When Faith awoke, she had no idea how long she'd been asleep and for a moment was not even sure of where she was. Before she allowed the panic to set in, she closed her eyes and took a breath. It was then that the afternoon she had shared with Jimmy came back to her. She smiled to herself knowing that there was still little she enjoyed more than making love with him. In fact the only thing that might be better than the way he loved her and how she felt about herself when he loved her was waking up in his arms. Right in this moment she could almost forget about Aaron and everything he did to her, almost forget how he tried to hurt her baby. Almost but not quite. Still lying in Jimmy's strong arms after once again feeling worshipped by him was enough to begin what she thought might be a process of healing.

Faith lingered a while longer there curled on her side with Jimmy curled protectively around her his arm draped over her belly and his face nuzzled into her hair. Then she carefully extricated herself from him, dressed and shoved her feet into his boots. They were big on her but much more comfortable than her own. She made her way to the outhouse and relieved herself. She had forgotten how often she'd had to do that in the last few months before Adam was born but it was all coming back to her.

Feeling better she went back inside the house and began rummaging through the kitchen for food. Soon she had dinner cooking and went to sit down for a while as it cooked. She had just propped her still swollen feet up. They would probably be swollen for the duration; she had similar problems with Adam. But she had just gotten them up for a bit and leaned her head back against the chair and closed her eyes for a minute when she heard him coming out of the bedroom. It had been just over a week before when the sound of a man coming toward her would have nearly stopped her heart with panic. But this was not Aaron and she was not doing anything wrong by resting while their supper cooked. She simply opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"I told you that you were tired," she said.

"Looks like you still are too," he replied looking concerned.

"Nope," she told him, "Not still. I woke up feeling great but the little one wears me out. Supper should be ready soon."

"I could have rustled us up something."

"I haven't forgotten that you can cook, Jimmy. But you made breakfast so I guess I can handle supper," she said resting her head back once more.

She heard him cross to her quickly and for a moment had to fight the urge to cover her belly in protection. Faith told herself to remember where she was. Still she opened her eyes so that she could see what was coming.

Jimmy stopped short and just looked at her a minute. She was tensing and bracing but didn't even look as if she knew what she was bracing herself for.

"I ain't him," he said looking wounded, "I know I shouldn't've done what I did earlier but I'm not him. You could've told me no. I ain't him and I won't ever be."

He stood for a moment as if he wanted to say more or maybe even reach and touch her but he just turned and went back into the bedroom. Faith sat stunned for a few moments. She had never intended to make him feel that way. She maneuvered her way off of the chair and waddled toward the bedroom thanking her stars that there wasn't much left of having her mobility limited to go through before this little one came. She found Jimmy sitting on the edge of the bed holding the rolled piece of cloth she had sent along with him when he'd gone. Only it wasn't rolled up anymore, he had it undone and was just turning over in his hands the things that had been inside. He didn't seem aware of her presence.

"I'm sorry, Faith," he said softly speaking to the objects in his hands, "I failed you every possible way."

"First of all," Faith spoke up from the doorway making Jimmy jump, "If you're going to apologize to someone, you should probably do it to their face."

He looked at her and she had a hard time reading his expression which made her uneasy and nearly frightened at first. She was only just back and despite his professions of love to her, she had no way of knowing if he'd taken up with someone else since he'd been home and if he had the new woman was undoubtedly not the size of a barn. She wasn't even sure if she was afraid he would hit her as Aaron had done or if her fears were merely of being cast out. She studied his features a bit longer and saw the hurt and guilt in his own eyes and found the courage to continue.

"And second, what we did earlier was love. It was sweet and tender and caring. I know I could have stopped things if I wanted to and I almost did once or twice. But then I remembered who I was with and how badly I needed to feel something good and warm."

"It was too soon, Faith," he told her, "I could see how scared you were when I walked toward you and I only wanted to kiss you."

"I know," she said fighting off the tears. This was not how she wanted their reunion to go. It was not how she pictured it. Seeing him was supposed to wipe out all the bad memories. Aaron and everything he'd done to her was supposed to disappear in a puff of smoke and never come back and yet he still haunted every thought she had. "I'm sorry. I don't know how long it's going to take to remember where I am and have confidence you won't change like he did. I can't even believe that you wanted me like that. I have seen draft horses with shapelier backsides."

"Well, your breasts are bigger too," Jimmy pointed out, "And how could I not want you? You are beautiful."

"Even my feet are enormous!"

"Yeah I noticed you borrowed my boots. They had to feel better than your own. Clever girl," he said then half sighed at her, "Faith, I don't care how big you are. You won't always be this size and even if you are I don't care. I will always want you. I will always want to make love to you."

"Sure, after six months of having nearly any woman out there, you want to saddle yourself with a woman who looks like the broad side of a barn."

