Sigh… let's see how Bella responds to Edward's self doubt.

Wild Horses- The Sundays

~~oo~~

Chapter 54: And waited.

BPOV

Dear god I was sore!

Like Jillian Michaels workout session sore!

Taking the stairs back up to the bathroom was like climbing a sheer cliff or Mount Everest.

My thighs were sore, my calves, my ass.

Hell even my toes hurt.

Why did my toes hurt?

Maybe from the toe curling orgasms?

Right.

So very worth it.

I smiled into the mirror at my flushed face, even at the messed up hair flying around my head.

I looked good and properly fucked.

Not fucked.

Made love to.

My grin grew at the idea of loving Edward Cullen. No longer Creepy Hot Guy.

He was my Edward.

The man I loved.

I felt a little foolish sighing into the counter of the bathroom, but he did that to me. I could understand now some of those ridiculous moments on TV when a woman would swoon.

I was swooning.

Sore and swooning like a real girlfriend to an amazing lover.

I played back some of the evening prior in my head as I started the bath.

His eyes on me as he first entered me, so mindful of not hurting me. The way his mouth opened up and his eyes fluttered closed at the amazing feeling of us united.

His pursed lips as he moved more quickly.

The concentration he had to keep going.

The muscles of his arms flexing as he held himself above me, taut and rippling with each thrust.

The dark eyes as he watched me let go.

The growl deep in his throat as he struggled to hold on for just a few more seconds.

The nearly pained look on his face when he clenched his jaw and shut his eyes as he came.

The thought of clenching made me wince at my sore muscles, reminding me to get in the bath so I could relax and get ready for when he called. I was a little nervous about what we would do when I got there.

I mean I was excited to try new things.

I wanted to do everything with Edward.

But he was more experienced.

I was willing, but I didn't want to disappoint him.

I wanted to be spectacular for him.

I relaxed in the bath and thought about what I could do to make it better for him today, since he had made my night the best ever.

But where did a girl with little experience and a vivid imagination go?

Not something you really read up on at the library.

I could get on the internet, but that left a trail that Charlie could trace. Before I had a boyfriend, it was plausible. Not anymore. I didn't doubt that Charlie would be tracking what I researched online now.

So what did I do to be better than I was?

My mind drifted as the water loosened up my muscles and eased the ache, but a different ache found its way into my body.

One I knew would not be sated until I showed Edward I wanted to do anything he did.

Even if I didn't know how.

How hard was it to tie a person up?

Or tease?

He had done that a little already, the last time I was there.

So maybe I could do this.

I just had to be confident and open to ideas.

Oh, I was open to all sorts of ideas.

I dried off and thought about what I'd wear to make this experience more alluring for the both of us.

I wasn't a sex bra or stockings kind of girl. I owned one decent skirt, and it was too cold to wear.

So what did I wear then?

Something I could get out of fast?

Something that ripped away easily?

Something that showed off my body?

In the end I chose simple. I really needed to get out and go shopping. With whom I didn't know. But I needed some improvements in my wardrobe.

Not that I planned on staying in my clothes for long, but it was the whole package, right?

I looked at myself in the mirror and nodded at the tight jeans and top I had worn when I first met Edward. It was worn and you could see my black bra underneath.

Good enough.

All I had to do was wait for his call.

Wait.

Watching the phone like it was a lifeline.

Waiting.

Distracting myself with Flour Child's journal.

We were supposed to do a practical experiment on what it must be like for him to be blind.

Grinning at the thought that we could kill two birds with one stone simply by blindfolding me.

Or Edward.

Why did the idea of blindfolding Edward turn me on so much?

Waiting.

I hated waiting.

And I wasn't about to start cleaning and get sweaty or dirty before heading out.

Maybe just a load of laundry.

Sheets. Underwear.

Whoa, Edward left his t-shirt and his boxers here.

He had left the house commando.

Nice.

And… waiting again.

