Authors Note: Thanks for the reviews!

Chapter 10 – You'll See

At the end of classes that Friday afternoon, Ella hurried out of the school to Eleanor Butler's waiting carriage. Her driver, Samuel, was waiting next to it and he offered her a kind smile as he helped her to climb inside. Once the door was closed and Samuel took his place at the reins, Ella tossed her books onto the seat across from her and sank back against the velvet upholstery and closed her eyes.

There was a dull ache forming in her head and she didn't know if it was from the hunger she was being forced to endure or simply from the stress of the last two days. She had gotten even with Margo and she had felt satisfied at the time but as the day wore on she began to feel differently about it and it annoyed her. She should be reveling in the joy of giving the girl a taste of her own medicine but she couldn't, not with thoughts of what might happen next nagging at her. Why did her mind have to bother her today of all days she wondered. Did an empty stomach equate a full mind? If it did she hoped to remedy it soon.

She really couldn't afford to get into any more trouble and yet she also couldn't afford to allow Margo to terrorize her without defending herself and there was the problem of the Mother Superior who was going to be of no help to her. She sighed deeply; this would all be so much easier if she didn't have a conscience. A conscience was such a terrible thing to have in the midst of war, she thought to herself.

The carriage rolled to a stop in front of the house and she felt a small amount of weight lift from her shoulders as she stepped down onto the sidewalk. She hoped that it wouldn't be long until dinner was on the table. She felt as though she would go insane if she didn't eat something soon. That half a sandwich that Alice had smuggled to her had barely taken the edge off her hunger the day before and she felt even worse today. Entering the sun drenched entry way Ella felt as if she were stepping back into her real life instead of the gloomy nightmare she was living at the convent school.

She made her way to the parlor where Eleanor was entertaining a few guests. She entered the room quietly, depositing her books on the small writing desk and then stopping beside her grandmother and kissing her cheek.

"Hello dear," he grandmother said a smile gracing her lips as she turned her attention towards her.

"Hello Grandmother," she replied before remembering her manners and acknowledging the other two women in the room.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Philips, Mrs. Jenkins," she spoke nodding to each lady.

They both greeted her and she took her leave retreating to her room upstairs. She couldn't wait to take off the ugly plain blue gown that she was forced to wear for school. She had left her trunk of clothes that she was accustomed to wearing at Eleanor's when she learned she'd be able to spend the weekends with her. It was easier for her that way; she didn't think she could bear it if she had to reach past her pretty day dresses and tea gowns for the ugly school dresses everyday.

She choose a comfortable pale pink tea gown trimmed in white and slipped it on and then pulled the pins from her hair and allowed her dark red curls to tumble down her back. Glancing in the mirror she felt somewhat better, or at least she felt as though she looked more like herself. The sunlight pouring through the window beckoned her to the window seat and she sat down and peered out. It was beautiful outside, the sunlight was soft and casting a warm sheen upon the street and the well tended lawns of each home. A light breeze was blowing, stirring the leaves on the trees. They were changing colors she realized. The large tree in her grandmother's yard was almost completely yellow and the tree in the neighbor's yard was a brilliant red. A sigh escaped her, she always loved when the leaves turned colors and she loved to walk on days like today.

If she had been in Atlanta, she would've been walking. Most likely she would have been walking home from school with Joy and at that moment she wished she was. She probably would have made the trip longer by stopping at the store and seeing her mother, perhaps even persuading her to walk home with them. Sadness tugged at her heart unexpectedly. She missed home. She missed her mother and Joy and James. She even missed Wade even though she knew he would be in Boston regardless of where she was.

She picked up a peach colored throw pillow that was on the seat next to her and hugged it to her chest. Suddenly she felt like crying and she wasn't sure why. It had only been two weeks, surely she wasn't cracking already. She was stronger than that; she was as her mother often told her part O'Hara. The O'Hara's were strong in the face of crisis… or at least her mother was she thought quietly. She had thought she was too but at that moment she wasn't so sure. The words of the Mother Superior kept ringing in her mind no matter how hard she tried to push them away. 'The path to hell' the woman had stated, she was walking the path to hell.

