Chapter 36

Nadia stared up at Dean for a long time, but she didn't want to waste the moment, "I love you." The words came out hitched and broken as she shook.

His face relaxed and he looked over every inch of her, soaking it all in. Finally he let the fact that she was shaking violently break through his bubble, "We should get you out of here. Get you warm." He folded himself out from under her and stood up. He stepped out of the tub and helped her. She seemed a little out of it so he let her take her time.

She fumbled with the hem of her shirt with numb fingers and tried to pull it over her head. He grabbed her hands to stop them and brought them to his lips. He exhaled against her fingers and squeezed her hands tightly, trying to warm them. She watched him work, afraid to do anything that might shatter what was happening.

Dean almost reminded her that she had the ability to warm her skin to the point where it was uncomfortable to touch her. Almost. Instead, he let go of her hands and curled his fingers under the hem of her top. She was wearing the same AC/DC shirt that she'd been wearing the first time they'd kissed at the shooting range. It stuck to her as he pulled it over her head. He paused to look her over; a desire so familiar and missed that it took his breath away. He swallowed and nodded behind her at the toilet and she slowly stepped back and sat on its closed lid. She'd changed into light blue pajama pants with the last bit of energy she'd had when they'd came back to the hotel. The color matched her bra and looked great against her skin. He knelt down and kept his eyes on hers while he stuck his thumbs under the waistband at her hips. He pushed them until she leaned forward, lifting herself off the seat far enough for him to pull the pants down her thighs and over knees. They fell to the floor with a wet smack.

Nadia was shaking for a reason far different than the cold left over by the water. She was afraid to move; afraid to breathe too hard and change his mind. He slid his hands up the outsides of her calves and thighs, watching his hands with a faint sense of wonder. She cautiously brought her hand to his cheek, not able to resist touching him any longer. He put his right hand over hers and turned to kiss the underside of her wrist. They hadn't noticed how close they'd leaned to each other…

"Is she okay?" Sam's voice broke harshly into the tense little bubble they'd created. Dean flinched and started to turn but Nadia's hand shot out and held his chin so that he kept his eyes on her. She watched him for a beat and then turned her head toward the door. Her eyes moved distantly to the bottom of the door. Not long afterward, Sam sighed with relief. "I'm, uh…going to go…get something to eat. Call me if anything comes up."

Dean and Nadia heard him walk across the room and the door close behind him. Nadia looked back at Dean who was watching her with a bit of awe and amusement. "Did you just…?"

Nadia ignored him and put her hand on his chest. His heartbeat picked up immediately and she leaned forward, putting her forehead against his. She thought of all of the times he'd made her laugh or smile. Their time together played over in her head from the beginning.

She let him see how she really felt when she'd first seen him in the U of M library. That she'd been taken with him right off instead of put off like she'd let him believe. She remembered the way he looked the first morning he'd slept beside her in her bed and then pushed her off in retribution for her accidentally elbowing him in the face. His face when he explained to her how she looked different than her mother in more than physical ways. He'd explained that if he looked close enough, he could see that she was haunted; it showed in her eyes.

She jumped for the shooting range and their first adrenaline-fueled kiss, to the way she felt when he held her and touched her, to their bickering. She thought back to the moment at the hospital after they had discovered that she was the half demon, half human child that they'd been searching for. That scene was so similar to this one that it felt like it was happening all over again.

Montana was a place that was forever burnt into their memories. It was the first time she'd killed someone and the first time he'd tried to make her feel better even if it meant losing his man card for a day.

She was showing him so much so fast that she was starting to lose track of what was coming next. Before she could stop it, his face filled their minds. It was the first time she'd seen him since she'd left. They were at the airport and he was looking at her like she'd changed too much for him. The hollow feeling that formed in his stomach knocked the breath out of him. He knew that he was feeling the same things that she'd felt at the time and a tidal wave of guilt crashed over him.

Just like that, the picture disappeared and he was left feeling desperate to fill the void it had left in him. Nadia kept her eyes closed and softly told him, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to show you that. I wanted happy things only."

Dean tipped his head to the side and tilted his chin forward until his lips grazed Nadia's. He pressed them softly to hers and she froze. He slid his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her closer; he wanted to erase that emptiness from them both.

Nadia steadied herself by putting her hands on his thighs as she kissed him back. She pressed herself closer until he lost his balance and fell backward against the vanity. Pieces of her hair fell forward over her shoulder and fell around his face. Carefully, she warmed her skin so that it wouldn't force him away again and Dean moaned and pulled her closer.

