The drive home this afternoon was excruciatingly killing me. Jesse had made sure that he got in the vehicle first, so that Doc had to sit between us. He went out of his way not to be near me, and avoided talking to me at all costs. It made me feel like I had some sort of highly contagious disease or something…
"I'm not hungry!" Was the first thing I had said all evening, since the incident at the pool today.
"But Susie, darling, you have to eat" My mother called, from behind my closed bedroom door.
When I didn't respond she told me that she'd wrap my dinner up and I could heat it up in the microwave later, when I was ready.
I was angry!Angry because Brett had ruined what Jesse and I felt for one another… Angry because he would not stay out of my life… Angry because Jesse would not listen to me… Not only was I angry, I was afraid!Afraid to think about what Brett might do… Afraid to think about loosing Jesse and the feelings that we had shared… I think I was just plain afraid about loosing my mind in general!
Eventually I had to find it in me to compose myself… After I had layed on my bed for about an hour, thinking like a crazy scientist… I finally cracked, realising that I had to sort this mess out.
"Right that's it!" I said out loud. "I will make him listen to me, and I don't care what it takes!"
I stormed down the stairs in my grey track pants and an off the shoulder black knit sweater, clasping my fists and getting ready to act tough.
Where is he? I thought, as I scanned the living room where Doc and Dopey were noisily playing video games. I noticed that Mum and Andy were out the front on the verandah, spending quality time together… Oh God, what I'd give to spend more 'quality time' with Jesse on the roof…
I sighed heavily, and started to release my fists, leaving them hang limp at my sides. As I headed past the kitchen, I suddenly realised that I could hear the shower running from the main bathroom.
I never really used the bathroom downstairs, but I knew it consisted of two rooms. The larger one had the toilet, the sink, towel rack, mirror etc… And the smaller room obviously contained the shower. So I decided to wait for Jesse in the first room, and closed the door behind me…
As I stood with my back against the towel rack, I folded my arms and casually thought about what I was going to say… Finally the water had stopped running, as I heard the taps being turned off. Unexpectedly there was a knock on the door behind me.
"Is anyone in here?" A familiar voice called, slightly muffled through the wooden door.
Hold on, that sounds a lot like… Oh. Crap!Before I had time to do anything, the shower door had opened, releasing a thick cloud of steam; seconds before the door behind me had opened, releasing cold air.
"What are you doing?"
I heard Sleepy yell in a high-pitched tone, which rang through my left ear. It sounded completely different from the second voice, which hit my right ear…
"Susannah?"
"Oops. Wrong guy…" I said, immediately screwing my face up into a 'shit, I'm sorry' kind of look.
At the sight of Sleepy only having a towel around his waist, it freaked me out, and I felt rather bashful, as I turned my gaze to the empty wall. Jesse, who had just innocently wanted to go to the toilet, didn't quite know what to make out of all of this.
"Um, I'll wait outside…" He said, avoiding me and turning back around.
"Oh please, stay and join the party" Sleepy muttered sarcastically, while carefully bending down and picking up his clothes.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't think that you were in there… Damn I'm sorry," I said turning around to face the sink.
Sleepy looked at me in a weird way. "Right, well um, do you mind? I'd like to get dressed"
"Yeah, of course…" I quickly left and closed the door behind me, to find Jesse waiting in the hallway without any expression on his face what so ever.
"Whoa, that was a huge misunderstanding" I exhaled, and leant against the wall opposite Jesse.
He ignored me and stared at the closed wooden door. Suddenly I couldn't help it… The whole situation triggered off something inside me, and I started giggling.
"I really don't see anything funny about this…" He said seriously, folding his arms across his chest.
"It's just… You were ignoring me, so I thought…"
"You thought that would get my attention?" Jesse asked, pointing to the door.
"Well… I thought that you were in there…"
"You were hanging out in the bathroom because you thought that I was in the shower?" He asked, with a look of concern upon his face.
I nodded, feeling ashamed and embarrassed about my actions.
"You're crazy!" He muttered beneath his breath.
