Chapter Fourteen: Shadows
Gray's POV
I soared over the forest as Cana admired the view. We were nearing my special place now or my happy place; I supposed that described it as well. As I landed on that grassy plateau at the mountain top, I felt strangely nostalgic. I wanted Lucy to be here, we could re-enact that whole bento-eating scene and I would be the happiest man dead or alive. Not that I hated Cana. She just didn't give me the same happiness with her presence than Lucy did.
"It's beautiful," said Cana as I put her down. She walked around confidently, not minding how high up we were, "I didn't even know a place like this existed! How did you find this place anyway?"
"IU…" I said, "After she died… I came to Magnolia looking for these mages that IU said were much stronger than her. In order to make a stand for myself among these supposed mages, I had to get stronger so I trained in the forest and on this mountain. I usually came up here for breaks." I remembered my training clearly. I was only a kid and I was already pushing myself to my limit. One time I recalled I fainted in the snow and nearly froze to death. Just because I was an ice mage didn't make me completely immune to frostbite or whatever else disease you got from extreme cold.
"Oh," said Cana, looking down, "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up…"
"It's OK," I said, sitting down on the grass, "Anyway, about that talk."
Cana sat down across from me and seemed to relax herself, "So, whenever you're ready. Firstly, what are your feelings for Lucy? And save all the stammering crap and just come out with it."
"I love her," I said bluntly. I had to, after all, if I didn't want Cana to start yelling. Even the strongest mages couldn't face a woman's wrath and make it out alive.
"Well, I always had a feeling," nodded Cana, "Well, moving on… Where were you ACTUALLY before and don't give me that 'vacation' crap."
"Lucy was taken hostage by this Dark Guild and so Natsu, Erza, Mira and I went over and fought them. We also made new friends and stuff, anyway that's not important."
Cana didn't launch the thousand questions like anybody else would have. Instead, she just absorbed it all calmly and nodded, "OK. Now for the actual information that's actually important. Why are you acting strange ever since you came back from fighting a Dark Guild?"
I explained it all; how I suspected Lucy might possibly hate me for springing the love situation on her and how she probably loved Natsu from the start and every other doubt I had ever felt.
Cana listened patiently, her eyes closed in concentration. When I finished speaking, her eyes opened, "I ask you, Gray… Why would a woman as nice as Lucy hate you for telling her you love her? Your feelings aren't your fault and how could you think Lucy could hate you for something like that? True, maybe she does love Natsu but if she does, you just have to accept that. If she loves Natsu and it somehow works between them," my gut did an unpleasant twist at this, "she'll be happy, right? Isn't that all that matters?"
I froze. I had never thought of it that way before. It was true. How could Lucy, kind, caring Lucy hate anyone for something stupid like that? And she did look happy with Natsu. Wouldn't it make me happy, seeing her happy?
"So you're saying, I should let her go?" I said.
"Only when you clearly see her love for Natsu in that way, if any," explained Cana, "If she does love him, it is best to let her go, Gray. It wouldn't do either of you any good. You would do terrible because you'd be continually pining for a taken girl which would strain both your friendships with Lucy and Natsu. And Lucy would continually feel guilty for your pain and would never feel happy with Natsu, instead thinking she has to be with you in order to spare your feelings. Would you really want to put her through that?"
I gritted my teeth and frowned, closing my eyes in frustration. Everything Cana said made sense. If Lucy happened to love Natsu, I would have to let her go for both of us.
"Sorry Gray," said Cana, reaching out a hand and placing it over mine. I realised for the first time how warm her hand was compared to mine. It was always like that with everyone. My body temperature was cool, not completely freezing but just cooler than everyone else with a hint of warmth. Now with Cana's hand over mine, it was warm and comforting?
"It just has to be this way if things do happen to turn out that way," said Cana. She paused and then added, "'the greatest happiness comes from seeing others you love happy'."
"Nani?" I said.
"It's a saying Juvia told me," said Cana, smiling gently, "She lived off that saying. It's true, don't you think?"
I swallowed the cement block in my throat. My heart was wounded but that had turned into a scar now and the pain faded. The only thing preventing the scar from reopening was the fact that saying might be true and Lucy would be happy.
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Lucy's POV
I sneezed suddenly and rubbed my nose, "I hope I'm not getting a cold…" I had finished my sushi meeting with Natsu and going back to the guild. I felt better this time but still unsure if I could look at Gray anymore and be calm. As I entered the guild, everyone looked up.
"Nani?" I asked as Erza immediately swooped onto me and started firing off question after question, hustling me back out of the guild, "Lucy! Where were you? Why'd you suddenly run out? What did you and Gray talk about? Is something the matter with you right now? Are you stressed about something? Do you want to talk about it because—"
"Erza! Erza!" I said, throwing up my hands in defence. We were now outside the guild and the rest of members knew better not to interrupt us with Erza in this state, "It's all right! I'm fine, I swear! And what do you mean? I didn't talk with Gray…"
"He ran out after you dashed off," said Erza, looking at me suspiciously, "And anyway, are you REALLY all right? And don't you dare say 'yes' because every single bad omen possible has happened to me every time you're near me!" she started ticking things off with her fingers, "My cup has cracked, the mirror has cracked, my clothes suddenly tore, I stabbed my finger with the fork, hell, even a bird crashed into the window of the guild when you came in! Plus your mere presence is making my whole body shiver with bad feelings! What is going on?"
