All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization.

not beta'd

storyline - "Laugh"

word prompt - preserve

The weeks rolled by, grey and dull as the winter we were in.

I supposed I could have tried harder to come out of my self-imposed confinement – both figuratively and literally— but I simply had no desire. Edward took to calling every now and then, but when phone calls proved too painful and awkward for us both, he resorted to emails.

In the beginning, I ignored the emails. Well, I read them, but I didn't respond. In an effort to preserve at least some of my heart – the part he hadn't taken with him – I limited contact.

The problem was he seemed lonely in his new city. Sure, it had been his decision, his own damn fault for uprooting himself and chasing the ladder-climbing dream of promotions and money, but I felt sympathetic. I at least had a support system; he did not.

So I started writing back.

The notes were brief at first, and maybe even a little boring. We talked about our day, what we were doing for the weekend (usually nothing; I don't know why we even bothered bringing that one up). I realized that not having to hear his voice made the interaction a little easier.

But then we started talking about other things as well. I remembered why we'd become acquainted in the first place, way back in high school, junior high, even, in an after school history study group. We'd always been friends first.

All of that changed the day I came home to an email saying he was going on a "work date". Why he felt the need to share such a thing with me, I didn't know.

There was no one else you could tell? Why me? At the risk of sounding cold, Edward, I didn't ask to be your only friend. Perhaps it would be better to tell things like this to Jasper, or some of your friends from back home. My home. Our home? Where do you consider home? Here? There?

Anyway, I'd say that I'm happy you're moving on, but I'm not. I was foolish to think that we could pretend to be just friends, sharing work anecdotes and comparing the weather. Keeping in contact has somewhat softened the blow of you leaving, but knowing that you're actually taking another woman out makes me sick to my stomach.

You asked me to stay honest with you, even if I was having a crappy day, and even if what I had to say, hurt. Well, there you go.

Bella

I shut the computer off after that, not wanting to read his reply. Yes, I wanted him to be happy.

No, I didn't want him to be happy with someone else.

My phone rang, and my stomach clenched anxiously in the negative anticipation of seeing Edward's name. It wasn't him though.

"Hi, Al."

"Hey, sweetie. You down to go out tonight? There's a new jazz lounge downtown…"

I smiled to myself. Alice had been trying to get me to come out of the house for weeks, but I'd been too busy moping or emailing Edward to feign being social.

She sighed, and I took a deep breath. I did, after all, love jazz. A little wine sounded nice, too.

"Yes, actually. That sounds good. What time?"

"Really?" she said, sounding relieved. "Awesome. Why don't I just pick you up around seven… you know I prefer riding together."

"Okay," I agreed, running my fingers over the lettering on my sweatshirt. "Will Rose come too?"

"Yeah, I think so. She had to work late, but she said she'd meet us there."

"So you knew I'd come out, huh?" I teased.

"Just keeping optimistic," Alice said.

"Well…good. Optimism is good." I winced at my own lameness. There was only so long I could be dour and emo before it got, well, depressing. "I'll be ready when you get here, okay?"

"Okay!" she said cheerfully. "Toodles!"

I rolled my eyes as I hung up, chuckling at Alice's ridiculousness. She said things just to say them, not even because she was actually like that. A couple of months before she'd ended all of her phone calls with "peace". That had been real special.

My phone dinged, alerting me to a new email. I was actually looking forward to going out with the girls, and I didn't want to sully the first good mood I'd had in a while.

I left the phone and awaiting messages on the table and went to take a shower.