Author's note: Surprise! I have finally managed to complete another outtake from 'Trust Me'. I have had a few people ask me in the last month or so when more outtakes would come. I am so sorry to have kept you all waiting, but I hope you enjoy this one; it's Jacob's POV of various scenes from 'Broken' parts 1 and 2. Over the last few months I have been busy with university, and when I did have time to write, I started a cross-over story involving Edward (and the rest of the Cullens) and Severus Snape. Thus, I had little time to write these outtakes, even though I longed to write them!
I want dedicate this to one of my readers: Eruhin who is a great fan of 'Trust me' and was really looking forward to this outtake. Thank you for being such a wonderful reader- I hope you enjoy it!
Thank you all for your wonderful support during the posting and writing of Trust me. I truly hope you enjoy this outtake. Please remember to review; I can't wait to hear from you!
'From another point of view'
Outtake #3- Falling Apart
(Jacob's POV of various scenes from 'Trust Me' chapters 17 and 18)
Jacob's POV
I was in agony, sheer unspeakable agony- I didn't know it was possible to be in this much pain. I was lying on a small makeshift table in my house with my father and brothers crowded around me. My pain was etched all over their faces, that eventually it was easier just to shut my eyes. But in the darkness my own pain seemed amplified. I could feel every muscle, every broken bone on the right side of my body. Breathing hurt and unfortunately I was breathing heavily to force my body not to pass out.
My brothers had miraculously delivered me home without worsening my injuries as they carried me carefully between them. My dad had probably been waiting with bated breath the entire morning, nervous as to the outcome of our battle. Charlie was over; Dad probably wanted his friend there to distract him. When Dad heard my groans from the house, he wheeled himself down the porch with Charlie right behind him. Dad showed my brothers where to put me while they all quickly tried to work out how to explain my injuries to Charlie who had no idea where we had been. Thankfully I was not expected to explain any of this, so I focused on my body and my pain willing myself not to fall apart physically and emotionally.
Eventually someone, I wasn't quite sure who, explained to Dad and Charlie that I had had a motorbike accident.
If only, I thought bitterly to myself; I would have given anything to have had a bike accident instead. Bloody newborn vampire, and bloody Leah for thinking she could handle it! But I forced myself not to be angry; it hurt every part of me to be anything other than calm and perfectly still.
Charlie was saying something about driving me to the hospital. At that point, Sam announced that he had called Carlisle while they transported me home, and that he was on his way back from his camping trip. Thankfully I was in too much agony, otherwise I would have ruined our cover by stating Carlisle was not camping at all. It took my mind a bit longer to join the dots- this was quite an elaborate lie.
Charlie did not question why we were waiting for Carlisle when he could get me to the hospital faster in his police car. Of course, my family knew a human should not assess me due to my high temperature amongst other things. And even if that were not an issue; I would have insisted on waiting for Carlisle for obvious reasons. I knew all of my family were waiting eagerly for Dr Cullen to arrive, but none more so than me. My previous experience with the leader of the Cullens told me that I would feel safer and better under his care; he potentially saved my life before, so perhaps he could do it again. He was my greatest hope, but every millisecond that passed felt like an eternity and I was quickly loosing hope that my body could be put back together. I dared to imagine what Carlisle's face would look like once he had the opportunity to assess my injuries. Only he would know how serious my condition was, but I was certain it would not be good news. I was terrified that there would be nothing he could do except wait for me to heal, and I had no idea how long that would take. I couldn't move, I could barely speak, and I was weak. Aspects of my torso I could no longer feel because the pain was so intense.
Finally over my quiet groans, I heard my family's relief when Carlisle arrived. I could smell his scent as could my brothers, but with Charlie there, we didn't say anything about his presence until Charlie could see him, and none of us mentioned that there was another distinctive smell that accompanied the doctor. Although they recognised it was another vampire, only I, I believe, knew who it was.
Edward.
Suddenly, any hope of surviving this disappeared with my stomach as it sank with dread; he would not let me live after what I had done to him that morning, I was sure of it. I desperately wanted to move- to escape but I knew it would be pointless, so I lay there groaning slightly to relieve some of my anxiety, but it didn't work. I felt extremely vulnerable lying perfectly still on the rickety bed as he and his father approached me. When I saw his eyes, I could tell he felt for me, but memories of what I had done that morning with Bella- the hurt and sadness in his eyes would not leave me. I had no idea why he had come with his father and felt too weak and scared to ask him through my thoughts. Instead I found myself hoping that I would be left alone with him so he could hit me in the head and I would be unconscious- free from the agony I was currently in.
