Title:Undisclosed Desires
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: R for now

Characters/Pairing: Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.
Chapter: 7/?
Word Count: 2420
Spoilers: Let's say everything to be safe :)
Summary/Warnings: From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)

Undisclosed Desires

Chapter Seven

Finn slips back into the apartment a little after midnight, exhausted from not sleeping for over twenty hours and his footsteps sound loud on the tiled floor of the kitchen. He's just about in his bedroom when he hears a rustling from the couch and stops, turning guiltily but only seeing Kurt blinking at him, and he crosses over to the living room and seats himself when Kurt motions for him to.

"How is he?" he asks softly, hand instinctively reaching to trail through Blaine's mussed curls and Kurt gives him an appraising look before shaking his head.

"Not great," Kurt admits, looking at Finn curiously and the other man pulls his hand back. He knows he's being too forward with Blaine, but when you know somebody as intimately as he and Blaine do it's hard…at least for him…to not care. Blaine may think that he's just a toy, just something that Finn uses, but Finn really does care for him.

Not like what he feels for Kurt, of course, but more than enough.

He can't be any other way.

"I kind of…gave him a piece of my mind," Kurt admits, and Blaine stirs sleepily and murmurs something as Kurt shushes him, fingers so gentle as they trace Blaine's eyelids and slide down his neck. "He…he's broken, Finn. He's so broken and he just wants to go back, and…and so do I, but we can't. We're where we are now and we have to move forward," he gulps and Finn hugs him from behind, nose pressed against his shoulder as he sighs heavily.

"I wish we could go back sometimes," Finn murmurs, and he hears so much heartbreak and longing in his own voice that he's almost ashamed until Kurt leans back and gently, so gently, touches his fingers to Finn's suddenly-wet cheek. "Kurt, I…"

"I know," Kurt's voice is pitched low, and Finn knows he knows but it's too much.

It's all too much.

"I know, Finn. We'll make it," he promises, that same fire in his voice that Finn's heard when he was telling Karofsky and the other bullies off so long ago.

And he believes him.

He has to.

"Stay?" Kurt asks softly, hand moving to catch his wrist and hold it, and Finn nods and settles back, Kurt in his arms and Blaine on Kurt's lap, and he falls asleep thinking that maybe this isn't so bad.

000

"You doing any better?" Finn asks, sitting down on the couch beside Blaine and handing the other man a mug of tea. It's late afternoon of the next day, Kurt gone out to pick them up some supper, and Blaine looks at him with dead eyes and takes a sip of the scalding liquid, not even wincing even though it had to have burned his tongue. "That's a no?"

"That's a no," Blaine affirms with a sad shake of his head, curled up under a blanket and Finn doesn't think he's moved since they brought him back to the condo.

"Can I do anything?"

And Blaine's eyes are still dark, still hopeless, but a flash goes through them at the words and Finn knows he'd better take them back. "Not that. You know I can't. But…"

"I know," Blaine leans back and the cup dangles from his fingers in a way that has Finn fearing they're going to have tea all over the carpet right away, but Blaine doesn't drop it. "I just…there's nothing, Finn. I feel nothing. Why…"

"Because you almost died, Blaine," Finn realizes his voice is harsh and he realizes by the way Blaine finally reacts, flinching and curling into himself, that Kurt probably had said almost the exact same thing. "You almost died! What were you thinking? What about Kurt?"

"He…Kurt…" Blaine's eyes tear up almost immediately and he does nearly drop the tea this time so Finn catches the mug and places it gently on the end table, right in front of a picture of Blaine and Kurt, arms around each other and looking so in love, and Blaine reaches over and turns the picture face-down before burying his nose in the blanket. "I love him," he mumbles, voice wrecked, and Finn pulls him in and lies down, stretching out so Blaine's on top of his body.

"I know. I know you do, but think about what you're doing to him. What we did…"

"I'm horrible," Blaine wheezes out, body tense, and Finn's really not good with dealing with emotional people but he runs his hands down Blaine's back and shushes him quietly. "I am! Why does he want to stay with me? Why…"

"Because he's in love with you."

