Wow! Another pretty-quick update!
I am amazing myself, haha.
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all here. BAWWW
"You don't look well."
Zuko jumped, the empty tea mugs on his tray clattering loudly. He whirled around to find Jin standing sheepishly in front of him, scratching the back of her head. "Sorry..."
"No, It's okay." He set down the cluttered tray, starting to re-stack the china cups. "I... My mind wasn't exactly here."
"I can tell." Jin picked up a few of the cups herself, helping the boy. "Lee, you look exhausted."
"It's... Been a long day." He said distractedly, picking the tray up again. "I'll be fine."
"Did you still want to go when you finished?" Jin said hopefully, her hands winding in the green fabric of her dress.
"I... I don't know." Zuko admitted. "I just... have a lot on my mind right now. I don't think I would be very good company."
"Well, I'm a good listener." Jin's voice was almost pleading. "But... It's okay." She murmured, disappointment painfully obvious in her voice.
"... Well, I suppose." Zuko eventually relented. "I just don't want wanna put anything on you."
"You won't!" She beamed, eyes lighting up. "I-I mean... I won't... And I won't ask anything... You don't even have to say anything, I'll..." She shook her head, blushing. "I'll come back later, 'kay?" She gave a light bow, and then ran out of the tea shop, clearly embarrassed with herself.
"She really does like you." Zuko jumped again, and once more, the teacups fell all about the tray.
"Uncle!" He fumed, slamming the tray down. "Please!"
"She's a nice girl, Lee." Iroh noted. "There is nothing wrong with being happy."
"... I know." Zuko straightened the last of the cups and picked up the tray, his knuckles white. "I like her too. It's just... Let's just say I haven't had much experience with girls." He walked silently past his uncle, and into the kitchen. He swept the cups into the basin of warm water, and rolling up his sleeves, wiped at the cups with a damp rag, before stacking them and leaving them to dry.
Ugh, this is servants work. He thought derisively. Someone like me shouldn't be reduced to working like a serf.
I sound like a spoilt brat. Zuko's hands still in the water. As though I haven't been through worse. Being on the run for weeks, trudging through the countryside alone without food and water is worse than this. Here, I have a roof over my head, I'm well-fed and comfortable enough. I'm safe, that Jet kid is gone...
But I'm not happy. I still have this... Hole inside of me. I know things should be better than this... But how...
"Do you want to take a break, nephew?" Iroh said kindly as he entered the back room.
"Huh?" Zuko blinked. "Oh. No, I'm fine." He kept his eyes trained on the water, shaking his head. Carefully, he stacked the last of the cups on the wooden drying rack, and picked up a small towel. "I just need to keep my mind here and focused."
"I don't think that-"
"Look, don't you have tea to serve?" Zuko snapped, hands tight around the fragile cup he held. Iroh paused, and sighed deeply, before walking out of the small back room and into the front of the shop. The former Prince was still for a few moments before flattening his palm, wincing as he stared at the cracked cup.
She was there all right.
"Hey." Zuko forced a weak smile as he hung up his apron, entering the front room of the little tea shop. "You... You look really nice." He said, his tone genuine. She'd pulled up her hair in a ponytail once more, and this time a delicate pink flower was tucked behind her ear.
"... Thank you." She said demurely, a blush creeping across her cheeks. "You look..."
"Just as frazzled as I was this morning?" Zuko raked his fingers through his hair, which was already standing on end. "Sorry... I just don't think I'll be all that pleasant company..."
"That's all right." Jin said quickly. "I'm just happy you decided to see me, is all." She walked beside Zuko as they left the shop, the male giving his uncle a quick wave before departing.
"I said I would." Zuko said. "A-And I mean, I wanted to as well." He added quickly, looking away. "I did. Seriously."
"I know that." Jin smiled. "Lee, what is wrong? What is it that you're not telling me?"
"Like I said, it's complicated." He muttered, lowering his gaze. "I-I'm sorry, but... I just can't tell you... Some things... They're just too dark. You'd hate me if you knew."
"I wouldn't." Jin protested, laying a hand on Zuko's shoulder. "You can tell me, Lee-"
"I can't!" Zuko shrugged himself away. It wasn't her nagging that got to him, it was that Agni-damned name! I'm not Lee! She shrunk away, hurt. "I... I'm sorry." He sighed, rubbing at his eyes. "I am. I've just... I've done things in my past that I'm really not proud of."
"I understand that." Jin said gently. "I think everyone has their own inner demons, Lee. You're no different."
"They are. I am." Zuko said roughly, still not looking the girl in the eye. "I'm sorry Jin, I don't wanna seem like I'm trying to push you away-"
"Really?"
"I really like you." Zuko sighed. "I do."
