Well, long time no see! Yeah so there's been this crazy thing called life which at the moment is making me feel like I have no life. Oh and there's this thing called school that seems to think I can spend every minute outside of school working on stuff for school. Like seriously I wrote 5 essays in 2 days last week! Kinda drained all my writing powers...but they are slowly coming back. So sorry that this chapter is a bit shorter, but I really didn't want you to have to wait any longer. So now my shout outs – to Abi for being lucky reviewer number 30, you always leave such awesome and heartfelt reviews. And for imalemonaddictt for keeping up with the tremendous reviews that you write for every single chapter, you are amazing! Oh and sorry if things are a little crazy in here, I haven't really gone through it hehe. And if you see a 'g' missing from a word it is totally not because I half broke that key. Not at all.
Rachel nursed her cup of hot chocolate as her fathers watched her expectantly from the other side of the kitchen table. Santana was still asleep in the living room, not even stirring when Leroy placed another blanket over her slightly shaking form.
"Do you want to tell us what happened earlier?" Hiram asked softly, his eyes connecting with Rachel's pointedly. Rachel sighed and rubbed her eyes before answering.
"I don't know. I mean I suspected, but I never thought it was this serious..." She trailed off, her finger tracing the rim of the mug.
"Suspected what?" Leroy asked. He had a pretty good idea what it was, but he wanted confirmation to be sure.
"An eating disorder. It was just little things, like she'd never eat at school and she would get all defensive whenever I mentioned it. I just thought she was being a typical Cheerio, trying to fit in and get head cheerleader. It's no secret that half of that squad are either anorexic or bulimic. But seeing her tonight...I never thought anyone could panic so much at the thought of food. I should have made her get help as soon as I noticed something was wrong. " Rachel bit her lip to stop the tears from welling up in her eyes.
"Rachel this is not your fault." Leroy said as he walked over and embraced his daughter in a hug. "What matters is that now we know we can try to help Santana. Why don't we sit down and talk to her before school tomorrow? I'd wake her now but I think she needs the rest, it sounds like she's put her body through a lot lately." Leroy glanced over at the Latina who had curled up into a ball, dead to the world.
"Okay. But just so you know she's not exactly the easiest person to talk to." Rachel agreed to the plan, taking another long sip of her hot chocolate, draining it in the process. She stood up and placed the mug on the sink and went to head off to bed.
"Rachel," Hiram called "before you go to bed can I ask you something? Before she fell asleep Santana said something about her mother. Is her home life..?" He trailed off, looking for an answer to the unfinished question.
"I don't know, she doesn't talk about it much. Or at all. I've never even seen her parents show up at any of our competitions, she always comes with either Brittany or Quinn. But I think she stayed with Mr Schue last night, at least that's what it sounded like in Glee. Oh and she didn't seem to want me to go to her house to work on the chemistry project." Rachel's mind was racing, how come she had never noticed all this before? It made her wonder just how much the other girl was actually hiding from everyone with her bitchy exterior. She shook away the thought, saying goodnight to her fathers before heading to bed and falling into a deep dreamless sleep.
A loud scream awoke Rachel from her peaceful slumber. She sat up startled, glancing at her clock before getting up to determine the source of the noise. Who would be up at 2 in the morning? It took her a moment to remember Santana sleeping downstairs and with that thought in mind she raced down the staircase, noticing her dads both following her. Her heart broke at the sight that greeted her.
Santana was thrashing around on the couch, desperate whimpers and pleas escaping her lips as she fought with the blankets restraining her. A trail of tears were running down her face as they fell from her tightly closed eyes, her face scrunched as though she was in pain. Rachel was frozen in place, she didn't know what to do to help the Latina. Just as she debated how to wake the girl another scream ripped from her throat, startling the girl out of her nightmare.
