Jen had hoped the latest incident between them would cull the crazy intensity for a while. The opposite seemed to happen and they had found themselves fighting again the next day. The argument had peaked when she had told Tilly to just leave the relationship if she was unhappy. Her stomach had dropped as the teen turned and exited the wooden hut. She watched helpless whilst internally begging the red-head to stop. Maybe the younger women had heard her inner monologue because she had stopped and turned back; before confessing that she could not walk away.
Jen is temporarily relieved, however, now both women are so busy trying to accept a relationship status of casual, that their true feeling are being suppressed. Ignored emotions may build up slowly enough for you to convince yourself they do not exist; but they bubble under the surface in a sea of invisible frustration. If not released gradually and healthily, they eventually combust with unpredictable results.
Both women appeared oblivious to this reaction. Like their love is the slowly fermenting sugar in champagne, circumstances shaking the bottle violently, their frustration the carbon dioxide escaping in a chemical reaction to the events...increasing silently inside the neck and pressure building beneath the cork...till POP! This relationship is building to an explosion, it is not going to end quietly; someone is going to do something stupid. The two burning questions are who? and when?
Outwardly it would appear Jen is dealing with this issue better than her younger lover; Tilly openly displaying her annoyance. The truth, however, was that age and experience just made the teacher better at compartmentalising; after all it was an essential skill required in her profession. The way a doctor gets conditioned to the sight of death, youth professional learn to separate their personal lives.
Her calm in this storm had been wrongly mistaken as indifference by the teenager; Tilly believing, that if Jen felt the same, she would just show it. The reality is that the implications weighed heavily on Jen. She had to appear to not encourage this secret love affair, it was far beyond social prejudice, the teacher was breaking the law. If caught. Prison did not distinguish between a child rapist and a teacher falling in love with her legal student, a nonse was a nonse; and everybody knows what happens to one inside.
The thought always devastated Jen, she was a good person; always remaining just inside the law. Plus none of her partners before had been younger than her. The day she had met Tilly, she had no idea the teenager would be her student, she had fallen for a young beautiful woman on an open beach. There had been nothing wrong with their innocent encounter.
She was no longer telling herself her feelings were not deeply intertwined with the beautiful red-head but she was still unsure if this could end in anything but a disaster for them both. Should she end this now? Maybe through tough love, make Tilly hate her so at least the teenager could heal and move on. The thought hurt her with intensity but she wanted to protect Tilly...she wanted to save her from all this.
Her thought process finally concluded whilst sitting next to Tilly on the sofa in their usual wooden hut escape. She had said some things she regretted in frustration and had followed Tilly to the cabin to apologize; whilst there she actually confessed to the teen the true extent of her seriousness for her. It was in that moment that she knew she had to take control of their situation. She needed to take the job at Hollyoaks college and she needed to end their affair.
Jen was not sure entirely what had just happened to her in the shack. She had somehow come to a finalized decision. She had no choice; it may have been to late for her but she could save Tilly's life. All she had to do was appear closed and professional at college, it was a state of mind and a carefully crafted façade. What did it matter that it was a mask, as long as everyone could see a strong together appearance; no-one would know, not even Tilly, that Jen would be slowly dying inside. 'Don't dream, Just function. Just exist... until Tilly moves on.' she repeated to herself in a sort of mantra.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Tilly asks with a beautiful smile at Jen sat next to her.
"Spend the night with me?" Jen replies. She watches Tilly look down, sadness spreading across her face. The teenager not wanting to invest her hopes in the question, still hurting from the last time the teacher had asked for this and then failed to show. "I won't let you down this time...I promise." she adds with a playfully cute face.
Tilly looks up and stares into Jen's hazel eyes, as they silently urge the red-head to trust her for a second time. A short while of contemplation passes until the teen replies "O.k." going against her better judgment, her head losing the fight to her heart again; except this time she is aware of it. There is no longer any doubt in Tilly's mind...Jen Gilmore is her kyrptonite.
If it was going to be their last night together, Jen wanted to at least do it right. She tells Tilly she will book a hotel. The brunette wanted to have a beautiful image to hold onto in the agonizing weeks that would surely follow.
Gaining strength from the illusion that she is doing this for the greater good and for Tilly's future happiness, she tell the teenager to go home to pack and tell her parents she would be sleeping at Maddies. The Teen leaves, agreeing to meet Jen in her Jeep up the road in a few more hours.
