I sat on my bed painting my finger and toenails with a light beige colour.
Jesse, as usual, had Spike on his lap and was massaging him. Inside I felt pissed off… come on, I'd love a massage and appreciate it more then the cat!
Even though I had gotten a wonderful… ok, the best, sensational massage I have ever experienced… It was from Brett, and I'm not complaining, but I would just die, if Jesse would do that to me.
The radio, which was sitting on my dressing table had just finished playing 'Signed, Seal, Delivered' by Stevie Wonder, when the radio host started speaking.
"Ok, all you young couples out there who are in love, this next one is for you!"
I continued to paint my nails, trying not the let the words in the song of 'Boyz 2 Men' take hold of me.
Then it hit the chorus: "…I'll hold you all through the night, I'll make love to you, like you want me too…and I'll never let go til you tell me too…"
OMG, I was totally melting, this song is so perfect for Jesse and I.
It made me feel like running over there into his embrace and falling head over heals in love with him.
But of course I didn't really do that. It took every ounce of me not to though…I must admit.
Somehow I felt that Jesse's gaze was upon me. I didn't really want to look up and check though.
I didn't want him to get the wrong idea… well, I did… but he was so not like modern day guys. So I didn't want him to think I was, you know, hitting onto him or something. I don't want to ruin our friendship.
So I pretended not to notice the lyrics and put the lid back on the nail polish bottle ever so casually.
Then I blew on my nails and shook my hands. Even though the 'quick dry' polish did dry rather quickly anyway.
"What are you doing, Querida?" Jesse asked.
I looked over at him and he was looking at me inquisitively.
"I'm trying to make my nails dry quicker"
I told him emotionless as I could. It was so hard, looking at him and knowing he can't be mine.
I really didn't want him to know what was going through my mind…that the lyrics had me wanting to do something with him that I really knew Father D would despise.
Anyway, Jesse wasn't interested in doing that kind of thing with me… was he?
"Would you like to do something, Querida?" He asked attentively.
I looked at him for a moment; kind of shocked… like he read my mind or something. Was he like, insinuating that he wanted to make love or something?
Far out! Snap out of it Susannah, the guy hasn't even kissed you yet! Well, he has, sort of… once on the cheek… and a few times on my head… Oh and there was this time where he had kissed my hand…
"Susannah?"
Jessie said probably wondering what the hell I was doing, as the whole time I'd been thinking about making love, I was still staring at him.
"Aye?" I replied.
Omg, I really need some help… I've gotta stop saying crappy things to him.
He smiled one of his beautiful Jesse smiles.
"I was wondering, Susannah, if you wanted to do something… like, I don't know, maybe play a game or something?"
I raised my eyebrows. Oh damn, I was wrong… way wrong.
"What? A game?" I was stunned.
Just then, my phone rang, and I think it startled both of us.
I switched the music off and started walking over to pick it up.
"I'm sorry Jesse"
I said avoiding his gaze.
"Hello…" I said into my pink, cordless glittery phone.
"Suze, It's me"
I kind of sounded like Brett, but I wasn't to sure. But then again, it's not like I have a line up of guys calling.
"Brett?"
I saw Jesse turn his head quickly in my direction. And my instincts immediately made my head turn towards him.
"I was wondering, you know about, um… well if you still wanted to come down to the salon, you know?"
Jesse looked kind of angry but yet interested in what Brett wanted.
"The salon, Yeah!"
I said a little way too excited, as Jesse's face dropped and he turned back to the window.
"Fantastic, are you free tomorrow, say about 3:30, after school"
"Um, yeah, that's fine. Hey, Brett, would I be able to bring my friend Cee Cee as well?"
He hesitated a little but then answered. "Yeah, sure, if she doesn't mind getting Tasha, who's 42… I'm the only male…"
"I'm sure she won't mind" I said trying not to laugh.
"Ok, great, I'll see you at 3:30"
"All right, thanks Brett"
"Goodnight, Suze, love yah"
"Yeah, goodnight Brett"
We hung up.
"We're just friends, Jesse, I want to check out his work…"
I said trying to ensure Jesse that I had no intentions of loving him. I didn't want to hurt Jesse, he was an amazing guy… but he was dead… We could never be together…
I walked past my nightstand, turned my beside lamp on and then turned the main one off.
As I got into my bed, Jesse turned to me.
"Salon, does he work in a hair salon?" He asked trying not to laugh.
I felt like saying umm, no Jesse, not a hair salon. Then I thought, no, he so wouldn't let me go if he knew Brett was going to be massaging me.
That would really make him mad.
"Yeah, something like that"
I answered, letting him think I was going to get my hair washed and trimmed.
"Well, just don't let him cut your beautiful hair"
I was kind of surprised at that comment.
"No, I won't, it's just gonna be a wash, blow dry and style".
Man I really didn't like lying to Jesse.
"How come you never want to spend time with me?" He asked with a sad look on his face.
"Jesse, it's not like I don't want to hang out with you… but where can we go?" I said, trying not to hurt his feelings.
He looked away.
"Just be careful with him, Susannah, I don't trust him…"
But I was so tired to answer… and I was gonna get a massage tomorrow, mmm. I closed my eyes and I fell straight to sleep thinking of happy thoughts.