Her casual demeanor softened a little and she nodded, letting out a soft sigh.

"Did you want to talk about your father and his leaving first, or maybe what has you walking in here with a spring in your step?" she offered.

I frowned at mention of Carlisle.

"Do we need to talk about him?" I asked, feeling my mood sour almost immediately.

She leaned back in her chair and shook her head.

"We don't have to," she replied. "But I would think you have some questions or worries about what happened last weekend."

I shook my head and straightened up in my chair.

"Since he's been gone, I haven't felt as bad about myself," I volunteered. "Except for Esme being sad over his leaving, things have gotten better."

I know it sounded cruel, but I was glad he wasn't there. The house felt a little safer without his presence.

Alice was quiet for a moment, looking towards her wall of photos as if recalling a memory.

It made me wonder.

"How do you know Carlisle and Esme?" I asked. "You knew them before you came here."

She turned and her eyes were a little unfocused, still in her memory.

"I was friends with them in Chicago, before they adopted you," she said, her voice a little sad.

"Did you treat my mom?" I continued, curious to their relationship.

Alice nodded and then her eyes refocused, concentrating on me.

"But that is between your mother and I. We're here for you today," she said, smiling.

"Esme told me about her past, and what she and Carlisle were into," I said. "Is that why I am the way I am?"

Alice frowned and shook her head.

"The way you are?" she asked.

I blushed and looked down at my hands.

"Is that why I am seeing you for my sexual problems?" I asked. "Because of them?"

Alice's laughter brought my head up quickly, watching her as she fought to control her laughter and wipe at her eyes.

"Edward," she said, trying to control herself. "I really don't believe you have an addiction."

I shook my head at her, confused.

"Then why am I here?" I asked in a huff.

She sobered up quickly and looked at me with more compassion than I had seen in anyone.

Except maybe Bella.

"Because while you may not have an addiction, Edward, you were still made to believe you did," she said quietly. "And regardless of how you feel about your relationship with Tanya, you were subjected to a kind of abuse that can carry with you into other relationships. You are here so we can work those out."

I stared at her, a little taken aback.

"I don't have an addiction?" I asked. "What about the number of times I have to relieve myself? Or the thoughts in my head? What about my urges?"

She shifted in her chair and shook her head.

"If you were acting on your urges with every girl in your school, I'd worry," she said, her face back to the normal composure I was used to. "As far as your frequency, that's a compulsion we can work on, but it's not sexually based. It's based on a need for affection, Edward."

I looked at her dubiously.

I was getting a lot of affection these days, but that didn't stop me from jacking off twice this morning to thoughts of Bella.

"Have you been as frequent in your private moments since you have been with your girlfriend?" she asked pointedly.

"Well, no," I conceded. "But I still do it a lot."

"So does every other teenage boy, Edward," she retorted. "It might take you a little time to work your way down to once or twice a day, but as you receive affection from those you love, you won't be as inclined to do it yourself."

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair.

I certainly didn't want Bella jerking me off several times a day to accommodate.

"I don't mean that you'll have someone else do it for you," she replied, as if she read my mind. "I mean that as you receive any affection from someone, you will lose the urge to need to do it yourself."

It was true, doing it myself didn't have the same level of excitement as when she touched me, and I was discovering the I could wait in anticipation for her rather than take care of it myself. Friday I had actually avoided the bathrooms for most of the day.

Amazing.

"So let's keep this session light then if you want," she suggested and smiled. "Anything good happen this week?"

I couldn't help the smile that crept over my face.

"I have a girlfriend," I replied, grinning when I noticed her smile.

"And does this girlfriend have a name?"

"Bella," I replied, and didn't care that my voice sounded like some girl's, speaking about her date the night before.

Bella did that to me.

"And you have been progressing with her I take it, judging by your smile and more cheerful outlook?"

I nodded, a little embarrassed.

How much did I have to say to her?