Please let his anger work to my advantage- please, I prayed.
I felt Carlisle's ice-cold hands 'assess' my injuries as he gently poked around the left, uninjured side of my body. He informed those around me that I had a few 'shattered bones. Nothing serious.'
My arse! I wanted to shout, but I knew he was intentionally lying. Regardless, it upset me that this was what Charlie believed; that I was fine. No, I was far from fine- not only did I feel I would fall to pieces if I move too much, but Edward is here to relish in my pain and probably worsen it if Carlisle would allow him.
Edward and Carlisle spoke to Charlie, convincing him to return home to inform Bella of my state. I could only imagine how that conversation would go. Thankfully within a couple of minutes he had left the house, which meant we could speak more openly about how screwed I was. I was fighting the desire to scream in pain, but I knew it would intensify my pain which would make me scream even louder. Instead, I focused on breathing carefully to reduce the pressure breathing put on my lungs and chest.
Immediately, everyone tried to get me off the makeshift bed and onto the slightly better one in the back room. I held my breath as they moved me, scared that one of them may move suddenly or one of my bones snapped, but nothing happened. Once I had been laid there safely, Carlisle and Dad spoke at the door to the spare room while I lay there motionless. I had no idea what they were talking about; my mind was foggy. The only thing I registered was saying goodbye to my father. Although I felt safe in Carlisle's care, I hoped it would not be the last time I saw him or my brothers. I could recover from this, right? But I didn't know; if Carlisle wasn't here to protect me, would Edward take the opportunity to end my life? Although I could barely speak, I wished my father knew how much it pained me to leave him and that I also hoped I would survive- that I would be okay. But all I could feel was pain. I could only move my mouth in an effort to say something, but nothing came out. I was too scared to speak- too afraid of scaring him with my own fears. My father seemed to understand how I was feeling, and I could see the pain of leaving me reflected in his eyes; he did not want to leave my side. But there was nothing I could do to stop him; I didn't dare move, and I watched helplessly as the door closed behind him.
Once the door snapped shut, I froze as adrenalin rushed through my body as if my attempt to survive was to appear invisible and non-threatening in the face of two vampires. I was waiting for Edward's face to harden, for anger or resentment to glow in his eyes, but his face was instead alight with concern and panic. Apparently he wanted me to communicate my injuries to him.
Why did he even care? It made no sense to me. Perhaps he was simply trying to help his father, who was also demanding that I talk to Edward so they can both understand what 'hurts'. The tone of their voices told me they were worried about me, but I was not up to talking or even thinking, and again I wished Edward was mad enough to just knock me out with his fist.
Unfortunately, that was not how things went- life was not so good to me, and as I discovered, it was possible to be in far worse pain than this…
XXXXXXXXX
***The following segment consists of Jacob's reaction (and Carlisle's response) to Edward leaving the room due to Jacob's unpleasant, violent thoughts***
Jacob's POV continued…
Edward was gone.
He left me.
I kept calling out for him, my chest aching every time I yelled and gasp for air. I couldn't believe I had lost so much control over my thoughts that he was forced to leave me again. I felt terribly guilty, not only for what I had done to him, but the confusion and concern I would have caused Carlisle as he organised his medical supplies. He hadn't said a word to me since Edward left, which made me feel worse. Since Edward arrived at my house, this was the first time I felt alone; he was no longer there to hear me, and the doc seemed beyond caring, and I could not blame him.
I continued to stare at the door, hoping that Edward had somehow recovered after only 10 seconds of reprieve. I was being foolish- I knew it. Copious tears were still falling down my face, but they were pointless and achieved nothing. Even so, they reflected how I felt: strangely lonely; I felt I had lost something- lost Edward's respect, his loyalty, his support. I knew I hurt him- a lot, and with each tear that fell, I wondered if he could ever truly forgive me for imagining him in such a way.
Seconds and then minutes passed by and nothing had changed except the sharp pains around my ribs which had been moving far more than they should have been. Sighing in resignation, a final sob escaping my lips, I closed my eyes and hoped someone would talk to me soon. I grabbed the thin mattress beneath me with my left hand as my way of grounding myself as neither Carlisle nor Edward were willing to soothe me.
