A/N: WARNING: CONTAINS SELF HARM. While I don't personally subscribe to the headcanon that Fai is a cutter, I still wanted to write about it once in this series. I've seen that headcanon floating around a bit, so... Writing this also gives me a chance to vent I suppose, since today was a rather rough day. I'm, well... not exactly a stranger to self-harm myself. If you feel as though I'm being a bit extreme in trying to let you know that this contains self-harm, I'm not. Reading something like this is often triggering. I don't want to be responsible for someone hurting him/herself.
IF READING SELF HARM IS TRIGGERING TO YOU, DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER.
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Jawline Kiss
To plant a jawline kiss on someone, give them a firm kiss on the bottom of their jaw, right where their face meets their neck. If they respond well to it, make a path of jawline kisses up to their ear and give them an earlobe kiss.
Blood wells up through cuts, some deep and some shallow. The knife is braced against Fai's skin and he gulps, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. Then he presses hard on the blade. It sinks into his skin as he drags it along the tender flesh of his forearm. When he pulls the knife away, his skin falls open a bit, and it takes a moment for his blood to start filling up the cut. The sight of the crimson falling in droplets down his arm makes him feel both sick and high at once. He realizes at once that he's breathing hard, and he forces himself to calm down. He slowly sets the knife back on his wrist and makes a quick succession of slices. He flinches away from the pain despite his longing for it.
"What the hell are you doing!?"
Fai gasps. His eyes widen and his veins run cold at the sound of Kurogane's shocked voice. His shock is nothing compared to Fai's mortification at being caught. The next few seconds seem to have stopped entirely as the men stare at one another, each frozen. "I… This is… I got hurt earlier and they're still bleeding and I was about to bandage them," Fai finishes lamely. His voice trembles, and he bows his head as his face burns.
"Shut up." Kurogane grabs Fai's collar roughly. "What the hell are you doing?" he repeats angrily. Fai refuses to answer or even look at Kurogane, so the ninja sets him down as gently as he can. He kneels onto one knee and picks up Fai's arm, or tries to, at least. The blond rips his arm away quickly in fear. Kurogane's eyes flash, and he grabs Fai's arm again, this time keeping it pinned. "You… why would you do this to yourself?" He runs his fingertips over the crisscrossing cuts. Some have stopped bleeding; some are scars; some continue to bleed profusely. "Do you want to die!?" Kurogane asks incredulously.
Fai twists away and holds his arms against his chest, his head leaning against the cold wall. "I…" he whispers. "If I don't do this, then…" Fai's voice falters, and he has to take a moment to regain his composure. "I have to. If I don't hurt myself, I can't live…" He whimpers as Kurogane's nails dig into his skin, forcing Fai to turn. Fai stares at the anger written across Kurogane's face, terrified Kurogane will either call him a freak and hate him or worse, tell him how sorry he feels for him.
Fai is unsurprised when Kurogane stands silently and leaves him alone. The relief he feels is intermingled with regret, and part of him wishes Kurogane had done something. He picks up the knife by his feet and stares at it with loathing.
Kurogane is only gone for around twenty seconds. Fai pushes himself against the wall, wanting to get away but too scared to flee.
"Oi. What are you doing? Come here." Kurogane takes hold of Fai's arm roughly and sets down the bundle of bandages he had fetched. He grabs a rag and wipes the blood from Fai's arms, and Fai has to bite his lip to keep from crying, not from pain but from how incredibly gentle the other man is being.
Once Fai's arms are clean and wrapped, Kurogane tugs Fai carefully to his feet. He holds the mage arms length away and studies his face for a brief moment. Then he places his hands on Fai's cheeks and pulls him into a kiss, first on the mouth then a series of smaller pecks along his jaw up to his ear. "Don't do something like that again," Kurogane murmurs, and Fai's scars and new wounds seem to almost ache.
"I'm sorry," Fai whispers, voice cracking, and he breaks into a sob. He sinks down to the ground once more, burying his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry." His thin body quakes, and Kurogane quickly sits. The ninja takes Fai in his arms and holds him as tightly as possible as if he can stop all of Fai's pain with his strength alone. Fai's head rests against Kurogane's shoulder, and his tears soak the other man's shirt.
Kurogane simply holds him and rocks gently until Fai's sobs quiet. "Idiot…" Kurogane breathes. "I love you. Don't hurt yourself like that. Please." He feels Fai nod, and he strokes the mage's hair.
It's early in the morning when the pair finally falls asleep, Fai's head in the crook of Kurogane's neck and Kurogane's head resting against Fai's. They hold each other so tightly, even in their sleep, that nothing seems to be able to pull them apart. Kurogane's fingers are still tangled in Fai's hair, and the knife lies forgotten on the floor.