He searched behind him for the counter top and wrapped his arm around her rib cage as he lifted them both so that they were standing. She jumped and wrapped her legs around his waist and he stumbled back against the wall. He moved his lips to her neck and spun around so that she was pressed between his body and the wall. They enjoyed the feel of their skin touching for a while longer before he blindly stumbled his way out into the bedroom.

"What do you think it says about someone when it takes someone they love dying to show them what they want most in the world? Don't people know what they want in life by the time their like, twenty?" Dean mumbled into the hair at the top of Nadia's head.

She lay against his chest, her head nuzzled beneath his chin and their legs tangled together. "They only think that they do. In reality, very few people know who it is that they couldn't live without."

Dean kissed the top of her head and she rolled off of him so that she was lying flat on her back. Dean watched her with hungry eyes. He slid down the bed and rolled onto his side. His finger traced the bra that he'd been too preoccupied to remove. Leaning forward, he kissed her stomach and she closed her eyes. His lips moved up to her chest, his lips tracing the exposed cleavage at the top of the lacey blue cups.

Nadia moaned softly and he moved to her neck, licking the side of her long neck lightly. Her nails dug into his back and he pulled away. She almost whimpered in protest but he flashed an arrogant smirk and returned to her stomach. His hands were rough and calloused against her flesh when he rubbed them all over her bare stomach. "My God, you are so hot."

The mention of God brought the angels back to mind and her blood ran cold. She tried to brush it off and teasingly say, "Let's not bring God into this now."

He lifted his head and looked up along her body to her face. They watched each other for a long time without saying a word. Like a punch to the chest, Nadia felt like her heart was breaking all over again. Tears leaked out the corners of her eyes and Dean looked alarmed. He pulled himself up so that he was at face level again. "What is it?"

She closed her eyes and thought about what the angels had said and about how she'd felt ever since she'd seen him again. "I thought…" she fought to regain control again but it was useless. "I thought you hated me," she gasped. "I thought that this would never happen again. I thought I'd lost you."

Dean wiped the tears from her cheeks gently. "Rip out my heart why don't you?" He put his forehead against her cheek bone and closed his eyes. "You didn't lose me, Nadia. I swear. It just takes me a while to realize things sometimes."

"Am I going to have to almost die every time I screw up?" She teased and sniffed.

He lifted his head and looked at her harshly, "That's not funny." Her face fell and she looked away. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, "I'm sorry; that came out harsher than I intended."

She ran a hand through the longer hair at the top of his head. "I know. You were right, though, it wasn't funny."

He smiled, "You were right… I love when you say that; it kinda turns me on…" He started to pull himself over top of her and kissed her shoulder as he pushed the bra strap off from it.

She stopped him and pushed him off. "You had your turn." He looked back at her with confusion until she straddled his waist and pushed him down against the bed. "Now you're all mine."

He smirked and rubbed his hands up her sides, "I can live with that."

She suddenly remembered where she was supposed to be, "Crap, what about Rebecca?"

She started to roll off of him but he stopped her. "Don't worry about Rebecca. Sam and I took care of it; you'll go in tomorrow. Now," his eyes ravaged her body, "I believe you said that I'm all yours… So, what is it you're planning on doing during your reign of terror?" She bit her lip and smirked down at him.

Sam was sitting at a cracking booth at the only dinner within walking distance. He took another sip if coffee and tried to remember again why he was there. A young waitress with blonde hair that was falling from her clip and into her face came over with her pen and pad poised to take his order. She smiled a nice smile and asked him if he'd changed his mind and wanted something to eat after all. He shrugged and picked up the menu again, "Cob salad, I guess."

"Good choice." She started to turn and take his order to the kitchen but stopped and turned back to him. "You're that fed, right?"

"Uh… Yeah."

She looked him over, "You don't look like a fed. Basketball player maybe, but fed, not so much."

"I'll take that as a compliment," he took another sip from his chipped cup.

"You should." She smiled again and then spun around and walked over to the kitchen.

Sam chuckled to himself as he thought about how Dean would react to such a smile… Well, how he used to react; before he met Nadia and was either too caught up with her or too full of self-deprecation. He sat up straighter as a light bulb clicked on in his head; Nadia. Of course! He felt stupid; Nadia must have made him come here. His brow furrowed and he stared out the window. She must have woken up and have her strength back…but why did she send him away?