The statement bothered her and it shouldn't have, on any other day it wouldn't have but today she was being unusually sensitive and she was bothered a great deal. Surely she hadn't done anything bad enough that she was in danger of being sent to hell for it. Yes she had lied to her parents, to the Mother Superior and probably to a friend or two on occasion but didn't everyone tell a lie once and awhile? She was sure they did and that god would overlook those lies that hadn't hurt anyone. She had tried to run away with Johnny but she had been stopped, so did that even count? It didn't in her mind; it should've only counted if she had succeeded, which in her opinion she would have been better off if she had.

She had a habit of speaking before she thought, of being sharp tongued and sometimes self centered but were those such bad things? She was only sixteen after all, she could always change her ways as she grew older and besides those seemed to be traits she had inherited from her mother so really was it her fault if she was that way?

"Oh my," she muttered as she thought of the qualities she shared with her mother "She must be on the path to hell too."

Once she got to thinking about it she decided that Rhett most likely was on the path as well along with Wade. Come to think of it everyone she knew was most likely on that path and she was sure if she gave Joy and James enough time they'd be joining them.

"Well at least I'll have company," she said to herself but then another more disturbing thought occurred to her.

If she was on the path to hell by the Mother Superior's standards than Margo was going to be there too and that wasn't a comforting thought. Perhaps they could occupy opposite sides of hell she mused a small smile tugging at her lips despite the sadness she was feeling inside.

She shook her head slightly trying to shake away her troubled thoughts. She didn't want to feel this way. She couldn't even really explain all of the things she was feeling at the moment and if she had been asked to she felt that the only thing that the only word that was fitting was 'bad'. She felt bad and in so many ways and all of the words that had been flung in her direction over the past year in regards to her behavior began to flood her mind.

"Maybe I am bad," she said to herself.

It wasn't something she wanted to be but she didn't have time to ponder the thought because a knock sounded on her door and Franny's voice called to her that dinner was ready.

"Thank god," she muttered as she stood and moved towards the door.

Sitting at Eleanor's table that evening, Ella struggled to eat slowly and naturally hoping to keep her grandmother from recognizing that she was much hungrier than usual. Dinner had never looked more delicious to her. There was a platter full of fried chicken, a bowl of fluffy mashed potatoes, perfect gravy that was void of lumps along with corn and biscuits and sitting off to the side for dessert was a small cake with white frosting. Her mouth had watered at the sight of it all and she wanted nothing more than to devour as much of it as possible in order to wipe away the horrible feeling of hunger. She now understood why her mother was so obsessive on the topic of them all being well fed.

She kept the conversation flowing with Eleanor as she discreetly reached for a second piece of chicken, took another scoop of potatoes and another biscuit. She had a feeling she was failing at acting normal for her grandmother's gaze had grown intense causing her to ramble all the more as she struggled to remain her composure. The urge to cry was creeping up on her once more.

"Ella, have they stopped feeding you at school?" Eleanor asked.

She smiled, "Of course not, Grandmother. It's just that the food at school isn't very good and I'm hungry."

The older woman smirked and gave her a knowing look, "Surely you don't expect me to believe a lie like that, after all I raised Rhett and he spun more elaborate tales than you my dear."

Ella dropped her eyes to the plate in front of her and the biscuit she had taken a bite of turned to sawdust in her mouth.

There was that word again. Everywhere she went she was accused of telling a lie. Everyone called her a liar and the thought of it hit her square in chest and made her ache. She didn't want to be known as a liar. She didn't want people to say 'There goes that liar Ella Kennedy'. She knew that it wasn't untrue, that she did tell lies but she always felt she had a good reason to do so and that it was unfair to brand her as one just for the sake of doing so. It stung her and her eyes filled with the tears she had been struggling to hold at bay all afternoon.

"Ella," Eleanor's voice broke through her thoughts. "Why haven't you been eating at school?"

"I didn't mean to lie to you, I just didn't want you to worry," she stated her voice shaking with emotion. "I'm not a bad person!" she cried as the tears broke free and slid down her cheeks.

Eleanor looked at her with surprise, "Of course you're not dear, no one said you were. Please tell me whats wrong."

