"Can I shower there?" I asked, unsure what to pack. J.J watched me, already done. A long time ago.

"Yes," she answered, a smug smile on her lips as she chuckled.

"This would be a lot easier if you just told me where we're going," I stated and she chuckled again.

"That's not happening," she answered me and I looked into my bag again. I think I had everything. New clothes, toothbrush, toothpaste, towel… J.J said that she'd pack everything else.

"Am I forgetting something?" I asked her. I mean, she had been sitting there all along.

"Forget the phone," she said as I got it from the bed. I raised an eyebrow toward her and she answered me. "No cell reception."

"Are you taking me somewhere to kill me?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"You got me," she smiled softly and got up from the chair she was sitting in. "C'mon, we better get there before it gets dark."

Yeah, well there was a few more hours left until the sun would set. We had time.

She got her bag and then we walked downstairs. Mom and Keith was in the kitchen, and they stopped us on the way out.

"Have a good time," Mom smiled and I immediately knew that she knew where we were going. Was I the only one who didn't know? Seriously?

"You know where we're going," I stated and Mom smiled again.

"Of course I do," she answered me and I heard J.J laugh again.

"Am I the only one who doesnt?" I asked and J.J smiled at me.

"Pretty much, yeah. And I'm driving," she added and I looked at her.

"It's my car, I'm driving."

"You don't know where we're going."

"Again, things would be a lot easier if you just told me."

She smiled, turned around and walked outside with her bag. As she did so, she took the keys that was in a bowl in the hall.

"Good luck not killing each other," Keith said and I half glared, making both him and Mom laugh.

"See you on Sunday," I called over my shoulder as I turned around and followed J.J. She was already in the drivers seat as I tossed my bag in the back seat and then took a place next to her.

She started the car, and I soon realized we were going out of Woodstock. I asked her about it, but of course she didn't give me a proper answer. She just told me it would take a while to get to where ever we were going.

"Are we leaving Vermont?" I asked jokingly and she smiled as she shook her head.

"No, but almost."

"What do you mean, almost?"

"You'll see in about an hour and a half," she said and smiled.

I tried to figure out where the hell we were going, but it wasn't really going that well. And an hour and a half later, when we reached Cambridge, it didn't help much. A few moments later, we reached Jeffersonville.

"Jeffersonville?" I asked as she pulled over at a grocery store.

"Think hard, and you'll figure it out. I promise. Wait here, I'll be right back."

She climbed out of the car, walked into the store, and ten minutes later she returned with a bag in her hands.

"So, have you figured it out yet?" she asked as she climbed back inside.

"Absolutely not. I'm pretty much clueless," I told her and heard her laugh softly. She started the car again, and drove onto the road. Fifteen minutes later, she stopped again.

"You are planning on killing me," I stated as I watched our surroundings. Woods. A lot of woods. Trees everywhere.

"I told you I was, wasn't I?"

"So where is the gun? Or are you killing me with an axe?"

"I think I prefer a shovel, actually," she teased as she climbed out of the car. I followed her lead, and grabbed my bag. She grabbed hers and the bag from the store, but I quickly took it from her.

"You know, you really are stupid if you cant figure out where we are," she said and started to walk on a path. Well, actually, it was too small to be a proper path. It was just ground. Going upwards.

But I did have a pretty good guess on where we were, so I didn't answer her. Actually, we didn't say another word for the next couple of minutes. And by then, I knew my guess was right.

We were standing in front of a log cabin. It held two stories, and it wasn't huge. But it was big. It looked pretty old, and I knew it was. J.J's dad's great grandfather had built it and it had been in the family ever since.

I don't know how I knew it was their cabin, because I had never been here before. I had never even seen pictures. I guess I just knew.

"Are you sure?" I asked and I heard J.J sigh.

"Yeah. Besides, I didn't want to go here alone for the first time since… the last time."

I knew what she meant. The last time she had been here was Christmas, two years ago. With her family.

I followed her to the porch where she put down her bag and walked a few feet to the right. She lifted a small piece of wood, and took out a key. She put the piece back, and I noticed how it really melted in into the porch. If you didn't know where to look, you had no chance of ever finding that key.

"Forget you ever saw that, 'kay?" she said as she unlocked the door and grabbed her bag again.

"Yes, ma'am," I chuckled and she opened the door. She walked inside, and I followed.

"This is so not how I imagined it," I said, almost in awe. I had never seen a place like this before. It was huge, and open, and wow. The ceiling… I mean, it had to be almost twenty-five feet, maybe even thirty.

You walked straight into a living room, and from what I could see, there wasn't many more rooms. There was an entrance to a kitchen, and then two opened doors. One seemed to lead to a bathroom, and the other went to a bedroom I guessed. There was also a stairway that lead to what I could only assume was some sort of loft.

From the outside, this looked plain. But from the inside, it was like nothing I had ever seen before.

I heard J.J's bag drop to the floor, and I watched her. Her face didn't show much, but she was still easy to read. Because her eyes told me exactly what she was thinking.

"You okay?" I asked, placing a kiss on her shoulder. Then I rested my chin against it, and she met my eyes.

