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not beta'd

storyline - "beginning"

word prompt - lift

Edward lay awake in bed, staring into the darkness. The digital clock beside his bed glowed blue; eleven thirty four.

He'd been having earlier nights than usual. Before, he'd have spent the time with his roommates, at their favorite local bar or downstairs watching TV.

Or he'd have been calling Bella, inviting her over or going to see her.

But now he couldn't see Bella, and he had little desire to hang out with the guys. He'd finished work early that day and wanted nothing more than to stay in bed. He was tired – mentally, emotionally.

Yet here he was, wide awake.

Several times he reached for his phone, seeking the comfort of her voice. This wasn't really an option, however. He knew that, and he didn't like it.

He was beginning to see that his emotional involvement with Bella had run deeper than he'd realized. Since they'd stop seeing one another, his feelings had not abated but intensified. He wanted to believe that this was simply a product if absence causing the heart to go fonder, but in his heart he suspected much more.

Eventually his feelings won out and he picked up his phone, dialing her number by memory.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. Edward."

"I know. I recognized the number."

"Right... I'm not calling too late, am I?

"Not really, just reading."

"Cool…"

There was uncomfortable silence.

Bella stretched out on her bed. She was surprised Edward had called. She liked it, liked hearing his voice and knowing that she seemed to be on his mind. Still, it didn't change much between them. Sometimes she could see the intensity on his eyes when he looked at her, but it never carried over in to any sort of commitment between them. What was the point of having feelings if you couldn't, or wouldn't, try to have a real relationship?

She didn't know what she wanted, but it wasn't what they'd had.

Edward sighed audibly, causing the phone to crackle slightly with static. "I miss you, Bella."

Bella's chest constricted. "I miss you, too."

"Do you want to do something, maybe? Tomorrow?"

"No."

Edward nodded to himself. He didn't know why he'd even asked.

"Do you understand why I can't see you, Edward?"

"Yes," he said, shutting his eyes.

"Why are you calling me?" Bella asked gently, setting her book down.

"I can't stop thinking about you."

Another silence stretched between them.

"Why won't you let me in?"

Edward shook his head. "I don't know, Bella."

She grew frustrated, desperate. "That's crap. You see, this is crap. I was tired of it then and I'm tired of it now. I'm not going to pretend I don't have really intense feelings for you – because I do – but this back and forth is bull. You need to get your act together. I'm sorry."

"I know!" Edward cried, sitting up straight. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, rubbing his hand roughly over his face. "I know. I just… I miss having you in my life. Even as a friend."

He knew she deserved an explanation. Even if he didn't really know why he was the way he was, if he could even express that to her, it might help.

Bella thought about the things Tanya had said, wondering if they had any merit. Even if they did, should it matter?

"You want to go back to being friends?" she asked, uncertain. It had been less than a month since they'd split.

"Yes."

"You can give me a lift tomorrow, then," she said quietly. "To the mechanic's. My car is there. I had to take it in yesterday."

"I can do that," he agreed. "Before or after classes?"

"Before. So I can have it for the day, if that's all right."

"That's fine. When's your first class?"

"Ten," Bella said.

Edward's was at nine thirty, but he wouldn't tell her that. Missing one class of many was hardly a problem. There was very little he wouldn't do for her.

"I'll be there."

"Okay." Bella yawned, the late hour catching up with her. "Thanks."

"Bella."

"Hm?"

"Sleep well."

She smiled. "You too."

She didn't know if spending time with Edward was the best idea, but maybe she could get to know him in other ways. She wasn't strong enough to maintain distance when he was trying so hard to close it, but she knew she could keep boundaries up if need be.

And in time, perhaps she would figure him out.

this was yesterday's. fell asleep. lo siento!