Chapter 9 – Piece of Me
One afternoon during Ella's second week of school, Carreen asked her to walk with her in the school's gardens after classes. She readily accepted the invitation, anxious to get out into the air that still retained a comfortable amount of warmness despite the changing of the seasons. As they walked away from the school, they made casual small talk until both of them felt as though they were far enough away from the prying eyes and ears of the other students and nuns.
"How are you doing Ella?" Carreen asked.
Ella shrugged slightly, "Fine I suppose, my classes seem to be going well and I've found a good friend in Alice."
"I'm glad you've made a friend, Ella; I hated to think of you being lonely during your stay here," Carreen replied.
Ella smiled, "How could I be lonely when I have you, Aunt Carreen?"
Her aunt flashed her a small smile and a hint of sadness flickered in her eyes. "You'd be surprised at how lonely it can seem here sometimes."
Ella studied her for a moment, "Are you lonely here?"
Carreen lowered her head slightly and was quiet for a moment before raising her gaze back to Ella
"Sometimes," she answered.
"Aren't the other nuns your friends?"
"Some are, at least in a way they are, but it isn't like you and Alice. The two of you have things in common, unlimited topics to speak of and an amount of freedom in being yourselves that nuns don't have," she explained.
"I never thought about it that way."
Carreen knew she was treading into dangerous territory with the way the conversation was heading and she decided it best to steer it elsewhere before she confessed her innermost thoughts and feelings that she had been harboring.
"I heard you had words with Margo Sinclair," she stated forcing her tone to lighten.
Ella laughed lightly, "How did you hear that?"
Carreen grinned, "There isn't much that can be kept secret here; it's as if the walls have ears. Eventually everyone knows everything that goes on."
"I guess there's truth in that, I heard that Margo gets away with everything around here because the Mother Superior is fond of her daddy's check book," Ella stated with amusement.
Carreen hurriedly looked around them making sure they were alone. "You must be careful saying things like that about the Mother Superior, Ella; you don't want her to throw you out of school, that would only serve to anger your parents more than they already are."
Ella frowned, "I'm sorry, Aunt Carreen. I'll be more careful, I don't care so much about me getting into trouble but I wouldn't want to bring any trouble upon you."
"You should worry about yourself and getting into trouble, Ella. The Mother Superior is a woman who doesn't take kindly to being crossed."
"I'll be careful," she responded; "But is it true about Margo? Is she allowed to get away with everything?"
Carreen's eyes darted around once more before she whispered, "Yes, it certainly seems that way and most of the other nuns are against it but there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it, we don't have the power that she holds."
"Lovely," Ella stated sarcasm in her voice.
"I don't like it anymore than you do."
"I didn't think for a moment that you would," Ella told her.
"Don't let Margo get to you."
Ella laughed, "Don't worry I can take what she dishes out."
"You're just like your mother," Carreen said amusement tugging at her lips.
Ella wrinkled her nose, "So I've been told."
Carreen allowed the strict teachings of the convent to fall away for a moment and a gentle laugh to fall from her lips, "It's not a bad thing, dear."
Ella couldn't help the smile that crossed her face at the sound of her aunt's soft laugh. "It feels like a bad thing sometimes."
"She loves you, Ella."
"I know," she said quietly. "I love her too."
"Your mother is a good woman and if you have her strength and courage, than being like her is something to be proud of and I'm not just saying that because she's my sister," Carreen told her.
"Being like her apparently can lead you into trouble though according to Uncle Rhett. I believe I heard that about a hundred times during my various lectures that lead up to my being here," Ella replied.
Carreen allowed the comment to go unanswered opting instead to open up to Ella a bit more. "I miss my sisters," she admitted.
"Do you?"
"Yes, more than I ever imagined I would."
"What was Mama like as a girl?" Ella asked.
"She was full of life and always running and making noise. She liked to climb trees and race the boys, whether it be on foot or by horseback. She was always getting dirty and being admonished by mother and Mammy. They wanted her to act like a little lady but your mother had too much energy in her for sitting still and stitching samplers."
Ella giggled, "It's hard to imagine my mother up in a tree.".
Carreen laughed again and it felt so good to her to do so. "She loved to be adventurous, I guess she liked to be free, she didn't want to be restricted by the rules Mammy and mother wanted her to follow."
"That sounds like Mama."
Carreen nudged her, "It probably sounds a little like you too, doesn't it?"
Ella threw her hands up as if in surrender. "Alright I admit it, I am the daughter of Katie Scarlett O'Hara. Are you happy now?"