"Well, good," she said and clapped her hands together, startling me a little. "You need normal interactions with someone of the opposite sex, Edward. And as long as you are taking this one step at a time and not struggling with things you have done in the past, this is a good step."

I frowned at her comment.

I did think of some things I had done with Tanya when I was with Bella. Mostly things I wanted to do differently and better, but they were still in my mind.

"That will happen," she replied when I asked her about it. "Much like Bella might think about her past boyfriends and how much better you are than they are."

Bella wouldn't think about other people when she was with me would she?

"Relax, Edward," Alice consoled me. "Why don't we address your worries about your thoughts, and we'll leave her thoughts to herself for now."

I tried to push Bella out of my head and concentrate on my own fears.

It was hard.

Because I was afraid of disappointing her.

"Everyone fears that," Alice said. "It's why relationships take work and communication."

"She doesn't seem very afraid," I replied softly.

"And she knows about your history?"

I nodded.

"I told her last week after seeing you," I said.

"Well that's good," Alice replied and leaned forward some in her chair. "And she's not afraid. That means she's special."

I wholeheartedly agreed.

And that's what scared me.

"What scares you about her being special?" Alice asked.

"That she might freak out when she learns more about what I like," I explained. "She was all for it last night, but that was simple. What if she freaks out when we get serious?"

Alice had me explain in a very general detail about the night before, all the while staring at me calmly. When I had finished describing how we had spent the night, in her fathers house, she finally let out a soft breath and nodded.

"Edward, I think you need to understand something before you continue to flog yourself over certain tastes," she said, very matter of fact.

I nodded for her to continue.

I wanted to understand it so I could figure it out before subjecting Bella to anything she would find offensive.

"Edward, I don't necessarily condone you sneaking into your girlfriends bedroom in the middle of the night, while her police chief father sleeps in the next room," she said simply. "But you are allowed to want your girlfriend in ways that some may not understand. It's okay to be kinky."

"Kinky," I said, repeating the word and cringing.

Bella was a virgin. The last thing she needed was a kinky boyfriend to warp her idea of sex.

Wasn't that what Tanya had done to me?

"No," Alice replied firmly. "This is where you need me to help you understand the difference."

Was there really a difference? I had just molested Bella in her bedroom and gotten off on the idea of being caught. While Tanya had wanted to be caught too.

"What Tanya did was bait you into a situation that you had no control over. And that goes against every rule for a Domme to do to her Sub. She was supposed to protect you and share the experience, not exploit it. She gives a very negative view of what that lifestyle can offer. She took something that you might have found pleasure in and manipulated it. But what your wants are valid, just as your partner's are. Just because Tanya did something one way, it doesn't mean you have to find fault with it, especially if you found enjoyment in any of it."

"I don't want Bella to be my Sub," I insisted. "I don't want to be kinky."

Alice quirked her eyebrow at me.

"Being kinky isn't a sin, Edward," she replied simply.

"But Bella isn't into that," I replied, embarrassed again.

"How do you know?"

"She's," I stammered. "She's just not experienced in that regard."

"Does she enjoy being with you, Edward?" Alice asked.

I nodded.

She enjoyed last night. That I knew.

"Then talk with her," Alice replied. "Open and honest discussions go a long way. And being excited by something that you deem as kinky or perverted really may not be so strange to your partner. As long as you both are respectful to each other's needs, and you find enjoyment in what you do without hurting the other, that is what matters. You might find she has similar interests. "

"We do talk a little about it," I conceded. "She's really open about that."

Alice smiled and stood up, signalling the end of our session.

"Well, good. I think I like this girl," she said. "Just keep the communication open and take it slowly, Edward. Relationships are more than simply physical."

I stood with her and walked towards the door.

"Next week?" I asked.

She grinned up at me.

"Absolutely. We still have things to work through. Just call me if you need anything throughout the week, okay? You're doing really well, Edward."

I left her office feeling a little better over things.

