Jimmy just sat there not knowing how to respond or even if he was allowed to. He looked at his hands which seemed so very powerless right then and waited for her to speak again.

"You do hate me now, don't you?" she said.

"No," he said meeting her wounded eyes, "Nothing's changed. I still love you. I'll always love you. I wish you'd understand that."

"How can you say that?"

"There's things I been afraid to tell you about me," he said, "I told you I know all about hating yourself. There's a good woman out there widowed and raising her boy all alone because of something I did. I killed an innocent woman because I couldn't figure how to get out of another gunfight. I'd like to think I'm more than those mistakes. I know you are."

"Jimmy you didn't set out to hurt those people," she protested, "You couldn't hurt someone on purpose. I did. I meant to hurt him. It backfired but I wanted him to hurt."

"Faith," Jimmy said and while his tone was soft it commanded her attention as well, "I listened to you I'm going to ask you listen to me now."

Faith was stunned by his words but what he asked was fair. She simply looked at him.

"You think you're the only one who's had ugly thoughts?" he asked her, "Every person you meet has said or done something at least once in their lives just to hurt someone else. People all get ugly sometimes. No one wants to show that side but we all have it."

"The things I said-"

"Don't change that he was wrong," Jimmy said flatly, "Don't change that he came after you, that he had that gun pointed at the baby."

"At you," she whimpered before dissolving into tears once again, "I brought that here. I put you in danger. He might've killed you and that was my fault."

Jimmy could help but laugh a little at that and then shrank back from the glare Faith shot him.

"You think that's funny?" she spat, "I lost absolutely everything in my life once and you think I could bear even the thought of losing you?"

"I don't think that's funny at all Faith," he explained, "It's just something Teaspoon calls irony. I've spent my whole life pushing people away because I couldn't bear to see people I loved in danger on account of me and here I am in the other position all of a sudden. I understand a lot of talks me and Lou had through the years now."

"What talks?"

"Lou would get mad at me because I believed no one could ever love me and I could never really allow myself to love anyone because I'd bring danger to them, because I couldn't promise them a tomorrow," he explained, "She'd get mad saying there might be someone out there who would love me anyway and it would be that woman's decision after all and not mine. Faith, if a crazy husband came calling every other day pointing a gun at me, I could take it if it meant still being with you."

She stared at him a moment or two.

"Just so we're clear though," he said, "There aren't any others, are there?"

She shook her head and allowed a smile at his attempt at humor.

"No, Aaron was the only one."

Her head dipped and for the first time she noticed the braid draped over her shoulder and resting on her chest. She picked it up and looked at him.

"Did you do this?" she asked scooting closer to where he sat on the bed.

"I, uh, yeah I did," he said sheepishly, "I know it's not real good or anything bu-"

His words were cut off by her mouth covering his and her tongue invading his mouth. He moaned against her but then pulled back. She was still so fragile, so frail.

Faith looked at him with such longing. She reached and grabbed a handful of shirt and pulled him back to her. He still held his head back from hers knowing that her belly would not allow her leverage to get to him.

"Sweetheart, you've been through so much," he said, "Are you sure you're alright?"

"It's going to be a long time before I am alright," she whispered, "I might never be entirely alright. But I know I love you with more passion than I have ever felt toward anyone else. I need to kiss you and touch you and know that this isn't my imagination. I need to know you are really here and weren't taken from me. I need to feel something besides sad and hurt. Please, remind me all I have to look forward to with you." She stopped talking and studied his eyes for a moment before dropping her gaze to her hands still holding his shirt. "Unless you don't want me anymore. I was assuming and maybe I shouldn't. I ha-"

This time he cut her words off with a searing kiss of his own. Faith was breathless when he released her mouth.

"Did you honestly think anything you said could make me love you or need you less?" he asked with a smirk, "If you'll let me rid you of that nightgown I'll be more than happy to show you what you have to look forward to for the rest of your days with me."

Between the two of them they maneuvered her nightgown over her head and Jimmy immediately descended on her breasts. Faith arched her back pressing her chest to him as his tongue worked over one of her nipples. His hand kneaded at her other breast.

"Ow," she said and he looked up worried at her. "They're kind of sore. Because of the baby." He still just looked at her. "So they can make milk soon."

He hovered over her belly and then pressed a kiss to it before speaking.

"You're really working your poor mother over, aren't you?" he said softly to her swollen abdomen, "I still say you're going to feel bad about that when you truly meet her. Things she has done to keep you safe and happy already and you make her hurt? That's not nice, little one."

He kissed her stomach again before continuing a string of kisses that ended between her legs. He paused.

"It ain't sore here, is it?"

"No," she said already growing breathless from anticipation.

Faith's head fell back into the pillow as his tongue teased at her driving her into frantic pleasure. She needed this. She needed this more than she had even known. She was still trying to catch her breath when Jimmy crawled up to rest next to her his head resting on one arm and a smug smile on his lips.

