Title:Undisclosed Desires
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: R for now
Characters/Pairing: Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.
Chapter: 5/?
Word Count: 2167
Spoilers: Let's say everything to be safe :)
Summary/Warnings: From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.
Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)
Undisclosed Desires
Chapter Five
The stirring opening chords of 'Don't Stop Believin' ' break the stillness of the witching hour, that time when any sane person is asleep, and he grunts and reaches out a lanky arm to try to find the source of the noise, hand closing around the hard plastic case of his cell phone as he pulls it toward him and clears his throat.
"H'lo?"
"Finn!"
And Kurt sounds far too awake for 3 in the morning, so he sighs and turns onto his back, feeling Jade's hand skim across his stomach as she murmurs sleepily. "What's up, buddy?"
"The hospital…I…can you…" Kurt's gasping and Finn realizes he's crying, his heart clenching as he sits up and Jade's hand falls to rest across his hip, the curve of her breast pressed against his side but he can't concentrate on that right now. "Please?"
"Calm down, man. What happened?" Finn asks in a low voice, getting the story as his fingers clench around the phone and he gulps. "Okay. Okay, I'll…I'll be right there. This is…damn, I'm sorry, man. I'll be there."
He ends the call and sits there for a few moments, body shaking as he tries to get himself under control.
It's his fault.
It's all his fault.
He'd thought that ending it all would make it better, would make it seem like nothing had ever happened, but…
But it's merely made it worse.
And now Blaine's in the hospital.
Great.
He sighs and gets out of the bed, wincing when the cool air from the room hits his naked flesh, and quickly slips on his clothes from the day before grabbing his keys, the jingling much louder than he would have liked and he hears Jade murmur sleepily behind him.
"Baby? Where are you going?" she sits up, milky skin visible in the scant moonlight creeping through the window, and he shakes his head and sighs, trying to hide how much this is affecting him.
"Hospital," he croaks out, voice no more than a rasp. "Blaine's…in the hospital."
"What happened?" her eyes grow wide as she slips out of bed and starts to dress as well. "Was there an accident? Is he okay?"
"He…Kurt thinks it's alcohol poisoning…he' s always had a problem but lately he hasn't drank at all so we left him alone tonight and…God, this is all my fault, I should have been there and…" he cuts off as she gently strokes his arm and takes the keys from him.
"I'll drive. You're too wound up to get behind the wheel. Come on," she grabs her purse as Finn follows her groggily down the stairs, feeling like he's walking through molasses. He gets into the truck and leans his head against the window, wrapping his arms around himself and wondering when everything got so complicated.
Kurt and him had been a bad idea from the start. Yes, Rachel was always out with other people and yes, Blaine was still in Lima and yes, he's liked Kurt for far longer than he's been willing to admit to himself (or maybe he always had but he was afraid to show it, what with already being called 'gay' by half the football team), but they should never have done what they did.
Even if Kurt's mouth had been warm and sweet, his hips undulating gently as Finn had held him in his lap and kissed him for all he was worth. Even if the lovemaking that night had filled his heart in a way Rachel never had, both of them clinging to each other like lost children and Finn moved in him so gently. Even if they'd stayed together all night, hands loosely clasped and Kurt fitting perfectly against his long body.
They'd stopped kissing, but it hardly mattered: every time they were together he felt this surge of emotion that felt like a leaden weight in his chest, compressing and like if he couldn't tell Kurt how he truly felt he'd die from the pressure.
He didn't.
And then there was Blaine.
And oh, Blaine was the biggest mistake of all, but if Finn has one fault it's that he wants to ease conflict, and while the first time with Blaine he can only blame on himself…he was hurting, yes, but there was no reason to, and if he could take it all back he would, in a heartbeat, because…
But since then he's known that Blaine needs him, that for some reason Kurt can't give him with Finn can, and Finn's always been the guy that people look up to…maybe it's just because they literally have to…but he's always been looked at to be a leader and he's always tried to make everything right. Bridging the gap between football and Glee, keeping the Club together, trying to support the people closest to him…he can't stand seeing people hurting when he can do something about it, and that's what caused this whole mess in the first place.
Blaine and Kurt both needed him.
And Finn Hudson can't say no. He knew he was helping them both cheat. The guilt was eating away at him day by day and he felt like a hole was growing in his stomach, burning and tearing and he just wants to scream sometimes because he can't get rid of the feelings.
But he also knew he was giving them both something only he could, he was making them happy, or at least satisfied, and he couldn't stop doing that, either.
Until he had a reason.
Which is where Jade comes in.
Does he love her?
No. Not yet. They've barely met, and he's not naïve enough to overlook the fact that she looks like some female mix of Blaine and Kurt, but he's choosing to ignore that for the time being. She's wonderful, and she finally gave him a reason to say no, even though the desperate look in Blaine's eyes that night made him want to give the other man what he needed, just to stop him looking like a scared animal.
But he didn't.
Because he thought Blaine didn't need him anymore. He'd stopped drinking. He was happier. Kurt had told him that their sex life was back to normal. He'd thought this was finally behind them.
And now Blaine's in the hospital.
Because he told him no.
Kurt was fine with the news, as Finn knew he would be. They're close, brothers and more, and Finn knows they'll always have each other even if there's nothing physical between them. Blaine, on the other hand…
Finn doesn't love him. He cares for him, yes, because he's Kurt's boyfriend and he's hurting, but it still hadn't been easy to say no.
And now Blaine could die.
Because of him.
He drops his head into his hands and cries, silent tears that he hopes Jade won't notice.
He kind of feels like dying himself.