"Jesse, we can't keep doing this…" I wailed.
"Yeah absolutely, that's for sure. Next time, Jake might not have a towel"
"I didn't mean that! I'm talking about us, ignoring one another…"
He remained silent, as Sleepy had opened the door and walked off down the hallway.
"Do you even care?" I spat out angrily.
Before Jesse had closed the door, he turned to face me with a serious look upon his face.
"Cuido sobre usted más que cualquier cosa en este mundo"
I stared motionlessly as he closed the wooden door before me, leaving me to interpret his Spanish words. What the hell was that! Did he just curse at me?
On impulse I turned to leave. Flustered and angry, I ran up the stairs and slammed my bedroom door shut, almost knocking it off the hinges. I was so messed up and confused. I threw my body face down onto my bed and started to cry my eyes out. What ever he had said to me, he definitely didn't show any emotion or hesitation about saying it…
My face was deeply buried into my pillow as I cried intensely, blocking out every other sound. I quickly realised that I needed some air, so I turned my head sideways and felt my cheek land in the teary wet patch. That was when I opened my eyes and noticed that someone was sitting on my window seat.
"Jesse?" I choked out in a muffled cry.
He sat there with the soft moonlight hitting his facial features, without even taking a glance over at me and continued to look out of the window. He looked so damn hot in his pair of navy track pants and white 'bonds' fitted t-shirt.
Why was he sitting in my room when I was having a nervous breakdown? He just abused me, and now he's invading my privacy! For the first time, I actually felt intimidated by Jesse's presence. I wanted him near me, but tonight, this was a little queer…
"Please don't push me away…" He whispered against glass of the window.
I noticed that his face twitched a little as he said it. What is he talking about? He's the one who's pushing me away!
"You're hurting me…" I cried, ignoring what he had just said.
"I don't want to hurt you Susannah!"
He blurted turning quickly in my direction, noticing that I wasn't paying any attention to what he was saying. I was too busy studying and observing the teary wet patch on my pillow.
"My pillow is wet…" I sniffed, pulling it from under my head and throwing it on the ground beside my bed.
All I wanted was for him to walk over, embrace me in his arms and tell me that he still loves me… But he didn't, he sat silently on the window seat… which seemed like miles away from me. A sudden urge ran through my stomach; I felt that I was going to throw up. I threw my body out of bed and managed to make it in time to the sink, before I hurled.
Well, as much as this was totally disgusting, it managed to get Jesse's attention. He ran over to the bathroom doorway, skidded, and then grasped onto the side of the wooden door frame to stable himself.
"Susannah? Dios! Are you alright?"
I ran the tap full blast, and washed my face. Jesse stepped into my small bathroom and reached for a hand towel. As Jesse leant over, he accidentally brushed up against my arm, hesitating before handing the towel to me.
"Thanks" I mumbled, accepting the towel and wiping my face with it.
"I love you"
What? My hands froze on the spot, covering my face completely with the hand towel. For a moment I couldn't even think straight, but as I slowly lowered the towel… My eyes met and locked with his, causing every weird feeling to suddenly disappear.
"I love you, Susannah" He repeated sincerely, looking straight into my eyes.My knees started to buckle beneath my weight and I felt something stir in the pit of my stomach. I suddenly rushed past him and headed over to my dressing table, taking the hand towel with me.
Jesse took a few sudden steps towards me. "Susannah, what is wrong?"
"What is wrong?" I said in a high pitched voice. "You just can't go around hating me one minute and then loving me the next… That's what's wrong!"
"I never hated you" Jesse looked over at me with his mouth opened in protest, and a wrinkle developed between his eyebrows. "I could never hate you… Susannah"
A burst of laughter escaped from my mouth as I turned to face my dresser.
"Yeah, well that sure explains the whole 'ignoring and Spanish abusing' doesn't it…" I mumbled, avoiding his gaze.