"So why are you still wearing clothes?" Faith asked him, "I don't think they're very practical right now, not for what I want to do to you."

At that point Jimmy found he could not shed his clothing quickly enough and soon he was naked with Faith astride him and their bodies joined as he was certain they were truly meant to be.

Rachel wasn't sure what she'd find when she drove the wagon up to Jimmy's place. She had talked to Jenny the day before and had heard Faith was in a very dark place and poor Jimmy wasn't doing much better. As she approached she smiled at Jimmy as he stuck his head out of the barn.

"Hey Rachel," he called to her wiping his brow with a handkerchief, "What brings you out?"

"I'm checking up on your fiancée of course," she replied matter of factly, "How's she doing? How are you doing?"

"She's better," he sighed, "Not all better but maybe everything she went through was meant to change her. I'm doing alright. It's hard to see her like this."

"I know it is, sweetie," Rachel said offering a sympathetic smile, "That's why she's so lucky to have you. So what are you doing hiding out here in the barn?"

"I ain't hiding," he answered, "I need to get the cradle finished before she goes and has that baby. It's got to sleep somewhere after all. I think you'll probably find Faith on the porch. Last I saw her she was there knitting something or other for the baby."

"I think I'll just go check on her then," Rachel told him, "I brought some supper for the two of you so she doesn't have to trouble herself. Everything else aside, she's getting mighty big and she's probably tiring easier these days."

"Mostly," he said and then looked down blushing fearing he had revealed too much. Rachel laughed lightly.

"That's normal for a woman in her condition. I don't know what it is but it makes a body amorous."

"That's a good word for it."

Rachel smiled at him and finished making her way toward the house where Faith was indeed sitting on the front porch with her knitting in her hands. She wasn't actually knitting though. She was sleeping.

"Oh the poor dear," Rachel said softly as she climbed down from the wagon and headed toward the younger woman. "Faith honey."

Faith blinked and looked momentarily frightened but then a smile warmed her features.

"Hi Rachel," she replied, "Sorry, the sun felt so good on my face and then the fresh air and I guess I must've just dozed off."

"You've got a nice spot for a little doze here," Rachel told her pulling a chair up beside Faith. "It's got to feel good to be able to relax."

"I guess," Faith answered noncommittally, "Can I ask you something Rachel?"

"Of course, sweetie."

"Can I really relax?"

"Well, I don't want to go into too much detail on something that's probably still giving you nightmares," Rachel replied, "But you made good and sure Aaron Lassiter would never come after you again."

"That's not what I mean," Faith responded, "Could I lose him? I went completely crazy. Could he…I don't even know how to put it into words."

"He understands," Rachel assured her, "If anyone in the world understands losing your mind to the fear and the anger for a moment or two it's the one working diligently to make a bed for your baby right now. He's afraid but he's afraid for you, not of you. Is that what you were asking? For whatever stories have been told about that man through the years, I know him. He loves deep and when he loves someone, counts them as one of his, there's no more noble or loyal man, I think."

Faith looked out toward the barn where she knew Jimmy was working hard at the one thing he felt he could do for their child. It warmed her heart but the tears sprang to her eyes anyway.

Rachel saw the fear and uncertainty lingering in Faith's eyes and knew she worried maybe Faith felt the only thing she had to offer was what she was carrying in her womb.

"He felt bound to you before you even showed up here," she said, "None of us but Teaspoon understood because he wouldn't tell anyone else about you. He would avoid as many of the young ladies that Lou tried to set him up with as he could. Cody was in town a couple months back and tried to get him to the saloon and he wouldn't even go for a drink, let alone any female company. You showed him what it was to be with someone he loved and you ruined him for anyone else who might not have whatever it is that you do that makes him love you so much."

"I don't even know what that is," Faith replied sadly, "I don't know why he loves me."

"You don't have to. He doesn't have to know either. He just has to feel it. You can make yourself crazy trying to figure out love. The whys don't matter one bit. You love that man out there and he loves you. That's it. That's what matters, Faith."

"What about Bill?"

"Cody? What about him?"

"No, Wild Bill," Faith clarified, "Jimmy hates him, talks about him like he's a separate person. Do men still come looking for him?"

"No one has since he's been here," Rachel answered hating that name being brought back up again, "He's laid low a good deal since he's been here. He didn't even wear the guns for a couple of months. He refuses to pin on a badge. He said what he wants is right here. I doubted everything he wanted was here. I don't anymore now that he has you with him. I think he's got everything he could ever dream of right here on this land."

"I can't lose him," Faith whispered, "He's…I just can't…"

Tears that had been threatening fell then and Rachel wrapped her arm around Faith hugging her tight and letting her cry it out.

"What happened?" Jimmy asked walking up on the pair. He had just felt the need to check on Faith and found her crying her eyes out onto Rachel's shoulder. Rachel looked up at him.