000
He's composed himself by the time they reach the hospital, eyes barely red as he stumbles from the truck and Jade gives his hand a squeeze, walking with him into the hospital and then up to the waiting room.
Kurt looks up when they get in, and Finn's breath catches in his throat, because the other man looks horrible. His eyes are red and puffy, clothing wrinkled and hair mussed, and looking sick.
"Finn…" he whimpers and Finn's across the room in an instant because Kurt needs him, sitting down and scooping the other man into his lap as Kurt clutches at him and buries his face in Finn's shoulder.
"How is he?" Jade moves into the chair beside Finn, reaching to rub Kurt's back soothingly. "Do you know?"
"Okay. He'll…he'll be okay. But…he's on…IVs and things, they had to pump his stomach, he…he had to stay awake through the whole thing, they had to give him oxygen because his breathing was too slow, and…God, he was in so much pain and I couldn't do anything," Kurt shivers and Finn holds him closer, lips pressed to his temple in a very innocent gesture as Kurt keeps crying, and God, this is all Finn's fault.
He can only imagine how scared Blaine was, how much pain he was in, what it would be like to go through that and have to be awake for all of it…he buries his nose in Kurt's hair and sobs and Kurt clings to him, Jade still stroking his back and she's so much more than Finn deserves.
He's scum.
"Can you see him?" she asks gently and Kurt raises his head and sniffles.
"They said a few more minutes. He has to stay awake all night but…it isn't good. I hate seeing him like this," his face is buried in Finn's neck again, hot panting breaths washing over the skin, and Finn just wants to wrap him up and take him away from all of this.
God, he really likes him.
This isn't good.
They sit there for a while longer, Kurt relaxing into his embrace bit by bit, and when the doctor comes out to call them into the room, Jade assures him that she doesn't need to go in and she'll find them some food and coffee, so he quickly kisses her and sets a hand in the small of Kurt's back, leading him into the room.
He's not ready for this.
000
Blaine looks awful.
He's got so many tubes sticking in him he looks like a science experiment or something, a mask over his face and he breathes shallowly, hair sticking to his head with sweat and he's so pale that Finn almost breaks down again.
Your fault, a tiny, mocking voice in his head sing-songed. Your fault, your fault, your fault…
"Baby?" Kurt's voice shakes as he moves forward, gently touching Blaine's hand. "Blaine? You're supposed to stay awake, Blaine, are you…"
Blaine opens his eyes and there's so much pain there that Finn flinches backward.
God, he can't even imagine what Blaine's been through tonight.
Blaine murmurs something through the mask, making a face, and jerks his head in an obvious request for Kurt to remove it which he does after a moment.
"Thanks," Blaine's voice is hoarse, probably from the stomach pump, and he sighs and closes his eyes. "Hurts."
"I know, baby," Kurt promises, smoothing his hair back. "I know. It's okay."
" 'm sorry," Blaine whispers, reaching out a hand that Kurt takes and squeezes. "I shouldn't've…I'm so sorry, I…"
"You almost died," Kurt snaps before biting his lip and looking away. "You…what if you'd died, Blaine, what then? What were you thinking?"
"I wasn't," Blaine looks even more hurt than before. "If you…if I'm too much of a burden, you…"
"No, never," Kurt assures him, smoothing his hair back almost convulsively. I just want you safe, love, that's all. I can't see you like this. It's killing me," he sniffs and Blaine weakly reaches up to touch his cheek.
"No. Don't cry, Kurt. Not for me," Blaine sighs and shifts a little before whimpering. "I have to…stay awake?"
"Until morning," Finn finally speaks and Blaine turns to him blearily. "Hey, man. You okay?"
"I will be," Blaine gives him a rather half-hearted smile before laying back. "Kurt, you need to get some sleep. You must be exhausted."
"I am," Kurt admits. "But you have to…"
"I can watch him," Finn promises, and Kurt looks at him in surprise.
"Yeah, man. I was sleeping until you called, so…I can watch him," he promises, sitting down in a nearby chair as Kurt wavers slightly on his feet.
"Finn?" he asks quietly, and Finn knows what he needs and nods, not going to deny him this now even though Jade will probably wonder. But Kurt curls up on his lap, head against his shoulder, and is asleep almost in an instant as Finn reaches to take Blaine's hand.
"Hey, man. I'm sorry…I…"
"No," Blaine rubs the back of Finn's hand with his thumb, the action oddly soothing. "It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. I should have respected your fidelity in your relationship and not tried to pressure you, I…"
"But if I'd have…if we'd have…" he gulps, checks to make sure Kurt's really out (he is) and lowers his voice, "if we'd have had sex that night…would you have done this?"
Blaine's hazel eyes look pained again and Finn knows the answer, ducking his head and blinking rapidly. "Don't blame yourself, Finn. It's my burden."
"I could have helped you," Finn hisses and Blaine raises his hand to cup Finn's cheek, stroking a thumb along his cheekbone in a hypnotic rhythm as Finn clutches the hand to his face, shaking his head as Kurt murmurs sleepily.
"No. You're right. This needed to end. I…it's okay. It'll be okay," he promises, looking close to tears himself, and at this point Finn really has no idea how this will ever work out.
He just hopes, for all of their sakes, that it will.
Notes:
1. Yes, Finn's POV! Finally! I hope this clears some things up for everybody…
2. Also I'm not a medical professional and while I did what research I could, please understand that I…have no experience with this sort of thing as I am a non-drinker.
3. I bought the new Patrick Stump album over the weekend and apparently it's the soundtrack to this fic, which is just weird. I made this post on it, though: aoitsukikage(.)tumblr(.)com/post/11869332406/
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