Carreen laughed "Are you happy to admit it?"
Ella struggled to force her smile to fade but failed, "No and if you tell anyone I admitted it I'll deny it."
"Do you think they'll believe a nun is lying?" Carreen asked her blue eyes sparkling.
"Perhaps if I'm convincing enough," she replied.
"Perhaps we'll have to put that theory to a test one day."
"That would be interesting," Ella said as she tipped her head back to gaze up at the clouds for a moment.
Carreen followed her gesture and then spoke once again. "When we were small girls, in the summertime mother would sometimes lay a large guilt on the grass and Scarlett, Suellen and I would lay on it and look up at the clouds while mother sat near us and did her sewing. We liked to tell each other what shapes we thought the clouds made."
"I've done that with Joy a time or two," she admitted. "I guess that's probably silly though, I've been too old for those kinds of things for awhile."
Carreen shook her head, "You're never too old to enjoy the beauty of the clouds and the sky, Ella. Those days I just told you about are among my most treasured memories. There was a sense of security being nestled between my sisters and the smell of my mother's perfume in the air. Sometimes I dream of those days and remember the sound of our giggles and how carefree we were."
"It makes you miss them more though doesn't it?"
Carreen nodded, "I don't think Scarlett ever knew how much I loved her and looked up to her. I wanted to be just like her. I'm sure Joy probably feels that way about you."
"Joy and I used to be close even though I'm so much older than her."
"Those nine years won't seem to be so much when you're both grown."
"That's a long time away."
"So the two of you aren't close anymore?"
Ella shook her head, "No not this past year."
"Because you wanted to be with Johnny?"
Ella nodded as she wondered how her mother had gotten Carreen so well informed of her life. "That and she started telling on my all the time."
"Did you ever think that maybe she was doing that to get your attention?" Carreen asked.
"No, I never really gave it much thought. I was always too mad at her to wonder why she had done it."
"Perhaps you should think about it."
She was quiet for awhile, "I guess I haven't been very nice to Joy lately," she said a hint of remorse in her voice.
"You can make it up to her when you get home," Carreen assured her.
"She told me she loved me before I left but I didn't say it back to her," she confessed regret flashing across her features.
"That doesn't mean you can't tell her now."
"But I can't, she isn't here."
"Write her a letter and tell her, she'd probably like that."
Ella thought about it, "I guess I could do that."
"Of course you could."
"Maybe I will," she replied.
As Ella laid awake that night, she thought over her conversation with Carreen and the warning she had given her in regards to the Mother Superior. She would try and watch her step but Margo had deemed her a worthy adversary and had spent much of the past two weeks trying to antagonize her. There had been catty remarks and on one occasion in the dining hall she had walked behind Ella and grabbed hold of one of her curls and yanked it. Not to be outdone Ella had returned the gesture, only instead of tugging at the ends as Margo had done, she merely reached out as she walked by and grabbed a hold of the other girl's hair by the roots and gave it a sharp pull.
She had already decided after her first confrontation with Margo that she wouldn't allow her to get to her. She wasn't even fighting back whole heartedly, only throwing a barb at her if the situation called for it. With Carreen's warning in the back of her mind, she decided that she was right in planning on taking the high road as much as possible. She didn't want to get into trouble at school and have word of it travel back to Atlanta. She feared Rhett would find another school to send her to that would be further away from home and she'd lose the sanctuary of Eleanor Butler's home that she escaped to on the weekends.
The next morning as she got ready for the daily church service, she had every intention of showing Margo that she wouldn't stoop to her level. Little did she know that Margo had already put into motion her first sneak attack of the war that had been declared without Ella's knowledge.
Ella made her way to the chapel feeling confident and optimistic for the first time in weeks. Alice was waiting for her near the shelf where they stored their books and together they made there way to their assigned places. Glancing around as she made small talk with her friend, she noticed that Margo and her friend Bessie were already in their places as well. It seemed odd to her that they were already present, they usually didn't slid into their spots until the very last second but she brushed the thought aside as she carried on her conversation.
The sermon began and after the blessing they all slid from their seats to kneel for the prayers. Ella cried out in pain feeling something sharp stab into her knees. Her cry had disrupted the service and heads turned to look at her causing shame to rise within her. The priest continued on as she sank down on the cold floor and pulled her knees up to examine them. Stuck through her dress and into knees were a handful of tacks. Tears welled in her eyes as she pulled them out feeling the Mother Superior's gaze upon her.