"Nothing happened, Jimmy," she answered, "Women in Faith's condition just need a good cry from time to time. She'll be just fine."

Jimmy stood there wanting to grumble something about how she'd been crying enough but had a feeling that wasn't going to do anything but earn him a glare from Rachel and more crying from Faith. He hated when women cried and the worst was when they cried over things that couldn't be fixed. He knew that whatever Faith was crying about, whether it was the events of the last couple of days or just the moodiness that went with expecting a baby, there wasn't a single thing he could do to fix it and probably nothing that anyone could do. He hoped that once she had the baby at least there would be less crying. Well, less crying from her; he was sure there would be plenty from the baby. But then from what he learned from helping with Mary, a baby's crying was usually something he could fix, or at least something fixable. The baby needs changing or feeding or rocking or something like that. Faith was much more complicated than that. While he hated the helpless feeling he had right now, he wouldn't dare to give up the times when they would stand side by side doing the dishes or sit talking on the porch and gazing out at the stars. Somehow at those moments, her crying was so far from his mind he couldn't even remember that either of them had ever been unhappy.

Faith felt like she was floating away from everything and everyone sometimes. All she could do was cry and it tore her up to be leaning so heavily on those she had just met. She couldn't help it though. Her tears just came outside her control. From somewhere that sounded like it was miles away she heard Rachel explaining about women in her condition crying more. Thinking back to when she'd been carrying Adam, she knew she had been more emotional but not this weepy. She had smiled more and felt hope and that things were right and good. Now she was in a whirl of feelings but none of them were good it seemed. She was afraid and angry and ashamed and afraid some more. The only time she felt any happiness was when she and Jimmy were loving each other. It gave her a hope that he would be there, that he wanted her and that maybe things would be alright. He was a handsome man who stirred her passions anyway but then she had always desired the physical acts of love more when she was expecting. Even with the increased desire, it hadn't felt so desperate before. Faith was beginning to feel it was the only way to connect with Jimmy. What she would do while recovering from the birth when she couldn't anymore was something she didn't even want to contemplate. So far he had been wonderful to her and even when he had gotten angry, she knew she deserved that anyway. She deserved worse.

It finally registered who Rachel was talking to and she lifted her head from the other woman's shoulder and looked up into the eyes of the man she loved. Those eyes were losing patience with her. She knew that. Quickly she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Sorry," she muttered pulling herself free from Rachel's embrace, "I should see to supper."

Jimmy caught her arm as she attempted to walk past him and held her tight to his chest. He didn't say anything more out of a fear of saying the wrong thing than anything else.

"Supper's already seen to, sweetie," Rachel piped up and set to fetching the food she had brought, "You need to rest when you can right now."

"Rachel you shouldn't have gone to such trouble," Faith said lifting her head away from Jimmy's chest, "I can still cook for him."

"No one's saying you can't, just that you shouldn't have to all alone," Rachel answered, "We take care of our own here and you, my dear are one of our own."

Once Rachel was in the house putting the food away, Jimmy kissed Faith's head.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know you can't help crying sometimes. I shouldn't make you feel bad for it. I get frustrated because I want to make things better and I know I can't."

Faith hugged him tighter and Jimmy laughed when the baby shifted between them.

"I still don't think that child likes me very well," he said, "Hope I can win him over once he's here."

Faith whispered something that Jimmy couldn't make out.

"What was that?"

"Or her," she repeated only a little louder, "The baby could be a her."

"Well if she is then I hope she's pretty as her mama," he replied pressing a kiss to her lips.

"Between the two of you I don't think you should be worried about good looking children," Rachel said coming out of the house, "Oh and Lou said she'd like to have the two of you over for supper if Faith's feeling up to it."

Rachel didn't wait for a response to the last part and climbed onto the wagon and headed away. Jimmy felt Faith's arms tighten around him.

"I know you've been so tired lately," he told her, "If you're not up to it yet, we can wait."

"Lou was just starting to like me," Faith whispered into his chest, "I'm sure she's heard by now. She's right to be so protective of you. You make terrible decisions."

"I used to," he agreed, "I guess I still do because leaving you was maybe the worst one I ever made. I'd like to think I'm back on track."

"You deserve better than me."

Jimmy laughed.

"There ain't anyone out there any better than you," he assured her kissing the top of her head, "You're beautiful, a right fine cook and you put up with me. You're having that baby. I gave up on thinking any woman would be willing to…"

He trailed off thinking of all he had resigned himself to and how all of that lonely sadness had fallen away the moment he laid eyes on her in the street that day all those months ago.

"Nope, ain't a woman out there any better than you, not for me at least."

Yeah two whole weeks to write one lousy chapter...well I hope it wasn't actually a lousy chapter...It's been a rough couple weeks for my bunch and I've had some other writing distractions. Yeah I know all about excuses and what they are like.-J