And there it was, out in the open. She wasn't an idiot. She knew what a handsome man he was and even without the reputation, women flocked to him. If he was carrying those Colts they would want him all the more. He believed he'd never see her again. There was nothing to keep him from taking numerous women to his bed or going to theirs. Still she regretted having said anything. She really wasn't sure she wanted to know. And even if he did want to settle down with her, knowing that in town there were women who had bedded him was more than she thought she could bear.

"There was no one else," he told her and she froze at that.

"What? You can't really mean that. You might mean no one steady or no one you'd consider marrying-"

"I mean no one at all," he clarified, "I didn't want to go back to how things were before you. I couldn't bring myself to even walk into the saloon. Kid and Lou tried to fix me up with some lady or another from town but it was always all wrong and we'd have an afternoon of awkward conversation and that would be it. I had my memories of you and this."

He held up his hand looking embarrassed. Faith blushed in understanding. He had really only dealt with his desires on his own—and to memories of her.

"But I'm not who you remember anymore," she protested. She didn't know why she was doing this. If he said he wanted her, she shouldn't want to push him away but she didn't want him to stay with her, take her in, raise a child with her without really considering everything. "I'm fat, bruised, ruined."

"Sweetheart," he said patting her tummy lightly, "This is not fat. This is the most wonderful news I have ever gotten. This is something I never even considered having because I didn't want to start wanting things I couldn't have. Bruises heal and eventually I promise we can heal the rest of it. I don't know how but someday you will take for granted that you are beautiful and loved and that no one will ever hurt you again. You are not ruined. I don't even understand what that could mean. You are the same in every single way that counts. And yes, I want you. I want you all the time. If it was all up to me and we didn't have to concern ourselves with eating and getting things done around the house, I would show you every minute of every day how much I want you."

Faith couldn't even believe what she was hearing. None of it made sense but she only needed to look at him to know he meant every word he said. It was what she dreamt he would say every time Aaron took her. Aaron did what he wanted and her mind would drift to finding Jimmy. She would bring the baby to him and he would be overjoyed to see her. He would sweep her into his arms and tell her she was the only woman for him and he had hoped against hope for her to come to him, for there to be a way for them to be together. It was the fantasy that got her through beatings and everything else Aaron did. But when she actually was on her way here she knew in her heart it couldn't be. It was just a fantasy. Now that she was here, now that every daydream was turning to a reality, she didn't know what to do. She blinked a few times, patted his arm and then turned to head out of the room.

"I should see to supper," she said willing her voice not to crack and her true feelings to venture nowhere near her face. "I'm sure it's nearly finished."

Jimmy sat there a while longer trying to think. He got an idea he had said or done something wrong but then he wasn't sure what it could have been. He thought maybe to ask Faith but then he didn't want to further upset her. She'd been through so much already. He shouldn't have let his feelings get hurt because she was still afraid. Of course he knew that sometimes feelings couldn't be controlled. And despite what she said, he surely shouldn't have made love to her that afternoon. It had felt good and he knew that he had made her feel good too but that didn't make it right. She was too fragile and hurt and he didn't even know if that was safe while she was carrying a child or at least when she was this close to having it.

The baby occupied as many of his thoughts as its mother. He knew he could do better than his own father but he also knew it took more to be a good pa than just avoiding hitting Faith or even paying more attention to the kids than to some cause. Teaspoon, without ever having raised a single child up was better at it than Jimmy felt he could be. Of course he knew he would not be alone but he also knew he couldn't go running to Kid or Teaspoon over every little thing that might come up with this child. His head was swimming. He was glad for the changes the last two days had brought him. There was nothing in the world he could have asked for but Faith back in his arms but he wasn't sure how he would get through any of this. He had promised that they would heal her but he didn't know how and didn't even know if it was possible. It wasn't a promise he relished breaking but he might have been unwise to make it in the first place.

A soft knocking brought his head up and his eyes focused on Faith in the doorway.

"Supper's ready," she said and then forced a smile. He could not read a single thing in her expression. Sometimes he cursed how much like Emma she really was.

"Thank you, Sweetheart," he said standing, "I'll be right there."

Faith nodded and waddled off toward the kitchen. She could only think of her walk as a waddle at that point and knew it was only to get slower and more awkward looking over the next couple of months. She was thinking less of her less mobile state than of Jimmy and how soft his voice was when he had just called her sweetheart. It was everything she had hoped of and gave her a flutter inside which for once was not caused by the baby. It also made her think of Aaron when she had been expecting Adam. He too had been tender and kind. He had called her things like sweetheart and honey. He had talked to the baby and rubbed her belly lightly. He had also hit her. His sweet words had turned to ugly ones. Faith wanted to believe in Jimmy but she just wasn't sure she could.

She heard Jimmy come into the room as she was dishing food onto his plate and kept her eyes glued to the task at hand. After dishing her own food, Faith sat down across from Jimmy and wished she had set the table differently. She just wasn't sure she could look at him right then. It wasn't that she feared he would hurt her if she looked at him but she knew she couldn't keep her perspective in place to keep herself and her baby safe if she met his eyes. She knew he would lay waste to her defenses and she'd trust him and too much was at stake for that. Faith kept her eyes on her plate and ate what she could. It was hard the less room that was left inside her and more often than not she could feel a foot sticking into her stomach. But she knew she needed to eat so she did.