"Spanish abusing?" He dared to chuckle, moving towards me and closing the space between us. "I think it's about time that you took some Spanish interpreting lessons"
I looked up into my mirror and stared at his reflection, as he stood behind me with a slight smile on his face. Why can't I stay mad at him? I hate how his smile weakens me… He suddenly bent down and picked up my soggy pillow, eyeing it sadly. I continued to look at his reflection in the mirror, as he moved over to the top of my bed and carefully placed the pillow neatly down on top of the covers.
"I am sorry that I made you cry, Susannah... I just - just needed some space..."
"What did you say to me?" I demanded, rather rudely.
Jesse, who was walking back over towards me, stopped in his tracks as if I had magically frozen him, while looking hurt from my abbrupt rudeness.
"... That I needed space, and -"
"Before you slammed the door in my face!" I interrupted rudely once again.
"I didn't slam the door in your face" He argued.
"Whatever" I waved the hand towel up in the air, as my arm flicked up. "Just…What did you say? Go on... Enlighten me!"
"Ok" He stalled, shuffling his weight to his other foot and crossing his arms across his chest, as his smile grew slightly wider.
"I had said… Just before I 'slammed' the door - "
"Yeah, ok smart arse! You didn't slam the door. Don't push your luck…" I said impatiently.
"Ooh, so I'm a smart arse hey?" He mocked, as his smile now reached it's full potential."Did you hear what I had just said?" I growled as my temper started growing. I turned around and threw the hand towel at him, before lifelessly plonking myself down onto my swivel chair.
"I said that… I care about you more than anything else in this world" Jesse said after he had caught the flying projectile..
Immediately, I spun around on the chair and Jesse took a step closer, kneeling down before me. "Your life, and happiness is far more important to me than my own…" He whispered.
My mouth opened, but nothing came out… I should have said something, but before I had the chance to even 'get a grip', he started blurting everything out… Very emotionally, for a guy!
"It has been so crazy, Susannah! You can't begin understand how it feels… To try so hard to adjust to this modern society, and being able to fit in" Jesse stood up, leaving me and started to pace across my room. "I shouldn't have treated you the way that I had… I let you down!"
"Jesse, no… I should have told you about the note…" I insisted.
He took a quick glance in my direction, and then sat down on the edge of my bed, with his hands hanging loosely down either side of his thighs.
"I feel terrible," Jesse said, bending over and bringing his hands to cover his face. "I mean, just the other day I found out that I was alive…" His voice was so muffled, that I could barely make out what he was saying.
"And when that guy…" Jesse raised back up, now full of anger, and looked towards the window. "He just caused all my emotions to collide."
"Jesse…" I started to say something, but I caught a glimpse of water dwelling in his eyes.
"… Every nerve in my body started boiling with the thought of what he wanted to do to you, and I was so emotionally distraught that I … That I actually…"
By this time, I had moved over to where he was, and sat beside him on the bed, crossing my legs.
"Lost the plot?" I offered, rubbing my hand along his back, trying to comfort him.
"How can I possibly make it up to you?" He asked, taking my hands abruptly and holding them tight.
"I just want things to go back to the way they were between us…" I whispered.
"Me too… I'm sorry that I have a few problems when it comes to listening. I don't mean to jump to conclusions… "
"Hey, no one is perfect Jesse. I understand. I mean, look at me… I have honesty issues"
Jesse managed to let a chuckle escape. "Yeah, I'm looking at you…" He lifted two fingers underneath my chin and raised my face to meet his.
"You know that I can't bare to loose you. You're the only man I could ever love" I said softly gazing into his beautiful, longing eyes.
"And you better believe me when I say that I feel the same way, Susannah! I apologise for everything that I have done to upset you, Querida… I only hope that you can forgive me"
"Only if you promise to forgive me" I smiled, loving the fact that he had called me Querida once more.
Then he leaned in closer, so that his lips brushed intriguingly close past my ear. "… And how would you like me to express my forgiveness?" He whispered.
It was so hard for me to suppress a squeal of delight, as his warm breath shivered across my skin.
"Isn't that obvious?" I smiled, slowly tilting my head to the side, waiting for his lips to meet mine, while anticipation ran quickly through my body.
"You're right, it is!" Jesse said, showing sudden enthusiasm.
