Title:Undisclosed Desires
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: R for now
Characters/Pairing: Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.
Chapter: 14/?
Word Count: 2488
Spoilers: Let's say everything to be safe :)
Summary/Warnings: From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

Disclaimer: Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…

Undisclosed Desires

Chapter Fourteen

Kurt wakes up, still feeling horrible, and the fact that Blaine's arm is securely around his waist like it's been for longer than he cares to remember, warm breath hitting the back of his neck, only makes it worse.

He knows he shouldn't be that upset…no, he had no claim to Blaine, especially since they'd been broken up (until last night, apparently, but this was news to him at least…), but at the same time the thought that Blaine was just waiting to get rid of him so he could hop into bed with Finn…it hurts.

"Morning," Blaine says quietly, fingers slipping under the waistband of Kurt's pajama pants to rest on the skin below his navel, and Kurt sighs and tries not to cry.

God, can't he just have one thing in his life he can be happy about without there being a 'but'?

No. Obviously not.

"Hey," he finally whispers, knowing his voice is wrecked, and he hears Blaine sigh and draw him closer, legs tangled and bodies pressed. "Are you going?"

"Yeah, I'm covering for somebody at the coffee shop. You can sleep as long as you want," he kisses the back of Kurt's neck softly, feather-light. "Kurt, I'm really…"

"Don't," Kurt cuts him off again, still unwilling to hear it. He doesn't quite know why he's so reluctant to try this, but something about the whole thing rubs him the wrong way. Finn and Blaine couldn't even wait to tell him before Blaine decided he needed Finn's cock in his ass to live, and then they just expect him to agree and tell him…tell him…that he's dating Blaine.

His lovely again-boyfriend who tells him that he's too sore from being with Finn to do anything with him.

Really, is it any wonder he's feeling like an outsider?

"I've gotta go," Blaine murmurs, and Kurt knows he wants a kiss so after a second he turns around, meeting sad hazel eyes and Blaine reaches for him, giving him every opportunity to pull away.

He doesn't, falling into Blaine's arms and letting himself feel like he's seventeen again and this is the first time they've been this close.

It almost works.

"I love you," Blaine murmurs. "And we're going to work this out. But go back to sleep," he urges, kissing Kurt softly before sliding out of the bed.

Kurt closes his eyes and doesn't watch him leave.

000

The next time he wakes up it's mid-morning, by his guess, and there's still somebody in the bed with him but Kurt inhales deeply, feeling the way they're wrapped around his body and knowing that it's Finn, but what is Finn doing in his bed?

"Hey, man," Finn mumbles into his ear, lips skimming the skin, and Kurt sighs and reaches for the other man's hand, squeezing it lightly. "Dude, I'm really sorry about last night…"

"Don't," Kurt's getting a little tired of that word but he says it again, because he doesn't need to hear this again. He knows what happened. That's enough.

"Okay," Finn let his hand slip away, shifting it to Kurt's hip and resting there almost possessively. "Do you mind if I stay?"

"It's fine," Kurt promises, because truth be told Finn feels…nice. He always has. There's just…something safe in the way Finn holds him, in how Finn can hold him because of how big he is, and there's nothing else quite like it. "Can you…I know we haven't talked much since…"

"Yeah," Finn agrees, knowing how that sentence will end, and Kurt blinks in the thin shaft of winter sunlight bleeding through the curtains and finally speaks again.

"Can you just…tell me what Blaine means to you? What you and he are to each other? He told me the basic story but I'd like to hear it from you," his breath catches a little because he's not entirely sure he wants to know, but Finn slides his arms around his waist and sighs into his hair.

"He just…he was there. To begin with. And then the more it happened the more I realized how broken he was and dude, it hurt to think that he thought I was just usin' him because I needed a body, and the one night he just…broke down on me and I knew I couldn't pretend not to care anymore, so I didn't," his lips suddenly press against Kurt's shoulder, sudden and unexpected, and Kurt shivers even though Finn's kissing him through his shirt. "After that…after Jade…I told him if we wanted to go back to doing it, I couldn't pretend to not care anymore, and he said that was okay. So the first night we tried it that way…"

"I walked in on you," Kurt whispers, realizing again how screwed up all of this is and he laughs harshly. "God, this is a mess…"

"Yeah," Finn agrees, because there truly isn't anything else he can say to that, and they're quiet for a bit, breathing in sync even though Kurt doesn't realize it at first. "Can I ask you a question?"