"It's harder than I thought it would be," she whispered. I wanted to pull her closer, but I couldn't because my hands were full. Before I even had the chance to put one bag on the floor, J.J grabbed the bag from the grocery store and walked towards the kitchen.

I dropped my bag next to hers, closed the door and followed her. She was unpacking only to put whatever she had bought in the right places. I didn't know where things were supposed to be, so I watched her. And the kitchen. The ceiling was as high, and just like in the living room the floor was of wood. The kitchen was open, and pretty big. The oven and the fridge and all the other stuff seemed pretty new.

"Can you open up the windows?" J.J asked, and I nodded before I did so. There was four to open in the kitchen, and there were eight in the living room. When I was done in the bathroom and was about to go into the next room, J.J stopped me.

"I'll take that one. You can take the one upstairs. Take the bags with you," she said. I glanced at her, and knew why. That was her parent's bedroom. Of course she wanted to take that one.

"I'm fine," she promised when she knew that I was about to ask. So I took the bags and walked upstairs. The ceiling was like a normal ceiling, and I noticed right away that there was only one room upstairs. It contained of a king sized bed and a chest of drawers. Probably for clothes.

I placed the bags on the bed and then opened up the windows to let in some air. The windows faced the mountains, and I could see the reflection of the woods on the lake. The sun was setting over the mountains, and this place was beautiful, I had to admit it.

I waited a few moments more, to give J.J some time, before I walked downstairs again. She was still in their room, so I went to the bathroom. I took my time in there, and realized that the shower was huge. When I walked out, almost five minutes later, she was still in there. I figured I had given her enough time, so I walked inside quietly.

She was sitting on the bed indian style, with a photo album in front of her. I could see a few tears rolling down her cheek. It was inevitable. I hadn't seen her cry since the funeral, and that was a month ago. Tomorrow. And I don't think she'd really had a real breakdown. Other from the one in school when she found out about her Dad. Other than that, no. She hadn't been crying anything.

I sat down on the bed next to her, and wrapped an arm around her.

"We had a fight, Julia and I. I can't even remember what it was about, y'know. We were always fighting, and never over anything important. She would take my stuff, or she would annoy me to levels you don't even know exists… Sometimes I swore to god that Mom and Dad just got her to make my life miserable. And that day… I don't know. I was in a bad mood. I had that fight with you, and Julia was driving me crazy. And Mom… Mom was just trying to calm us down. If we hadn't been fighting, she wouldn't have looked back at us. She would have seen the truck. She would have been here – they would have been here."

As she spoke, I had wrapped her closer and now she was completely in my arms. I knew this was hard for her. She rarely spoke of her family, and when she did it was never about the accident. I had no idea that she was fighting with her sister, and honestly: I had forgotten about our fight. And it was pretty huge too. Because of me, sort of. But then I heard about the accident, and I dropped everything. I could have lost my best friend; why bother fighting? There was just no point in it. It was useless.

"I keep telling everyone that I'm fine, but I'm not. I'm far from fine."

"Come here," I murmured and looked into her eyes. "It will be better."

"How can you know?"

"I can't," I said honestly. "But I know I'm here, and that I won't go anywhere."

A few tears had rolled down her cheek as she spoke, but she didn't fully let go before I said those words. She scooped closer to me and burrowed her head in the crook of my neck. As I felt her tears roll down her cheek and hit my t-shirt, I rested my chin against the top of her head.

I couldn't promise her that everything would be alright, because I didn't know. All I could do was hope. And I mean, I had never lost anyone. Sure, I knew her mom, and Julia was only two years younger than us. She went to our school. So I knew her too. But I had never lost someone close, and I was glad for that. Before the accident, I had never really thought about it. But now, it happened once in a while.

So no, I couldn't promise her that. But I could promise her that I wouldn't go anywhere, because I wouldn't. And if I was, someone had to drag me away because I would never leave her from free will.

—-

It was getting late, and J.J and I had just been getting something to eat. Now we were making the bed.

"I'm really sorry about before," she said as I helped her with the sheets. "The breakdown."

We sat there on the bed for almost two hours, and she was crying almost the entire time. But I couldn't blame her, and it certainly wasn't something she needed to apologize for. She just needed to get it out of her.

"Don't even think about it," I said and she smiled softly. She threw a pillow to me, and I quickly found a pillowcase to put on it. A moment later, we walked downstairs again and took a seat on the couch. It was placed underneath the loft, in lack of better description. The place underneath the loft was a part of the living room, but at the same time it was like a room of it's own. It consisted of a couch, a coffee table and an open fire.

"Tell me about this place," I said as she rested her legs over my lap.

"My grandfather gave it to Dad when he – we – moved back here. Not here, but to Woodstock. Before that, his dad renovated it. It was getting old, and needed some improving. He didn't change much though. You know we went here every Christmas, even if Dad wasn't home. But you know we went here all the time. Dad loved this place, and so do I. It's sort of like a second home to me, I suppose. I still feel like that, even after everything. Even after my real home changed. Which is weird."

"Why?"