"And I like you too, Lee." She grabbed at his closest hand on impulse. "Why else would I show up at the tea shop you work in every day?" She sighed. "Look, you don't wanna let me in. That's okay. I'm not gonna pretend that I understand why, but you need your privacy. Everyone has secrets, things they hide from people."
"Do you?" Zuko looked over at Jin, the girl loosening her grip on his hand. "What's your big secret then?"
"All right, you caught me." She murmured. "I don't exactly have any secrets. But if I did, I would tell you, I promise."
"Yeah, right." Zuko muttered. "That's easy to say."
"Fine." She released his hand. "Do you want me to go?"
"No!" Zuko grabbed her sleeve. "I don't. I'm sorry... It's just..."
"It's complicated?" She stood a foot apart from him, a small smile on his face. "You're really fit the whole dark mysterious archetype, don't you?" She took a small step towards him their eyes locked. "Lee..." His breath hitched in his throat as she touched the side of his face. "You-"
"Hey, watch it!" Zuko cried out as the pair were roughly knocked. Jin gasped as she tumbled to the dirty cobblestones, painfully scraping her palms. The man who had pushed past them paused, and turned, raising one eyebrow. Zuko immediately bent down to pick the girl up, Jin winded from her fall.
"Oh, sorry." He smirked, and Zuko realised it was a boy, about their age. "Didn't mean to hurt your girlfriend." Jin winced, waiting for the defensive cry of 'She's not my girlfriend!', but instead, Zuko only threw the beefy teen a poisonous glare, before he was swallowed up in the crowded mass of the busy street.
"Are you okay?" He asked in concern, grabbing her wrists and examining her palms.
"I'm fine." Jin smiled, something in her chest fluttering. "Just a scrape..."
"Come on." He grabbed her sleeve, weaving his way through the crowd. "Best to get the dirt out as soon as you can, or it'll get infected."
"I'm fine, seriously." Jin protested. They turned down a side alley, as Zuko headed to the only source of free water in the nearby area. "You don't have to... Worry..." She blinked as they stood in the small courtyard of the Fire Fountain. "What..."
"Come here." She followed him to the edge. "Sit." She obeyed, watching as Zuko extracted a handkerchief from inside his sleeve, which he dipped in the water.
"I'm honestly fine." She repeated, although, she had to admit, her palms stung painfully. "It was just a push, he didn't mean it."
"I know it was probably an accident." Zuko took her left palm, dabbing carefully with the wet cloth. "But he didn't have to be a jerk about it... and look." He lifted the wadded-up handkerchief, showing it to Jin in the light. "See?"
"See what?" She frowned, tilting her head to see if the sun could catch what she was meant to see. "The sparkles?" She suggested.
"Yeah." Zuko sounded grim. "Except they're not 'sparkles', Jin. It's tiny fragments of glass."
"Oh." Jin's eyes widened "That's... really not good."
"No." Zuko's handkerchief went back in the water. "If stuff like that doesn't get picked out, it could stay in there and when the skin grows back over it, remain in your flesh."
"Ew!" Jin squeaked in disgust.
"Ew is right." Zuko doused his handkerchief again, wringing it out. "Gimme your other hand." She did so without protest, wiping her wet palm on the skirt of her dress.
"Where did you learn stuff like that?" Jin asked, watching as Zuko continued to carefully extract the tiny pieces of debris.
"... Around." He eventually muttered. "When you're wandering the countryside homeless, you pick up a few things."
"Oh..." Jn bowed her head. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault." Zuko said. "You're not the one that's heading this whole damn war."
"I know." Jin murmured. "But... All the same..."
"Hn?" Zuko pressed her to continue, still dabbing carefully, not wanting to grind anything into the exposed flesh.
"You must have seen a lot of things." She said, rather wistfully. "All sorts of different places and people."
"Different war sites and different refugees." Zuko said roughly, setting her palm down. "There." He rinsed his cloth one more time, wringing it out. "Good as new, almost."
"No, I know the whole world is torn apart by the war." Jin tried a different tack. "But there still must have been a lot of wonderful, beautiful things."
"... There are." Zuko folded his handkerchief in half, and tore it down the middle. "Jin..." He slowly looked up. "Have you ever left Ba Sing Se before?"
"Nope." She sighed. "I was born here. Maybe if times were different, my family and I would have gone to see relatives and friends in other parts of the Earth Kingdom, but because of the war, it's just far too dangerous." She looked down glumly. "I've never seen past the walls."
"... It's not that great." Zuko shrugged, nevertheless feeling bad for the girl. After all, he'd been to all four corners of the earth, as a refugee, as traitorous vagabond, as a Prince...
"You're lying." She accused, watching as Zuko wrapped one of the cloths around her hand, tying it tight.