"I suppose it's only fair," Kurt replies after a moment, wondering what's on Finn's mind. "What is it?"

"I want to know…why me? Why did you fall in love with me? What was so special about me compared to any other jock at that school?" Finn doesn't sound accusatory, merely curious, and Kurt's glad of that.

Of course, considering they know each other rather intimately, he highly doubts Finn's suddenly going to deem him a monster and never touch him again, but…

"I don't know that it was love," he finally starts. "I mean, it was the fifteen-year-old version of it, but honestly it was just because you were the only one that made me feel human. With the other boys it was like I was a game: 10 points if you knock Hummel into the lockers, 25 if you push him so hard he falls over, 50 if you make him cry," Kurt's voice is dark, although he's not really bitter about it anymore.

It was a long time ago.

"And then you came along, and you were the first one to stop people from doing that. And the first one to listen to me when I wanted to save my expensive clothes from going in the dumpster. And you never…you never did anything to me personally. You were there, but…"

"Dude, I was there. I didn't do anything to stop it," Finn sounds like he's rather deeply gripped in self-loathing so Kurt touches his hands, grounding him to the present.

"That didn't matter. The fact that you didn't do it and seemed to care was enough," Kurt assures him quietly. "Although I have to admit the pee balloons tarnished your reputation a bit…"

"Dude, I had no idea there was pee in them! I thought they were water balloons," Finn laughs bitterly. "Once I saw what they were I threw mine on the ground, because dude, that's disgusting."

"It is. I still get nightmares about it," Kurt shivers and Finn holds him tighter, nose rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry," Finn says quietly, and Kurt knows he's still haunted by his actions back then. He takes Finn's wrist and heaves a sigh, moving his hand so it's slid under the material of his shirt and Finn sucks in a breath, skimming it up a little. "Kurt…"

"It's okay," Kurt promises, and of course it is because he'd made the first move.

"You know, I've been thinking," Finn says after a bit and Kurt makes a tiny noise of acknowledgment, really not knowing where this is going but interested nonetheless. "I once told Rachel that she was my guiding light, y'know? My beacon? I think I was wrong."

He's silent after that for a long time, fingers curling in slightly on Kurt's chest, but Kurt waits for him to speak again.

"I was wrong," he repeats slowly. "I thought that because I was her boyfriend and she was always there, she had to be the one that was keeping me going, but I realized there was somebody else who was always there, too…who's still there…and she might be a star, but she's not my star," he stops, surprisingly subtle in his revelation, and Kurt knows who he's talking about.

How can he not?

"And yet she's the one that got the star," he murmurs, trying to keep his voice light as Finn chuckles.

"Yeah. But dude, the star's named after me. Anybody can use it. You can, if you want to," he points out, tangling his legs with Kurt's and sighing happily.

"If I could find it," Kurt replies, because he honestly doesn't know where this star is other than the fact that it exists.

"Dude, I've still got the chart they sent me when I bought it! We can go up to the roof tonight and look for it…call it a date?" he suggests, a little breathless, and Kurt's eyes snap open.

A date.

Finn's asking him on a date.

"It's the middle of winter, Finn…"

"Trust me. We can look for my star so you'll always know where to find me, and you know I'll always be there for you," Finn settles down again, yawning and nuzzling Kurt's skin, and Kurt's heart hurts a little at the sweetness of the sentiment as he savours the warmth of having Finn close.

"Okay. It's a date."

"Awesome," Finn replies in a half-slur, obviously close to sleep, and Kurt knows he should get up but he's far too comfortable right now to bother.

000

Kurt snaps the phone closed, Blaine's assurances that he'll stay out so as not to disturb them ringing in his ears, and he takes a breath and slips on a coat and gloves, making his way up to the roof.

Somehow this is far more nerve-wracking than it should be, and he has a feeling something big is going to happen tonight.

Stepping out into the night, he waits for his eyes to adjust to the darkness before he can make out a large shadow that has to be Finn, the other man with a sheet of paper in his hand that he's poring over using the light from his cell phone. Kurt makes his way over, boots crunching on the rough surface, and Finn looks up with a grin.