When I had finally stopped crying, feeling utterly pathetic. I stopped gripping the mattress and used the same hand to wipe the tears from my face. My eyes were still closed, so I was not aware that the doc had finished setting up his instruments.
I could hear his quiet footsteps move slowly towards me. Once he reached my bed, he stopped moving altogether. There was silence.
I wondered what he was thinking, but then realised I did not want to know; he was probably angry at me for sending his son away from him. I really wanted to apologise to him for hurting his son, but my ribs were aching worse than ever, and I could not think of any words that could express just how sorry I was.
When Carlisle still had not said a word, I wondered whether he was listening to the conversation I knew was occurring in our front yard. Although my supernatural hearing would have allowed me to eavesdrop, I was too afraid of what I might hear, and the blood rushing to my ears was so loud, it was easy to block out whatever was being discussed.
Nevertheless, I wondered what Edward was saying; what was he telling my family? Would he tell them what I showed him? I hoped not; I didn't want them to lose faith in Edward even if I momentarily had. But I knew they wouldn't be so stupid, just me and my crazy imagination. And yet, they did not fully understand exactly what had happened between myself and Bella that morning. I did kiss the guy's girlfriend, and I am pretty sure that would usually be enough to warrant being killed if this was any other vampire… but not Edward; he was some kind of saint or something. He would have every reason to want to hurt me- that's what my instincts told me and that's where all those images stemmed from. But my brain knew differently; after everything we had been through, he would not do that to me.
My silent companion still had not moved. Gradually, I opened my eyes, wondering if perhaps Carlisle had left the room without my hearing him.
But he was still there, watching over me, concern and sympathy etched on his face.
I expected him to smile when he saw me look up at him, but he didn't. Instead his eyes tightened and his head tilted slightly to the left as if he were trying to study or understand me. Perhaps he had been watching me this whole time? Why hadn't he said anything? But then I remembered who I was talking about: gentle and patient leader of the Cullens who could wait years for someone to be ready; he was giving me space.
I opened my eyes completely so I could see his face more fully to see if I was right, or if behind those golden eyes was the desire to avenge his son.
My interpretation of his gaze did not change; there were many emotions flitting across his face, but revenge was not one of them. When he saw that I was intentionally staring up at him, my doctor slowly kneeled down on the floor next to my bed, his eyes never leaving mine. I had to tilt my head to the left slightly to maintain eye contact with him.
"How are your ribs?" he asked me quietly. "I imagine they grew more painful after what happened between you and Edward."
Carlisle's eyes told me that the vampire was worried about his son, and anxious to know what I had thought at Edward that caused both of us to become so emotional. But I was too much of a wus to confide in him; what I did to Edward was cruel, and I did not want to lose Carlisle's respect.
All I could do was nod my head in response to Carlisle's assumption; too tired, exhausted, and upset to speak.
"Have any of your other injuries worsened since we last discussed it?"
"No," I breathed so quietly only a supernatural being could have heard my words.
"I am glad to hear it," Carlisle stated, and then placed his hand on my shoulder and rubbed it gently. "You will be okay, Jacob," he reassured me kindly and I could sense the honesty behind his words.
Suddenly I had this overwhelming feeling that I was no longer alone as I felt the familiar smooth, cold texture against my burning skin. I felt my heart quicken and my eyes sting with gratitude that Carlisle was still by my side even though his son was not.
The doc saw my reaction to his words, but he stayed silent as he steadily continued to rub my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, using as little oxygen as possible to postpone my need to breathe.
"It was not your fault, Jacob," Carlisle reminded me firmly, echoing his son's words and sentiments.
"You don't know that," I argued against my own judgment- it wasn't fair that no one was blaming me for what I had imagined. Of course, it was partially out of my control, but they were still my thoughts that drove Edward away.
Carlisle chuckled quietly. "That is true; I do not know what happened between the two of you," the doc paused for a moment as if hoping I would tell him, but then he continued. "However, considering the highly vulnerable and emotional position you are in, any thought you had was probably understandable."
I was shaking my head furiously in protest, wincing when one of the nerves in my shoulder pinched painfully.
"Be careful," Carlisle gently reprimanded me, and then stood up and walked so he was standing almost directly in front of me. "Relax for me; you have been through more than enough pain to last you a life time, do not aggravate your injuries." The doc sounded more serious- more clinical now and again I felt strangely alone. I wondered whether his patience was finally wearing thin.
