Chapter Twenty: Suffering

Skipping to that night…

Lucy's POV

It is never easy having two guys competing for you. During the whole day, Natsu and Gray were always 'coincidentally' interrupting the other's time with me. I sighed when I thought back on it.

Flashback

"So tonight?" I asked.

"Yeah," replied Gray, "I'll be waiting—"

"SO!" Natsu suddenly cut in, "What are you both talking about?"

"Uh…" I said, sweat-dropping as he squished himself in between Gray and me. Gray glared at him threateningly.

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"There still aren't any missions," sighed Natsu as we sat together.

"Well, don't worry, there will be one eventually," I replied, smiling.

"Thanks, Luce," grinned Natsu, his hand about to wrap around mine.

Suddenly, an ice stake hit the table.

"AH!" I cried, looking up.

Gray smiled apologetically, "Sorry I missed the bullseye."

I looked at the darts board on the opposite side of the guild and sighed, you've got to be kidding me…

Flashback ends

Yeah. So the entire day, I couldn't spend more than two minutes alone with either of them. It was rather annoying really. Did they really think isolating the other person was going to make me choose them? Sighing, I pulled on a plain shirt and long, cream coloured sweater with black leggings and leather boots. I would have to say something about the 'isolation' method with Gray tonight. Then maybe he'd get the hint.

As I approached the familiar spot, my heart began racing in the usual way. It was fairly cold and the area was more and more covered with soft snow and ice the further I went into it. Gray had overdone himself.

Finally, I appeared in sight from the line of trees. The clearing was beautiful. The lake shone, clear as a mirror with a layer of ice and little drifts of snow lay about. As I was admiring the clearing, a voice sounded through the air, "Like it?"

I turned around and Gray was right there, as if he'd been there the entire time. He probably had been, actually.

"It's beautiful," I assured him, "I can't believe you did all this. You didn't waste all your magic power, right?"

"Relax," said Gray, "I always keep a reasonable amount stored."

"Good," I said, smiling, "Anyway, what do you want to do?"

"What else?" asked Gray, holding up a pair of skates.

I grinned, "Of course."

Taking the skates from him and putting them on, I stepped onto the ice lake, somehow already comfortable with skating and skated out. A moment later, Gray was also on. The ice was sturdy enough to hold the both of us, luckily.

"This time you can't sneakily get off and leave me on by myself," I said.

"Hai, hai," said Gray, but he was smiling slightly.

"Then everything's good," I said, skating off. Somehow my body learnt to skate on its own as I glided around on the ice. Gray was better than me of course and barely stopped for a second as he flew around. I stopped to catch my breath as I watched him, who barely had a sweat-drop. Suddenly he stopped across from me, "Are you tired?"

"Well, a normal person would be," I replied, "We've been skating for a while."

"Hm, true," said Gray, looking at all the skating lines in the lake, "Well, let's get off then."

"OK," I smiled, only too happy to. I did love skating but it did become tiring after a while when all the adrenaline's worn off.

Gray skated off first and hopped onto a snow drift, his skates disappearing and looked at me to get off as well. I smiled and skated towards the edge but then I heard a crackling sound which sounded through the air loudly since it was so quiet. Then I felt the ground give out beneath me.

"Ah—!" I screamed, cut off as I plunged into the water below. It was freezing as Gray had previously froze this lake, thus affecting the temperature. Plus the fact my clothes were completely not waterproof and soaked straight through immediately was not helping the situation.

I blinked and all I saw was the navy blue of the lake. The light shone above me but as I tried to swim towards it, my limbs wouldn't move. No matter how much I tried to, they just wouldn't respond to my orders. I was sinking quite quickly and some cold water rushed down my throat. But even as this all happened in a mere few seconds, only one thought went through my mind apart from the futile orders for my body to move.

Don't come into the water, Gray! I thought, nearly shouting it aloud but thinking better of it. Only more water would get into me and besides he wouldn't be able to hear me anyway since I'm shouting underwater.

The thing was, even if Gray could adapt to somewhat cooler environments than a normal human being, even he couldn't take the freezing temperatures of a frozen lake like this. If I were to drown, freeze or whatever else happened in freezing lakes, I would rather to without someone else dying alongside me.

That doesn't leave anyone else to help me, so… I thought as everything began to slowly turn black. The last thing I saw was a glow.

…

All around me was pitch black. Funny that I could still think actually. Didn't I drown in the lake? I had been almost certain about that. Unless some miracle had occurred and I had somehow floated back up to the surface. But that seemed unlikely.

I could feel someone shaking me, shouting my name. I was a bit annoyed about that. I just wanted to sleep, was that so wrong? I didn't even get much sleep lately because of—

Gray! My thoughts suddenly remembered everything and I opened my eyes and sat up, gasping for breath and my eyes wide. I looked around at the white landscape, still covered with snow. Then finally on the face beside me.

"Lucy!" said Gray in relief. He hugged me so tightly, I nearly couldn't breathe, "You're all right! Wait, are you? Are you hurt anywhere?"

"I'm… fine…" I said, placing a hand to my hair. It was still wet so it hadn't been very long since I was rescued. I looked at Gray. He was dry so he didn't come diving in after me luckily.

"What happened?" I asked, squeezing some water out of my hair.

"You were rescued… somehow," said Gray, "I was trying to get you by sticking my hand in but you had already sunk too far. So I just made a long tube out of ice and threw it in so you could maybe stick it out and breathe and decided to run and go find Natsu. He'd probably be able to do something unlike me so I ran off, but before I even got out of the clearing, a saw a glow and I turned around to find you lying on the ice!"