It was almost noon when I decided to call him.

I wasn't impatient. No.

No answer.

Straight to voicemail.

Huh.

Texting.

No answer.

Maybe he was asleep?

I was a little tired too. I should have taken a nap.

But as noon came and went, I started to get worried.

Surely Esme was gone by now.

Did he get grounded?

Maybe she didn't leave.

But wouldn't he call me to tell me?

Something was going on.

Maybe Esme didn't approve of him spending the night after all and lectured him?

And knowing Edward, it meant he was beating himself up over it.

Maybe he finally woke up and realized I wasn't worth it?

No. He wouldn't do that.

I had seen his eyes the night before.

That wasn't a one-night hook up.

It wasn't.

I think.

Not that I had much experience with that sort of thing.

Something was up.

And if he wasn't going to call…

It seemed to be my thing.

Call me a stalker.

I don't care.

I needed answers.

I left Charlie a note.

I grabbed my coat and a scarf as soon as I opened the door to see the falling Forks rain.

Nothing was going to stop me.

This seemed to be our thing.

Edward would hide, I would hunt him down and set things straight.

I was not a stalker. Nor obsessed.

I just expected answers.

I forced any insecurity that lingered deep into my subconscious and drove carefully to the Cullens.

The rain had picked up and now the wind was pummelling the truck.

Not the best weather to travel in.

But I didn't care.

He would have called if something weren't preventing him.

I grew more worrisome when I noticed his Volvo was the only car in the garage.

So Esme had left.

Where was Emmett?

And more importantly, why wasn't Edward answering his phone?

Maybe he slipped in the shower.

Oh dear god no.

I couldn't think like that.

Maybe it was just charging and it was off.

I ran up to the door and rang the doorbell.

And waited.

I frowned and rang it again, feeling the rain seep into my clothes as the wind blew around me.

And rang again. A few times. I knew it had to be annoying.

And waited.

Scowling, I did the creepy thing and tried to peek in the window beside the door. Inside it was still and dark.

I walked around the house, trying my best to stay on something that wasn't mud and looked up to where I thought Edward's window was. It was hard to tell with a house full of glass. Everything was dark.

Maybe he went with Esme?

But why didn't he call?

"Edward!" I called out, knowing the rain and wind probably drowned out my voice.

"Edward!"

I turned back to the front of the house, intent on ringing the bell again. Maybe until I broke the damn thing.

I slid near the door, landing hard on my ass in the muddy yard, cursing loudly.

"Bella!"

I looked up to see Edward rushing out of the front door in just a pair of sweatpants. The vision alone should have satisfied me. Beautiful chest, his hair getting wet in the downpour.

But I was mad, damn it.

"Bella, are you hurt?" he asked and his face looked so pained that my anger vanished.

"What happened?" I asked as he helped me up.

His eyebrows were tightly knit together and he busied himself with brushing me off rather than looking into my eyes.

"You shouldn't be out in this storm," he said and pulled me towards the house.

"Is that why you didn't call?" I asked and stopped before going inside.

He was shivering in the cold, but I was covered in mud and didn't want to ruin their floors.

"You need to get out of those clothes," he murmured and his pain became more acute.

I let him walk me inside, knowing I wouldn't get answers until we were inside. He closed the door to the wind and the rain and stood with his back to me, breathing in a long sigh as he faced the door.

"There's a restroom down the hall," he muttered and pointed behind us. "I'll look for some sweats or something."

"What's going on, Edward?" I asked again, crossing my arms in front of me to hide the shivering. But my voice betrayed the vulnerable emotions I was starting to feel.

Why wouldn't he look at me?

"Please, Bella. After you change, okay?"

His tone struck me to the core, unnerving me with how much he seemed to be avoiding me.

Did he really not want this?

Us?

Was he seriously brushing me off? After last night?

I shouldn't have come.

I turned on my heel and rushed to the bathroom, before I could let him see me crumble.

Was I so stupid?