"Hey, you! Milk?" he holds out a take-out cup that Kurt gratefully accepts, thinking absently how perfect it is that Finn would bring warm milk for this moment. There's a blanket spread on the ground that Finn pulls him down to sit on, and really despite the nip in the air it's pretty much perfect.

"So where's this star of yours?" Kurt asks softly, because the night's so still that it feels like he shouldn't speak any louder.

"I'm trying to figure it out. This thing's kinda impossible to read," Finn wrinkles his nose adorably and Kurt sets the cup aside, taking the map and phone and trying to figure it out. "I think it's that one, though," he points and Kurt resists the urge to sigh.

"That's Venus, Finn."

"Oh. I was wondering why it wasn't, like, sparkling like the others. Twinkling?" he tries again, cocking his head to the side.

"Twinkling," Kurt affirms, holding the map up and following the lines with his fingers. "There."

"Where?"

"There," Kurt takes Finn's arm and points up, fairly close to the horizon but still high enough to be visible. "You see those three really bright stars in a line?"

"Yeah?"

"That's Orion's Belt," Kurt replies. "Now go up…and a little to the left…there," he stops and lets go of Finn's arm, watching as the other man's eyes light up.

"That's my star?"

"Well, one of them is, but that's where it is. Between Orion and Gemini," Kurt sets the sheet down and places his cup on it to keep it from blowing away, getting Finn to lie back and resting his head on the taller man's shoulder.

"D'you know any other constellations?" Finn asks, letting Kurt snuggle closer in the cold air, and Kurt names the ones he does, Finn at least feigning interest for a bit until he stops and they just lie there, comfortable in their own closeness. "So you know you can wish upon my star, hey?" he finally mentions and Kurt nods.

"I don't really believe in that, but…"

"Hey," Finn turns so that they're facing each other, features obscured by the darkness but his milk-heated breath is warm across Kurt's nose and cheekbones. "Look, I may not shine as bright as you or Rachel in real life, but I'm pretty damn bright up there," he waves in vaguely the right direction. "And I'm always gonna be. So just…wish on my star, Kurt. I promise, no matter where I am, I'll hear you."

Kurt blinks, knowing that crying where his tears can freeze is an awful idea, but Finn's just…amazing, and this is completely making up for everything that's happened in the last few months.

This is the boy he fell in love with, and he's never going to fall out of love with him because he can't.

He's okay with that, though.

"Finn, I…"

"I will. And I know you'll always be there for me, as a friend or a…a lover or whatever. We're like…you know those threads of fate and stuff where two people are intertwined? Dude, we're tied in a freaking knot. Nothing's ever gonna be able to pick us apart," he grins, teeth a flash of white in the darkness and Kurt can't help the joyous laugh that bubbles out of him at that.

It feels good to laugh again.

000

By the time they go in Kurt's cheeks hurt from smiling, his nose cold the tips of his ears no-doubt red, and Finn just looks amazing, alive and healthy and they push through the front door, Kurt getting undressed and jumping for the couch as Finn follows at a more leisurely place, cuddling up under the blanket Kurt's procured.

"So," Finn leans in and rubs his nose against Kurt's. "Was that okay? I mean, the date…"

"It was perfect," Kurt admits, glancing away almost shyly. "Thank you."

"So…" Finn says again, leaning in close, and Kurt's heart starts doing backflips. "Do you kiss on the first date, Mr. Hummel?"

"I…" Kurt swallows, trying to keep his voice composed. "Would it bother you if I did, Mr. Hudson?"

"Not at all," his voice is dark, low, and his hand comes to cup the back of Kurt's neck while Kurt's arms drape around his shoulders, body completely tense.

And then Finn's leaning in and Kurt knows that, even though it's happened before on that first night they were together, this time is going to feel like the first all over again.

There's no going back, and for once, he's completely okay with that.

Notes:

1. Sorry for the wait on this. Start of the new semester and it always takes me a while to adjust, but I hope this was okay!

2. There really has been an absence of Kinn in this fic so that's what this chapter was mostly about, and I think it's also a far more positive chapter than most :)

3. Let me know what you thought!