The words tumbled from her lips in a torrent, telling of the incident at the church service which had lead up to her punishment. She told of Alice sneaking her food, of being caught, the Mother Superior's harshness and her speech about the path to hell and how Margo was allowed to get away with everything. She even confessed to getting even and then without warning she began to tell about things that she hadn't even realized was bothering her like her drab little room, how she missed her friends and Atlanta and how she still felt angry with her Mother even though she missed her. It all came pouring out among sobs and when she finished her story she hide her face in her hands and shook with emotion.

Eleanor left her seat and came to Ella's side. She wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held her while running a hand over her curls.

"There, There," she murmured. "Everything will be alright."

Ella leaned into her soaking up the comforting feel of her grandmother's embrace. Finally her tears slowed and she took a few shuddering breaths and pulled away.

"Are you alright now?" Eleanor asked as she brushed away a few tears on Ella's cheeks.

Ella nodded, not trusting her voice enough to speak just yet.

Eleanor picked up Ella's plate and refilled it before placing it back in front of her and taking her seat once more.

"Just to be sure I have this right; you said the Mother Superior has punished you the past two days by making you go hungry?"

"Yes," Ella replied quietly as she looked into her grandmother's face that was full of disapproval.

"That's despicable!" she exclaimed. "Making a child go hungry for something that wasn't even her fault! I won't stand for it; I'll wire Rhett in the morning."

"No!" Ella shouted. "Please don't."

Eleanor looked at her with shock, "Why not?"

"I don't want them to know. Uncle Rhett will just find somewhere else to send me and then I'll really be alone! Knowing him he'll probably think it's my fault anyway," she cried. "I can handle this…really I can, you'll see I'll be just fine. I'm just having a weak moment that's all," she explained as a few leftover tears fell on her cheeks.

Eleanor was silent for a moment but her face softened. "Alright Ella, I'll let it pass for now. Dry your eyes and eat your dinner, eat as much as you like you don't have to try and hide it."

"Thank you," she whispered before picking up her fork and finishing her meal. As she sat eating her dessert Eleanor rang for the maid and told her to draw a hot bath for Ella.

"A nice soak in a hot bath will make you feel better," she told her. "After you're finished you and I can have some tea and read the gossip sheets, I blame your Mother for getting me started on those she's the one that started buying them when she came to visit years ago."

Ella smiled, "She wouldn't have known about them if Uncle Rhett hadn't told her."

Eleanor laughed, "Then I shall stop blaming Scarlett and place the blame where it rightfully belongs, at the feet of my son."

"He seems to be a blamable person," Ella agreed.

"Yes he is, and I believe he takes pride in it."

Ella smiled, "I'll have to finish my school work before we read."

Her grandmother shook her head, "No I think you've had enough school for the day. It can wait until tomorrow or Sunday for that matter."

"A break would be nice."

"Of course it is, you've had to make several adjustments these past two weeks and you need time to relax. I also believe you've had too much of the fire and brimstone so I think it's safe to say we'll be too indisposed to attend church Sunday morning."

"But I go to your church on Sunday's, Grandmother."

"It doesn't matter; I think God will overlook it if we miss a Sunday. Besides I know you don't go to church often in Atlanta."

"Now I know why," Ella answered as she finished her cake.

After her bath, Ella felt somewhat better and more relaxed now that she had told her troubles to someone. She drank her cup of soothing tea and read the papers with her grandmother and played a card game with her afterwards. It seemed Eleanor was doing her best to lift her spirits and to keep things light. It felt good to let down her guard and allow someone to take care of her.

That night as she climbed into her bed Eleanor came into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I'm better now," Ella replied. "I'm sorry for being so sensitive at dinner."

Eleanor brushed the statement aside as though she were shooing a fly. "You have nothing to be sorry for, we all have our 'weak moments' as you call them."

"Mama doesn't," she said quietly. "At least not anymore."

The older woman shook her head, "You're wrong, she has her moments too we all do."

"I've never seem them."

Eleanor smiled softly, "That doesn't surprise me. You see when you become a wife and a mother you learn to hide those things. You slip away to have your weak moments and shed your tears. We use the guise of a headache, or needing a bath or a nap. We all have the flaw of not wanting our children to see us as anything but strong and we don't want our husbands to think we're unstable. You'll understand one day."

