Title:Undisclosed Desires
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: R for now
Characters/Pairing: Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.
Chapter: 11/?
Word Count: 2092
Spoilers: Let's say everything to be safe :)
Summary/Warnings: From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.
Disclaimer: Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…
Undisclosed Desires
Chapter Eleven
Kurt slips into the condo, heaving a giant breath and trying to calm his racing heart. He's purposely picked a time when Finn will be home so he can't run away, and he knows he's got to face him sooner rather than later.
He knows why Finn did what he did. He and Finn were never together. He should technically be far more angry with Blaine than he should be with Finn, but for some reason it's not working that way and what Finn did feels far more like a betrayal than anything Blaine has done.
Sneaking across the condo, he doesn't know why he's still trying to hide when of course Finn would have heard the door open (and he really, truly needs to do a proper facial routine. He bets his skin is horrible) but he still squeaks in surprise when Finn calls out.
"Blaine? That you, man? I thought you had…" he stops and Kurt forces himself to turn, Finn looking haggard and old and like he hasn't slept for a week, hair in complete disarray, wearing an old Titans T-shirt and his whole body slumps as he looks at Kurt. "Oh. Hey."
"Hello, Finn Hudson," Kurt replies, the words that were once flirty coming out dead to his own ears and Finn visibly flinches at the name. Kurt turns away again, seeing Finn causing a vise to close around his chest and suddenly it's hard to breathe.
He can't do this. Not now.
"I thought you were never coming home," Finn sounds hoarse, voice more than a little broken, and Kurt forces himself to spin around and look at him, trying to feel nothing because in truth he feels far too much.
"You thought I would live on meagre supplies and with only three outfits for the rest of my life?" he sets a hand on his hip and raises an eyebrow, cool and sarcastic and not betraying any of what he was truly feeling.
"Yeah, I guess that wouldn't work, huh?" Finn scratches his head. "So you're just here to pick up stuff, then?"
"No," Kurt shakes his head. "This is my home as well, and I'm still going to live here provided we can all co-exist without breaking down every five minutes." He really hadn't meant to add the last part but Finn chuckles wryly and shrugs in what can only be agreement.
"I feel like I've gotta explain…"
"You don't. I know why you did it, and I don't need to hear it from you," Kurt brushes him off.
"Y-you do? You…"
"Finn Hudson, on an eternal mission to make people happy even at the expense of his own conscience," Kurt says airily before turning again and going into his and Blaine's bedroom. He starts hanging up some of the clothing that Blaine had brought over for him, knowing that he'll need to wash all of it but not feeling the inclination at that moment.
He just wants to sleep, even though he'd slept remarkably well with Sam, but there's nothing like his own bed.
Even if it's a little tainted knowing that he'll be sharing it with just his 'friend' Blaine as opposed to his 'boyfriend' Blaine.
"Look, Kurt, it wasn't like I wasn't gonna…keep doing stuff with you if you wanted, but Blaine needed me, man! He was…"
"Trust me, I've heard the whole story," Kurt cuts him off because he really doesn't think he'll be able to stomach hearing it again. He feels sick already. "So drop it. It's over. It happened, and we all need to move on."
"…Okay," Finn finally whispers, shuffling his feet, and Kurt steels himself before asking his next question even though he knows it has the potential to break him entirely.
"I need to know one thing, though."
"Yeah?"
"Do you love him?" Kurt turns, forcing himself to meet Finn's eyes and not look away, and Finn swallows as his eyes soften and he blinks rapidly.
"Not like I love you."
Kurt breaks their staring contest because that's the last thing he needed to hear even though he'd suspected it for some time now, and he goes back to putting clothes away as Finn makes a soft, questioning noise.
"Kurt?"
"That's not an answer," Kurt growls, his voice coming out much harsher than he'd expected.
"Yeah, okay, I care about him a lot. I dunno if it's love, but when he almost killed himself…I felt like it was my fault 'cuz I wouldn't sleep with him. So…if that happens again, if he comes to me, can I…"
Kurt hiccups, finding it hard to breathe for a few seconds, because no.
No, if Finn and Blaine start up something sexual…
He won't make it. He can't.
"I won't tell you no," Kurt's voice breaks and he hates himself for it, because he truly has no hold on Finn or Blaine and no right to tell them what or what not to do. "I can't. He's not my boyfriend, so if you want to…"
"It would hurt you, wouldn't it?" Finn asks knowingly and Kurt nods because he doesn't want to hide anymore. "You still love him."
"I always will. It's just best for us to be apart for a while," Kurt replies, stuffing clothes in the closet with much more force than he normally would. "All of us," he adds as he hears Finn take a step closer, and there's a five second pause while he's holding his breath, part of him wanting Finn to come to him and the other knowing that it will only be for the best if he leaves.
The sound of his footsteps shuffling away hurts far more than it should.
000
Kurt wakes up warm, comfortable, Blaine's arm around him and the fingers of one hand splayed across his chest in a gesture that's so familiar Kurt's heart starts to ache.
He should move. He should move, not wake Blaine up, and pretend that it never happened. He should…
But he knows Blaine's awake by the irregularity of his breathing, can feel the tenseness of his body because Kurt knows that he knows Kurt's awake as well and he's just waiting for Kurt to push him off or berate him for his boldness, and Kurt can't bring himself to do that.