Santana woke suddenly, her throat felt dry and raw and her breathing was erratic. She reached a hand to her chest to try and calm her racing heart, the other going up to rub her irritated eyes. She groaned internally when she felt the wetness on her cheeks. She was so sick of waking up from these fucking nightmares; it was almost a nightly occurrence now. It had been almost two weeks now where she hadn't woken up in a state of panic. Talking about panic Santana felt herself entering it again as she looked around the unfamiliar room.
"Santana are you okay? It's all right you're safe now. Everything's okay." Right, she was at Rachel's house. Rachel had just spoken to her, had just seen her flip out over a stupid dream. She was never going to live this down, the big, scary Santana Lopez reduced to a whimpering mess because of a dream. Then again she was never going to live down what happened earlier, why stop now?
"Hey sweetie, is everything okay? Did you have a bad dream?" Oh and her fathers had seen the whole thing as well, now they must think she was a total nutcase. Santana simply nodded, wishing she had just gone back home when she found out that she couldn't go to Brittany's. She should have known that nothing good would have come from staying with the Berry's.
"Do you want to talk about it? How about we all go into the kitchen and have a nice warm drink?" Hiram asked, although his voice left no room for argument. Santana stood up and shuffled into the kitchen, her blanket still wrapped firmly around her body. She sat down on one of the chairs and pulled her knees up to her chest, trying to avoid the sympathetic look that Rachel was giving her.
"Coffee or tea? Or even a hot chocolate?" Hiram asked from his place next to the stove where the kettle was boiling away, four mugs placed out on the counter next to him.
"Tea please." Santana said in a soft, shaky voice. She mentally kicked herself for sounding so weak, wrapping the blanket tighter around herself. She soon had a steaming mug placed in front of her, a plate with two biscuits following straight after. Without realising she pushed the biscuits away slightly as she reached for the mug, taking a small sip and letting the warmth spread through her. She jumped a little as Leroy pushed the plate of biscuits back towards her.
"You need to eat." He explained gently before asking the question Santana had been hoping wouldn't come up. "Why don't you tell us what your dream was about?"
All three Berry's watched as Santana tensed and paled slightly before drawing in a long breath to compose herself.
"It's always the same. I just...I see...They always..." Santana stuttered, staring into her cup.
"They always what?" Hiram prompted lightly.
"They always leave, they all hate me!" Santana half sobbed, her voice turning slightly hysterical as she broke under the kindness the family was offering her.
"Hey, it's alright. Who is it that always leaves Santana?" This time it was Leroy who pressed further, leaning over and rubbing his hand up and down the Latina's back at the same time.
"Everyone! My father, my Mami, Puck, Finn, Brittany! Everyone at school hates me!" This confession caused a new round of tears to start falling from Santana's already red eyes, causing the said girl to internally curse her vulnerability when she was tired. It was like she had no filter, she couldn't control what came out of her mouth.
"Santana not everyone hates you. Look at you; you are one of the most popular girls in school." Rachel joined in the conversation, not able to keep quiet for any longer.
"Being popular doesn't mean that people actually like you." Santana let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head slightly as she spoke.
"Santana, you said it's always the same dream, have you had it more than once?" Hiram asked, sensing it was best to get the girl away from her current train of thought.
"Every fucking night. It just never goes away, it's like I'm haunted." Santana spat, either not knowing or not caring about the fact she was swearing in front of them. This revelation shocked the diva, it seemed like she was learning about a new side belonging to the cheerleader, as well as the uncharacteristic chattiness the girl seemed to have acquired. The two men looked at each other, silently agreeing that it was best not to push that particular topic any further. After a few moments of silence Leroy spoke up again.
"Santana sweetie, why don't you eat the biscuits?" Santana's head shot up at the mention of the food, debating about whether to argue or not. A quick look to all of Berry's convinced her it was best not to, especially considering all the dangerous knowledge they had on her. She reached over and picked up one of the biscuits, breaking it in half before raising the smaller piece to her mouth. She chewed slowly and deliberately, aware of the eyes watching her. After swallowing the small half she picked up the bigger piece, this time chewing a little faster as the previous bites had awakened her hunger. The second biscuit followed closely behind and she took a large gulp of her drink to wash it down.