"Mama does have sudden headaches sometimes," she said quietly.

"She had a weak moment of her own after she left you at school," Eleanor told her.

"I don't know why, she seemed fine with leaving me behind," Ella replied her tone taking on a bit of an edge.

"Oh Ella, she was anything but fine. When they came back to the house to gather there belongings her face was as tear stained as yours was earlier."

"I cried too."

"I'm sure you did."

"I'm still angry with her."

"I know but I notice that when you forget that you're angry with her you go back to calling her mama instead of mother."

Ella shrugged, "I'm probably getting too old to call her mama anyway."

Eleanor laughed, "If you think you are getting old than I must be as ancient as Moses."

Ella laughed with her, "I'll be seventeen soon."

"I know but that doesn't mean you have to stop calling her mama if you want too. I have friends that are my age who still refer to their mothers and fathers who have been gone for a long, long time as mama and daddy or papa. There's nothing wrong with it."

"Wade calls her mother."

"It's different for men and besides I believe he's always called her mother hasn't he?"

"Yes," she replied. "Even when we were small."

"Most of us prefer to be called mama opposed to mother," Eleanor admitted.

"Why?"

"Mother is so formal and cold sounding, mama has a warmer sound to it, an air of affection that reminds us of how loved we are despite the age of our children. Speaking from personal experience I can tell you that I felt very sad when my children began to call me mother instead of mama."

Ella was silent for a moment before speaking, "You won't tell her will you?"

"Tell her what dear?"

"About me being punished at school, I don't want her to know that the Mother Superior making me fast. She's sensitive about things like that; Uncle Rhett says that she's never gotten over her and Wade going hungry during the war. I don't want her to worry and I don't want her to come here and make a fuss about it, it will only make things worse for me."

Eleanor was quiet as she studied her granddaughter before answering.

"I told you I wouldn't tell this time but, Ella, if it keeps happening I'm not going to have any choice. In my opinion they are wrong to deny a child food regardless of their behavior. It's wrong and I'd like nothing more than to go down to that school and give this Mother Superior a piece of mind on the matter but as you said it would probably only make things worse for you so I'll hold my tongue…for now."

"Thank you Grandmother."

She nodded, "I don't like to do it but I suppose you have the right to fight your own battles and I'll let you until I feel that someone needs to step in."

"I'll be alright," Ella stated firmly.

Eleanor smiled, "I'm sure you will be but I'm here if you need me. Please don't hesitate to send for me if you find yourself with a problem you don't feel you can handle, will you promise me that, Ella?"

"I promise," she whispered.

Her grandmother smiled and rose from her perch at the edge of the bed. She took hold of the blankets and began to tuck her in which caused her to laugh.

"I know, you're too old to be tucked in," Eleanor said with a laugh

"It has been a long time," she admitted.

Eleanor leaned over and kissed her forehead, "I suppose you're too old to be kissed goodnight too but you'll just have to humor an old woman."

"Mama still kisses me goodnight before I go to bed," she confessed.

"So you haven't deemed yourself too old for that practice yet?" Eleanor asked with a grin.

"No, I don't know why but I haven't."

"I'm sure your mother appreciates that you haven't outgrown everything."

Ella laughed, "Goodnight, Grandmother."

"Goodnight dear," she replied as she left the room.

Ella extinguished the light and slid down beneath the covers. She thought about the conversation she had just had with Eleanor and she realized that she did know why she didn't mind that her mother still kissed goodnight. It was for the simple fact that Scarlett had always done so even when she wasn't being the most attentive or affectionate mother. There wasn't a time when she couldn't remember her mother sweeping into the room and kissing her forehead and wishing her sweet dreams. There had even been times when she had woke briefly in the middle of the night from the cool touch of her mother's hand brushing across her cheek and the feel of the blankets being tucked more securely around her. It was those gestures that had always assured her that she was loved by her mother, and it was that feeling that allowed her to sleep peacefully each night when she was small. Even now at the age sixteen there were still those moments when she heard her mother walking the hall and stepping into the rooms that belonged to her siblings and then coming to hers to repeat the same routine that she had began years before. There was something comforting about it, perhaps it was the simple fact of knowing that just down the hallway was someone who loved you and maybe that was why she found it hard to sleep at school. No one loved her there, except maybe her aunt Carreen but she was locked away in another section of the building with the other nuns.

