So, this is the first, and absolutely not last, chapter from J.J's POV. I hope you will like it :3

I stared at the box in front of me, trying to hold all of my emotions back. I've had that box pretty much my whole life, and it composed of all the letters I had received from Dad. After he died, I found out he had kept every letter from me as well and now they were in that box.

My eyes left the box and went to my hands. I was holding the seventeen letters in my hand that I had no idea of that he had even written to me, and I knew I wanted to read them. I just wasn't sure that I was ready. I had a strange feeling that the last one was written in the hospital, and I wasn't sure I wanted to read it.

Yes, I wanted to know what he wrote, what he had to say, but I wasn't sure I would like it.

I sighed and placed them behind all of the other letters, knowing I would easily find them. They were all numbered.

I put the lid back on and placed the box where it had been for a year – under my bed – before I climbed out of it and left my room. It had been almost two hours since Dean and I came back and I wondered where he was. What his mom wanted to talk to him about.

Mary was still in the kitchen with the man, but Dean wasn't there. I instantly knew he was somewhere with Liam. I don't know why, I just knew. I was planning on going out to see Jenna, maybe that's why.

"Do you know where Dean is?" I asked anyway as I entered the kitchen.

"I don't know. He left over an hour ago, without saying anything," she answered and I knew she was hiding something. Trying to hold some emotion back. There was a tension between Mary and the man, and I wondered who he was. And what he was doing here. Mary didn't seem pleased about it.

But at the same time, I looked at the dark features the man held. The dark hair, the facial expressions… It somehow felt like I had seen him somewhere. I just didn't know where.

It was… annoying. To not know.

"Can I talk to you about something?" I asked, knowing I should probably do it know when Dean wasn't here.

"Sure," she smiled and got up. Then the phone rang. "Just let me get that."

I nodded and went to get some water. But I didn't have the time to drink it before I heard Mary's worried voice.

"Dean's at the hospital."

"What?" I felt myself panicking as I turned around. Mary was already moving out of the kitchen and I followed her in less than a second. "Is he okay?"

"I don't know," she answered as she threw her coat on.

"Why?" I asked as I followed her lead outside the door, ignoring my jacket. I really didn't care that it was the end of October and cold outside. Mary didn't answer me until we were in the car and I barely noticed that the man had joined us inside.

"That was Keith. There was a fire at the rink, and Dean was there."

The panic in her voice wasn't helping me much. I felt myself panicking more and more for every second. I mean, it was Dean. At the hospital. Because of a fire. And I had no idea of how bad it was. What if it was bad? What if he wasn't going to make it?

I shut my eyes as Mary accelerated, and I tried to keep the tears back. I couldn't think like that. Dean had promised. He promised that he wouldn't go anywhere. He did that, just the other day.

He couldn't just leave his mom. He knew that. He couldn't leave me. I lost everyone I loved. I lost Mom, and Julia, and Dad. And now when I loved Dean, when I wasn't scared of loving him, he was at the hospital.

And yes, I had been scared of loving him. He had been my friend since I was seven. We had lived in the same house for a year. I knew him inside and out, and when he told me he loved me, when he kissed me, he freaked me out. I wasn't ready to let myself love him, because I was scared of ruining our friendship.

But then I let myself feel everything, and I had never imagined it to be so easy to fall in love. And I was insanely in love with him, already.

And this weekend had been great, despite my breakdown. I had never liked showing myself weak, but somehow it felt okay around Dean. He loved me for who I am. He had been with me when my family died. He's the one who's closest to me.

And after this weekend, I had given him so much more than my heart. I had given him myself. I had given him everything. I knew I had been ready for a while. Psychically I had been ready for a long time. It was just… my mind that needed to be ready. And if it hadn't been Dean, it would have taken longer. I trusted him, and I could be myself around him. And somehow, I knew he felt the same.

I hadn't been worried about the pain. I knew I was going to feel it. And it hurt less than I thought it would. What I was worried about was… I had never, ever been comfortable naked. And after the accident, I was even less comfortable. I had ugly scars, and a part of me was worried about what Dean would think about it. I was worried what he would think about me. I had no one to compare him to, but he had Olivia to compare with.

But the way Dean touched me, the way his fingers ran over my skin, leaving a burning and tingling feeling… The way he kissed me, the things he said, it all made me comfortable around him. And being naked with him was more comfortable than I ever thought it would be.