"You didn't see… what happened? Or who rescued me?" I asked.

"No," Gray shook his head, "But thank God he or she or whatever helped you by doing whatever he or she did. You seem to be getting warmer so that's good. You don't feel any pain at all, right?"

"No, just shock… and curiosity," I admitted, "I would like to thank whoever helped me…"

Gray smiled, "That's good."

"Are you sure you didn't see anyone?" I asked.

Gray shook his head, "No one. Just that glow, whatever it was."

I frowned. What glowed anyway? Gray didn't see anyone so…

"Wait," I said, "Do you think it could have been… the shadows?"

"Shadows?" said Gray, thinking, "Possibly."

"But… But they don't even like me," I said.

"Lucy, you lost control over them once but that doesn't mean they hate you."

"Well, if they did like me, they would have come out way earlier, wouldn't they?"

"Well…" said Gray, frowning. For once, I had stumped him. I couldn't think of a reason why they would bother coming out but it was nice to think they did all the same.

"Come on," said Gray finally when he couldn't find a good response, "We'll get you somewhere warm first so you won't catch a cold. Sorry about this Lucy. I should have checked the ice first." He sounded depressed; seeming to think my falling into the lake was his fault. He'd placed an arm around me since some feeling was still lost in my legs and I was walking pretty weirdly, nearly falling down altogether.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine," I said consolingly.

"No it's not fine," said Gray, "How many times have I almost let you die in front of me? When you got shot at Fallen Dark, when you ran away to Demon Crosses, I didn't even stop you when I saw you using all that magic power in the forest even though I knew the consequences! And now…"

"You shouldn't put all the burden on yourself," I said, "I made all those choices myself. Well not the lake one but it's not your fault I happen to weigh a couple more grams than the lake can take. But all the others; I chose to protect you, to go to Demon Crosses in secret and to try to summon shadows. I chose this whole lifestyle. Being a mage, you're always in constant danger no matter what. I chose all this; it was my decision alone. So don't blame yourself for things I do in order to become the mage I want to be. A mage like my mother."

Gray was quiet during my whole big speech. I couldn't tell if that was a good or bad sign. I was grateful for Gray trying to protect me but there was a fine line between protecting me and taking the blame for everything I chose to do.

"In our guild, everyone has lost an least one person," Gray finally spoke, "I lost IU, Natsu- Igneel, Cana- Her mother, Erza- Jellal, etc. And you were no different because you lost your mother, Lucy. At first we were more carefree. You were one of us, no different to everyone else. But then it changed."

"How?" I asked, baffled. I didn't have any idea what he was talking about.

"But then you kept on losing everything at some point," said Gray, "You lost your mother, Fairy Tail when you were kidnapped by Phantom Lord, your Spirits in Demon Crosses, even your own identity by that Kyrie person. You lost just about everything at some point, Lucy. Everyone knows the terrible feeling just by losing one significant part of their life but you've lost just about everything significant in your life. You've suffered more than anyone in our guild."

"But I got it all back," I pointed out, "My Spirits, Fairy Tail, my identity…"

"But you had still suffered from it," said Gray, "You've been through more than anyone. It isn't just me. Everyone is really protective of you and we all feel the need to shield you from anymore suffering. That's why… we're always like that. Especially Team Natsu and Mira because we know about you losing your Spirits and identity while no one else, except maybe Wendy, does."

"Is that why everyone is so protective?" I said, "Because they think I've suffered more losses than anyone?"

"You always put on a brave face," said Gray quietly as we entered town, "We all thought you must have been hurting behind that. So Natsu, Happy, Erza and I usually dropped in at your apartment to see how you were doing and things like that."

"You've been thinking that way for a long time," I said. Now that I thought about it, it did seem everyone did drop into my place more often after every 'loss' I experienced.

"Yeah," said Gray.

"Then you're wrong," I said bluntly.

Gray blinked at me, "Huh?"

"Ever since I came to Fairy Tail, I have not truly suffered once," I said quietly, "Sometimes I felt sad and hopeless of course but I always had faith in my guild so I never truly suffered without that sliver of hope. Any losses I've had, I've regained. Even Mother is still around me always." I remembered the time she appeared in my dream and when she appeared in the town when I went running after Juvia that time.

"I don't hide behind a brave face," I continued, "I never think about any of my 'suffering'. As long as I returned home to Fairy Tail, I never found the point to make myself suffer. I don't need everyone's protection. I am grateful for it but you don't even have to protect me from any suffering." We'd reached the front of my apartment. I stood up by myself, the feeling in my legs returning and turned around to face Gray, holding up my hand with the Fairy Tail stamp on it so he could see it, "As long as I have this mark with me, I'll never suffer."

With that, I smiled and gave Gray a quick kiss on the cheek, "Thanks for the date. I'll see you tomorrow."

Just as I turned to walk away, Gray reached out and took my wrist, "Wait."

He tugged me back, turning me around and pressed his lips to mine.

It lasted only a few seconds but that's all it took for my adrenaline to rocket up. Then Gray pulled away and smirked, "Now I'll see you tomorrow."

"Baka," I said as I went back into my apartment, smiling.

I've made another step towards becoming an independent mage, ne, Mother?

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Twenty chapters! Whoo-hoo! XD

Anyways, I wanted to fit in a couple of chapters in which Lucy is also growing into an independent mage, learning to stand on her own feet and to stand up for herself. I like it when this happens in stories, animes, etc. so I thought I might include it in mine instead of writing straight romance in every single chapter. But I have included little snippets of romance for lovers out there.

Tell me what you think~