Alice shot her a sympathetic look as she quickly returned to her kneeling position. She sucked in a deep breath and glanced at the row where Margo was kneeling. She was facing forward, her lips moving in sync with the others as they prayed but they held a hint of a malicious smile and Ella knew she had lost the first battle. When the service ended, Alice asked her if she was alright but Ella barely had time to answer her as the Mother Superior pulled her aside and reprimanded her for her behavior.
"There were tacks sticking in my knees!" she exclaimed in defense of herself.
The old woman's steel grey eyes held no sympathy as they glared at her. "It does not matter, a proper lady does not cause such disruption. She controls herself and she most definitely does not sit upon the floor during a religious service!"
"She does if she's being stuck in the knees," Ella replied without thinking.
"Miss Kennedy, you have much to learn about proper behavior."
"I apologize, Mother Superior. I did not know the tacks were there but I feel confident in knowing who placed them there."
"And just who do you think that is, Miss Kennedy?" the nun asked harshly
"Margo Sinclair."
The Mother Superior gave her a disgusted look. "I don't believe that for one moment! Do you have any proof of these claims, Miss Kennedy?"
"No, I can't prove it but she has made it her mission to torment me and I can provide witnesses for that," Ella answered as she struggled to control her temper.
"Miss Kennedy, you can not go around accusing people of things you have no proof of. I do not believe for one moment that Miss Sinclair has any ill will toward you nor do I believe she is capable of such juvenile antics as placing tacks where you kneel. She is a fine young lady from a good upstanding family. Her behavior is exemplary and you would do well to learn from it!"
Ella's eyes flashed and she struggled to swallow the lump that was growing in her throat. "I'm from a good family as well, Mother Superior. I was raised to be a lady too and I have no reason to lie to you. As for Margo Sinclair, I suppose she can do what she likes as long as her daddy keeps sending the checks for those stained glass windows!"
"Miss Kennedy, that is enough! I will not tolerate such rudeness. You are the one in need of punishment not Miss Sinclair. Your wicked tongue will cost you your meals today, perhaps after a fast you will rethink your ways," the nun remarked angrily.
Ella bit her tongue to keep the flood of words she wanted to say from pouring from her lips.
"You are excused; you will go to your room until the start of classes. Don't even think of entering the dining hall."
Ella hastily gathered her books and walked away from the chapel and when she was sure she was out of sight of the Mother Superior, she ran. Reaching her room in record time she threw herself on the bed and allowed the tears to come. So this was how it was to be, she had been set to toe the line and be cautious of the Mother Superior and she had been taken down by a handful of tacks that were resting in her pocket. Once her sobs had been exhausted she sat up and pulled the offending tacks from her pocket and placed them in the drawer of the night table. She got up and found a clean handkerchief and poured water from the pitcher on her dresser into the wash basin to wash her tear stained blotchy face. After she had finished she sat down and pulled up her skirts to reveal her knees. The tiny puncture wounds had bled and she carefully cleaned them.
A glance at the clock showed it was time to go to class. Margo was still smirking when she entered the room. Ignoring her, she quickly slid into her seat beside Alice. Alice smiled sadly at her before they had to turn their attention to the blackboard. As she worked on her lessons Alice slid a scrap of folded paper towards her. After making sure that Sister Mary Patrick's attention was directed elsewhere she carefully unfolded the note.
"What happened after service?" Alice had written.
"I was reprimanded for my 'rude behavior' I have to fast today as my punishment," she wrote quickly and then slid the note back towards Alice.
A moment later it was slid back towards her. "Did you tell her it was most likely Margo?"
"She didn't believe me," Ella wrote.
Alice retrieved a fresh scrap of paper and hid the first one in her book. "What are you going to do?"
"Apparently I'm going to starve," she answered sarcastically.
Alice choked back her laughter and Ella smiled at her.
"That's not what I meant", the paper said when it slid back to her
"I know, but I haven't decided yet," she responded.
Alice nodded and hurriedly placed the note in her book as Sister Mary Patrick turned her attention to their side of the room. Ella returned to her studies answering questions about John Adams's administration. Her knees ached but she did her best to ignore it as the morning dragged by.
Finally the lunch hour arrived and Ella walked to the dining hall with Alice looking forward to a cool drink of water. As they neared the door the Mother Superior was standing there as if on guard.
"Miss Kennedy, have you already forgotten that you are fasting today?"
"No Ma'am, I was just going to get a glass of water and sit with Alice," she answered with no emotion in her tone.
The nun shook her head, "You may get a glass of water but you will return to your room with it until it is time for the afternoon classes. You are not allowed to join the others in the dining hall."