"Okay, I'm lying." Zuko said. "But the world isn't going to be in a state of war forever. It's going to end soon."
"Oh, I know!" Jin's eyes lit up. "I've heard all about the Avatar! How he's returned... Have you?"
"... Yes." She frowned, noticing the way Zuko's hands tightened. "I know."
"... What's wrong?" Her frown deepened. "How come it doesn't make you happy? The only people in the world that hate him are the Fire Nation."
"I don't hate him." Zuko said quickly. "I don't. I just... I guess I don't have any faith in him."
"What do you mean?" Jin withdrew her other hand before Zuko could finish tying the makeshift bandage. "How can you not have faith in the Avatar?"
"Well... I guess..." Zuko cast his mind about. "He can't defeat the Fire Lord." He settled on a plausible, and true, explanation. "He's a twelve-year-old boy."
"But he's the Avatar." Jin sighed in a deadpan tone. "He's the only one who can defeat him."
"He might be an airbending master, but he's a novice at water and earth, and he doesn't even know any firebending." Zuko explained. "Air is the most useless element against fire. It's only designed to block and evade. The Air nomads used it for defensive purposes." Which is how Great-grandfather Sozin defeated them so easily...
"How do you know so much?" Jin frowned. "What, have you met him?"
"Yeah." Zuko said without thinking, then inwardly winced. "I was travelling with one of the groups of refugees he helped on the way to Ba Sing Se."
"Wow!" Jin gasped. "You met the Avatar! Oh, you're so lucky, Lee! Travelling all of these places, meeting the Avatar-"
"I wouldn't have done that if it wasn't for the war." Zuko muttered. "It's the reason I had to leave my home, why my family is torn apart. It's a high price to pay for the 'experience', isn't it?"
"Oh, Lee." She said sympathetically. "I didn't mean to-"
"I know." Zuko said roughly. "Just give me your hand, okay? I haven't finished."
"Oh... Sure." She smiled weakly, offering the half-bound palm. "I'm sorry about your family... you don't have to tell me what happened."
"I wasn't going to." Zuko tied a tight knot on the torn handkerchief. "Do you live with both of your parents?" He asked after a moment of silence, releasing her hand.
"Yeah." She nodded. "Both my father and mother. And I have three brothers as well."
"You're lucky, Jin." Zuko looked down at the water. "There aren't many people in the world with their families in one piece."
"I know." Jin smiled weakly. "And I'm glad for that, every day. I'm glad they're here and with me. I don't know what I would do without them."
"Just make sure you don't take them for granted." Zuko kept his gaze on the water. "I did. And then she was gone..."
"She?" Jin enquired cautiously. Zuko froze.
"I said she?" He winced. She nodded. "'She' is –was- my mother."
"Oh..." She scooted towards Zuko, resting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." But he didn't shrug her off. "I had a fair few years to grow close to her... Some people don't even know their mothers."
"Exactly." Jin murmured. "You know... Sometimes... I don't know, I just feel sort of... guilty."
"Why?" Zuko looked over at the girl. "Because you've got your whole family when so many others are torn apart?"
"Yeah." She said. "It's just not fair."
"You're right, it's not fair." Zuko agreed. "But Jin, you have no reason at all to feel guilty. Just be grateful that you have what you have."
"I am grateful." She nodded. "And I know how I feel is stupid... But I just can't help it, you know?"
"Yeah." Zuko nodded sympathetically. "I know." They sat together, in the silence for a few minutes, enjoying each others' company. Although the area around them was busy, filled with shopkeepers haggling behind their stalls, merchants shouting their wares, children splashing in the fountain around them, babies crying, and animals bleating, barking, and screeching, it felt oddly... Serene.
"Why do you like to come here?" Zuko asked presently asked curiously. Jin, who was staring into the shifting puzzle of water, looked up. "You said that you liked to watch the light, the play of fire on water. What is it that fascinates you?"
"About fire?" Jin asked softly. Zuko bit his lip, and nodded. "I... I don't know." She admitted slowly, flexing her bandaged hands. "Call me strange, I've just always been... interested in it. You don't think it's weird do you?"
"No." Zuko said gently. He lowered his gaze down to his hands, his spark rocks, finder and flint, torches, matches. His firemakers. "Fire is, after all, life. It breaths as we do."
"I've seen how a candle in a jar goes out." Jin nodded. "It's both pretty, and... chilling."
"It is." Zuko breathed, lifting his gaze once more. "The problem with fire, is that it's so hard to control. The Fire Nation have lost that control. Not with the physical fire, but their inner fire, the one that drives them, fuelled by rage and hate. That's what has made them evil people, it was always in their nature."
"You must have known one of them really well." Jin noted. "You know a lot about the Fire Nation, Lee."