Tilly is beyond excited about staying over night with Jen, Abersoch seemed a life time away; all their encounters since returning had been rushed and laced with frustration. She knew that they both longed for quality time with each other, away from reality and away from the fear of being caught. 'Ive never been more serious...about anyone.' Jen's words circle in Tilly's mind in a whirl of euphoric delight. The teacher had appeared more closed and distant since that night in Wales; Tilly now knew that this was how Jen dealt with stress. She knew how to read the beautiful brunette, her actions and stern words were a barrier hiding her true feelings. Jen's eyes, however, spoke with an intensity that made even Tilly's passion seem small; she knew Jen was in love with her.
They had arrived at the hotel and had barely made it through the door before their passion had taken over; Both women were always so wound up by the time they got alone together. They were forced to fight against the need to touch each other physically in Hollyoaks. So, as soon as they knew the coast was clear their bodies would stop fighting and succumb to each other.
The first round had not even made it to the bed. Tilly had taken Jen up against the wall, almost claiming a reward for being the first of the pair to undress the other. Jen, however, was not far behind her younger lover, she responded by laying Tilly across the desk, spreading her legs and kneeling on the floor between them. The hot caressing sensation of the brunette experienced tongue had sent Tilly's body to spasm into an arch so uncontrollably on the desk, that she had broken the light stand. Forcing the women into fits of giggle as they finally fell onto the bed into each others arms.
"oops." Tilly's states with a giggle.
"Breaking furniture, I can't take you anywhere Miss Evans." The brunette teases with a mock seriousness.
"oh, You can take me anywhere you want Miss Gilmore." Replies the red-head, cheekily.
"How about right now on this bed?" The teacher response and she pulls Tilly deep into her body. They begin to kiss each other passionately again, tongues searching tongues and hands gripping skin.
After a while Tilly begins to descend down Jens body, she sucks and nibbles lightly on the brunettes nipples but doesn't linger their for long, as she continues her journey down; wanting to return the sensation she had received on the desk.
"Wait" Jen interrupts and tilts Tilly's head up by her chin. "Come up her, I want to see you." she adds, as the teen moves back up her lover in soft gentle kisses. Jen was suddenly remembering why she was there and wanted to experience as much of Tilly as she could.
Laying on their sides, they move in close, thighs between thighs; sharing kisses between longing stares. Jen grabs Tilly's hand and brings it to her mouth, The teen inhales deeply as Jen takes two of the fingers into her mouth and sucks on them seductively. She then lowers Tilly's hand back down her own body and places it between her legs, guiding the teens fingers deep inside her. Tilly gasps in arousal. "Don't move yet" Orders the teacher. She raises her own hand to the her lovers perfect plump rose mouth and the teen mimic's the brunette by sucking on the two fingers that trace the outline of her lips. Jen slowly slide her finger out of Tilly's mouths and lowers her hand before sliding them into the red-heads core.
Tilly's body immediately response and her breathing increases. "Slow it all down" Jen whispers into her ear "I want this to last forever. Wait for me before you release." she adds.
They hold off their orgasms while continuing to caresses each other hungrily with their searching fingers. Both women fixate on the others eyes; staring longingly beyond and deep into each other. Their mouths gape open through irregular panting and occasional moans seep out before being swallowed back down by the women fighting their release. Time stands still and the world around them fades; all that exist to them in this moment is each other.
Eventually, Tilly is the first to break the silence "Jen...I can't...wait... much longer" She pants bringing her forehead to the brunette's; still holding off the contractions.
Jen kisses her and breathlessly whispers "I want you to cum for me now ."
Tilly isn't sure if it is the delayed build up or hearing Jen ask her to cum, but she loses control of her body as it clenches into an explosion of ecstasy. Jen lets go too with a loud moan, both women finally climax in unison their bodies shuddering and shaking against each other. Their foreheads lightly touch again and Jen gently rub their noses together, breathing heavily against her lovers own panting mouth.
She reaches up and holds the teens face in her hands, caressing her cheeks with her thumbs; she moves her head back and stares lost into Tilly's emerald eyes. In this moment she wants to tell her that she is in love with her but she knows she can't. The thought is too much and Jen is overcome with grief; she feels vulnerable and weak in Tilly's presence. She closes her eyes and with a sharp intake of breath she winces in pain as her chest collapses; she knows her heart is breaking.
Before She can recover, the tears form behind her closed eyes and she breaks down into loud and heavy sobs. Tilly has never seen her lover so fragile and she frantically wraps her arms around Jen trying to suppress her shaking.
"Jen..." Tilly pleads. "Babe are you o.k?" The teen continues but Jen is to distraught to answer. In a state of panic Tilly pulls the brunette into her own body, with one hand wrapped around her waist , she uses the other to guide Jen's head into her chest; she holds the older women tightly to her body and cradles her lover ; desperately trying to sooth away her anguish. "I've got you. You're safe in my arms." She adds placing a kiss on the back of the teachers head, as Jen cry's uncontrollably upon her.