Title:Undisclosed Desires
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: R for now
Characters/Pairing: Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.
Chapter: 8/?
Word Count: 2133
Spoilers: Let's say everything to be safe :)
Summary/Warnings: From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.
Undisclosed Desires
Chapter Eight
Blaine hears the door open and slam, unusually harsh for Kurt, and he lifts his head and turns on the sofa to look toward the entrance where his boyfriend is rather viciously pulling off his boots and jamming the hanger back into the closet once he's gotten his coat off.
He's muttering a number of uncomplimentary things as he stomps to the kitchen, gripping the counter so hard his knuckles are white and his teeth are bared in a rictus of anger that's almost scary to behold before he storms into the living room and sits down beside Blaine, the smaller man reaching out for him and starting to stroke his hair as Kurt flopped onto him.
"Hey," he murmurs. "What's wrong? Dinner with Rachel not go well?"
"Oh, dinner went fine. Running into Finn and Jade at the bistro? Did not go fine," he growls and Blaine keeps stroking his hair, wrapping him in the blanket that was around his shoulders and leaning to brush a kiss against his forehead.
"What happened?" Blaine's still trying to calm him because Kurt being angry frightens him a little, and he runs his hands down the other man's arms and feels him relax slightly against him.
"I can't even blame Finn for this because I do it all the time as well, but…he never told Jade we were stepbrothers. She thought we were…"
"Oh," Blaine sighs, because he could see why this would matter: there's a big difference between letting somebody sit in your lap when you've grown up together and letting somebody sit in your lap when your parents got married when you were seventeen. "She didn't take that well?"
"Not only that, Rachel had to tell her the whole story," Kurt emphasizes, fingers curled into the blanket, and Blaine winces at that because, again, knowing that Kurt was in love with Finn and now Finn lets him so close? Must have been even worse.
And Blaine's not entirely comfortable with how close they are either, not after he'd heard the entire tale from Kurt, but since he's the one that's been having sex with Finn for the past however many months he doesn't think it's his place to ever mention it.
"Did they go home together?" he whispers into Kurt's hair and Kurt nods shortly, his head falling against Blaine's shoulder as he finally lets his body relax and snuggles completely against Blaine, reaching to catch his lips in a feather-light kiss.
"Yes. But she was livid, and I've got a feeling she only took him home to break up with him there," Kurt looks more distraught than Blaine would have thought, because as far as he knew Kurt was rather indifferent to Jade, but perhaps it was more a matter of Finn being unhappy.
Personally, and Blaine's gut roils at the knowledge of this, he'll be happy if they break up.
Because that means he can have Finn inside of him again.
And it makes the bile rise in his throat for those thoughts to run through his mind with Kurt…his wonderful, beautiful, completely perfect Kurt…in his arms, but right now, he needs it.
And he needs it badly.
000
He wakes up when he hears the front door slam again, the bang echoing through the condo and Kurt makes a tiny noise of discomfort in his ear, arms tightening around Blaine's waist as the smaller man gently eases out of Kurt's hold and pads out of the bedroom.
Finn's hanging up his coat, swaying a little, and Blaine can smell the booze from where he's standing and it makes his gut clench uncomfortably.
Finn can't be drinking.
He can't.
"Finn?" he asks softly and Finn snuffles and looks up, a darker shadow against the darkened room, Blaine padding across the open space to hit the kitchen light and flood the room with a harsh fluorescent glow.
Finn winces, eyes bloodshot and face pale, and Blaine moves closer and grabs his arm.
"Please tell me you haven't been…"
"No," Finn assures him. "I had a beer. That's it. I didn't…Kurt told you?" he blinks, seeming out of it but not really drunk, which Blaine is grateful for.
Not that he's one to talk.
"Yeah, he told me. So you and Jade…" Blaine runs his fingers along a seam in the countertop, picking at a raised edge (Kurt had been adamant about granite granite granite but of course living in New York didn't afford him the luxuries he was used to) as he looks up at Finn.
"Yeah. She broke up with me. Said that I just had too much baggage, with Kurt 'n everything, and I kinda do, but…" he slumps into a chair, leaning his elbows on the table and huffing a sigh. "I didn't wanna come home right away so I went to the bar, which is why I stink," he wrinkles his nose.
"I didn't think you'd be one to drink yourself under the table considering…" Blaine tries for a wry smile but it falls off of his face almost instantly, the unspoken 'what happened to me' still filling the silence as if he had screamed it.
"Nah. I'm not into that anyway," Finn watches him almost warily as he takes a seat beside the older man, reaching for his hand and Finn lets him take it with a rather suspicious look, but this close Blaine can see the hurt in Finn's eyes and he almost, almost doesn't ask his next question.
"So…if you're single…does that mean…" he skims his fingers over Finn's palm in a gentle but deliberate touch and Finn lets out a heavy breath.
"I dunno, dude. I mean…the fact that I had her meant we could stop, and that was awesome because we weren't hurting Kurt anymore. I never wanna hurt him," Finn says honestly, nothing but truthful, and Blaine doesn't want to hurt him either but it's inevitable at this point that he has and will.
He's truly despicable, but it's Finn or the bottle and Finn's less likely to kill him at this point.
"But you said when you weren't single…"
"Look, man, if you wanna cheat on him, that's your business, and I should totally kick your ass for it but I can't 'cuz I'm pretty much at fault too," Finn admits and Blaine nods in understanding. "But I don't know if I wanna go back. I mean, it'd have to change."
