A/N: Horitsuba Gakuen-verse again. Also, sorry this one is late. It stormed pretty badly here last night and killed my Internet.
Lizard Kiss
The lizard kiss involves flicking your tongue in and out of your partner's mouth in tight, quick strokes (picture the way a lizard moves its tongue). This is a silly kiss you can try just for fun, but it generally should be avoided because it feels kind of creepy to get.
Kurogane has determined that the magazine Cosmopolitan is written by the devil himself.
Fai is convinced the sex tips will add a bit of "spark" to their love life.
When Fai pulls out a fork while in bed, Kurogane is both incredibly concerned and slightly terrified. When Fai scrapes the fork roughly over Kurogane's skin, the gym teacher falls out of bed, worried Fai has somehow developed a taste for human flesh.
"I read it in Cosmo. It was inspired by 50 Shades of Grey," Fai explains.
Kurogane purchases the erotic novel the next day and throws it out the window before nightfall.
A few weeks later, Kurogane is greeted by Fai's face at crotch level the moment he walks in the front door. Fai ends up with a bloody nose as Kurogane runs into him. "I read in Cosmo that 34% of guys say they wish their partner would surprise them with oral as they walk in the door," Fai says through a bloody tissue.
"I'm part of the 66% that says hell no," Kurogane replies.
A month passes before Cosmopolitan gives Fai more bad advice.
They are kissing, and Kurogane closes his eyes as Fai's tongue slips inside his mouth. Then, quickly, it's gone. And back in, and out, and in, and out, and Kurogane opens his eyes and shoves Fai away. "…don't tell me," Kurogane groans, and Fai nods shyly.
"Cosmo said guys like it when their partner slips her tongue in and out of their mouth rapidly."
"You're a guy too," Kurogane says angrily. "Quit reading magazines for girls. Would you like a freaky kiss like that?" The blond shrugs, so Kurogane leans forward and kisses him, tongue moving in and out quickly.
Fai decides he'll stop reading Cosmopolitan.