I didn't even realize I had my phone with me until I felt it vibrate in my pocket, and I picked it up.

"Jenna?" I asked, hearing how panicked my voice was.

"Liam's at the hospital." I heard the tears in her voice, and mine felt closer.

"He was at the rink," I stated. I hadn't even thought about Liam, even though I knew Dean was with him. "Is he okay?"

Asking if Liam was okay might give me a hunch on how Dean was.

"I don't know," she cried and I bit my lip not to do the same.

"We're almost there," I told her and then we both hang up. I hadn't even realized that Mary was talking to the man. Well, screaming almost.

"If you hadn't showed up out of nowhere, this wouldn't be happening!"

"Maybe he would have gone to the rink anyway," the man argued and I heard Mary almost snort.

"He goes there to think! If you hadn't showed up, he wouldn't have anything to think about! So don't pretend to know him, because you don't. You had the chance, but you're too late, John."

"I'm his father."

"You had the chance, John. You did. But you're fifteen years too late."

"You should have told me in the first place!"

"Don't pretend. You know why I didn't."

"You wanted a normal life. You could have had a normal life, with me!"

"I couldn't, John. I thought I was happy with you. But things changed when I found out I was pregnant. You told me to do an abortion, and I was willing to do that. Because I loved you. And then, when you found out about my past, I realized that it was my chance of getting out. Of leaving you. My chance of having my baby."

There was a moment of silence, which I needed to take everything in. The man in the backseat was Dean's father? He told Mary to do an abortion? God, I already disliked him. Hated, actually.

"You still should have told me I was having a baby."

"Why would I when you didn't want him?" Mary asked and the man was quiet for a long time.

"I want him now," he said and I snorted. Both of them ignored me.

"I always wanted him. Keith always wanted him. And Dean looks at Keith like a father. He doesn't need you to screw things up."

"Does this Keith know about your past?"

"Yeah, he does. His family knew mine. We share the same past," Mary sounded so confident about this that I really didn't care what her past was like. Or Keith's.

"Do you love him?"

"I do," Mary answered. "And he loves me."

She pulled up in front of the hospital, and both Mary and I was out of the car the same second it stopped. John followed us.

"I don't want you in there," Mary said but John continued to follow us.

"I'm coming with you."

Mary stopped, and so did I. I watched her as she walked up to John, and I heard every one of her words.

"I don't want you there."

I was shocked to see that the man kissed her, and with more strength than I thought Mary was capable of, she shoved him off her and then slapped him. She left a red mark on his cheek, and he looked at her with disbelief.

"I don't ever want to see you again," she said and turned around. I quickly followed her and as we entered the hospital, she said something.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," she said and I shook my head.

"Don't be," I promised and she nodded.

I followed her to the reception, where she asked where Dean was and I froze when I heard the room number. I couldn't go in there. I couldn't. It would be too much.

"I'll be right there, okay?" I asked and Mary nodded as she left for the room. I watched her go away and then I asked what room Liam was in. It was the room next to Dean's.

I took a breath and then followed the corridors to the right ward. I didn't have to look long before I found Jenna. She was sitting on the floor outside of the room, and I slid down next to her.

"Is he okay?"

"He's annoying," she answered and I raised one of my eyebrows. She sighed and explained.

"He's not fine. Not because of the fire, but because of his kidney's. You know he had that congenital failure, and that he might someday need a transplant. Today is someday. You know he did that test a few weeks ago, and the finally got the test results back. If they do a transplant soon, he might recover well enough to play football again. I've said for years that I want to donate, and I know I'm a match. Liam said yes. But now, he won't let me do it. I don't need my kidney. I want to be a designer, I don't need two. But Liam does. And I want him to take mine, but he refuses."

I wrapped my arms around her and leaned my head against her shoulder.

"What does your parents say?"

"I don't know. They're not here yet."

I sighed and we were quiet for a moment. I didn't know what to say. Liam needed a transplant? It was insane. We had always known that this day might come, but seriously, it was like a 30 percent chance. So this day coming was surreal.

"Olivia's boobs are fake," I said, trying to make her feel better. She was quiet for a moment but then I heard her chuckle quietly.

"That shouldn't make me feel better, but it does," she said and we laughed together.

