"I still can't over this whole thing with you singing," Liam said and I laughed.

"Do you even remember it?" J.J asked and I laughed again as I saw Liam's expression.

"No, not really," he admitted. He really doesn't get along with painkillers. "But still. I mean… you can sing."

"Which I've been able to do my whole life. It's not a big deal."

"What is a big deal is that you can name like every song that's ever been written."

"Not every song," she argued with me and I raised my eyebrow. "But many."

"More than many. Give me your laptop," I turned to Liam.

"What are you doing?" J.J asked as Liam handed me the computer and I logged into J.J's spotify.

"It's not fair if you log into hers," Liam argued but I didn't agree with him.

"She has over 2000 songs."

"Are you really going to test me?"

"Yep. And it's only fair if I do it," Liam said and took the laptop from me. I could see J.J rolling her eyes, but Jenna leaned over the computer to see what Liam was doing.

"You have twenty seconds to name the song, okay?"

"Twenty?" J.J asked. "Give me ten."

"Confident, are we?" Liam asked and I laughed with everyone.

"Just press play."

"Okay, let's see…" Liam murmured and then I heard the into of an Mando Diao song. Bad choice. Within a second, J.J answered.

"Mando Diao – Good Morning, Herr Horst. And that was too easy."

A new song started, and J.J pursed her lips for a second.

"The scientist – Olle Hedberg."

"And who is that?" Jenna asked and J.J nearly rolled her eyes. But I was asking the same question.

"He's one of the top three finalists on Swedish Idol."

"Oh," Jenna said and then she took the laptop from her brother. "Let's see…"

"The Gaslight Anthem – We did it when we were young."

Ten minutes later, thirty or so songs had been played, and J.J hadn't had one single wrong. So I decided it was time for a challenge. I asked for the laptop, and then looked through her list.

She had almost everything. From Nirvana to Adam Lambert to Mando Diao to Gavin DeGraw to Bon Jovi to Muse to Coldplay to Johnossi to Foreigner to almost everything. She has the broadest taste in music I have ever heard of.

"Nice try," she said and looked at me. "Crashdiet – Save her. God, I hate their new singer. He's not horrible, but…"

"They had an old singer?" Liam asked, unaware of who they were. I hadn't heard many songs with them, but J.J played them from time to time.

"David Hellman. Or Dave Leopard, as he was called. But he died in 2006. Play It's a miracle."

I quickly found the song, and pressed play. It was quiet in the room for a second before Liam spoke.

"Hm, who knew you were into this kind of music."

"She's into everything," I said and found a song. I decided I could be kind and play one from her favorite band. I knew she could easily take it.

But she was quiet, and listened. When ten seconds had passed, she pursed her lips.

"It sounds like Mando. It's their sound. But… Yep, that's Björn's voice. Do they have…? No." She was talking to herself, and I smiled at the adorableness. Who knew, she didn't know what song it was.

"What's the name of the song?" she asked a second later and I looked.

"Losing my mind."

She grabbed the laptop from me and held it with one hand – she couldn't put it in her lap since Tank still had his head there.

"That means they have a new song…" she said and added the song to her list. Then she replayed it and told everyone to be quiet. Not that any one was speaking.

"It's fairly amazing," she said after the first refrain and I laughed. I don't think there was a single song with Mando Diao that she didn't like.

"What's your favorite song, of all of these songs?"

"One that hasn't been played yet," J.J answered Liam. I knew the answer.

How we walk was her absolute favorite song. Ever.

"How we walk. Gustaf´s version."

I don't know how long we sat there after that. Hours of just talking. Spending time together. Liam and Jenna did only come home from the hospital yesterday, so J.J and I hadn't met them in a while. Sure, we had stopped by at the hospital, but you're not supposed to stay for too long. Now we could stay until we wanted to go home.

And by the time their parents called us down to dinner, Megan – Liam and Jenna's mom – had been out with the dogs for a long walk.

The dining table was already full without me and J.J but we managed to squeeze in on the side. We always managed to squeeze in. We had been eating here more times than I could count. Not that I understand how seven people can fit around a table designed for four. But it worked.

After we ate, Joey, Marcus, Emily, Troy and his girlfriend Christina showed up.

"I'll see you later tonight," Megan looked into Liam's room and Liam and Jenna nodded. Apparently, Megan and Derek would be going on for something. "Make sure Adam doesn't go to sleep too late."

"I'm not baby sitting," Liam stated but Jenna nodded and Megan closed the door again.

As soon as we heard the front door close, Liam was off the bed and out of the room. Since he dragged me along, I followed in his footsteps.

"I haven't been drinking in forever – I need to get drunk," he said as we walked down the stairs.

"I'll tell Mom!" Adam called from somewhere and I laughed.

"Yeah, you do that. She knows I'm drinking! And no, that doesn't mean it's okay with you starting."

We reached the basement in no time, and Liam walked up behind the bar.

"Shit, there's only beer. I can't get drunk on that," he muttered and I laughed again.

"You don't have to get drunk."

"I've been stuck at the hospital for I don't know how long – of course I need to get drunk!"

"Then drink a lot of beer," I stated.

