Author's Note: So here is the last chapter. I hope you like it, and thanks for the reviews, lads :)
The following day, things got, if possible, even worse.
"Look," I hissed, shooting Kili a Thorin-ish glare through the bars of my cells' door "I don't care how nervous you are about talking to her. I've already embarrassed myself enough for your sake."
"Please, Fili. Please, I'll never ask you for anything else, as long as I live."
"Yes, and if Tauriel takes this the wrong way, that won't be very long at all."
"I'll give you everything I own. Everything."
"That won't do me any good if I die of shame before we get out of here..."
Kili pressed himself against the bars of his own cell, so that I could see his desperate expression.
"Please, Fili," he said, looking aggravatingly pathetic and wide-eyed.
I groaned, and felt the urge to tear my hair, but it was all over, really. Even Thorin tended to waver when Kili presented him with his most tragic, devastated expression.
"Fine. Fine, I'll do it."
And so, when Tauriel arrived at my cell door with a platter of food in her hands, and to my surprise, a strange, stringed instrument tucked under one arm, I was ready and waiting for her.
"Hello, Tauriel," I said, politely, taking a slice of what I assumed was roast pheasant from the platter as soon as she entered "You can divide the rest between my friend down the hall, Bofur, and Ori."
"The young one with all the knitted clothes?"
"That would be Ori, yes," I said.
I wanted to ask her to bring Thorin some, if not all of the extra food, but I somehow doubted that the Elven King would even be willing to consider this.
Tauriel held out the instrument that she'd brought, and which looked like the offspring of a harp and a fiddle.
"I thought that you might want to play some music," she said, and she knelt down for the first time, so that I wouldn't have to crane my neck to see her face "And that I might teach you to play the - how would you say it in Westron? - Mushroom Harp? Is that right?"
"Probably not, but it's a good name."
I felt a pang of guilt - Tauriel had lost her contemptuous attitude and our conversations were veering from 'grudgingly respectful', to 'friendly'. And the Mirkwood elves had abandoned us in our hour of need, which wasn't an act that you could forgive easily, if at all.
Tauriel was cold and haughty, but she was basically a decent sort.
Elves were our natural enemies - I'd heard as much from Thorin dozens of time.
But...I could use an ally inside the Guard, and if that meant humoring Tauriel. then that's what I'd have to do. And trying to get her in as good a mood as possible before I delivered Kili's message might be a clever idea, too.
So, I held the Mushroom Harp awkwardly, and allowed her to correct my fingering.
Tauriel patiently taught me how to play a few notes, and as a sort of reqard I gave her a few stanzas of 'Misty Mountains Cold'.
At last I set aside the instrument, and cleared my throat, just a little nervously.
"Ah, Tauriel?"
"Yes, Gisli?"
"My friend, the one who, ah, feels for you, gave me an, um, message..."
I saw Tauriel press her lips together, as if preparing for the worst, and knew exactly how she felt.
"Go on," she said, through gritted teeth.
"He says - and please don't kill me before I'm done telling you - that your hair is like a flowing waterfall of fire. He says that your lips are like a pair of...delicate...alluring...flower petals."
I paused at this point, to summon up the courage to continue. no self respecting dwarf would ever talk such drivel, and even though I was only repeating what my brother had earnestly whispered to me, I felt rather embarrassed.
"He says your skin is like porcelain," I said, wondering if that meant that it was really breakable "And he says that your - your," here I faltered, practically bright red with shame "Your - your hums are, um, very nice, too."
Well, I was changing the wording somewhat, and I'd used 'hums' instead of the very specific part of Tauriel's anatomy that Kili had had in mind, but I made a gesture with my hands that got the point across well enough.
Tauriel's eyebrows shot up, and her 'porcelain' skin turned a little pink. I lowered my cupped hands hastily, and coughed.
"Erm, so yes, he thinks you're a very nice looking, er, elf-maiden," I finished, quickly, and then sat back, watching her apprehensively.
Tauriel sat very still, as if she'd been carved out of stone, but after a minute or two, I saw the corners of her mouth begin to twitch.
And then she laughed. It was a sweet, musical laugh, but it was a real one - full of happiness and good-humor. She leaned forward, and before I could stop her, gave me a kiss on the forehead.
"Thank you, Gisli," Tauriel said.
I was so surprised by this that I hardly noticed her get up, collect her things, and leave the cell.
I couldn't decide whether to be flattered, or repulsed. Either way, I'd shave my beard right off before I told Thorin about any of this.
From a few feet away, I heard a creak of hinges as Tauriel stepped into Kili's cell, and I twisted my head around just in time to see Tauriel lean down and reward him in much the same way as she's rewarded me.
He, too, looked rather stunned, and we both sat in astounded silence as Tauriel headed off down the corridor, still laughing softly to herself.
The laughter echoed into silence, and then...
"Kili?"
"Yes, Fili?"
"I don't care what it takes," I said, steadily "I am never going through that again. I'm getting out of here as soon as possible. I don't care if it means - if it means climbing into a barrel and being bashed around in a - in an underground stream!"
It was, I reflected later, probably the most ironically idiotic phrase ever uttered by anyone, anywhere.
Bar one.
I do believe the worst is behind us.