Chapter 12

Jaime could feel the cold barrel pressing hard into her forehead. The eyes that glared down at her were even colder and harder than the weapon. She could only watch in mute, horrified silence as his finger moved to the trigger...

Jaime woke coughing as the strong odor of peppermint assailed her nostrils and her fingers curled around the ice cube Steve had placed into her hand. He held her until the violent shaking had eased - and Mark hovered close by. Her MRI had come back normal, her power packs were functioning as they should be...but after four days, Jaime was still in the hospital. The drug 'cocktail' Michael had given her had been insidious, the levels of sedation and hypnotics (designed to make her susceptible to whatever suggestions he chose to give her) ramped up gradually and with potentially devastating side effects. While they were out of her system now, it was unclear whether the horrific nightmares and flashbacks that currently assaulted her nights, tormented her days and kept her in the hospital were an after-effect of what Michael had given her...or of what he had done.

''Sometimes I feel like I'm on the very edge of a cliff,'' she told Steve, ''and it would be so much easier to just drop off and keep on screaming...''

''That's when you reach for my hand and hold on as tightly as you can,'' he answered. ''I'll keep you from falling; I promise.''

So far, Jack Hansen and Frank Morrisey had only been able to get the most rudimentary, basic statements from Jaime about her time in the cabin. Most of it, she didn't remember...or didn't want to talk about. Not with Jack or Frank - and not with Oscar, Mark or Steve either. She had clammed up, almost completely. Finally, Mark thought he might have an idea - a way to reach her.

''Cookies, Doc?'' Steve wondered if the good doctor had lost his mind. They were seated together in Mark's office at National and Mark had just revealed his latest 'prescription' for Jaime.

''Not just any cookies; if I remember from when we were in the bunker together, those big soft chocolate chip pecan cookies are Jaime's favorites,'' Mark recalled.

''Well yeah, but -''

''An excellent boost for her spirit.''

''The bakery is all the way in Ojai!''

Mark nodded...and smiled. ''And I want you to personally pick out the softest, most chip-speckled ones you can possibly find!''

''Gee Doc, if you want me to get lost...just say so,'' Steve chuckled.

''I want you to get lost. For at least a few hours. Cookies would be an added bonus. Oh...and bring some for Jaime too!''

''Where's Steve?'' Jaime asked as soon as Mark walked into her room without him.

''I thought there might be things you'd like - no, that you need- to talk about without Steve here,'' Mark explained. Jaime suddenly found a lint ball on her blanket to be the most fascinating thing in the world...and Mark knew he was right. ''I could tell you what I think, but that's like ripping a band-aid off before the patient is ready. I'd rather have it come from you.''

''You want me to tell you...what a rotten person I am?'' Jaime began. Mark sat down and waited silently. ''Fine! I caused all of this. That's right - me! At least that's what Michael said...and maybe he was right! If I hadn't kissed him - right here in this room - then none of this would've happened! I know what you're gonna say, Mark. You're gonna say he probably had an idea in his head before that. And you know what? From the way I caught him looking at me more than once, you'd probably be right! But I didn't have to go and do what I did, either! So it's still my fault! And that's only the start of it! I insisted on going to see Michael at the NSB, even when Steve told me it wasn't a good idea. Then I was dumb enough to fall for that choking routine...and I got taken. 'Cause of my own stupid mistake! Don't try telling me it was because I felt compassion toward him, either - since I know you'd say that, Mark! It was a dumb mistake! MY dumb mistake! Then I...I encouraged him, when he had me up in that cabin! Even when I knew Steve was listening, even knowing how much it would hurt him to listen! There had to have been something else I could've tried! I should've found some other way!''

Tears formed in her eyes but Jaime angrily brushed them away. Mark continued to sit quietly (since she probably would've kept on going if he'd tried to talk at that point anyhow).

''I told Michael that I loved him! That I'd do anything to be with him! I might as well have taken a knife and stuck it straight in Steve's heart! How could I have said those things? How could I have kissed him - more than once or twice - and none-too-gently, either! Yeah, I was leading him on to save my own life, but doesn't that make me the definition of a coward? Especially when my own husband is on the other end of a speaker, hearing every word! I took the easy way out! I should've just let Michael kill me! I wish I had! Steve...doesn't deserve...what I put him through...''

Mark sensed that she was done, at least for the moment. ''Would you like to know what I think Steve deserved most of all? He deserved to hear that his wife was safe, alive and coming back home into his arms. That other stuff...the stuff over the speaker? Survival Mode; nothing more. Steve knows that - and I think you do too. The 'easy way out'? That would've been to give up and die - and you didn't do that. Not only did you survive - which by the way an extremely intelligent doctor has already told you means you did it right - but you also got a full confession. You deserve to be as proud of yourself as I know for a fact that Steve is.''

''Maybe someday...''

''We can work on that,'' Mark promised. ''You've given me a lot to pick apart here, but let's see if we can't at least start untangling it all...''

By the time Steve arrived with the purple, silver and white-striped box, they'd made an excellent start.