Not when his feels so right.
"Morning," Blaine murmurs softly, lips touching the back of Kurt's neck far too lightly to be called a kiss as Kurt rests his hand over Blaine's, just touching.
"Morning," Kurt replies, resisting the urge to add a 'baby' to the end of that because it's not appropriate in the least.
"Sleep well?" Blaine shifts so he's further away from Kurt but still touching, and the sudden rush of cold air against Kurt's back is startling and wrong and he pushes back until Blaine's snugly against him once more. "Kurt…"
"Just…right now? Just let me," Kurt's breathing harsher, knowing he's being an utter fool about all of this but he can't let Blaine go so easily. And knowing that Finn's willing to start something with Blaine just guts him from the inside, so he takes Blaine's hand in his own, twining their fingers and setting it about his heart.
"We can't," Blaine protests, his voice cracking a little with suppressed emotion, and Kurt nods but doesn't move.
He knows they can't.
That's not stopping him.
"Dudes, it's like noon, are you guys getting…" Finn's voice trails off as he sees them and he stops, eyes darting away and Kurt wonders just how easy it could be if they could just forget everything and…
And what?
He's not even sure, but he knows that it's only a fantasy.
Still…
He works his free hand out from under his body, holding it out as he hears Blaine inhale sharply, and Finn walks forward as if in a trance, his own hand reaching out warily as if he doesn't quite trust Kurt to not pull away.
They haven't touched in days.
The first brush of Finn's fingertips against his own sets a jolt of desire through his body and he closes his eyes and shivers, not wanting to think too closely about what all of this means. Finn kneels by the bed, clasping his hand fully, and Kurt stares at him with a tiny smile on his face.
"What's going on?" Finn asks slowly, as if he thinks this is all just a dream, and Kurt has to admit that it nearly feels like one.
"I don't know," he admits. "But right now I'm going to pretend that this…that it's okay," he stammers and pulls Finn closer so he's pressed against the bed, seeing Finn and Blaine exchange a glance and no, he's got no clue what's happening but as long as he's here, in this moment, it is okay.
"Okay," Finn sighs and folds against the bed, one arm coming up around Kurt's shoulders as best it can, and he can feel Blaine shift a little and knows that he's touching Finn's arm, and he's reminded of that night not so very long ago with the three of them on the couch, comfortable and easy and it feel nice, even though he knows that really he shouldn't trust either of them.
But Finn's smiling at him and Blaine's actually kissing the back of his neck now, and it's too much and not enough and he lets himself float until the moment's passed.
He can't do anything else.
000
Things between them change after that, the mood in the condo less tense and anticipatory of something horrible and more easy, and Kurt imagines that this is what it's like for three friends to live together…a regular bachelor pad, in a way, although within the safety of their bed he and Blaine come together and do more than they should, but nothing too much.
They touch a lot, mapping each other's bodies by feel but it never goes farther than that although Kurt sometimes desperately wants it to. There's less urgency and more intimacy in their movements now, a kind of strange carefulness that makes his breath catch and he feels like his heart's in his throat when Blaine touches him so gently.
The day he wakes up with Blaine's hand under the waistband of his pants, resting gently just above his definitely-interested cock, he thinks that maybe it's easier on all of them if he just gives in. He resists, although it's hard, gripping Blaine's wrist and sliding his hand out although Blaine's fast asleep and probably didn't consciously plan it, and he keeps the other man's arms draped around his waist and goes back to sleep for a little while, wondering if it's worth it to keep fighting so hard.
000
He gets home one day from coffee with Rachel, exhausted after listening to her inane chatter for the last two hours, and smiles when he hears the familiar voices of college football announcers from the television in the living room.
Finn's been great. It's easy for the two of them to co-exist because they'd done it for over a year before moving to New York in the first place, and falling back into being brothers instead of occasional lovers hasn't been nearly as taxing as he would have first thought.
Finn still touches him, casually, ruffling his hair or grabbing him in impromptu hugs that wrinkle his shirts, and he feels the all-too-familiar annoyance mixed with just a hint of longing he always had, and he knows he can live with that.
"So who's winning?" he calls out, hearing Finn making a shushing sound at him and he enters the living room to find Blaine asleep with his head on Finn's lap, the other man with one finger held to his lips.
"He crashed after he got back from work. I didn't wanna wake him up," Finn whispers and Kurt looks at them both with a smile before going to set down his bag and remove his coat, grabbing a can of diet pop from the fridge before he squeezes his way onto the couch and lies so his head is on Finn's chest, Finn complaining about 'my legs are gonna fall asleep with both of you on them!' but he doesn't make any motion to move away.
"Hush," Kurt lets his fingers trail through Blaine's hair and sighs in contentment.
No, not everything's fixed, but right now he's almost happy.
And considering everything he's gone through in the past few months, that's a rare feeling.
Notes:
1. I think this might be the most hopeful chapter yet! And yes, I promise things will continue to get better :)
2. I didn't get a whole lot of feedback on the last chapter so please don't be afraid to leave me a comment/review and tell me what you thought! I'm not a scary person, I promise!