Title:Undisclosed Desires
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: R for now
Characters/Pairing: Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.
Chapter: 2/?
Word Count: 2153
Spoilers: Let's say everything to be safe :)
Summary/Warnings: From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.
Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)
Undisclosed Desires
Chapter Two
Blaine wakes up alone, the dim light coming in through the bedroom windows informing him that he's slept the day away. Thank God he doesn't have rehearsal or anything of the sort, he thinks muzzily as he stretches and contemplates never moving again.
However, his bladder has other ideas, and is rather insistently telling him he needs to go empty it, so he knows he has to leave the warmth of his bed to do so.
Kurt's gone, hardly surprising, and Blaine blearily presses his nose into the pillow to catch any lingering traces of the other man's scent, the clean, sharp tang of his facial products bringing a fond smile to his face.
But Blaine can't escape from the guilt that's clawing at his gut like a crazed animal, eating him from the inside and burning worse than the vodka he'd so carelessly tipped down his throat mere hours before, a gnawing ulcer of regret that grows every time Finn enters his body or touches his sweat-soaked skin, and it's killing him.
He doesn't love Finn.
He barely even likes him, and he knows that if it weren't for Kurt he would have probably never spoken to Finn after high school.
But the fact remains that he keeps finding his way back into Finn's bed despite his promises to himself that it has to end, he can't do it anymore, it's ruining his and Kurt's relationship...
He can't let go.
Finn gives him something Kurt either can't or won't, does for him what Kurt seem incapable of, and when he needs it rough, needs to feel fingers clutching him hard enough to bruise, feel Finn slamming into his body hard enough that he forgets about how damn pathetic he is and can feel free even for just a few moments.
With Kurt, their lovemaking is just that: making love. It's slow, and tender, and Blaine wants to make everything perfect for Kurt because he deserves it. He's somehow incapable of roughness with him, and when Kurt's inside of him and Blaine tries to urge him faster he won't, treating him the same way Blaine does for him even though Blaine doesn't merit it.
Tonight, however...
He pushes himself upright and staggers out of bed, guilt in every pore because he needs Finn tonight...God, does he need Finn.
He can hear the TV blaring, muffled through the walls, and he wanders into the living room, smiling despite himself at the sight of the taller man reclining on the sofa, idly watching sports highlights as he sips from a can of cola, throat working to swallow and Blaine licks his lips without meaning to.
Yes, Finn's attractive, in a rather-dim-jock type of way. He's utterly masculine and he's definitely slimmed down since high school, regular visits to the gym doing wonders for his body. Aesthetically, Blaine desires him. A lot.
He passes by to head for the washroom, Finn apparently not even noticing (not that this is unusual) and does his business, staring at himself in the mirror as he washes his hands and trying to figure out what the face of a cheater looks like.
It strikes him that it must look far too much like his own, and the thought haunts him even as he exits the washroom and shuffles toward the television.
"Hey, bro," Finn raises his can as Blaine sits beside him, too close to be entirely polite but Finn doesn't seem to mind as he gives Blaine a smile and nudges him in the ribs. "Feeling any better?"
"Not really," Blaine admits with a grimace, but he decides to forego the awkward conversation and skip to the point. "Kurt's gone?"
"Out with Rach. Just to dinner, maybe a movie or something. I think…we're worried about you, dude," Finn's eyes are warm and so, so caring and why should Finn care about him in the first place? It makes him angry.
"Don't be," Blaine says harshly, biting off the words, but Finn…eternally good-natured, happy-go-lucky, completely oblivious Finn…just smiles at him like he thinks he's joking.
He isn't joking.
He knows he's got a problem.
It's his problem.
He can feel the anger building up inside of him as he reaches to grip Finn's knee, sliding a hand up his thigh in a gesture that cannot be misconstrued for anything else.
"No," Finn lays a hand on top of his and the contact makes Blaine shiver.