No. No, I wasn't.

He showed me how much he cared, even this morning. I saw it in his eyes.

In his smile.

In his kiss.

In his body.

Something was wrong.

Something had happened.

I waited in my cold and dirty clothes until I heard him knock softly on the door. Opening it, he looked down and held out a bundle of clothes.

"They'll be big, but we can wash yours," he mumbled, still avoiding eye contact.

"Okay," I whispered and took the bundle from him before he reached in and closed the door, leaving me alone to change.

It didn't go unnoticed that he had offered me the same sweatshirt he had given me the last time I had come to confront him.

Why did I have to keep convincing him?

Didn't he understand that I loved him?

I pushed aside all those thoughts and cleaned up, changing into his warm clothes that were entirely too big on me. I felt like a child in grown up clothes. I stuck my nose under the collar and smiled wistfully at the lingering scent I knew was Edward.

What if this was the last time I had to enjoy that?

No. I was going to get him to tell me why he was being so evasive.

I looked briefly into the mirror, sad that the weather had destroyed any semblance of calm to my hair.

Nothing to be done about it now.

I found him in the kitchen, opening up a cabinet that revealed the coolest washer and dryer ever. I shook my head at the distraction and stepped up beside him as he started the washer, glancing at me timidly as I tossed in all my clothes.

That's right, Edward.

Underwear and bra too.

Bare bits are brushing against your sweats right now, buddy.

He closed the lid and the cabinet door as soon as I was done dropping in the laundry. Stepping away I noticed he had changed too.

No longer in sweats.

He was in his jeans and a long shirt.

I was beginning to think he felt safe in those tight jeans.

How I didn't know. It showed off more than I think he realized.

Concentrate.

"What happened, Edward?" I asked again, softly.

He didn't look up. Instead he shook his head and concentrated on the tile work on the breakfast bar he had put between us. He looked like that the day Carlisle had abraded him and I had found him up in his room.

This reeked of Dr. Creepy.

"Did you see your Dad?" I asked gently.

His immediate tensing of his jaw spoke volumes.

"What did he say?" I pressed quietly and stepped a little closer.

It was like calming a scared animal with Edward. He glanced up at me warily and then shifted his posture, edging away from me.

"It's not what he said, but what he made me realize I am, Bella," he replied looking down at the counter again.

"And what's that?"

His mouth twisted and he shook his head angrily.

"I'm not good for you, Bella," he hissed and took another step back.

I felt my heart aching, but I refused to let it take over for me as I moved closer.

"Why is that?" I pressed.

"I'll just hurt you. I'm not what you need," he breathed and looked up at me with those pained eyes. "I don't want to be like him and that's all I'll be if you stay."

"You're not anything like him, Edward," I argued and stepped closer to him. He didn't pull away this time.

"What I want is what he likes," he whispered. "I'm no different than he is."

I shook my head and reached up to touch his cheek, pulling his face towards mine so he could look down at me.

"You are nothing like your dad, Edward," I said again, more firmly. "You are gentle and attentive and you care. Dr. Cullen is none of those things. He's manipulative and cruel and only cares about his needs."

He swallowed and captured my gaze with every desperate plea he could muster.

"I don't want to hurt you. What if I hurt you? I couldn't bear it if…"

"You won't," I assured him. "Is this because of today? What you said you wanted to do?"

He nodded and tried to look away as if embarrassed. But my hand held his face firmly.

"Edward, if I didn't want everything you had to give me, I wouldn't be here right now," I said and moved in closer to him.

I could actually feel his body shiver when I pressed mine to his.

"But Carlisle…"

"I don't love Carlisle, Edward," I said. "I love you. And I want you. Everything about you. I want. What you want is not wrong."

"Why?" he asked, his eyes screwing up as if he was disgusted with what I had said.

"Because I want to explore things with you, Edward," I replied. "You said it last night. You don't want me to be your sub or you mine. Do you really think I would let you do something I didn't want to do?"