"I never would have picked you for the superstitious type," I observed, leaning back slightly as a dark aura surrounded the mage. She was kind of scaring me with her expression, her rant and her dark aura.
"Don't avoid the subject with me, Lucy Heartfilia!" said Erza threateningly.
"I have problems with Gray, OK?" I said, somehow managing to walk around her towards my apartment instead, "I don't really want to talk about it so please don't follow me." I tried to walk calmly but I was actually petrified that Erza would perhaps get a sword out of nowhere and start actually threatening me. But she didn't and I managed to get to my apartment safely. Erza did respect people's privacy and didn't pry into other's business if she couldn't get it out of them the first time. That was one of her best qualities.
As I sat down on my bed, a faint glow appeared in front of me and suddenly, Loke was in my room. I mentally groaned. Of course my Spirits would have to get involved and I would have to talk my way out again.
"Lucy," said Loke.
"I don't feel like talking," I simply said.
"You don't have to," said Loke, "All the Spirits including me have all seen what has happened and know what you're feeling. Well, Aquarius was with Scorpio but they know roughly what's going on. Anyway, I'm representing all the Spirits when I say this and I know this is old advice but the best thing to do is talk with Gray."
"I know but I'm just scared what will happen afterwards and how he would react," I said, burying my face in my hands, "Would he be sad or will he hate me or will I even be able to talk with him or will I run out, scared out of my wits like I did today…?"
Lucy's Imagination
"Gray I'm sorry for hurting you," apologised an imaginary chibi Lucy.
"You broke my heart…" said an imaginary chibi Gray, "Now I hate you!" He turned around and started walking away.
*Whole scene shatters like glass*
Lucy's Imagination ends
"Noooooo!" I shouted, clutching my head as the scene repeated again and again in my head.
"Lucy, I think you're going overboard a bit…" said Loke, sweat-dropping and looking kind of scared at my sudden shouting.
"But it could happen right?" I said, sitting back down and looking at Loke. My face must have looked depressing since Loke looked sad looking at me.
"Well, it's unrealistic…" said Loke. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully so I wouldn't have any sudden outbursts again.
"I just wish I could see the future…" I said, suddenly thinking about something.
… They have a gift for predicting things… Suddenly, an idea popped into my head. I made an excited sound and walked over to the bookshelf. Next to the huge book where I read up Mt Crest in Estonia was a book on magic. I flipped to the index and went to the directed page. There wasn't much information but it was the best I could find.
Loke walked over and looked over my shoulder. I could imagine his eyes widening, "Lucy! What are you—"
"I'm just trying to prevent worse things from happening!" I said as I read the small paragraphs quickly, "If I can just summon one of these shadows, I can see exactly what I have to say or do to fix everything."
"Lucy!" said Loke urgently, grabbing the book from my hands and shutting it tightly, "I know I shouldn't disobey my owner but these shadows are lethal, Lucy. Unlike Spirits, they're extremely violent and they're like assassins except worse. Unless you know what you're doing, you should never try to summon them!"
"If everyone thought like that, no one would have ever attempted anything and half the stuff we have today would have never existed." I took the book back as Loke flinched slightly, "I just have to befriend them and be nice to them right? They have feelings; they'll appreciate the nice actions when only a handful of people are nice to them and don't fear or hate them."
"Well…" said Loke. He couldn't say that shadows didn't have feelings because they did, "Overall, it's still dangerous! Do you know you have a less than 50% chance of safely summoning a shadow? 75% of the shadows in the Shadow World hate humans more than anything!"
"Then I'll just have to rely on that remaining 25%," I replied, reading the paragraphs over, memorising the words, "I'll have to start practising right away to summon one. If only Aston were here… He'd know what to do and what not to do… Ah! Maybe the Master knows something about the shadows!"
"Lucy…" said Loke.
"I'll just ask him tomorrow!" I decided, walking towards the door of the apartment.
"Where are you going now?" asked Loke.
"The library," I replied, "I'm going to see if there are some more books on summoning shadows." I started to walk out but paused and looked back, "I know you're worried, Loke but I'm going to be fine. I promise. I'm sure I'll become friends with the shadows."
"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep," murmured Loke, looking at the ground.
I sighed and walked out. Loke would be fine; he was smart, he'd go back to the Spirit World when he was ready.
"Well, I guess I can't force you to think otherwise. But I never make promises I can't keep, Loke." I shut the door behind me and walked to the library.
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I've always thought that Lucy was very strong in her own way~ I came up with the idea of shadows with her in mind~ Anyways, the main point of this story will happen soon, don't worry but I'm trying not to rush things so be patient, 'kay? ^_^
Don't forget to review~