And Finn's own voice chokes on that, true as it is. Kurt's fiercely determined and Finn knows he's never going to give up on Blaine.

So Finn won't either.

"Can…can we stay like this?" Blaine sounds like a scared child, clinging to Finn's shirt, and Finn isn't going to turn him away. There's nothing wrong with them right now.

"Yeah, dude. As long as you need," he promises and Blaine strokes his neck, fingers gentle and far more caring than they've ever been with each other as Finn twines his own fingers through Blaine's messy hair and holds him to his shoulder, the other man finally relaxing.

He hopes Kurt gets back soon.

000

The first indication Finn has that everything's going to fall apart is a strange prickling on the back of his neck as he gets ready for his dinner with Jade. It feels kind of like a mosquito, tiny legs disturbing the fine hairs there, but it's almost December and there shouldn't be any bugs in their apartment and he slaps at his neck irritably but it won't go away.

Putting it down as nothing, he picks Jade up and they go to make their reservation at this little bistro down close to the school, and the second indication he should have that everything's going to fall apart is the shiny Navigator parked in the lot, gleaming in the lamplight and Finn knew Kurt and Rachel were going out tonight but really, did they have to come here?

And the third indication is, of course, when Jade sees them and decides that they should all just eat together, because why not?

Kurt's staring at him from across the table, his mouth in a tight line and his eyes wider than normal, foot pressed up against Finn's because he can obviously feel the proverbial storm clouds gathering, and of course it would have to be Rachel that starts the fire.

"How's Blaine?" Jade asks while they wait for their beverages to arrive, one hand lightly grasping Finn's, and Kurt shrugs and glances down at his plate.

"As well as can be expected. He's going to school and rehearsal again but he's…not there, if you get my meaning. He's a shell of who he was in high school and I don't know how to bring him back," he fiddles with his fork, long fingers brushing down the handle, and Finn meets his sad eyes and heaves a sigh.

"He'll be fine. Trust me. I know him," Rachel clings to Kurt's arm and smiles at him and Kurt eventually smiles back, although it's pained.

"He's your leading man, after all," Kurt snarks and she nods happily at that.

"He is," she affirms before happily adjusting the napkin in her lap, brown eyes flashing with mirth and Finn wonders briefly why he let her go before remembering that they'll always be better off as friends and, truth be told, she looks happier that they are. He'd expected a bit of jealousy over Jade but so far she's behaving herself rather well.

"So," Jade looks around the table. "Rachel, you've known them for a while. Were they always this close?" she gestures and Finn and Kurt share a look, because no.

This is not good.

"Always?" Rachel seems blissfully oblivious to their sudden turmoil and starts talking, about Kurt's crush, about how he brought their parents together, about the wedding, about the dance at the wedding, about their senior year, about moving in together, and she doesn't stop and Finn just wishes for one of those fantastical ground-opening-up-to-swallow-him-whole moments because this is it.

There's dead silence when she finishes, the air in the room suddenly going cold, and Jade's grip on Finn's hand has turned painful as she turns to him slowly.

"You and Kurt…aren't blood-related?" her voice is pleasant enough but her eyes…Kurt's eyes…flash ominously and he gulps.

"No, they aren't, but sometimes I think they believe they are so they forget to mention it. It's no big deal!" Rachel's perky voice cuts through their staring contest and she still doesn't seem to feel the tension even though Kurt's foot is curved around his ankle now, his eyes scared and Finn doesn't know what to say so he's rather glad when their food arrives and breaks the strange, strange tension.

"I see. It's very…admirable how close they are, isn't it?" Jade's voice is dripping ice as she looks dispassionately at her pasta, and Finn has no idea what's going to happen now.

He just knows it isn't going to be good.

000

"Were you ever going to tell me?" she's stomping down the hall, throwing the door to her place open as he basically sprints after her.

"Jade, it's really…"

"Don't tell me it's 'not a big deal,' Finn Hudson!" she twirls around, the key to the front door pointed menacingly at him. "I thought it was admirable how close you and Kurt were, how accepting you were of him, but to find out that he's in love with you and you, what, put on a dress for him and sang a love song to him and slow-danced with him?"