"... I've had some experience with them." Zuko looked away from her, eyes trained on the water. "It's-"
"Complicated, I know." Jin cut in with a smile. Zuko looked up from the water and smiled at her rather sheepishly. "I get it, you prefer to be oh-so mysterious."
"It's just easier that way." The smile was gone from his face, and he looked down at the water. "I've already said a lot, I don't wanna say anymore."
"You don't have to." The girl said. "Lee, you're here, in Ba Sing Se. You're here, and you're safe, you and your uncle. Your past, who you were, everything you have done, can be erased, and you can start fresh here, become a whole new person."
"It's not that easy." Zuko stood up, and turned away, hands clenched into fists. It's not true, not for me. For the rest of my life, I'll be Prince Zuko, traitor to everybody. The Earth Kingdom, and the Water Tribes hate me for trying to hunt down the Avatar, and for the blood in my veins. The Fire Nation hates me for my treachery against their tyrannical laws and traditions. No matter where I go, what I do, that will always remain with me. I have the Agni-damned scar to prove it!
"Lee." Jin said pleadingly, standing up. Zuko tensed. There it is again. Lee. The name, the identity I've created to try and hide myself. Running and hiding, it's all I've done for so long. Now Uncle and I are in Ba Sing Se, what? What do we do now; serve tea while the Fire Nation continues to invade the Earth Kingdom?
"What." Zuko eventually turned around, hands still clenched, eyes still lowered. Wordlessly, Jin stepped towards the teenager, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a tight hug. She had always been a kindly and generous person, living in a large family had always reinforced that, and without any knowledge of what Zuko had done that was so awful, that filled him with anger and self-loathing, she tried to comfort him in the only way she knew how. The way that soothed her own tears and tantrums as she grew up, and how she consoled her younger brothers, with a soft, simple physical expression of kindness and caring.
What is she... Zuko froze as Jin hugged him tightly, eyes wide. Doing? He gulped, at first confused, was this some sort of approach? Did she expect another kiss after? Zuko stood as stiff, and rigid as a board, trying to understand what the hell she was doing, when something struck him. Apart from the occasional swamping bear-hug from his Uncle... He'd hadn't been hugged since...
Mother.
He formed the words silently on his lips, his chest aching, as memories of the contact which he had been deprived of for so long came flooding back. Zuko tightly screwed up his eyes, and, limbs shaking, slowly wound his arms around the girls' waist in a lax embrace, resting his chin on her shoulder. An ember burned in his throat, threatening to dissolve, draw back up all the bottled up tears from those poignant, painful memories that he now tried so hard to force down for so many years.
I'm breaking apart.
Zuko allowed himself to stay for a little while longer, snatching the rare moment of comfort, a gesture of warm and kindness from the girl with an embrace almost as tight and reassuring as his mothers', but eventually, pulled apart, and looked down at the ground stoutly, still trying to push the roaring bubble back down in his chest. Jin continued to cling to his hand, watching as he stared down at the cobblestones, his own grip lax.
"... Would you like to have dinner with us?" She asked seemingly out of the blue. "My mother makes an excellent-"
"I can't." Zuko cut her off, pulling his hand free.
"Why not, Lee?" Jin sounded almost pleading, concern evident in her face. "Are you not hungry or something?"
"No, not that." Zuko sighed. "It's just... I can't."
"Lee-"
"Look, I can't sit around at a table and play happy families with you all right? Get over it!" She shrank away, hurt.
"I-I never said that..." She said gently. "But... If that's how you feel..."
"Yes, it is!" Zuko was angry, angry at himself, his own weaknesses, his failures, his situation, what he had been reduced to, and he was taking it out on her. And it was unfair, he knew it. But once the words tumbled out of his mouth, they just wouldn't stop, no matter how much his brain tried to scream at him. "Stop trying to think you know me, Jin! You don't! You don't know anything about me! You don't know anything about anything! You're just a lowly peasant who has no idea about the real world! Stop trying to sympathise with me! I hate it! I hate it and I can't stand it!" With that, he turned, and without looking at her any further. He angrily shoved his way through the crowds of people, knocking several things over as he did so, but nothing was spared a second glance.
With Zuko quickly swallowed up by the crowd, Jin sat down beside the fountain, looking down at her hands, which the teenager had so tenderly bandaged for her. Dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve, she tried to retain her composure, but it was useless.
Surrounded by masses of moving bodies, and yet feeling so totally alone, the confused, hurt girl started to cry.
-sigh- don't you just love the angst?
This has a point, I swear.
Review, please. I don't mean to beg, but... Ah, screw it, I'm begging. But I mean, I know it doesn't look it, but I put a lot of work into this. I'm sure it doesn't take TOO much of your precious time to write me a few words on it. You can even flame if you want. Just pleeaaasseee.
/end pathetic beg-fest