Nevertheless, I did what I was told, but continued to watch him, wondering whether he would leave me to check up on Edward. I would not blame him if he did; he was likely sick of looking after me and dealing with the terrible way I treat his son. I knew Carlisle loved Edward perhaps more than his other children, maybe due to him being the first he turned. But no matter how much compassion he possesses, it can only extend so far.
Carlisle had been unusually distant since Edward left. Even though he had comforted me for a moment, it had been short lived. I believed I understood his behaviour and the underlying resentment beneath it. Could I rely on either of them to protect me from the other? The question terrified me, and I felt my heart race out of my control. Hearing the increase in my heart beat, Carlisle immediately appeared by my side concerned that my physical injuries had worsened.
He grabbed his stethoscope from the table furthest from the door and was by my side again within half a second. I did not have the energy to stop him from listening to my heart; I let him do it, knowing he would understand the truth shortly. Instead, I closed my eyes, my lids forcing two tears to slide down my cheeks. I felt Carlisle stand up straight after he listened to my heart. I heard the stethoscope clank on the bedside table as Carlisle placed it there, clearly realising he did not need it.
I didn't dare imagine what was going through the doctor's mind; he must have been going insane with my rollercoaster ride of emotions that seemed to have no trigger and make no sense. I had lost his respect- there was nothing more to lose now.
Another tear slid down my cheek, feeling sorry for myself as I reflected on how quickly I had ruined my relationship with both Edward and his father.
Suddenly I felt a cool breeze hit my left ear.
"Talk to me," Carlisle sung in my ear, and then to my amazement, he bent over me and kissed my forehead.
Immediately I placed my hand over my ribs in preparation for my response to Carlisle's loving gesture. When I willingly released a sob, I pressed gently on my ribcage in an attempt to reduce the pain that would follow.
"Shhhh," Carlisle soothed quietly.
I gasped when my plan failed, the very force on my ribs made them feeling like they would shatter.
"Careful," Carlisle reminded me, as he gently lifted up my arm and placed it carefully by my side. "Careful," he repeated as he ran his hand over my arm in an attempt to soothe me. "Talk to me; what's going through your mind, Jacob? Why are you so upset?"
I didn't dare say everything that I was thinking, instead I summarised it into one, childish sentence that reflected how foolish I had been.
"I feel you don't- don't care for me as much as- as you used to because of what I did to Edward… until just then," I tried to explain to him. Carlisle continued to rub my arm, but I could tell he was thinking how exactly he had demonstrated his lack of interest in my well-being. When he didn't respond, I opened my eyes and watched his face as he tried to process what I had said.
When it clicked in his mind, I saw it in his eyes. He looked guilty, and he was the very last person who deserved it.
Carlisle carefully sat on the edge of the bed, the mattress sinking beneath his weight.
"I did not comfort you when Edward originally left," my heart sank when I realised his decision was intentional, "because I knew nothing I could say would ease your suffering; I knew my son would not return until he was ready, and I think you knew that too even though you wished it were different," he explained. "Sometimes humans need a moment to cry and to express their emotions freely. I did not know what had happened, and I thought perhaps your tears reflected fear as well as sadness. I wanted to give you time to calm down as free from vampires as possible. I am sorry," he continued sincerely, moving his face in front of mine so I could see him clearly, "if you had wanted my comfort; I would have willingly given it to you, Jacob."
"I know," I replied immediately feeling stupid; I couldn't believe how wrong I was about his intentions towards me. Now I had two reasons to feel stupid and guilty.
"And as for a few moments ago when you experienced the sharp pain in your shoulder, I felt I should separate myself from you and become your doctor again. I have a responsibility to ensure your health and safety, and I did not want to say anything that may jeopardise my role."
"I understand," I reassured him now, not wanting him to feel bad for my screwed up interpretation of his action.
"I am terribly sorry Jacob for making you feel alone in this," he whispered, a song-like quality to his voice.
"That's okay. Thank you for trying to do what you thought was best for me."
"You are more than welcome," Carlisle replied and then turned to face the door. "They have finished their discussion," he informed me. "I should let your family have a moment to speak with you. Before I leave, I just wanted to remind you of something that perhaps has been forgotten given the most recent turn of events."