"Why not? I need…I need you…" Blaine rasps out, because it's true, but it's in no way as romantic as it might sound. He needs Finn to make him forget.
"Blaine, no," Finn moves away, sliding along the sofa and reaching for the remote to turn the television off. "We can't, dude. Kurt's…he's not happy, and you know that us doing this isn't helping him. I feel awful about it, like my stomach's all in knots and stuff. So we can't…"
"Yes, we can," Blaine growls, not really caring about Kurt because if he thinks about him too much he'll fall apart, and he rather harshly palms Finn's cock through his sweatpants, Finn gasping at the feeling. "Tell me no, Finn. You can't, can you?" he leans in close, knowing he's being cruel but he needs this.
"Blaine, I…"
"Bedroom," Blaine orders, eyes dark, and he sees Finn swallow, feels the other man's cock harden under his insistent fingers, and he knows Finn's not saying no.
000
Finn collapses beside him, sweat-soaked and panting, groaning as he slips out and Blaine makes a muffled noise of pain before he can help it.
God, that hurts.
It's his own fault. He told Finn no prepping and he could tell that the other man really wasn't down with that, but Finn isn't the type to say no.
Finn jerkily slips the condom off and throws it in his trash, Blaine knowing that he'll make sure to clear it out before Kurt can find it, and flops onto the bed again, still unable to catch his breath.
Blaine closes his eyes and swallows, the aching need lessening and he wants to enjoy the (albeit painful) post-coital haze but he can't even give himself that.
He needs to go.
"Hey," Finn throws an arm over his stomach before he can leave, dark eyes studying him intently. "Did I…did I hurt you?"
"Yes," Blaine decides to forego the pleasantries and jumps straight to the truth. "You did. But that's okay. I asked for it."
"Dude, why didn't you tell me?" Finn's eyes widen and he tries to push Blaine over as Blaine paws at him to stop it. "I thought…you said…"
"I needed it, Finn," Blaine sighs and sits up, wincing as a jolt of pain shoots through him.
It's okay. It reminds him of what a screwed-up cheater he is.
"Man, no, not okay," Finn shoves at him again and Blaine eventually gives up resisting and rolls over, burying his face in the pillow and trying not to think about how humiliating this all is.
But then, he deserves every second of it, doesn't he?
"You're not bleeding," Finn says after a moment. "It…looks okay, I just…"
"Finn," Blaine starts, but suddenly a feeling of overwhelming despair and sadness and the need to be close overtakes him and he starts sobbing, uncontrollable and horribly embarrassing and Finn's shushing him and pulling him into his arms, nose pressed against his tousled curls.
An almost direct reversal from the first night they'd been together, when Finn had been so heartbroken over Rachel leaving that he'd just needed something to take his mind off of it and Blaine had been the one to comfort him.
He clutches at Finn and can't seem to stop the tears, tiny rivers making trails along the already sweat-soaked skin of Finn's shoulder.
"Hey," Finn pulls back enough so they're looking at each other but that's not good, he's too far away, and Blaine yanks him closer again and just keeps crying. "Hey, buddy," Finn tries again. "We'll fix this. Me 'n Kurt, we're here for you, man. We'll get you through this."
That only makes him cry harder, even though Finn will have no idea why, and he keeps shushing him gently and rubbing his back, warm and solid and safe, because Finn's always been safe, even if they don't always see eye-to-eye.
It's just…Finn.
He doesn't know how long they sit there but eventually the tears subside and he draws away, getting to his feet and sniffing. "I need to…he'll be back soon, I have…shower," he forces out and Finn just looks at him with those kind, warm brown eyes and nods.
"Okay, dude. Come back out when you're done, yeah?"
"Yeah," Blaine agrees, shuffling off to the bathroom and cleaning up, and he feels more human when he emerges.
And hungry.