Ella found herself biting the inside of her cheek as she ground out, "Yes Ma'am."
The nun stepped out of her way but kept her steely gaze upon her as she and Alice moved inside the dining hall.
"I'll come with you, Ella; I'm not very hungry anyway," Alice told her.
Ella shook her head as she poured herself a glass of water. "Don't be silly, you go on and eat lunch there's no reason for both of us to go hungry. I'm going to go to the infirmary and see about some salve for my knees before I go to my room any way."
"Alright," Alice agreed. "I'll see you in class."
Ella smiled in response and left the room, they eyes of the Mother Superior and Margo Sinclair boring into her as she went.
The nurse in the infirmary was much more sympathetic towards her as she examined the tiny marks in her knees before coating them with salve and placing a piece of gauze bandage over each before sending her on her way.
As she waited for the afternoon classes to begin Carreen came to her door.
"Are you alright?" she asked.
"I'm fine."
Carreen looked at her worriedly, "You're sure?"
Ella nodded, "I'm a little hungry but I'm trying not to think about it."
"I'm sorry," Carreen answered.
"It isn't your fault; you aren't the one who put tacks in my kneeling place."
"I know but I am still sorry that you are being so severely punished for something that was beyond your control."
"I believe it has more to do with my accusing Margo than anything," Ella replied.
Carreen was silent and still looked worried which bothered Ella to some degree.
"I'm fine Aunt Carreen, please don't worry about me."
She smiled, "It's hard not to worry about you."
"Why?"
"Because you're my niece and I feel responsible for you."
Ella shook her head, "You don't have to feel that way; I'm responsible for myself and my actions. I don't think mother dumped here to be a burden to you."
"Oh Ella you could never be a burden to me," Carreen exclaimed. "You are my family and I want to protect you and help you."
"Then do me a favor and don't mention any of this when you write to mother."
"But Ella…"
"Promise me Aunt Carreen, let me deal with this."
Carreen nodded hesitantly, "If that is what you wish."
"It is," she remarked with complete honesty. "I don't want her to know."
"I'll respect your wishes," her aunt assured her before leaving the room.
The afternoon had passed without any difficulties for which Ella was thankful. As she sat in her room that evening, she tried to focus on her studies and forget about her empty stomach. She wished she had forced herself to eat more than a few bites of her dinner the night before but the roast had been tough and the potatoes cold. Casting a glance at the clock she mentally counted the hours until breakfast and then sighed, she had a long wait ahead of her.
As she struggled to concentrate a knock came at the door. Opening it she found Alice on the other side.
"I thought we could work on our history assignment together," Alice stated as Ella stepped back and allowed her in.
"That's a good idea," she answered as she wondered why Alice seemed to be acting a bit strange.
Once the door was closed Alice pulled a wrapped object from her pocket.
"What do you have?" Ella whispered.
"I saved you half of my sandwich from dinner," she replied as she unwrapped it and handed it to her. "I know you must be hungry."
"I'm starved," she answered. The sight of a half a ham sandwich had never looked so good. "Thank you Alice."
"You're welcome, I wish I could've brought you something more but we had soup with the sandwiches for dinner and I'm afraid the sandwiches are rather small."
"That's alright, I appreciate the thought. I'm just glad you didn't get caught," Ella told her before taking a bite.
"I was careful, I don't think anyone noticed," Alice replied.
Ella quickly finished eating and then settled down to work on her assignments with Alice until it was time for her to go back to her room.
She slipped into bed that night feeling grateful to have a friend that would take a risk in sneaking her food. She was still hungry but it wasn't as bad anymore and the breakfast hour wasn't so far away now that it was bedtime.
The next morning, Ella and Alice walked with Carreen to morning services. Ella made sure to check the area around her before kneeling and was glad that the day looked as though it would be better than the one before.
At the end of the service the Mother Superior was waiting for her once again only this time she stopped Alice as well.
"Did you observe your fast, Miss Kennedy?" she asked with narrowed eyes.
"Yes Ma'am," Ella answered as she did her best not to react to the tingle of fear that had slid down her spine.
"I received a report from someone saying they saw Miss Callahan sneak you food."
"She did no such thing," she replied forcing her tone to remain even and normal.
"Is that so?" the Mother Superior remarked. "Did you take food to Miss Kennedy, Miss Callahan?"
"No Ma'am," Alice lied.
"Then why is it you were seen wrapping up half a sandwich and putting it in your pocket?"
Alice didn't dare glance at Ella. "Because I did Mother Superior, I was full and decided to take the rest of my sandwich back to my room to eat later."
"Did you?"