His statement got my attention, and I made sure I could see him so there would be no way I could misinterpret whatever he was about to tell me.
"You are my patient, and I am your doctor. Nothingcould ever negate my responsibility to your safety or your well-being, and nothing will lessen my respect for you. You are a good kid and you risked your life tonight in order to fight alongside my family. Thank you for being so brave," he finished, and I could see that he did still respect me in spite of everything. I felt safe with him once again, and I was surprised that my fears and hesitations a minute before were easily dismissed from my mind.
Tears fell down my face as my respect for Carlisle increased (if that were possible) to a greater level. Like his son, he seemed to always know the right thing to say.
"Thank you," I emphasised through my whisper as tears continued to pour down my cheeks.
Giving my shoulder a final squeeze, Carlisle then stood up and left the room, closing the door behind him.
Fifteen seconds later, my family walked in, and as they did so, I quickly swiped away my tears; things were more than okay now and I did not want them to be more worried for me than they needed to be.
"Hey Jake," Embry and Quil said as they entered the room. I could see their tall figures from where I was, but I could not see my dad properly. Sam had to push him and his wheelchair to the left of my bed so I could see him better. Slowly, I twisted my neck towards him, being careful not to strain my right shoulder.
"Careful, Jacob," my dad reminded me cautiously. When I eventually saw his face, I felt terrible; he was so upset and scared for me, his eyes were wide and watery. I eyed my brothers and saw they had similar expressions on their faces. I felt they had walked into a funeral parlour rather than my room.
"Edward told you," I quickly guessed before my imagination began to question why they looked so down.
"Yes," Sam answered immediately on their behalf.
"How do you feel about it?" Dad asked in his deep voice.
"Scared, but okay," I told him honestly. "Hated the idea originally," I added to emphasise that I completely understood where they were at the time. Embry and Quil chuckled quietly.
"What has made you not hate it so much now?" Quil asked me, curiosity evident on his face.
I considered telling them what had just happened between Carlisle and me, but decided against it knowing that Dad would have wished that he was here to comfort me instead, so I made my explanation even simpler.
"It's Carlisle," I stated as if that should be enough reason to be okay with anything Dr Cullen recommends.
My family, even Dad gave me a small smile; they all knew Carlisle would not willingly hurt me and would strive to help me in any way he could. After potentially saving my life the previous year, as dangerous as the present procedure was, we all knew he'd look after me the same way.
"He's a good man," Dad commented, but then corrected himself, "ah, creature," he said hesitantly, probably because the term 'vampire' did not suit the leader of the Cullens.
"Yes, and I am sure he will be careful while they do what they need to do," Sam tried to reassure me whilst intentionally being vague about exactly what they were going to do.
"While they re-break my fractures," I vocalised to show them that I was fine saying it.
At my words, I saw my brother's flinch and my dad reached up onto the bed to grab hold of my hand which rested next to my body.
"You'll be unconscious," he reminded me, though I felt he said it for his own peace of mind rather than mine.
"I know, Dad," and gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand back. "I'll be fine; I'm in good hands, remember?"
"Edward seemed to know what he was talking about," Embry commented. That was the first time anyone had mentioned Edward. I wondered whether my family had been intentionally avoiding his name given my reaction to his leaving; I hadn't seen him since so perhaps they did not want to risk upsetting me by reminding me of his existence.
"Why, what did he say?" I asked curious how Edward explained the procedure to my family.
"He used his fists to represent your bones to help us understand what has happened and what they're going to try to do. What he said made a lot of sense," Embry replied, clearly determined to show me how impressed he was.
"Well, he learnt from the best," I reminded him.
Quil chuckled, his eyes brightening in amusement.
"Even if he wanted to go to medical school, he probably wouldn't bother; why would you when your father has over 200 years of experience?"
I would have laughed with him but it hurt my ribs. Nevertheless, I was glad my friends had reduced the tension in the room. But I was about to change that because I had a question I needed an answer to.
I looked at Embry, the only one who mention the individual I was concerned for, and asked:
"How is he?"
Embry looked at me carefully then, his eyes narrowing as he considered how to answer me.
"He seems okay," he told me after a brief pause. "He seemed to get better as time went on."
"It looked like you gave him a headache or something," Quil commented with a smile to show he was joking. But I didn't find it funny because I knew I did far worse than give Edward a headache.
Embry then turned to Quil and I sensed I was about to be the centre of a joke.