She sighed and focused her eyes on the strip of moonlight spilling across the floor. She was glad she had her grandmother's home to escape to and glad that the woman didn't care that she wasn't her blood relative. Eleanor had always made her feel as though she were really her granddaughter and that coupled with the affection she gave to her freely made everything bad that had happened that week more bearable. She knew that come Monday morning she'd be able to go back to school, with her head up and ready to fight it she needed too. Margo Sinclair wasn't going to be the one to bring down Ella Kennedy and neither was the Mother Superior with her favoritism and her talk of hell. Her eyes grew heavy and she drifted to sleep with a small smile on her face.

Sunday evening found Ella preparing for her return to school. She completed her assignments and had her books neatly stacked and waiting to go for the next morning. Her school dress was freshly washed and pressed and hung on the closet door ready for her to wear in the morning so she was puzzled when Eleanor came into her room with a small box.

"What's that?" she asked.

"I have a few things for you to take with you," she replied.

"Oh, what kind of things?" Ella asked.

"For starters you spoke of your room being drab so I thought maybe you could take a few things and make it more home like," Eleanor told her as she pulled a few lace doilies from the box to show her. "I also wrapped up a vase for you, I'll have one of the maids get you a nice bouquet of flowers for in it in the morning and I wrapped up a few little figurines I thought you could sit around your room."

"Thank you, I think that is just what my room at school needs."

"There's more," Eleanor told her.

"What else is there?"

"I put in some packages of crackers, and a loaf of bread and a jar of jam along with some candy and a few cans of fruit. I want you to hide these things and that way if you get punished again you won't have to go hungry. I know it isn't a lot but it will help. The bread wont keep long but I figured you and your friend could put jam on it and eat it when you find your dinners lacking."

"You're wonderful grandmother," Ella beamed.

She smiled, "Just make sure you hide it well, I don't want that nun finding it. Hide the silverware I tucked in there as well."

"I will, I'll hide it in my trunk. Uncle Rhett bought us trunks that have secret compartments so it shouldn't be a problem."

"Good, I'll feel better knowing you'll have something if this should ever happen again," Eleanor told her.

The next morning they said their goodbyes and Ella took her box and her bouquet of flowers and headed back to school. She did as her grandmother said and hid the food and decorated her room with the items she had given her. She settled back into the routine she had established during her first two weeks of school and before she knew it Monday had faded into Tuesday and then into Wednesday. Margo hadn't made any attempts to harass her and she hopped that meant the girl was going to leave her alone. She remained on guard though whenever she was near. Knowing her luck Margo was just lulling her into a false sense of comfort.

That evening, Ella went to the dining hall for dinner alone. Alice had a sore throat and had decided to skip the meal and stay in her room. She picked up her meal and made her way to her usual spot. She glanced around the room as was her habit and noticed that Margo was nowhere to be seen. Her friend Bessie was seated in her usual place, several spaces away from Ella. She had one of her books open in front of her and appeared to be concentrating on her work.

Ella relaxed and picked up her fork to push around the spaghetti on her plate in effort to cover all of the pasta noodles with sauce.

"Ella," Bessie called from her place further up the table.

"Yes?" she answered a hint of suspicion in her voice.

"Can you help me?" Bessie asked.

"With what?"

"Our arithmetic assignment, I just can't understand these fractions."

"Why don't you get Margo to help you?" Ella questioned as she took a sip of juice.

"Everyone knows Margo isn't any good at arithmetic," Bessie stated with a wave of her hand.

"What makes you think I am?" Ella asked.

Bessie looked at her for a moment before answering, "You seemed to do well enough when you were called on in class."

Ella took a bite of her spaghetti and pondered if she should help the girl or not.

"You could always ask the teacher for help," she suggested.

"Please, Ella?" Bessie pleaded.

