Chapter 21

"God, it's good to hear your voice," she smiled and tears filled her eyes.

"Yours too," she could hear the smile in his voice and it further eased some of the saran wrap pressure.

"So, what have you been up to?"

"Same old, same old... How about you?"

She could hear the real question he wanted to ask, "Just taking care of things."

"I hope you're being smart about it," he said.

She was quiet for awhile, "Of course I am..." She paused for a few heartbeats and sighed, "This is so weird Sam; I don't want it to be like this."

"Neither do I; but I guess it kind of has to be, right?"

She bit her lip, "How is he?"

He gave one humorless chuckle, "How are you...?"

Tears instantly filled her eyes, again. She took a deep breath and tried to swallow the lump in her throat, "Understood."

Neither of them spoke for a long time while Sam waited for her to pull herself together. "So where are you?"

"Sam..." she warned.

"I'm not gonna come after you and I'm not gonna tell him...anything."

She blew a gust of air through her lips, "I'm leaving California right now."

Sam nodded, "How's Andrea?"

She smirked, "Good."

"So California, huh? Bet you love that," he smirked.

"Ah, you know me too well, Sam," she laughed. "I cannot wait to get away from here. They say cloudy days are depressing; they're wrong. The sun is way more depressing and everything around you is so bright and cheery it's just makes it even more obvious."

Sam laughed, "I bet you're headed for some place very cloudy, huh?"

"Alright, now you're scaring me," she laughed. "I am headed north, that's all I know."

"Why did you even go to California in the first place? I mean besides Andrea."

She looked down at the bike neither Sam nor Dean knew she had, "It is warmer." She hadn't thought about how cold it would be driving in rainy Washington on a crotch rocket, "And it had something I needed."

"Huh," was all Sam said in response.

"So...where are you?"

"Colorado. It's a weird case."

"Oh yeah? Want to talk about it?"

"There isn't much to talk about; we've been over and over everything and if there is an obvious answer, we're oblivious to it."

"Maybe I can help; fresh eyes and all that. Sometimes you search so hard for something that it's nearly impossible to see that it's right in front of you."

"It's worth a shot," he shrugged. He told her all about Emmett Hale and all the murders.

"Dean figured out the pattern?" she said in surprise.

He chuckled, "Yeah, and don't worry, he reminds me of that fact about every 20 minutes."

"He wouldn't be Dean if he didn't."

"So?"

"I'd put my money on the wife; especially after what you just found out."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking... Dean's going to be happy, he kept insisting it was her..."

"Well, you gotta let him have one once in awhile."

There was a beep in the background and Nadia and Sam both glanced at their phones, "That's me," Sam said. "It's Dean, maybe he found something..."

The lump that had finally left her throat came back when she thought of hearing his voice. "He called me but..." she remembered he didn't know about Aidan, "I dropped my phone and it broke..."

"Really?" he was surprised Dean had given in.

"Does he think I didn't want to talk to him?"

"I don't know, Nadia. I didn't know he had called." When she didn't say anything, he was sure of what she wanted to ask, "I'll try to work it into a conversation. Say you send me a text message or something." He smiled, "Nice message by the way."

She laughed, "I thought you'd like it."

Sam's phone beeped again, "Oh, I forgot he was trying to get through," he went to the nearest east-facing window and looked out at the Impala. Dean was starting to cross the street, "I better go before he thinks something's wrong."

"Okay," she wasn't entirely successful in keeping the sadness from her voice. "Watch the wife."

"We will... We miss you, Nadia."

"Love you both."

"You too. Bye."

"Bye."

She wiped the tears from her face and shoved the phone back in her pocket. She was just about to start the bike again when her phone beeped. She pulled it back out again and saw Andrea's name on the screen. Andrea knew that if Nadia didn't call then she wasn't ready to talk so she had texted her back. Nadia smiled and opened the text: Wish u hadn't left yet. R u ok? Sorry bout how i acted. B careful. LYLAS.

Nadia put the phone back in her pocket and started the bike but before she could even turn the throttle, her phone beeped again. She sighed and looked at the screen, another text from Andrea: Ur not mad at me r u? i'm really really sorry. i shouldn't have acted like that. i know who u r, that won't change. Promise. Sorry. Call me. SORRY!

Nadia laughed and shook her head. I don't know what I was thinking. This is Andrea you're talking about; you know she reads into things way too much... She started to text her back but before she could send it, her phone beeped again: call me! Text me! PLEASE! just so i know ur ok! Ease up a bit, I'm trying to... she quickly found the message she had started again and finished it. Before she sent it, she saved it again and grabbed a free newspaper from outside of the party store and snapped a hostage movie worthy proof-of-life picture of herself with a big smile. She sent the text message and picture to Andrea before she could respond. She climbed back on the bike and sped out of the parking lot before her phone could stop her again.

After a hundred miles or so, she stopped at a small grocery store and filled every empty space in her backpack with food and water; the trip to Washington was going to be a long one. One nice thing I can say about California, it has every biker-friendly weather all year round. Maybe this whole traveling the country on the back of a motorcycle in winter wasn't such a brilliant idea...

She didn't stop again until she thought that her bladder was either going to explode or she was going to dump the bike out of pure exhaustion.