I closed my eyes, waiting for the touch of Jesse's lips against mine... Except that wasn't apparently what he had in mind! He jumped off the bed and bounced excitedly over to where his boring history book was positioned.
"Oh you have got to be joking!" I demanded, as he picked up the bulky hard covered book and started to carefully flip through the old pages.
"No. I'm quite serious, Susannah" Jesse said, while raising his eyes to look at my disappointed face. "When Adam took me shopping, we brought one of those scratch ticket things each… You know where you scratch and you can win money?"
I nodded to let him know that I knew what he meant.
"Well, I won some money!" He smiled, pulling something out from one of the thick pages.
"Are you serious? How much?" I beamed, full of excitement.
"Enough to buy you this…"Jesse grinned, and held out a small velvet pouch, reaching for my hand and placing it softly in my palm.
"Awe Jesse, this was your money!…" I exclaimed.
"No, I wanted to get you something special... And this symbolises something which is beautiful and delicate… Just like you are" Jesse said, shifting his body closer and running a hand through my hair, as I stared down in awe at the small velvet pouch within my palm.
"Open it" He urged softly, looking down at my eyelashes.
I slowly turned the pink pouch upside down and carefully pulled out what Jesse had bought me. A sudden inhale of air was taken in as I gasped in delight at the stunning silver necklace with a charmed silver rose attached, which was covered with tiny sparkling pink stones around the petals.
"A rose…" I choked out, trying to fight back the urge to burst into tears.
"Do you like it?" Jesse asked, nervously running a hand through his hair. "Um, it's not expensive or anything…"
As I rubbed my fingers gently over the pale pink gemmed rose, a single tear escaped from within and rolled down my check.
"It's beautiful…" I said softly, staring down at the most precious gift anyone had ever bought me. When my head raised up to look into his contented eyes, my tears built up, causing temporary blurriness.
"It's beautiful. I love it!" I blurted into his face.
He let out a quiet laugh of amusement, as he gently wiped my flowing tears away.
"Would you like me to put it on for you?"
I nodded and handed him the necklace. Jesse moved even closer so that our bodies were touching, and steadily placed the necklace around my neck, slowly moving my hair out of the way.
His manly hands moved around the back of my neck, tickling me with the touch his fingers and the cool feeling of the chain against my skin. I stood frozen at the feel of Jesse's cheek brushing up against mine, as he fumbled with trying to clip the chain together. A slight giggle emerged from my mouth, causing me to move a little.
"Stopped giggling, I'm loosing concentration" He smiled, trying to keep me still.
He is loosing concentration by my giggles? … Hmm then I wonder how he will react to this… And with that, my arms made their way around Jesse's waist and 'accidentally' found their way underneath his fitted shirt. Jesse froze from his 'concentrating mission' as I slowly rubbed my hands underneath his shirt, creeping higher, against his smooth bare back, pulling him tightly against my body.
Ok, well two forthcoming responses were soon discovered, and boy did I ever get some feedback from my actions.
Firstly, I think that Jesse had displayed quite perfectly what he thought about my decision to get intimate... And it didn't involve verbal communication... He had experienced a little, um excitement and tightening of his, ah... lower region… He suddenly pulled away from my body looking rather flushed, as he realised that I had felt it…
"I – I…" Jesse was too embarrassed to grasp a hold of what to say, as he turned around and looked at the ground, with his face flashing red.
A strong feeling swept through my stomach, and I must admit that my face heated up, as I bit my lower lip. This was definitely awkward moment number one! Right at the top of the list!
After a few attempts of trying to say something… I decided to give up and cough instead.
"Um… How about you put it on?" He suggested, nervously handing me the necklace.
Secondly, I should have know that every intimate situation that we encounter, someone or something always has to interrupt us…
"Who's putting what, on who?"
I actually wasn't sure if that was a question or a statement… My body seemed to turn into jelly while shrivelling and sinking into a black hole, but somehow I managed to turn around to face our intruder…
"It's not what it sounds like... I can explain!" I managed to choke out...