Jimmy ate well. He had forgotten what a good cook Faith was. She was a much better cook than he was, that was for sure. Of course he'd never really set to learning too much, just enough to keep from starving.

"This is really good," he said mopping up the last of it with his biscuit.

"Thank you," she said meekly sparing only a quick glance at him before returning her eyes to the plate in front of her. "There's more if you're still hungry. I could get it for you."

"It's okay," he said quickly, "You don't need to get up. I'll get it myself. Can I get you anything while I'm up?"

"No," she replied softly before adding, "Thank you though."

The rest of the meal was eaten in an unwelcome silence. Each knew there were many things that needed discussing and yet neither one wanted to be the one to pierce the quiet and risk saying or doing the wrong thing. When they finished eating, Jimmy stood to help clear the dishes and took up a cloth to dry as Faith washed. At least one thing was still the same and he took a little comfort in that although he was disturbed by how little she had eaten. Once the last dish was put away, Faith grabbed her shawl and said she needed some air and would be on the porch if that was alright. It astounded him that she sounded like she was asking permission to sit on the porch and enjoy the evening air. He nodded to her and grunted something that more acknowledged where she'd be than gave or denied permission. It wasn't his place. It shouldn't be anyone's place to tell her if she could or could not sit on the porch.

Faith watched Jimmy a moment to see if he would protest her going outside to sit for a while but he didn't so she tightened her shawl around her shoulders and went out to one of the chairs and sat looking out into the darkening evening. The night air was refreshing and it occurred to her that this was the first time she had sat outside in months. The thought alone nearly brought tears to her eyes. Her hands went to her abdomen and she rubbed over the bulge. She could feel the life within stir as an arm reached and rubbed her back as if returning the comfort she tried to give.

The door opened behind her and she closed her eyes taking a breath and wondering what was to come next.

"Faith," Jimmy said softly for fear of startling her, "I made you some tea, Sweetheart."

She looked up at him with a furrowed brow. Of all the things she considered could happen right then, Jimmy bringing her a cup of tea was not one of them.

Jimmy smiled at her bewilderment.

"I know," he admitted, "I wouldn't've ever seen me making tea either but I was having trouble sleeping when I first got back into town. Buck told me if I made a tea from chamomile that it would help me sleep. He was right. It helped as much as anything else did anyway. I learned a few things from Buck. Learned mint helps settle your stomach. Eating my own cooking for all this time made me need the mint. I added some to your chamomile. Thought since you ate so little maybe you'd need some."

Faith took the cup from him and smiled at his thoughtfulness.

"Thank you."

"Mind if I join you?" he asked.

"It's still your porch," she answered.

Jimmy settled himself in the chair next to her and lifted his hand wanting to place it over hers but then thought better of it and put it back on the armrest of his own chair. The quiet settled over them and while they rarely spoke very much when they used to sit on her porch swing, this was different and felt wrong and uncomfortable somehow. Jimmy had no idea what to do or say and he was too terrified of saying something wrong to even speak at all. They sat like that for close to an hour just looking out into the night and avoiding looking at each other. Finally Faith yawned and stood.

"I think I'll turn in, now," she said and headed inside but stopped when she felt Jimmy's hand on hers. He didn't close his fingers tightly, just held her loosely to get her attention. She looked down to him and her eyes followed as he stood.

"I'd like to kiss you goodnight," he said. Jimmy was almost afraid to bring up a kiss but he really didn't want her heading to bed without one. He stood there unmoving waiting for her response. Her features softened and she moved as close to him as she could get with her belly in between them. Her arms slid around his neck as she looked up into his eyes, meeting them for the first time all evening.

"I can't get onto my tiptoes anymore," she said almost shyly, "I think you're going to have to come to me if you want that kiss."

He placed his hands gently on her cheeks and lowered his lips to hers, caressing her mouth with his. He was about to break away from her but her hands tightened around his neck to hold him close to her for a moment longer. When they parted she looked away quickly as if embarrassed.

"Goodnight then," she said.

"I'll be along shortly," he told her, "That is unless, well, you know…"

"No, I mean I know but…" she tried to find the words for what they were suddenly avoiding. "I, um, I like having you near me."

And then she disappeared inside. He stood there a while and then sat back down a few minutes before heading inside. Faith had left the lamp burning low so he could find his way without barking his shins and he decided to leave it knowing how often she had to relieve herself. He undressed and climbed under the covers. Everything was still for a little while until he heard her.

"Thank you for the tea, Jimmy," she whispered, "It was very soothing."

Then she curled around him as tight as her condition allowed and rested her head on his chest. She seemed to relax even more when he brought an arm around her and rubbed lightly along her back. With his other hand he stroked her belly and soon they were both asleep.

Huge thanks to K and L for their help with the arrangement of matches (yeah it means something to us but I don't feel like explaining it right now).-J