He shook his head.

"Do you really think I'd be a good sub anyway? I'm far too opinionated for that," I said, trying to make him smile.

It worked and a slight tugging of his lips told me he was working his way out of his dark self.

"You are not your father, Edward. You are so much more than he will ever be," I whispered and leaned in to kiss him softly over his heart. "Because you care about me, and you love me. If you are afraid of hurting me, you are simply showing just how much you care and just how different you are from him. You are so much more."

I felt his arms wrap around me lightly, his breath coming out of him in a long whoosh over my head, and he leaned into me as if I had lifted a great weight off of him.

I supposed I had.

And it made me so angry at Dr. Cullen for warping his son's sense of self. Edward deserved better. He deserved more.

"Why do you say the right things all the time? I feel so much better when I'm with you," he murmured against me.

I smiled into his chest and held him a little tighter.

"I care about you," I whispered and turned my head up to look down at his searching gaze. "I want you to be happy and sure. I don't want you to doubt yourself."

He frowned and pulled away a bit, shaking his head once more.

"But I do have a problem, Bella. I want to do things that people don't think are normal. I'm not normal," he said, his voice becoming more agitated once more.

I stepped back and let out a long breath.

This was going to be much harder to dispel than I thought.

But it was time to finish this.

Dr. Creepy was not going to ruin this. Ruin him. This stopped now.

"How do you have a problem, Edward? Explain it to me," I said, hands on hips.

He let out an exasperated breath and threw his hands in the air.

"Come on, Bella! I was planning on how best to tie you up and have my way with you! That's not normal!" he exclaimed.

"So if I had the same thoughts, I wouldn't be normal?" I asked calmly.

"You're the most normal person I know," he grumbled.

"Exactly. So you must be too," I argued.

He pursed his lips and looked down at his hands.

"You just have those thoughts because I suggested it," he muttered. "You don't think about the things I do."

"Wrong," I said, forcing his eyes up to mine in surprise. "I thought about that before you even spoke to me, Edward. I fantasized about you taking me in the library that night after you grabbed me. I think about tying you up. I think about you dragging me into the janitor's locker, or having sex with me while Mr. Banner talks about planarians or whatever. I think about a lot of things with you. So I must not be normal."

He squished up his eyes and let out a grunt.

"I think about sex all the time, Bella. I have a problem."

My turn to grunt.

"Yeah, it's called being a teenage boy with stuffy parents," I shot back.

"I fantasize about you at least a dozen times a day," he countered.

"Is that all?" I challenged. "I've thought about you more than that just today."

"I jack off to thoughts of you."

"I do too."

He paused.

"Girls don't jack off, Bella."

"Well," I said, flustered. "I certainly take care of business when I need to. I do it a lot more than you think. And when I do, you are the one I think about. And its not always just you on top, Edward. I could get a little freaky if you let me."

He blinked at that.

"But you were a virgin last night?" he stammered. "How would you know about other things?"

"Don't belittle my inexperience, Edward. I have the internet. And a single dad that works nights that forgets he has Cinemax."

He stood there blinking down at me, stunned.

I started to wonder if maybe he did think I was a freak.

And then he startled me by grabbing me and kissing me hard.

I relaxed into his body, letting his tongue search me out eagerly. His hands moved over my body, around my back, into my hair, down to grab my ass, pulling me closer as he ravaged my mouth.

When he pulled away he was laughing.

"You really think about me when you get off by yourself?" he asked, his eyes dancing over my face.

"Since that first day you walked me to class and I caught you checking out my boobs," I said, smirking.

He had the decency to blush and roll his eyes.

"I was a mess, you know?" he replied sheepishly. "I never needed to jack off more than when I had to walk you to class."

"So you do jack off at school," I said, the trips to the bathroom becoming clearer in my head.

Funny he had done it less and less since we had started getting together.