Ella rolled her eyes, "Oh alright," she conceded as she left her spot and moved to sit next to Bessie.

She spent a few minutes explaining how to do the work and then helped Bessie complete the problem she was working on and then watched her complete the next problem on her own. By that time Margo had slid into her place across the table.

"Well it looks like our little Irish kitten is playing teacher, isn't that cute?" she sneered.

"I told you not to call me that," Ella replied through clenched teeth.

Margo shrugged, "And I thought I told you I do what I want."

Ella glared at her but ignored the comment choosing instead to turn to Bessie and ask, "Do you understand now?"

Bessie smiled but there was a touch of fakeness to it that caused Ella to worry. "Yes I understand now, Thank you."

Ella nodded and moved back to her spot where her plate still sat. She checked the bench for tacks before sitting down, feeling slightly weary of Margo's delayed presence. Nothing seemed wrong until she took a bite of her food. The spaghetti was suddenly very hot and spicy and she felt as though her mouth was on fire. She coughed and reached for her drink only to realize it was gone. Taking a close look at her food she noticed orangish red flecks of a powdery spice sprinkled on her plate.

"Whats wrong Ella?" Margo cooed. "Too spicy for you?" she asked; a vicious smile on her face.

"You bitch!" Ella spat, hatred in her tone and a touch of surprise inside herself at speaking such a word aloud.

Margo put a hand to her throat and pretended to be shocked by the statement.

"My what language you have!" she exclaimed. "Of course I shouldn't be surprised, my father always said that people from Georgia were as close to heathens as you could get."

Ella said nothing but her blood boiled. She didn't even know how Margo knew where she was from. Even Alice hadn't gotten around to asking her that question yet. She stood and picked up her plate.

"Leaving so soon?" Margo said. "I guess you've lost your appetite. Some people just can't handle it when things get too hot."

Ella calmly walked around the table as though she were merely going to empty her plate into the trash. Margo and Bessie were giggling as she made her way up the aisle. She paused however behind Margo and dumped the plate of spaghetti over her head and then grabbed the girl's drink from the table and dumped it into her lap.

Margo screamed and leaped up from her spot as the dining hall erupted into laughter at the sight of her with spaghetti noodles hanging in her hair and sauce dripping down her face and the front of her dress splashed with juice.

"Really, Margo; ladies shouldn't scream, as the Mother Superior told me we are to control our emotions in public but I guess it shouldn't surprise me that you acted so uncouth, after all Yankees are known for making noise, in fact some people would say that's all they are good for," Ella stated revealing to Margo the little tidbit of information she had gleamed from her grandmother about the Sinclair's.

Smiling prettily Ella then turned and began to walk away.

"I'll get you for this Ella Kennedy!" Margo screamed as a clump of noodles fell off her head.

Ella turned briefly, "I'll be waiting," she stated and then she walked away pausing only long enough to pick up another glass of juice. Once out of sight of the dining hall she downed half of the contents of the glass in one gulp trying to rid her mouth of the spicy taste. She then hurried up the stairs to her room and once inside she sat down at her desk and waited.

She was sure that Margo would report her to the Mother Superior and it would only be a matter of time before the nun came knocking on her door. She waited and waited. She completed her assignments for the next day and she had even dug into her secret stash of food and smeared jam on a piece of bread and ate it. Finally the clock read 10:45 and she gave up her vigil. She slipped into her nightgown and then put out the lamp and climbed into bed.

Sleep didn't come quickly, it never did when she was there and she was beginning to becoming accustomed to the fact. She laid awake wondering why the Mother Superior hadn't came and thinking about what punishment would await her once the woman did seek her out. As cold and hateful as the Mother Superior was she wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't a stockade in the basement waiting for her. Another thought came to mind and it was slightly more disturbing than the last. What if Margo hadn't told on her?

If she hadn't, it most likely meant that Margo was at that moment plotting her revenge. Ella had humiliated her and she wasn't going to let that pass without some sort of retaliation. She could only imagine what she'd come up with next. Ella rolled on to her side and pulled the blanket up around her. She had gone to sleep with better thoughts on her mind she said to herself as she squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to relax and sleep to claim her.