"Fighting newborn vamps? No problem for Edward, especially with that gift of his. Speaking with a pack of wolves? A piece of cake. Being in a room with Jake for five minutes? Too much to handle," Embry laughed good-naturedly.
"Man, I am dying to know: what did you do to the poor guy?" Quil asked, clearly amazed that I was apparently 'harder to handle' than our whole pack and the newborn who made good work of my skeleton.
"Quil!" Sam said forcefully, feeling that my brother's attitude was not particularly sensitive. The Alpha had drawn a line. I knew my brothers were trying to lighten the mood, but I appreciated Sam's interference; I didn't want to talk about what I had done to Edward for two reasons. 1. I didn't want my family to consider that perhaps my imagination wasn't too far wrong, and 2. I still felt guilty for what I had done to him.
"Sorry Jake," Embry and Quil apologised the moment they saw the way I had reacted to their statements.
"It's okay," I said quietly. "Edward didn't tell you what I did?" I asked, feeling somewhat shocked that my family were still ignorant of the disadvantages of Edward's 'gift'.
"Nope," Embry said, and I could hear the surprise in his voice.
"Edward said it was not his place to tell us," my dad explained, "and that you could tell us if and when you were ready."
"You must've done something right," Embry commented, "he respects you even if he finds it hard to be around you sometimes."
I nodded my head slightly feeling guilty; I didn't deserve the vampire's respect at present.
"He cares about you," my dad impressed upon me when he saw my lips turn down in remorse. The truth of Dad's statement resonated with me; although I knew it had been true for some time, to hear my dad say it, made it seem more real. It upset me to think how much I had hurt him; the pain in Edward's face and his dark eyes haunted me, and I wished I could take it all back.
"Yeah, I know," I whispered trying to keep my emotions under control, but suppressing it put unnecessary pressure on my ribs. I think they could tell I was becoming emotional and Sam mercifully suggested we allow the Cullens to begin. I saw Dad look up at Sam and I knew he didn't want to leave me despite his trust in Carlisle and his son. Sam ignored Dad's gaze and staying strong, he said:
"It's good to see you are doing okay, Jacob. Try to stay calm so they can do their job. We look forward to having you back in the pack soon."
"Thanks Sam."
"Yeah Jake, get better soon. We won't be far away," Embry reminded me.
"And if you're ever up for it, you can tell us what happened between you and Edward, but I'm certain he's forgiven you for whatever you did," Quil added.
I hope so.
"Thanks Quil, Embry."
My dad was the final one to say goodbye. He gave my hand another squeeze and appeared lost for words as his eyes scanned my face.
Eventually, he managed to speak.
"We'll see you soon, Jacob. You will get through this; Carlisle and Edward will make sure you're safe," Dad said quietly.
"I know, Dad. I'll be fine; don't worry about me, okay?"
Dad gave me a tearful smile.
"Until I see you safe and on the mend, I will think of nothing but you," he told me seriously, but then his smile returned. "Love you, Jake."
"Love you too, Dad. See you soon, 'kay?"
"Definitely," Dad whispered, giving my hand a final squeeze before Sam wheeled my father out of the room, my friends following close behind them.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
I willed myself not to cry as I watched my family leave me. This crazy procedure really was going to happen, which meant I would be stuck in a room with two vampires. My heart beat like crazy as I watched the door close behind my family; it was almost time for the moment I had been dreading, but before that happened, I would have to speak with Edward again. I had no idea what to expect; I could only hope that Embry was right and that break was all Edward needed to recover from my attack upon his conscious.
I could hear the doc talking to Sam and Dad outside about what to expect. Unexpectedly, the door re-opened and Edward walked in. The voices of those outside became background noise as all of my attention was placed on Edward's face.
Instantly, I noticed the difference in his face. Edward looked more relaxed and his eyes had returned to their normal honey colour. Both of us definitely needed the break he had forced upon us. Although I was still scared out of my wits, a moment with Dr Cullen and my family reminded me how ridiculous my thoughts had been; Edward would never hurt me.
I eyed him carefully, unsure what to say out loud. I wanted to say many things, but none of them were worth the effort of actually speaking, so I had to be satisfied with utilising his gift.
You came back.
"You knew I would," Edward replied seriously, but I saw the corners of his mouth lift up into a smile. He tilted his head to his right as we both asked each other the same question:
"How are you?"
How are you?
