Title:Undisclosed Desires
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: R for now
Characters/Pairing: Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.
Chapter: 12/?
Word Count: 2171
Spoilers: Let's say everything to be safe :)
Summary/Warnings: From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

Disclaimer: Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…

Undisclosed Desires

Chapter Twelve

"I always thought you two would last forever," Rachel admits over coffee a few days later, hands clasped around her cup and she doesn't know the whole story; can't know the whole story because that would mean she'd know Finn wasn't entirely faithful to her and it's not Kurt's place to tell her that.

"So did I, but…these things happen," he shrugs and she gives him a bit of a glare, eyes narrowed and lips pursed.

"Your boyfriend sleeping with your stepbrother is not something that 'happens' all that often, Kurt," she says snippily. "Do I need to talk to them?"

"No, Rachel, you don't. Because I wasn't entirely innocent either," he knows he has to tell her this much, that she can't go off on Blaine and Finn when she doesn't know at least part of the story, but he won't tell her when he and Finn started.

That's up to Finn, if he ever wants to, even though they all know that Finn and Rachel are done forever.

To his surprise, however, instead of blowing up Rachel's eyes widen and she squeals into her hand. "I knew it! I knew you'd hook up one day! Ever since the wedding I was suspicious and I thought maybe it was just a phase he was going through but it didn't really stop…"

"Breathe," Kurt implores and she does, taking a gasping breath before smiling at him. "And weren't you the one telling me that I'd never have a chance with him?"

"I like to think I've matured, at least a little," she replies, reaching to pat his hand. "So you and he…what does this mean?"

"I don't know. I thought…I care about him a lot, you know I do, and you know that I've never really fallen out of love, but I love Blaine, too, and they obviously care about each other enough to…sleep together," the words still taste sour in his mouth even though he's long since accepted that it had happened. "It's a giant mess, really."

"It certainly sounds that way," she admits, and there's a sadness in her eyes, a definite maturity that he can only attribute to New York because it certainly was never there in Lima, and even though dinner with Jade that night had proven that she still sometimes speaks before it's proper to do so, he knows she's a good person to talk to about this. "Look, Kurt, I don't…when I cheated on Finn with Puck, I was willing to sleep with him just to get back at Finn. It wasn't because I loved him, or because I wanted to share that with him, but that wasn't what was on my mind at the time."

"So you're saying…"

"That I don't think Blaine and Finn did it for malicious reasons. I don't think you and Finn did what you did for malicious reasons. So that's the difference," she decides, nodding as this is some great epiphany and taking a sip of her drink. "That almost makes it more difficult, though."

"Because I can't hate either of them," Kurt replies, head tilted forward as he closes his eyes.

It's all so exhausting.

"So what are you going to do?" she asks after a few moments of comfortable silence, and he shrugs and looks up to meet her eyes.

"What can I do? Play it by ear, I suppose. It will kill me if they decide to start something, but it's not up to me…"

"You know you always have a place to stay if you have to get out," she offers. "The girls I live with have a pretty strict no-male-roommates policy, but…I think they'll bend the rules where you're concerned."

"I would hope so," Kurt snorts and then Rachel giggles, both of them laughing after a bit.

It's nice, and it feels freeing, but it doesn't fix a single thing.

And that's not good.

000

"So things are okay?"

"No. Yes. Kinda," Finn tilts his head to the side because he honestly doesn't know. Yeah, they're all really comfortable around each other, but it doesn't feel sexual anymore and quite frankly he's not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

The other night when they were all on the couch, it was just three guys sprawled out on a sofa; nothing about it was anything more than platonic, except maybe between Blaine and Kurt…but Finn honestly couldn't see them being apart for long, and every time he walks by their room in the morning (and yes, he's spying; there's really no need for him to be over there) they seem to be wrapped up in each other.

"That's really not helpful," Jade purses her lips and Finn can only laugh at himself because, no, that's not helpful at all but he doesn't have a decent answer to that question anyway.

"I know. But things are just…weird," he finally decides on, wrinkling his nose, because 'weird' is the only way he can describe their living arrangements at the moment. "They're still…it's like dating without the sex with them. They touch each other, like, all the time and still sleep wrapped around each other and they act like a couple except they never do anything…sexual," he finishes with some odd shrug of his shoulders that he's not quite sure implies anything, but she seems to understand and nods regardless.

"They're so used to it they just keep following the same patterns," she suggests and he nods, because that's pretty much what he's come up with, too. "Do you think they're going to get back together officially?"

"I wouldn't doubt it," Finn replies honestly, because he really can't see Blaine and Kurt not being together. He's just so used to it by now. "I don't know when, but I'd say pretty soon if the way they're going is any clue."

"It hurts you, doesn't it? Knowing that after everything they'll still be them and you'll still be just the guy they slept with a few times," her gaze is knowing and she reaches to take his hand, Finn accepting the gesture and squeezing hers in his own. Her hands are soft and slender, tinier than Kurt's but with the same lithe fingers, and God, everything is reminding him of them right now.

"Yeah," he admits after a few seconds, because his throat is suddenly tight. "Yeah. It does. I want…I just miss what I had with both of them. Like, it was way different but…it was good. And I never really got the chance to do all I could, y'know? With Blaine, the last time, we were on the way but then…"

"You got caught," she has a half-smile on her face that's got nothing to do with humor, and he appreciates how seriously and yet, at the same time, bluntly she's taking this situation. God, he wonders…and not for the first time…what could they have become if he hadn't screwed anything up? Would they have stayed together? Would that have been so bad?