"Because it was so easy to feel at home at your house. That place had been like a third home to me since we were ten. But the transfer between it being a third home to my home… It was easier than I thought it would be. Sure, it took a while and I still miss the old house, but when I think of the word 'home' the first thing that pops into mind is that house."

I leaned in to give her a kiss, but she placed her fingers against my lips to stop me.

"Soon," she whispered. "I have to go to the bathroom."

And with that she left the couch. But she didn't go to the bathroom. She ran up the stairs, and a few moments later she came back down. She was holding something in her hand. This time she walked into the bathroom, and didn't come back out until almost five minutes later.

"Just so you know, I can't see much right now," she stated as she sat down on the couch again. She had changed her clothes, and was now wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts.

I chuckled at her comment and caressed her legs.

"Did you bring your glasses?" I wondered, knowing why she didn't see much. She had taken out her contacs. And she was pretty much blind without them. Not blind blind, but she didn't see much. Just contours.

She snorted once at my question.

"You know I hate them." Then she changed the subject. "You know what's really irritating about having a boyfriend?"

"That boyfriend being me?"

"That boyfriend being you is a plus. What's annoying is that I have to shave my legs like all the time. Before we got together, no one cared if my legs were shaved or not. Of course you shave them more often in the summer. So having a boyfriend is like having summer all the time, and all you wear is skirts. Short skirts."

"Really, that bad?" It couldn't be that tiresome, right?

"Try shaving your legs every time you shower."

I thought about it, and saw her side of things. Yeah, it probably would be tiresome.

"Do we really have to talk about that?" I asked instead, and she chuckled.

"No. Besides, you never got that kiss."

She leaned closer to me as I leaned down, and our lips met.

"Did you just brush your teeth?" I asked and I felt her smiling against my lips.

"Of course I did. Now shut up," she mumbled and I felt her lips moving with mine again. Just to tease her, I continued talking.

"You know what I just realized? We're all alone. There's no worries that someone might walk in on us. There is no phone, so no one can interrupt us…"

She sighed, looked at me and then was about to leave again. But I grabbed her wrist and pulled her into my embrace.

"You're not going anywhere," I murmured and pressed my lips against hers again. This time I didn't break the kiss to speak, and neither did she. Knowing that we actually were completely alone, we quickly deepened the kiss and I cupped her face as I pulled her even closer. As I did so, she straightened up from her uncomfortable position and threw her legs over my lap again. Her arms snaked around me, and I felt her nails tracing patterns in my neck, causing chills to rise on my arms.

I felt her tongue tracing over my lower lip, and I parted them to let her in. As I felt her tongue inside my mouth, I let out a quiet moan, unable to stop myself. My hands found their way down her side, and stopped at her hips. I scooped her up into my lap, tracing my right hand over her side again. This time I stopped at her thigh, and she broke the kiss as she straightened up to pull her top over her head. As she threw it on the floor, I glanced at the long, faded scar that covered her ribs on her right side. I knew she had it, but I had never seen it. I was surprised by how quickly it had faded, though. In only a little more than a year, it looked like she would have had it for almost three, or maybe four years.

She grabbed my face, and I lifted my gaze to her eyes again. She looked into mine as she released my face and grabbed the hem of my t-shirt. She was almost sitting on it, so she tucked it up and then pulled it over my head. As she leaned down to kiss me again, my hands found her face and I stopped her. Because I knew where this were leading.

"Are you sure?" I asked, knowing that she probably was. She could control herself better than I could. She wouldn't have taken this this far if she wasn't sure.

"Yeah," she answered simply, about to kiss me again. This time I let her, and our lips moved slowly together. Hard, but slowly. Sitting at the furthest end of the couch, I leaned down forward. J.J's head reached the end of the couch, and I moved so that I were in a more comfortable position. I pulled her down just a little bit, and then positioned myself so that my right side of my body lay over her. But I was careful not to shift all my weight on her, not wanting her to be uncomfortable. But she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me down over her. I broke to kiss to let her breathe, but I placed kisses down her skin. The side of her throat, her shoulder, her collarbone… Oh god, those collarbones. I heard her swallow hard, probably to suppress a moan, as I darted my tongue out and against her collarbone. I licked it before I sucked on it gently, finding her right breast with my hand. As I squeezed it, I heard the moan I wanted to hear and that I knew would come. Her breath quickened as my lips traced down her skin yet again. This time over the roundness of her breast, the area right under her bra and then finally stopping at her scar. With my lips I felt the pink scar tissue curving outwards, and I kissed the scar from the start to the end. I wanted her to know that I really didn't care that she had a scar. I knew she hated it, but it was a part of her, and who she was.

Then my lips found their way back to hers, and right before they met I stopped myself again.

"Are you really sure?" I made sure again. She opened her eyes, and she smiled softly.

"I want this. I love you. I trust you. I'm sure, I promise."

"Good," I murmured as I pressed my lips against her again. But only for a short moment because then I climbed over her and straightened up as I stood on the floor. We weren't going to do this on a couch, and she knew that. So she took my hand as I reached it out and she lead the way up the stairs and to the bed.