"Change how?" Blaine raises an eyebrow, rather suspicious but if it means that Finn can give him what he needs again he'll consider it.
"Because I can't just hurt you," Finn says, sounding rather determined and Blaine's eyes snap up to meet his own. "I…I care about you, man. I mean, I'm not in love with you, but I can't pretend you're just a body. I can't."
"I…" Blaine stops, because this is his out. He wants to just be a body; he wants Finn to use him like he doesn't care, although the fact is that he's certainly a little attracted to Finn. But doing this…
"I can be as rough as you want me to be. But you can't push me away. You're not a monster," Finn reaches to cup his cheek, his fingers freezing and Blaine shivers at the touch although it's comforting in a way. "And I'm not going to pretend you're just some nobody. If you can't accept that, then maybe you need to go out and find somebody who will use you like you're worthless, but if you can…"
And Blaine can say no. He can say no and end this, but he knows in his heart he can never just go out and be a random one-night stand for somebody. It's Finn or alcohol, and Finn's fingers burn him hotter than the liquid sliding down his throat ever will, his touches more soothing than the haze that drunkenness gives, and he realizes that it's really not a question at all.
"Yes," he murmurs, eyes locking with Finn's again, and Finn grips his wrist and pulls him closer. "Please. When…"
"The next time he's out," and Finn's eyes are brimming with tears, a clear indication of how much it hurts to do this and Blaine feels guilty, because he knows Finn feels he has to in order to keep him from straying off his newfound path of sobriety.
That's not it, not anymore, even though it's a part of it, and Finn yanks him to his feet and pulls him into a firm hug as Blaine clutches at him.
"Can you wait until then?" Finn murmurs into his hair, and even though he smells like stale booze there's still so much comfort in that embrace.
"Yeah. I'll be fine," Blaine promises, stepping away and heading back to his own bedroom, hoping that Kurt isn't awake enough to realize what he stinks of.
Guilt still plagues him as Kurt rolls and embraces him on instinct, and Blaine twines his fingers with the other man's and hopes that, somehow, they can all work this out.
He thinks he owes it to both of them.
000
It takes a few days for Kurt to have another night out, mostly because he's been avoiding Rachel since the bistro incident, but one night he's going out with some friends from class for dinner and Blaine makes some excuse as to why he can't, Kurt clicking his tongue sympathetically and laying a gentle hand on Blaine's forehead, and if he's burning up it's not from fever, it's from the shame of knowing what he's about to do.
The door's barely closed behind him when Finn strolls out of the bathroom, freshly showered and with a towel slung low around his hips, and Blaine's across the kitchen in an instant as Finn lets out an almost-pained 'oof' as the smaller man collides with him.
"Hey, easy," Finn laughs and pulls Blaine closer, arms settled over his shoulders. "So. My room?"
"We can't really do it in mine," Blaine replies wryly and Finn shrugs his agreement and hoists him up, Blaine's legs locking around his waist as he carries him to the bedroom and lays him down on the bed, grabbing the lube and condoms from the bedside table and discarding the towel as Blaine scrambles out of his shirt and pulls Finn closer. "So…" he pauses, unsure of what to do now.
Everything they've ever done has been bathed in a red haze of lust but this time they're both slower, more careful, and Blaine brushes his fingers through Finn's hair and wonders if this is really a good idea.
There's too many emotions coming into play right now and it's more than a little frightening, making his heart hammer in his chest as Finn dips his head.
"Can I kiss you?" Finn whispers, bending close, and Blaine thinks about it for a moment. Finn's obviously okay with kissing or else he wouldn't have asked, but does he want that last level of intimacy?
The answer's obviously clearer to his body than his brain because he's already reaching out, pulling Finn in and fitting their lips together and Finn's oh-so-gentle, moving his lips and tongue slowly and Blaine melts into it, the urgency suddenly gone from his body and he lazily drapes his arms around Finn's shoulders, kissing him back.
Finn helps him out of his pants, reaching for the lube, and everything's unhurried, so different from how they usually are, as Blaine pushes against Finn's chest to get him to stop.
"Wait."
"Hmm?" Finn's eyes are dark with lust and something that Blaine knows is actual emotion, and he kisses him softly again before scrambling to his knees.
"I want to be on top."
"Yeah, sure," Finn lies back and everything's still so careful, Blaine sinking down and even though he still feels like he needs to be taken and used, he's relaxing into it and Finn's just…different than Kurt. Not better, not comparable, but just…different.
He braces a hand on Finn's chest and Finn arches up to catch his lips once more as he begins to move, circling his hips, and Finn's hands come up to steady him as they move.
He's so lost in the moment, looking into Finn's eyes, that he doesn't register the front door open or the footsteps crossing the kitchen floor, and by the time he hears, "Finn, did you take money from my wallet again? I could have sworn I had another…"
And it's like his world shatters, closing his eyes and trying to will it away, but he hears a tiny, broken sob by the door and then the front door slamming, and all he can do is meet Finn's eyes and see the same horror reflected back at himself.
It's over.
Notes:
1. Yes. Drama. But it had to happen sooner or later…
2. For anybody who's wondering, I have drawn a (very poor) floor plan of the condo if you want to get your bearing: img822(.)imageshack(.)us/img822/8421/condooutline(.)jpg
3. Once again, thank you all so much for the encouragement on this story! It's really needed because I'm still very unsure about it :)