"Not anymore," he whispered and leaned down to kiss me. "I can wait for the real thing now. Although I am very tempted some days to drag you out to the woods and do you over that log."

"Already on my list," I whispered and pulled his head down for another searing kiss.

When he broke it off this time, his body was hot and he was breathing hard.

"I wasted so much time today," he mumbled. "I hate that he can control me like that."

I stepped away from him, watching him sway slightly from the vacant spot I had just inhabited. I crooked my finger towards me and took another step backwards.

"So quit letting him do it and trust in us. We still have time to ourselves today. Let's work on that list," I suggested.

The look in his eyes turned from pleased to passionate in less than a second.

I yelped when he started for me, turning and running towards the stairs that led to his room. I could hear him hot on my trail, even through my screams and laughter. As soon as we crossed through to his room though, I felt him.

Hard and solid behind me as he wrapped his arms around me and tumbled into the bed, carrying me with him.

I lay there gasping as he returned to the door and paused there, as if thinking. He looked back, his gaze bordering on uncertain as he took me in sprawled across his bed.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, and it tugged at my heart to hear the uncertainty in his voice still.

"Absolutely," I whispered. "I'm yours, just like you are mine. This is us. No one else. Just us."

I watched him swallow, his eyes becoming more hopeful as he seemed to come to a decision.

"Strip down and lay on the bed, eyes closed. I'll be right back," he said, his voice dripping with lust. His eyes raked down my body again hungrily, his tongue darting out as if to taste me still on his lips.

And then he was out of the room and heading downstairs.

My heart leaped into overdrive at the way he had said those words, and for a moment, my body froze.

Where was he going?

What would we do when he came back?

Why did the idea of lying on his bed naked excite and terrify me.

Who cares?

I was naked and lying along his cool sheets in record time.

I kept my eyes open, looking at the ceiling as I waited for him to return.

Because that little nervous girl in me was worried Emmett would show up instead of Edward.

There was no way he was catching me naked.

I didn't close my eyes until I heard him coming down the hall once more.

I could already feel my body reacting to him and he wasn't even in the room.

Wow.

"Damn, Bella. You're so beautiful there in my bed."

I shivered at the sound of his voice from doorway, and forced myself to keep my eyes closed.

It was a lot harder than I thought when I heard the door close and lock. Even more so when I distinctly heard him putting things down onto the nightstand.

A clanging like silverware.

Maybe a glass with an icy drink?

And then I felt something soft drape over my eyes.

"Lift your head for me," he whispered softly, feeling the heat of his breath drift over my face.

I did as he asked, eager to do this with him.

So many times I had thought about being blindfolded with him.

I blamed FC for it.

Blindness had its advantages, right?

I was about to get a lesson in how.

I felt the fabric tighten over my eyes and forehead, the fabric silky against my nose and eyelids.

"You'll tell me to stop if it's too much?" he asked, his voice deep and gravelly by my ear.

"Yes," I whooshed out.

I felt his lips brush over my covered eyelids. Once. Twice.

"This is one of my favorite things," he whispered. "Something we can both enjoy. Together, Bella. This is us. You're right about that. It's no one else but us."

His words sent a shiver down my body.

This was so much more without my sight.

His voice held more emotion. His words more meaning.

"Shall we start then?" he asked.

I nodded eagerly.

He kissed me one last time, this time on the lips and then I felt him move off the bed.

And then it was quiet in the room.

The only thing I could hear was my breath.

The rushing of blood pounding in my ears.

I couldn't hear him at all.

Not his breathing.

Not him moving.

Just me.

Waiting.

Have I said how much I hated waiting?

Oh yeah. This was going to kill me.

~~oo~~

AN: Ah yes. Waiting is the worst. But soo worth it.

But you know it will be so much more than I can add to this chapter. And its always so much fun to see it from EPOV.

Until then. We'll just have to wait. Hope to get the next one up by hump day. *grins*

Love to you!

More soon!

MWAH!

steph