And okay, when she puts it like that it's pretty bad, but…

"I was just being nice!" he protests. "I love him, yeah, but he really is my family now and that's all I see him as," his voice sounds thin and reedy in the air, like the room itself can tell he's lying, and she stops and slumps down into a chair, looking at him carefully.

"Tell me the truth, Finn. Please. Have you and he…have you ever…"

And Finn doesn't answer because his words would obviously sound like a lie, and his silence is telling enough.

"Finn," she sounds almost sympathetic now, and he wouldn't blame her if she threw a phone at him or something, because he's kind of an awful person. "And Blaine?"

His head ducks further and he sniffs, not wanting to cry because he doesn't deserve to cry, but all he can do is try to salvage anything he can from this. "Both of them. Not together. And not since we've started going out."

She looks almost surprised at that and he's hurt that she'd think he'd be cheating on her, but then…he couldn't blame her for thinking it. Not with what he's just admitted to.

"It's complicated," he finally settles on because he does not want to admit to anything else, and luckily she leaves it at that and comes over, drawing him into a hug he doesn't merit but he clutches at her gratefully.

"I should have guessed," her voice sounds a little thick as well and Finn feels like dirt. Or worse than dirt. Whatever that is. "The way you look at him…when you let him sit in your lap…"

"It's just…we've been through so much," Finn whispers against her shoulder. "And I feel like we keep getting stronger and it's awesome, but…it's kinda messed up. I don't know what to do," he admits, maybe the first time he's said it out loud, and he can tell that she cares about him at least enough to try and help him through this.

Even though she really should just kick him out and never speak to him again.

"Finn," she whispers, and he sighs heavily. "Do you love me?"

"No," he admits. "I don't…I've been hurt a lot, and I really care about you, but I don't love you yet. I can't lie about that," he tries to draw away but she keeps him close.

"I had to admit I was suspicious," she says, sounding almost self-deprecating, her tone dry. "When I saw Blaine's hair? Kurt's eyes? I thought it was maybe coincidence, but now…Finn," she tips his head up so they're looking at each other. "I care about you. A lot. And I can tell that all three of you are unhappy right now, but I think it's best if we call this off."

"But…"

"I'll still be here for you. As a friend," she emphasizes and he lets himself slump against her. "Come here," she leads him to the couch and sits him down, grabbing his hands and looking at him seriously. "Whatever's going on with Blaine and Kurt right now is where you need to be, and I know this is eating you up inside because you're an uncommonly nice man and that's just how you are. But you can't make everybody happy."

"I know. Look where it got me," he mutters and she pats his knee lightly.

"If you figure it out and you want to give this a try again, then I'll be willing to, because I know I won't regret it with you. But if you decide you want them…"

"Not gonna happen," Finn grumbles, knowing that it's true. If Blaine or Kurt find out what he's been doing with the other…everything's over.

They'll never talk to him again. Blaine, maybe, but Kurt won't.

And he can't lose Kurt. It would break him.

"Regardless, I need some time to think about this, too. And I'll probably be much angrier when I wake up tomorrow so maybe it's best if you go?"

She says it as a suggestion but her meaning couldn't be clearer, so he nods and accepts the chaste kiss she gives him before getting to his feet and stumbling toward the door.

"Goodbye, Finn," she pats his chest before ushering him into the hall, and he goes lethargically and watches the door close, feeling utterly numb, standing there for a few moments just staring at it as if he can will it open.

…He's starting to understand why Blaine loves the bottle so much, if it can take all these feelings away, and it's that unsettling thought that he keeps with him all the way to his apartment.

Notes:

1. For anybody wondering, the big reveal happens next chapter. You all know what reveal I'm talking about. It's not going to be pretty. Fair warning.

2. Also, I love that people are reading this fic and (seemingly) enjoying it, but the last couple of chapters have been very light comment-wise so if you'd be so kind as to just…tell me what you're thinking, I'd truly appreciate it! This fic is…very different for me, obviously, because if you read my porny Kublinn one-shot I posted yesterday that's how I normally write them so to have them like this is really odd, and I appreciate all the feedback I can get!