All he's eaten all day has been…well, nothing. That glass of ginger-ale, which is still sitting half-full on the table and he dumps it before opening the fridge and grabbing a couple of frozen pizza snacks.
Damn the calories for once. He needs this.
000
Finn makes no comment when he enters the living room with the food, just holding out his arm and letting Blaine curl up under it, and tears start to prick his eyes again because he's being a complete and utter bastard and both Finn and Kurt are taking care of him like he somehow deserves to be taken care of.
It's a sick joke.
"Hey," Finn says again, lightly brushing the other man's shoulder with his fingertips. "It's cool. Whatever you need."
Blaine shifts and whimpers and Finn pulls him in tighter, still running fingers up and down his arm in a soothing, repetitive motion as Blaine starts to eat.
The door opening startles them both and Blaine shoots to the other end of the sofa, trying to make it look like he and Finn were never in contact, as Kurt breezes in and hangs up his coat, looking over to the living room expectantly.
"You're up," he says happily, taking a seat beside Blaine and reaching to kiss his cheek. "And your appetite's returned, I see. You know how I feel about these, but I suppose I'll let it slide because you haven't eaten all day."
"Oh wow, thanks," Blaine says bitterly but Kurt just laughs and kisses the corner of his mouth.
"Pizza breath," he murmurs and Blaine can't help but smile. "And you, what've you done today to be of use to the world, Mr. Hudson?" he lightly pats Finn's knee and Finn turns with a pensive, sad little smile.
"He's helped me," Blaine says, surprising even himself. "I had a…I kind of broke down tonight, and he was…"
"Baby," Kurt's eyes soften and he waits until Blaine's finished the last pizza pocket to pull him closer, leaning back against Finn and stretching out his legs while Blaine curls between them, head on Kurt's chest. "I'm so sorry…I wouldn't have gone…"
"It's cool. You need to get out," Finn's arm comes around Kurt to steady him and Blaine's once again a little envious of the completely natural way they can interact.
It comes from years of being together, he supposes, but sometimes it feels like he and Kurt will never have that instant telepathic connection Kurt has with his stepbrother.
Finn's nose is in Kurt's hair and he's inhaling deeply, Kurt jokingly telling him off about messing it up, but there's such a fondness and affection to their interaction that it makes him feel all the more worthless.
"Still, you're my boyfriend. I shouldn't have left when…"
"It's okay," Blaine promises dully. "I haven't been the best person to be around lately. I don't blame you."
"Look," Kurt tilts his head up, staring at him. "Any time you need anything, don't be afraid to ask me for it. I want to help you."
"We want to help you," Finn puts in immediately and Kurt looks at him in surprise, eyes widening slightly before he smile and nods.
"We want to help you," he amends and Blaine can't meet his eyes anymore as he lets his head drop to Kurt's chest, feeling him breathe and hearing his heart beat and knowing that he has to do whatever he can to hold onto this brilliant, beautiful man that for some unfathomable reason loves him.
"Okay," he finally squeaks out and Kurt kisses his forehead, groping for the remote with his free hand as Blaine runs his fingers along the soft textures in Kurt's cardigan.
"Why don't we find 'America's Funniest Home Videos' or something? I think I need to watch a few people get embarrassed in potentially life-threatening ways," his tone is light but there's still a darkness behind his words, but as they watch various people doing various idiotic things, the world doesn't seem so bad for while.
The three of them will make it.
Somehow.
Notes:
1. I almost cried writing this. I'm probably too emotional. But there it is.
2. I'm flattered by the hits/favs/alerts on this fic, but I've received very little feedback for it and for an author it's hard to tell what that means. Do people like it? Do they not? Is there something off about it? This is a very different style for me so I would greatly appreciate anything you have to say, and I used to be a notorious fandom lurker but I've met so many great people just by commenting on their fics and talking to them through that. I'm not scary, so don't be shy. Fandom discussions make my day. Also, I try my best to reply to every review/comment I receive :)
3. That's about it :D