Rachel watched intently as Santana ate her biscuits. The girl's movements were slow and methodical, each bite was calculated and planned before it was swallowed. Rachel bit back the urge to cheer when the last bite had been finished with no signs of it coming back up. Well at least until Leroy had gone to get the container of biscuits, hoping to convince the girl to have some more. Santana's face suddenly drained of all colour, a hand clasping over her mouth as she scrambled to stand up. Her chair scraped across the floor as she finally managed to stand, her body turning to the direction of the bathroom. However she wasn't quick enough and vomit started to pool in her hands, eventually splashing onto the floor as she continued to retch.
Santana couldn't believe that she had just vomited in the middle of the Berry's kitchen. She didn't think she had ever been more mortified in her life, even including the time Puck's mom had walked in on them having sex. The feeling only intensified when she felt a soothing hand running across her back and another one holding a bowl out in front of her to catch the remaining splashes. She felt tears of embarrassment prick her eyes as she finally finished and noticed the mess on the floor.
"Sorry! Oh my god, I'm so sorry! Sorry! I'll clean it up, I promise! I'm so sorry!" Santana sobbed as she bent down to try and clean up the mess, her movements frantic and hysterical. A strong arm reached down and pulled her off the floor and guided her back to the couch she had been sleeping on before, gently pushing her down and pulling the blankets over her body.
"Relax honey, it's not your fault. There is nothing to be upset about, it was an accident and these things happen. Now how about you try and go back to sleep, I think you need the rest." Hiram whispered as he turned off the light before walking back into the kitchen. Leroy was just putting away the mop and Rachel was staring concernedly at Santana whose back was to the kitchen.
"You ok sweetie?" Hiram asked as he walked over to his daughter, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"Yeah I'm fine, it's just..." Rachel trailed off before finishing her sentence. "I feel like I should have noticed something was wrong earlier. She's always pretended to be this tough, scary bitch, but she's really just a scared little girl. Look out how much we found out in one night! If someone had just pushed her to talk sooner maybe it wouldn't have come to this. Maybe we could have helped her. "
"And maybe nothing would have changed. We are helping her now Rachel and that's all that matters. There's no point dwelling on the past. It's been a long night, why don't you go upstairs and get some rest, you have school in a few hours."
Rachel nodded, calling out a soft good night to both her parents and whispering a sweet dreams to a sleeping Santana as she passed her. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day.
Hiram and Leroy watched as their only child headed back upstairs to bed, noticing her quick interaction with the other girl.
"Do you think she's going to be okay?" Hiram asked Leroy as he gave a nod in Santana's direction. Leroy gave a deep sigh before answering his husband.
"I honestly don't know. She's just got so much going on and truthfully I'm worried. Especially about the vomiting, she seems to have no control over it. Do you think she's that afraid of the thought of food she becomes physically ill? How does a person get like that, how do things get that bad before someone notices?"
"I don't know what to think anymore. I feel so sorry for the poor girl, but I don't know what to do to help. Do you think it would be okay if I organised a medical appointment for her? You know, just to make sure it's nothing more serious." Hiram said in answer to Leroy's questions.
"I don't think we have much of a choice, I can't just sit here and watch her suffer, imagine if it was Rachel going through that, wouldn't you want someone to be there for her. We'll talk to the girls in the morning, see if we can get Santana to agree." Leroy let out a large yawn, eliciting a small chuckle from the man next to him.
"Maybe we should take our own advice and go get some rest." Hiram suggested, placing the half empty mugs from the table onto the sink before turning around.
"Sounds like a plan." Leroy said as he switched off the kitchen light. "We'll talk to the girls in the morning." And with that he trudged up the stairs, closing the bedroom door shut before climbing under the covers.
Hopefully it wasn't too crazy, I just really wanted to give you guys something so I spat this out in a couple of hours. I've already got an idea for what I want to happen in the next chapter so hopefully that doesn't take nearly as long as this...but it might, depending on how demanding my new puppy is going to be haha! Over and out!