The clang of his cob salad hitting the table brought him from his musings. "Thanks." The waitress lifted the coffee pot she had in her hand and he pushed his cup closer to the edge of the table so that she could top it off.

The salad sat untouched while Sam watched the people passing by outside. He debated on whether or not to leave the salad and go back to the hotel room. He hadn't heard anything from Dean before he left; what if something was wrong? What if Aidan had come forward while Nadia was weak and she'd done something to Dean? Just because she'd said that she cared too much about him because of Nadia's feelings didn't mean she wasn't lying. Demons lie.

He leaned sideways and dug his phone from his pocket. Pressing send, he called Dean and waited for him to answer. "Hey, you've reached, Dean. You know what to do."

"Dean, call me back."

He called again and just when he was about to hang up, Dean answered. He sounded annoyed. "What?"

"Are you alright?"

"I'm more than alright. Why?" There was lightness in Dean's voice that brought Sam up short.

"Uh, Nadia made me leave; at least I think it was Nadia… It might have been Aidan though."

Sam heard a smile in Dean's voice, "Oh, it was Nadia."

"Is she alright?"

"She's fine. All better…anything else?"

He paused for a few beats, "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Peachy, Sam. I'm going to hang up now, okay?" Before Sam could respond, the line went dead. He looked down at the phone in his hand and sat it on the table beside his plate. Half way through his salad and wondering about Nadia and Dean, he started to wonder. Dean's lighter attitude, Nadia's trespassing in his head… The only thing that made sense was…

Sam threw a few bills on the table, shoved his phone in his pocket, and started back to the hotel. The wind was biting at his cheeks and he stuck his hands deep into his pockets. Winter was in full swing in Colorado.

Nadia stepped out of the shower and wrapped a thin white towel around her. The towels were too short to adequately cover her, like all hotel towels were—or the cheap hotel ones anyway. If Dean would just get over his pride and use the card she'd given him, they could have a room to themselves and spend the day curled together under 3,000 count Egyptian cotton sheets. Of course, in reality, they could never do such a thing. They could never waste away the day in bed because ghosts and vampires exist. And people are so insecure and unable to get over their pasts, that they tie themselves to things like nybbuses and reanimate dead best friends. Not to mention the small little detail of angels wanting her dead and him to take part in the apocalypse.

She stared at herself in the mirror for a long time; taking in her green eyes, long dark hair that clung to her neck and shoulders, and the small scars she had on her body from training alone in the barn at home. She used to wonder all the time why she was the one who had to lose her entire family; what she did to deserve all the fear and ridicule people saw toward her.

Now she felt sick as she wondered when all of the bad was going to stop. Dean knocked lightly and opened the door. She blinked away from the mirror and looked him over. Her chest tightened when Castiel's words replayed in her head. It was never going to stop, she realized. Not unless she found some way to get either of them out of the angels' plans. If she could change their minds about killing her then maybe she could get a better idea of what they had in mind for Sam and Dean. If she could get Castiel and Uriel to leave Sam and Dean alone, then anything would be worth them being safe; even if it meant making a deal with the angels in exchange for her life.

She forced all of that out of her head and smiled back at him. She saw the troubling look she must have had on reflected in his eyes. He moved toward her, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He looked her over and she knew he didn't buy it so she moved right up in front of him. She looked up at him from beneath her eye lashes and his entire body relaxed. His fingers grazed her arms lightly up and down, his eyes sliding over her lips and down her neck. She smiled, "Is there something on your mind?"

He licked his lips, "Tons."

One brow lifted, "That must be a change."

His eyes narrowed and he pushed her back until the sink hit her lower back. "You think you're funny, don't you?" He bent forward and kissed her neck.

"Me? I think I'm adorable."

"Hey," he pulled back to look her in the eye, "that's my line." Nadia smiled and slid her hands beneath the front of his shirt. He exhaled a hot breath on her neck and groaned, "Sam called. I have a feeling he'll be here any minute. I think he thinks you brainwashed me," he grinned.

"I guess that means I should get dressed…" Nadia stepped away and grabbed her underwear and bra from the counter. Dean sat down on the edge of the tub and she looked down at him.

"What?" he asked. "Just because I can't touch, doesn't mean I can't enjoy the view."

She rolled her eyes, "You are such a guy."