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unbeta'd

storyline - beginning

prompt - gift

Edward pulled his car up right alongside Bella's.

The night was mild. A gentle, cool breeze blew, slightly damp. It had rained earlier and would likely do so again.

Bella unlocked the door and walked inside, motioning for Edward to lock up behind him.

"You want a beer or something?" she asked, shrugging off her cardigan.

He almost refused, but then remembered that Bella and Alice usually had good beer. It could be like before, when they would stay awake and talk till late.

"Sure."

"Blue Moon? I got the Rising Moon yesterday from Whole Foods, for spring."

"Sounds good." He watched her move from the fridge to the counter, popping the caps off of the bottles with the almost affectionate familiarity of someone who does it all the time.

Alice and Jasper walked in to the apartment around the same time Bella and Edward came out of the kitchen. Alice smiled at Edward, because that was how she was, but Jasper's expression was carefully neutral. He would not welcome nor would he shun the other man, but he was cautious. He'd known Bella for years and she was a good girl, deserved good things.

"Hey man," he said, his voice pleasant enough.

"How's it going?" Edward said, smiling a little.

Bella had wanted to talk in the living room, but that wasn't happening. Biting her lip, she touched Edward's arm and nodded toward her room.

It was nothing like it had been before. Edward had always thought of Bella somewhat as a hippie type, with her gauzy, colorful window hangings and incense. But now her room was streamlined and somewhat geometric, with carefully arranged Japanese lanterns in groups and a white bedspread where once had lain a tangle of mismatched blankets.

He'd liked it then, but he loved it now. It was calming.

Bella watched Edward as he took in the changes. In some ways, breaking up with Edward had been a gift because it had forced her from the horrid in-between, the state of waiting and maybe and compromise that had begun to drag down her spirit. There had been sadness, and loneliness, but there had also been a sense of newness and hope. She could do it. She could thrive, and she did.

She'd redecorated for the new year, feeling suffocated by the things that had followed her from high school and surrounded her all through college. Things were neater now, brighter. Clearer. More plants, less stuff.

Springtime.

"I like it," Edward said eventually.

Bella smiled, sitting on her bed. She patted the spot next to her.

"It's so… white. I don't want to get it dirty," he teased, sitting gingerly on the edge.

"You're fine." Bella rolled her eyes and took a sip. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

Edward took a long pull of beer, gathering his thoughts. "About… me."

Bella twisted toward him, kicking her sneakers off so she could bring her feet up on to the bed.

"What about you?" she asked gently.

"I know I can be… difficult."

She smiled a little, looking down. "A little."

"It didn't really matter before because, you know. I didn't care. I didn't think I cared so much for you until it became too big to ignore and by that point you were tired of the back and forth."

"Why did you leave me on New Year's, Edward?"

Edward set his bottle on the table next to Bella's bed. "I told you, I was late for work."

"But why really?" she pressed.

He folded his hands and unfolded them. "You were too close."

"I never crowded you."

"No, you never did. It didn't matter, though. You were too close. I let you get close."

"But why is that bad?"

"It sounds trite, but the people who are closest to you are the ones that can hurt you. If I was going to be hurt, I wanted it on my terms, not yours."

"So you hurt me instead," Bella said, exhaling slowly. "And yourself."

Edward nodded. "Sounds dumb when you put it that way."

"That's because it kind of is," she laughed. "I didn't want to hurt you. I cared for you, more than you know. I would have…"

He waited for her to continue, and when she didn't, he tapped her knee. "Would have what?"

"Would have put you first. I would have stayed, stayed with you and stayed in town."

Admitting that was scary, but it felt good too. Cathartic.

"So, you're definitely leaving then?" he asked. "At the end of the year?"

"I don't know. Alice is trying to get me to stay. I could go either way at this point."

They sat in silence awhile, sipping beer and thinking.

"My job takes so much time," Edward said, almost to himself.

"But you like it?"

He nodded. "It's… me, you know? So much of me is in it. I worry there isn't much left of me for anyone else."

"That's an excuse," Bella said, a shrewd gleam in her eye.

"Maybe."

"What are you so scared of?"

"Being alone."

"And so you push everyone away." Frustrated, Bella stood up and walked to her window. "You'll always be alone if you keep on sabotaging things."

"I don't want to be."

"Then don't be."

"I want to be with you."

"You can't be with me and be alone."

"I know. I want to be with you."

Bella stayed quiet, staring out the window. The tree beside her window was full and green, whereas it had once been stripped bare by winter. "Why are you so afraid of being alone?"

"I guess I'm more afraid of being left."

"Like, abandoned?"

"Maybe."

"Did someone abandon you?" Bella asked, remembering Tanya's words that one day.

"Not exactly. I have had a functional relationship or two, contrary to how it may seem."

"I didn't mean relationships, actually…"

"Then what do you mean?"

Bella's heart stuttered anxiously. The last thing she wanted to do was insinuate things, yet that was what she was being forced to do. "I mean family."

"Daddy issues."

Bella heard the smile in Edward's voice and turned from the window, wanting to see his face.

"Do you have daddy issues?" she asked, poking playfully at his chest.

He shrugged. "Probably."

"We all have issues."

It wasn't everything, and Bella knew that they would probably touch on the topic again, but it was a start. Edward had often been the type to talk about everything but what was going on with him, always keeping Bella in the dark. It put him in a place of power, because she had always been guessing, but in the end it had put him at a disadvantage.

This was different though. Bella wouldn't push or pry; Edward needed to come on his own as he had done tonight.

But if he wanted her the way he said he did, then that's what he was going to have to do.