Of course not. Jade's an amazing girl and any guy would be lucky to have her, but Finn can't be that guy and that scares him more than anything. Kurt's his world, has been since before he'd even realized it, and Blaine's way more important to him than he could have ever imagined and between the two of them Finn doesn't have much of himself left to give.

"Come on," Jade says suddenly, standing up and grinning at him. "Sitting around here moping certainly isn't helping you, so let's go out and grab a bite and do something fun."

"Yeah. Cool," Finn agrees, because really, she's right: at the moment, wallowing on his pity-pot isn't going to be productive at all. So he takes her hand and they leave the apartment, Finn trying to believe that, for just a second, things will turn out okay.

000

"I really don't know why I'm here," Blaine stares at his mug full of more coffee grounds than actual coffee and gets a throaty chuckle in response.

"Because obviously I'm the most stimulating source of conversation in all of New York?" Sam raises an eyebrow and Blaine shakes his head and laughs a little himself. He can't help it. "Anyway, you're here because Kurt and Finn are both out and you don't want to be alone with your thoughts, right?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Blaine admits, taking another sip of the water and coffee ground mixture. "Ugh, how can you drink this stuff?"

"Because it's all I can afford," Sam replies shortly and Blaine decides not to press the issue.

He's never known what it's like to be poor, and while he still has trouble approving of some of Sam's…life choices, he knows the other man took no pleasure in what he did and that he'd only done it to save his family. It's admirable, really, although Blaine doesn't think he'd ever be…brave enough to do that.

"Sorry. I…we always seem to come back to this, don't we?"

"Nah, man, it's cool," Sam promises, holding out his hand, and Blaine curls his fingers against Sam's and holds them there, needing that connection. "Anyway, what's on your mind?"

"Kurt."

"Obviously," Sam snorts and Blaine sighs. "Sorry. Keep talking."

"Right. Well. We're broken up, but we still act like a couple and it's confusing me. Honestly, we do everything except kiss and have sex, and we touch all the time, but we're not together. It's…it's just an instinct by now to pull him into my arms and kiss him, and we always wake up wrapped around each other and have to pretend that it's normal and it means nothing when it…means so much," he finishes with a whisper, swallowing heavily. "And Finn and I…we could, now that I have no obligations to Kurt, but we both know it would kill him if that happened so we can't, and…"

He pauses, breathing heavily, throat tight, and Sam folds his hand in both of his own and holds it steady.

"So, let me get this straight," he says after a few moments, eyes narrowed a little. "You love Kurt. He loves you. He loves Finn. Finn loves him. You care about Finn. Finn cares about you. Is that right?"

"Yeah," Blaine rasps out, wondering what Sam's getting at, because all of that is fairly readily apparent.

"And before…when you were with Kurt and sleeping with Finn, and he was doing the same thing…you were happy?" he questions, rubbing his thumbs along the back of Blaine's hand and Blaine sighs and relaxes under the soothing touch.

"Well, besides the choking guilt that drove me to drinking, yeah. It was…it was nice. Admittedly Finn and I tried to keep everything as emotion-free as possible, but for what it was…I was happy. If it hadn't been for…knowing I was cheating on Kurt? It was good," he realizes, and he can freely admit that.

"So…" Sam pauses, his fingers still stroking Blaine's hand, and he takes a deep breath before looking Blaine straight in the eyes and smiling. "The way I see it, why not go back to the way things were?"

"Why…" Blaine stops cold as the implications of what Sam's suggesting hit him.

Why not go back to the way it was? They were all happy, relatively speaking, and while his initial fear is that Kurt will choose Finn over him he knows in his heart he's not going to because he knows Kurt loves him, and whatever Kurt and Finn have isn't the same as what he and Kurt have.

He almost feels shocked he hadn't thought of this before, but then again, none of them have been thinking clearly for the last few weeks.

"Good idea, I take it?" Sam's smile grows and he can obviously see how Blaine's feeling clear on his face, so Blaine nods and gives Sam's hand a squeeze.

"So you're saying that we go back to sleeping with each other, except this time we'll all know about it," he clarifies and gets a blinding grin as a reply. "I think…I think that could actually work! It would stop all of us acting like our worlds had just ended, anyway, and…"

"Can't hurt to try, right? I mean, it's kinda weird, yeah, but then…"

"All of us have always been kind of weird," Blaine concedes, standing up and moving to hug Sam as the taller man wraps his arms around Blaine and holds him tight. "Thank you. I think you might have just saved this entire relationship."

"Hey, don't thank me until you bring it up with them," Sam claps him on the back and steps away, hands still gripping his shoulders. "But if you really feel like thanking me, you know money's never going to be refused."

"I'll figure something out," Blaine promises, taking his seat again, and even the swill he's currently drinking tastes a little better.

Thanks to Sam, he's got a plan.

…He just hopes Kurt and Finn will agree to it.

Notes:

1. Sorry this has taken so long to get out! I've been suffering from what I've termed 'writer's apathy' for the last couple of weeks: I can write, but nothing I'm writing is any good, so I think I've gotten a little bit of my groove back so hopefully this was okay :) Let me know what you thought!