"Much better," he informed me, without hesitation.
I'm so sorry, I apologised for what felt like the hundredth time, but I meant it all the same. I saw Edward's eyes tighten with sympathy as he walked to my bedside.
"I know," he sung to me. "It was not your fault, Jacob," he reminded me forcefully, but kindly. "Now tell me, how are you?"
Still in pain, but okay I guess. I just want it to be over.
Edward nodded his understanding.
You didn't tell my family what I did to you, I stated. This fact still surprised me and even though I was grateful, I wanted to know why he kept silent about it.
"It was not my story to tell, Jacob; you may tell them when you feel up to it," he replied, as if his intentions were that simple to understand.
Yet, I knew his respect for me meant he would keep what I did a secret until I was ready for it to be known. However, the idea that he maintained even an ounce of respect for me after what I had done to him earlier that morning, was confusing to me; he should not have cared about what I wanted!
I don't understand you, Í told him honestly. Short of killing someone you love, I did the worst thing I could have done to you this morning. I may not have initiated it, but I did not stop her or even consider it. Why don't you hate me? I would hate me.
Edward smiled at me, and I could tell he felt my statement reflected my immaturity and naivety that hate was so simple to feel.
But it should have been, I said to him, pretending that I could read his thoughts through his facial expression, if the roles were reversed, I would have easily hated you for a month, perhaps even killed you for kissing Bella. Unless you 80 year olds think differently to the rest of us?
Edward chuckled at my reference to his age. In fact, to say his age while looking at his young face was highly disconcerting.
How are you like this? Why aren't you normal? I asked him, determined to understand how he could be so noble and respectful.
Again, Edward laughed musically either in response to my expectation that there should be an element of normality expected from a creature like him, or at my complete misunderstanding of his personality.
"Because I have Carlisle for a father," was his answer, and I could definitely believe it; in retrospect it was probably the only answer I would have believed.
He was worried about you, I informed Edward as if he didn't already know.
"I know," he whispered, his eyes looking away from mine as if he felt guilty.
I could tell he wanted to know what happened- it's okay to tell him once I'm out. I want him to know- to understand, I said quickly to Edward trying to relieve whatever he was feeing.
He looked back at me then, his expression deep in thought.
"I will tell him, but not while we are working on you. On our way home perhaps," Edward suggested.
I suppose it was a good thing Edward was still thinking straight; the last thing I needed was for them to be distracted whilst they broke my bones.
Edward turned towards the closed door and I sensed and heard the end of the Doc's conversation with my family.
"Are you ready?" Edward asked me.
As ready as I'll ever be, I said seriously hardly believing how much I wanted to start if only for it to be over.
Ten seconds later, Dr Cullen entered the room and closed the door gently behind him. He saw Edward standing near my bed and paused. I think he was worried he interrupted us talking. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward shake his head- presumably he was responding to his father's thoughts. When their silent conversation had ended, the doc turned to me, and in a gentle manner he asked:
"Are you ready, Jacob?"
Suddenly the reality of what I was ready for returned to me. It was one thing to silently tell Edward that I wanted it to be over, but when the instigator of the whole nightmarish procedure asked me the same question, I wished I could tell him not to do it after all.
I gulped, feeling foolishly scared as reality begun to sink in. I tried to stay calm to reduce the pain to my rib cage with each anxious breath, but it wasn't really working; I was struggling to force all of my previous damaging thoughts out of my mind.
I felt Edward's hand gently sit on my good shoulder and I knew he was trying to help me bury the images that had haunted both of us. I looked to my left so I could see his pale hand sitting there, his fingers giving my shoulder a brief squeeze as I watched. The camaraderie he continued to show me seemed surreal and I felt I deserved none of it. Nevertheless, I hoped it would last, so I nodded my head in response to Carlisle's question.
"Good," he smiled at me, and I felt he was glad of any sign that I trusted him. "Over here," he gestured towards a small table behind him that I hadn't noticed, "I have some anaesthetic and a needle to administer it with. I estimate the anaesthetic will put you to sleep for roughly one hour, however given your high body temperature it may wear off faster than I am expecting. Edward will monitor that side of things for me."
The idea that I may wake up at the precise moment they re-break my bones made me feel sick. I found myself glancing at Edward for reassurance that he would never let that happen.