"Speaking of nothing," she continued a second later. "You had sex."

I didn't answer her. But how could she know?

"I'm gonna take your silence as a yes," she continued and I smiled.

"What makes you think I did?"

"The look on your face. I've seen it. I've worn it. Many times. And I don't appreciate it when I see it on my brother."

I laughed and she did the same.

"So, was he good?"

"I don't have anyone to compare with," I reminded her and she nodded. But I knew the answer.

"Right. So, is it big?"

"I'm not going to answer that," I told her and I felt myself blushing.

"That means yes."

"No, it doesn't," I clarified and she looked at me.

"So, it's small?"

"I'm not going to answer that," I repeated and she smiled smugly.

"It's big," she said to herself. "Or maybe average. No, definitely big."

"I'm gonna go now," I said and stood up. "Good luck with Liam."

"I'm gonna need it," she answered and I hesitated for a second before I opened the door to Dean's room. I didn't know what to expect but I let out a sigh of relief when I saw that he was awake. And sitting up. Clearly wanting to get out of the hospital. This was a lot better since the last time I was in here.

But the memories were still there. The emotions. The pictures of Julia, all broken and… lifeless.

"Hey," I said as I walked inside, trying to shove all of the thoughts about Julia far away from my mind. But it was hard. Definitely since it was too easy to remember. And tomorrow was her birthday. And even though she was a pain in my ass, we were close. And I missed her. Some days were harder than others. This was one of those days.

The three heads turned toward me, and Mary's eyes flickered between me and Dean.

"Maybe we should go talk to a doctor," she said and brought Keith with her outside of the room. I know why she did it, but she didn't have to. I know she wanted to be in here with Dean, so she didn't have to leave us alone even though I wanted to be alone with him.

"Hey," I said again, not moving from where I was standing at the door.

"Hey," he answered me, meeting my eyes but not moving. And he didn't say anything else.

I tried to be brave enough to actually walk into the room properly, but I couldn't find the strength.

"Feel like taking a walk?" Dean asked when we had been quiet for several moments.

"Are you allowed to leave the room?"

"I don't care," he answered and climbed out of the bed. He took my hand and squeezed it as we walked out of the room. Jenna was still sitting on the floor, looking almost angry.

"He still won't listen to me," she said before I had the chance to ask.

"I take it he's awake?" Dean asked and Jenna looked at him.

"Things would be better if he was sleeping, actually. Then I didn't have to listen to him."

I could feel the confused vibes from Dean, and I let go of his hand.

"I'll talk to him," I said and walked inside of the room. Both Jenna and Dean stayed outside.

Liam wasn't on the bed, but I heard the water running on the bathroom. So I sat down in the chair next to the bed, and I waited.

Only a second later the bathroom door opened and Liam saw me.

"J…-" he started, but I cut him off.

"You're selfish, you know that?"

"What?"

"Selfish," I said again. "You say one thing for years, and now, when things have changed and you need a transplant, you say another thing. You're selfish."

"How can I be selfish, not letting her donate?" he asked, and I felt the irritation grow. I didn't want it to.

"Because she wants to do this unselfish thing for you, and you not accepting is selfish. I know why you're not letting her donate. It would make you feel guilty, wouldn't it? So instead of being grateful, and letting Jenna show you how much she loves you, you're just gonna throw you're life away?"

"They're gonna find another kidney."

"It can take forever. My sister died because they couldn't find her one in time, Liam! She died. That might happen to you. And trust me, you don't want Jenna feeling the way I feel every frigging day. Especially knowing she could have saved you. Knowing that if you would have just said 'yes', three small letters, you would have been with her. Do you know how guilty she would feel? She would hate herself! I hate myself because of that day. I wasn't a match for Julia, and I hate myself. Don't let Jenna feel the same. Take her kidney. You would live a healthy life. Maybe even be able to play football. Don't throw it away."

"I'm not gonna die," he argued.

"If you don't take her kidney, you might. So don't say that," I told him and got up from the chair and left the room.

I swallowed back the tears, taking a deep breath. I had opened up a lot more in there than I had planned on doing. No one knew I hated myself because of that day. I hated myself because I could have stopped it. If I hadn't told mom to pick me up from school… If I hadn't argued with Julia… If I had been a match… God, there were too many 'ifs'. And I hated that.