We had successfully avoided conversation about Carlisle.

I wanted nothing to ruin my mood in anticipation of seeing Bella in a few short hours.

Seeing as how I had a few hours to kill before her shift was up, and rather than stalking her at her job on her first day, I ran a few errands.

Car washed.

And detailed, just in case we spent some time in it this evening.

I stopped off at the drug store.

For…things.

Not that I thought we would move that quickly.

But I wanted to be prepared.

Who knew there were so many kinds of condoms?

I decided on a variety pack.

Just in case.

So when one thirty finally rolled around, I couldn't take it anymore.

I was hungry, and I was missing Bella.

The idea of walking into a shop that smelled of delicious baked goods that maybe she had made whittled away my will power to stay away. The anticipation skyrocketed when I pulled up to the small bakery, seeing people inside.

I'd just go in and wait patiently.

Get some cookies and sit.

I wouldn't disturb her.

I'd be calm and collected.

Imagine my utter shock when I walked in to find Bella at the counter, laughing and carrying a conversation with a short dark haired woman whose back was turned to me.

And the man behind the counter.

I recognized him.

Fuck me.

"Can I help you?" the man said, silencing Bella's happy laughter.

She looked at me and grinned.

"Edward," she said with a bright smile on her face.

And to my horror, I watched as the woman turned and I was left looking into the eyes of my therapist. She had changed her clothes into a more relaxed pair of jeans and nice top, which is perhaps what threw me. She looked relaxed and a little odd outside of her suit.

"Come say hello to my boss, Jasper and his wife, Alice!" Bella was saying, waving me over.

I walked carefully towards them, my eyes on Alice for any sign she had revealed who she was.

I mean, it wasn't a secret.

Bella knew I was in therapy.

But this was just… awkward.

"Edward, this is Alice."

I swallowed and took Alice's hand, shaking it lightly.

"Hello, Edward," she said, smiling.

"And this is Jasper," Bella continued, gesturing to Jasper.

"I've heard a lot about you, Edward," the man said, a strong hand taking mine.

"You have?" I asked, the panic rising in my voice.

Bella blushed and smiled at me.

"Jasper was intrigued by FC," she admitted and pointed over to Junior.

"FC?" Alice asked, that eyebrow quirking again.

"It's some biology experiment they have to do together," Jasper was explaining. "That's how Bella met her boyfriend, in Biology class."

Alice smiled towards me and glanced back at Bella, nodding in approval.

"Well, you two look absolutely adorable together," she said and looked at her husband. "Why don't you let Bella go early so they can enjoy the rest of this pretty Saturday."

I watched as Bella wrapped up her duties, Alice munching on a cookie and glancing at me every now and then. It wasn't until Bella retreated to the back to grab her back pack that Alice turned to me.

"I didn't mean to intrude, I swear," she said, nodding her head to her husband. "But when you said her name was Bella, and Jasper said his new employee, Bella was starting today, I was a little curious. I like her. She is really energetic."

I didn't really know what to say.

I was sure this would be a long topic next week.

And this was a little awkward. How would Bella react when she knew that she worked for my therapist's husband?

This was like a small town Twilight Zone episode.

"You'll be fine, Edward," Alice continued and patted me on the arm. "She can handle anything you give her."

I was opening my mouth to say something when Bella came out, Junior in one hand and a box of baked goods in the other.

"I made you some cookies," she said, winking.

Normally I would have come back at her with something witty, but Alice was hiding a smirk and Jasper was outright grinning.

I took Junior out of her hands and waved to the Whitlocks, steering Bella out of the store before I embarrassed myself.

I'd need to tell Bella about Alice. Later.

But first, I really wanted to sample her cookies.

Somewhere private.

I had a couple ideas.

~~oo~~

So Edward learns that Bella is working with Japser Whitlock… should be interesting bed time conversation.

More soon!

Maybe not tomorrow, but i hope Sunday FFn Willing! MWAH!

steph