"Yes."
"This person states that they saw you entering Miss Kennedy's room last evening and that the sandwich was obviously still in your pocket."
"Whoever told you that was mistaken," Ella interrupted.
The nun turned to her with a sharp look, "I was not addressing you, Miss Kennedy."
"The only thing that was in my pocket was a balled up handkerchief," Alice answered.
The Mother Superior glared at them. "I have never seen two such liars before in all my life. You have the audacity to stand before me in the house of god and lie! You are both walking on the path to hell with your lying and conniving ways! Neither one of you will eat today. I'll make sure of that. You'll go to your classes and then straight to your rooms. There will be no visiting each other this evening either."
Ella bit her tongue to keep from reminding the nun that it was Friday and she would be going to her grandmother's after school for the weekend.
"You're dismissed," she spat.
Both girls walked away feeling her steely eyes burning into them.
"Margo or Bessie must've been spying on me," Alice whispered her voice shaking slightly.
"I don't doubt that for a moment."
"I'm so sorry, Ella; I never meant to cause you more trouble."
Ella gave her a small smile, "Don't be sorry, Alice; you were just being a good friend. I am sorry that you're in trouble with me."
"I don't mind," she replied. "The eggs are never very good anyway."
"Margo is going to get what's coming to her," Ella stated
"How?"
"You'll see but we'll have to hurry," she told her as she pulled her down the empty hallway where the classrooms were.
She shoved her books into Alice's arms and hurried into the room that housed their first class and sat up Margo's comeuppance. She quickly slipped back into the hallway and after a quick look to assure they were still in no danger of being seen they hurried upstairs to Ella's room.
"We have to be the last ones in the room," Ella whispered as she and Alice waited for the remaining minutes to tick by.
Finally they left the room and moved back downstairs, hanging back briefly to allow the last few girls to enter ahead of them. As they entered the room, Sister Mary Patrick greeted them and then called the class to order and asked everyone to take a seat. A second later a shriek sounded throughout the room.
"Miss Sinclair, what is the matter?" Sister Mary Patrick asked.
"There were tacks on my chair!" she exclaimed her face flushed with pain and humiliation. "I sat on them!" she all but screamed when the nun said nothing in response.
"You may go to the infirmary, Miss Sinclair" she told her.
"Aren't you going to ask who did it?" she cried.
"I doubt anyone is going to admit to doing it, Miss Sinclair; although I ask you all to be advised that this type of behavior is not tolerated and it better never happen again."
"She did it!" Margo yelled pointing an accusing finger at Ella.
Ella allowed her mouth to drop open in surprise. "I did no such thing!"
"She did it! I know she did!" Margo yelled.
"Miss Sinclair, it's impossible for Miss Kennedy to have done this, she arrived only a moment before you screamed," Sister Mary Patrick explained patiently.
"I'm telling Mother Superior" she cried as she stormed from the room.
Ella forced herself to remain emotionless and she didn't allow herself to glance at Alice for fear that she'd laugh but deep down she felt a wave of satisfaction. At least Margo had gotten the point…so to speak.
Sure enough before the class was over, Margo appeared with the Mother Superior and Ella was beckoned into the hallway.
"Miss Kennedy, Miss Sinclair says that you placed tacks on her chair."
"I did not," she answered evenly.
"Yes she did!"
"Why would I do such a thing? I know how much it hurts" Ella replied.
"That's why she did it, because she was humiliated and wanted me to be."
"You're delusional, Margo," Ella answered.
"Miss Kennedy..." the nun began but Ella cut her off
"Perhaps the person who placed the tacks in my spot in church placed them on your chair."
"That's impossible!" Margo seethed.
"Oh? Why is it impossible Margo?" Ella asked.
"Because it is."
"The only way it can be impossible is if you were the one who did it to me," Ella explained thoughtfully.
Margo glared at her, "I know it was you."
"Do you have proof?" Ella asked her eyes narrowing.
Margo was silent.
"Well do you Miss Sinclair?" Mother Superior asked.
"No," she stated with disgust.
"Then you shouldn't be accusing people of things you can't prove. Isn't that right Mother Superior?" Ella responded.
The nun glared at her but she didn't care. She was already hungry and in her opinion there wasn't any worst punishment.
"Both of you go back to class and cease with this nonsense," the older woman told them before stalking away.
"This isn't over," Margo hissed before turning to enter the room.
"I wouldn't dream of thinking otherwise," Ella replied as she went back to class. It was going to be a long battle ahead and suddenly she felt weary thinking of it and the trouble that was bound to come along.