The hotel wasn't fancy, granted it was probably better than anything Dean and Sam stayed in, but it had only the bare essentials, no cable or blow dryer. None of that mattered, all she wanted was a place to sleep and shower. She was barely able to wash her face and brush her teeth before she crawled onto the bed and crashed before she could even slip under the covers.

"Where am I?" Nadia asked herself. She looked around back everything was green and shadows. Trees towered over head, their trunks covered with thick green moss and their leaves shined with fresh rain; but they did nothing to protect her from the freezing droplets. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to fight the cold that was sinking into her skin, every breath hung cloudy in the air before blending in with all the other moisture around her. She looked up through the tree tops and saw only black sky; no stars, no moon, only a night sky void of any trace of softening light. A stick broke behind her and she spun around in panic. A familiar warmth flooded her palms, her most comforting defense when she had no idea what she was up against. She frantically searched the shadows but couldn't get her legs to move. "Hello?" She rolled her eyes at herself; it's that what the stupid damsel always does just before someone comes up from behind and kills her? She spun around again to be sure nothing was creeping up behind her; nothing. Footsteps came from the same spot her had heard them before and she tensed, ready to send the fire in her palm at whatever came into the clearing.

A figure stepped out of the shadows and watched her with a mixture of curiosity and distrust. "Dean?" shock flooded threw her and it took a second for her to pull the fire from her palm, "Sorry, I didn't know who it was... What are you doing here?"

He seemed to ease slightly at the sound of her voice; but something wasn't right. She had never known Dean to look so apprehensive or to be so quiet; he reminded her of a deer in headlights. He slowly pulled his lips apart and carefully licked them as he shifted his weight. His eyes were calculating and they made Nadia uneasy. She swallowed nervously, "Dean...what are you..."

"What am I doing here?" he voice was harsh and cold as he interrupted her. "You know why I'm here," his eyes bored into her as she shook her head and started to say something. "What have you done, Nadia?"

She flinched and gasped as if he had slapped her, no punched her, "I-I don't know wh-"

"Of course you do!" he snapped and took a threatening step towards her. She stumbled back and he stopped himself and continued, "You killed them, Nadia..." agony crept into his voice as he spoke.

She shook her head, "I did it..."

"For me?" he said, barely able to control himself. He paused to regain control of his temper, "I never asked you to do anything for me."

"I couldn't just let you die!"

"That is exactly what you should've done! Now 1,000 people are dead, instead of just one..."

A thousand? Her brow furrowed, that wasn't right, she'd only just started. She shook her head, that didn't matter now, "Like you did Sam?" she snapped. He pulled his head back and his eyes narrowed but she continued, "Just one, just? Dean you are not just one!" This time he looked confused and was about to protest, but she wouldn't let him, "How many people have you saved, huh? And how many people do you think you'll continue to save?"

"No where near a thousand!"

"Every life you saved has another life attached to it! And you're not done yet."

"That wasn't your decision to make!"

"Kill one, save a thousand," the line from "Wanted" popped in her head.

"Yeah, well you've kind of twisted that a bit haven't you?" he replied. She started to respond, but he jumped in before she could get a word formed, "I never thought I would really see the demon in you... But I guess things change, huh? People change. You've let that part of you take over...you aren't you anymore."

His words hit her like a wrecking ball to the gut and she stumbled backwards. She looked down in shock and to regain her footing, as she did so, she realized she could see through her arm. She stared at her hand as she turned it but it was nothing more substantial than the fog her breath had been earlier. She slowly looked up at Dean in wonder; but someone blocked her view. The figure was too familiar but Nadia refused to believe it until she walked around to see the person's face. As she stared at the face in wonder, dread and panic flooded over her, "Aidan," she whispered.

She tore her eyes from her own face and looked at Dean; but he didn't seem to see her. His face was filled with shock and horror and he opened his mouth to say something but he seemed to choke on the words as he stared at what he thought was Nadia. Nadia was shocked by the look on his face, so she followed his gazed back to Aidan. Cold, pure black eyes stared back at her from a face that was no longer her's. "No," she whispered in horror and she took a stumbling step towards Aidan. A sudden flash of movement from the corner of her eye stopped her in her tracks. She snapped her head towards Dean and screamed, "No!" but couldn't get to him before he pulled the trigger.

The shot rang in her ears and sent shockwaves ripping through her ghostly body. Her eyes made the infinitesimal move from the colt to Aidan; who was still standing up, mouth open in shock as she stared at Dean. She Nadia watched Aidan's knees buckle and fall to the ground, a sharp pain registered in her mind and she looked down and realized it wasn't shockwaves that had ripped through her. Blood soaked more and more of the transparent shirt she was wearing. A thump caught her attention and pulled her from shock; Dean had fallen to his knees and was staring back at her.

Her name was barely audible from his lips and he stared at the blood pouring from her. He finally blinked and desperately tried to get up and reach her. She could feel her knees giving out just as Aidan's had and she reached out to him but his hand passed through hers and she blew away into the wind...

Nadia screamed and woke herself up. She bolted upright, drenched with sweat. She reached for the edge of the bed but her hand fell through empty air and she rolled off the edge and fell to the floor. In frantic desperation she crawled into the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet before she couldn't hold it in any longer. After hours of heaving and uncontrollable sobbing, her body shut down and she fell into a deep and dreamless sleep on the cold tile floor.