"When you are unconscious, your mind will be blank. If I detect any hint of a thought or feeling, I will let Carlisle know immediately," Edward asserted with confidence, and I trusted him; he understood how important his role was. I hoped his gift would not fail any of us.
I nodded my understanding.
"And the final thing," the doc continued, his face morphing into one of sorrow, "it is likely you will experience some further bruising, and I regret to say that that will be my fault".
As long as it's nothing worse, I thought to myself.
"Unfortunately, given the circumstances it is relatively unavoidable, but I will be as careful as I can, and hopefully you will heal quickly," he finished sounding more positive. Indeed, he could rely on my supernatural healing ability as long as the damage was healable.
"I can deal with bruises," I told him seriously, "just don't do anything you can't fix, doc," and that was the truth of it.
Carlisle smiled at me with appreciation; he probably felt my request was a reasonable one or perhaps he was just relieved my attitude had changed from how I was a few minutes before.
"I promise to do my very best," and of that, I didn't doubt for second. I imagined Carlisle to be a kind, compassionate, and gentle doctor, and instead of his hundreds of years of experience leading to overconfidence, his modesty ensured he continued to be professionally meticulous, which I definitely appreciated.
His word was all I had and all he could give me, so I forced myself to accept or perhaps hope that what I knew of his medical skills applied to me too.
"Okay, get on with it," I conceded calmly but with a sigh. I was so close to my dream of being knocked out cold and did not want to postpone it any longer.
I held out my left arm to Carlisle so he could stick one of his needles into me. Instantly, Carlisle reached behind him for disinfectant and a cotton pad. Carefully but efficiently the doctor cleaned the crook of my arm to make sure an infection didn't invade my body (which would have been the last thing I needed).
Carlisle stabbed the needle through a foil seal which covered a tiny bottle of clear liquid. Although I couldn't see it, I knew the entire needle was filled with my salvation.
"Are you ready, Jacob?" the doc asked me again. I was so keen to be rid of the pain that I didn't care the pointed contraption was so near my face. I nodded at him, but when he moved the needle towards my arm, I stiffened. Although the doc was calmly encouraging me to relax, it was difficult when what he was doing was out of my line of sight. It hurt my shoulder, chest, and ribs to sit up and watch his movements, so I had to be content with being ignorant.
I felt Edward's familiar hand on my left shoulder as he rubbed it gently. I noted his ice cold skin and somehow it calmed me- distracted me from the heat and pain in my own body. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself; soon- very soon, I will be out and next thing I'd know I'll be in less pain and hopefully still in one piece. I was trying to take deep, slow breaths, but it hurt whenever my lungs expanded. Quickly, I changed my breathing pattern- still deep but quicker, the latter I couldn't quite help. Edward's constant rubbing on my shoulder helped though; it kept me grounded.
When I felt Carlisle's freezing hand on my arm, I knew I was second's away from blissful unconsciousness. I expected him to warn me he was about to prick my arm, but he didn't this time perhaps because he didn't want to interrupt my reverie. I focused on my arm and the exact spot I knew the needle would prick my skin. Two seconds later I felt the familiar sting. Eyes still closed, I realised that in a few seconds I would be completely at Edward's mercy.
Carlisle's voice said from somewhere above me. "Okay Jacob, please count down backwards from ten."
I wanted to start counting, but I still had time to make a final attempt to ensure things were okay between me and Edward: just in case.
I trust you, I told him because despite what my imagination had shown him, I trusted him with my life and I wanted him to know that.
"I know," he whispered soothingly, his hand still rubbing my shoulder.
Satisfied that I had done all I could to ensure my safety, I began to count, knowing I could to trust both of them to look after me.
"10… 9… 8…"
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Author's note: I hope you enjoyed this outtake :) Again, I am so sorry it took almost forever to get it posted! The next outtake on the list is Edward's version of the chapter titled 'Dead man walking'. I am not going to make any promises regarding when I will post this one as that chapter was quite long and Edward always has more to say than other characters due to his gift. But I will promise that it will be the first thing I write once my cross-over stories have both reached the ever important 14 year gap.
If you also love Harry Potter and have the time, I hope you will check out my cross-over fics while you wait. They are called 'Leave me' (Severus POV) and 'A life worth living' (Edward's POV). You can find them on my profile page. I hope to have the next chapter of 'Leave me' posted soon.
Anyway, thank you once again for reading! Please don't forget to review :) Until next time, take care!
Bee