Another big sorry for you guys... Somehow this chapter just wouldn't work out, I had most of it written already, but couldn't get a right ending... Chapter 10 is on its way though, almost finished! =)

Characters belong to Square Enix, story belongs to me.
Inspiration from"The other side isn't so green" and "Here at the other side" By Sammy-Dee.

Hope you enjoy!
~DSL

The evil behind two faces

Chapter 9

"Demyx" by Axel Nakayama

Somewhere during high school Zexion and Riku became my friends as well, which was much appreciated. Together we had fun in and out of school, but I never trusted them the way I trust Demyx. In school we all had our different interests in the subjects we had to take. Demyx was mostly interested in art and music, Zexion more in math and literature, Riku loved anything that had to do with sports and biology.

History, art and science had most of my fascination. Science only when I could make things explode or could set things on fire. The things humankind did and didn't do throughout their lives was something that never failed to catch my interest. Mostly the first and second World War are subjects that catch my attention because those are things I don't think I'll ever understand. Art was something I used to express myself, and Demyx made beautiful paintings, sculptures and drawings. I sometimes drew, but usually I wrote down what I felt, or what my vision on a subject was.

Somewhere during our third year I started to get all kinds of jobs, some legal, some not so legal. With those jobs I got enough money to buy some things I really liked. It wasn't much, some clothes, shoes and a simple MP3-player for some music. The rest of the money I saved for my 'grand escape' someday.

I got in and out of relationships with both girls and boys, but real love was something I didn't encounter. I wasn't surprised, really. My father had told me so often that I was unlovable and that that was something that would never change. At some point I started to believe him, who would want someone who had sex with his father, absolutely hated every single cell in his body and everything about himself in general? It was impossible. No one could love that kind of person. No one could love me.

Most of the people I dated used me for the sex, wanted to take advantage of my body. A lot of the people I had sex with would just have a good fuck and then run for it. At some point, and just for a little while, I decided to use this in my own advantage and ask money for it. I stopped doing that when I found out that my feelings for Demyx were more than just friendship.

Demyx appeared to have some trouble with his feelings for me. He didn't know I felt the same way, and so the silences we were so used to got awkward and the whole thing made me feel bad about myself. I didn't know Demyx liked me as well, but I did know that there was something going on. Talking to his mom didn't help me out, she didn't know what was going on either. Even Zexion, who Demyx trusted about as much as me, didn't know what was troubling our friend.

During one of the nights I sneaked into Demyx's room, I found him wide awake and waiting for me. His face had the most troubled expression I had ever seen on him, but the expression went on, past his face. His whole body exclaimed his confusion. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed, the way he'd usually sit when he wanted to talk. I sat down next to him and got strangled in a bear-tight hug. He didn't warn me like he usually did, but didn't let go when I struggled against his hold. He kept holding me throughout the whole story he had to tell me, I got kind of scared by him, he had never kept holding me when I struggled. The more he told me, the less I struggled. He told me about his feelings for me, how he wanted to be close to me and hold me tight. How he wanted to make me smile, laugh, make me happy, even. When he was done talking he looked at me, asking me if I'd give him a chance to try and make me happy. I tried to speak, but couldn't find my voice, so I just nodded. Another bear-tight hug was the first thing he did after squealing something inaudible. I hugged him back, a smile tugging at my lips.

For the first time, I fell asleep in Demyx's bed, being held close by him and feeling safe in his arms. It was one of the few nights I didn't wake up screaming because of nightmares and it was the only night I can recall that I slept through to the morning. A mistake I had to pay for when I got home.

All in all, my relationship with Demyx was pretty good. He tried his best to make me happy and make sure I didn't do anything stupid. I spent even more time at his house than before, which was hardly possible, I think. Zexion found out pretty soon after our relationship kicked off, which didn't surprise me. Demyx couldn't keep anything hidden from him. It was one of the very few occasions I've seen him smile a genuine smile. It was a miracle if Zexion smiled at all, but this smile showed that he was happy for us and wished us the best. It took Riku a while to find out, at the time he had the biggest crush on some awful cheerleading girl. She was some blonde, brainless Barbie doll, but he was in over his head. Anyway, after she told him no, he stopped obsessing over her and found out that Demyx and I were sitting very close to each other pretty much all the time we were around each other. He questioned us about it, we told him, he shrugged and moved on. Both of them couldn't care less, really. They just hoped we would be happy together.

Unfortunately, the abuse kept going on. It wasn't like my father cared if I was dating someone. Actually, if my mom found someone else in the house, she'd tell him and he'd punish me for fucking someone else than him. Being with Demyx prevented me from taking people home, so my mom didn't find any more unfamiliar persons wandering around our house. Because of the abuse, Demyx and I never had sex. I didn't want to taint him. Demyx is one of the purest people I know, and I didn't want that purity to fade. He understood and respected my choice. He didn't agree with me, tried to make me change my mind about it on multiple occasions, but I insisted.

Demyx was the first who tried to love me, and succeeded in that to some degree, I guess. He made me feel a little less worthless, stupid and disgusting. He made me feel a little more confident, taught me to appreciate some aspects of myself.

To all things come an end, our relationship included. Demyx missed the physical contact that I couldn't give him. I didn't care about all the others who had fucked me and who I had fucked. I did care about Demyx, I didn't want my filth to get all over him. We broke up on good terms, still best friends. I guess we had to try, to find out it wouldn't work out between us.