"I'm immune to beer," he answered me but grabbed a box from the fridge and then we headed upstairs again. I quickly noticed that Tank had snuck inside the room again, and he was completely laid out next to J.J on the floor. I sat down on her other side as Liam passed the beers to those who wanted. Apparently, Joey, Marcus and Emily had some with them. I grabbed a beer from Liam and looked at J.J.

"Give it to me," she said and I did. She wasn't too fond of beer, but she was learning. Hell, she wasn't that fond of alcohol at all.

"Just to feel these bad boys, we're playing I've never," Liam said and I laughed.

"You're going to do anything to get drunk, aren't you?"

"Yep, and I start. I've never… had sex," he stated, but since he had, he drank. So did everyone else.

"I can't believe we're playing this," Jenna murmured.

"We need music," J.J stated and put her spotify list on shuffle. As the music started, Jenna figured out something to say.

"We all know where this is going, so I've never went down on a guy."

"And as in 'went down' you mean…" Emily said, gesturing for a blow job.

"Yep. And the other way, too."

"Okay then," Emily said and drank with Christina.

"I've never… had a three-way," I said, and no one drank. It always got like this. Always the same kinds of questions and statements. We're just that kind of group. Which is strange, with two twins in it. But it was rare, I mean, they actually want to know everything about each other.

"I've never had sex in a tent," J.J said and Joey drank.

"I've never not faked an orgasm when I'm with a partner," Emily stated and I laughed at Liam's expression. So, apparently they did a little more than kissing during the week they were seeing each other.

"Sorry," she said and we laughed again as everyone drank. I've never faked one. And it was good to hear that J.J hadn't either.

Ten minutes later, we were still playing, and we had gone around a few laps. It was interesting to find out some things about the others, I have to admit that.

"We're not playing this anymore," Liam said then. "I haven't played truth or dare in a while. Evil version."

Evil version, too? We had our own version. In the evil version, every one had to answer the question if it was truth. And you can't add anything to the dare you've been given. And if you refuse to do something, you have to do something even worse.

"Fine, I'll start," Emily said. "J.J, truth or dare?"

"Truth," she said, glancing at us.

"What do you miss the most, not a person?"

"What I miss the most?" J.J mused. This could be hard. "And not a person. I can't pick Tank, so my old house."

"Why can't you pick Tank? He's not a person," Joey asked.

"And you've clearly never had an animal," J.J answered him, her hand stroking Tank's back.

"Fotball," Liam quickly said.

"You've been without it for like a month," Jenna stated and Liam nodded.

"I still miss it."

The others answered, and when it came to me, I wasn't sure what to say. I never lost anything, so yeah, I told them that.

"Dean, truth or dare?" Liam asked.

"Dare," I looked him straight in the eyes and he narrowed them.

"Kiss… Emily."

He thinks he's so smart. He probably had something evil planned, but I wouldn't step back on this.

"You know you can't add anything to that," I reminded him.

"I don't want to add anything."

"Too bad, because you never told me where to kiss her," I stated and saw him curse. I laughed before I took her hand and kissed it for half a second.

"I want one of those," I heard J.J say and I looked over at her.

"I'm sorry, but I can't give you one," I stated and leaned toward her. "I can do this though."

And with that said, I captured her lips for a few second before I sat back down and looked around me.

"J.J, truth or dare?" Joey asked.

"Is it just the two of us in here, or what?" I asked and Joey promised to pick someone else next time.

"I'll take dare."

"Okay, I won't be mean… Do a handstand for ten seconds. If you can't, I'll give you a mean one."

"If I can't," J.J snorted and got up from the floor. "Ten seconds?"

"Yeah," Joey confirmed. "There's a wall over there."

"I know where the walls are," J.J stated and sighed. As she did, without getting ready, she reached down and suddenly she was on her hands. With her toes pointing straight up toward the ceiling.

"J.J used to do gymnastics," I grinned after about five seconds of J.J walking around in the room on her hands. Joey apparently didn't know that. Or maybe he just forgot it.

"Yeah, I notice. And your seconds are up."

J.J smoothly came down on her feet again and sat down next to me.

"Let me change 'house' to 'gymnastics'," she said, smiling. "Yeah, I definitely missed that."

"My turn," I said. "Liam. Truth or dare?"

"You're not that mean – dare."

"Swap shirt with the person to your right - that's the only thing you can wear. And wear it for the rest of the night."

"I'm not swapping my hoodie to that," he said, pointing at Jenna's tank top.

"You have to," I grinned and heard him mutter. Jenna didn't seem to care though.

"You're not taking your shirt of in here."

"I have a sports bra underneath, dumb-ass," Jenna answered her brother as she pulled the tank top over her head. "Now give me your shirt."

Liam muttered something as he pulled his shirt over his head and Jenna quickly took it.

"Do I have to?"

"Just do it," J.J said and Liam took the tank top from Jenna's hand. He then pulled his t-shirt over his head and squeezed into the tank top. Oh god, was it small on him. He's huge compared to anyone. And Jenna is tiny.

"You're adorable," I laughed and I could almost feel the mental kick he gave me.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up. Who's next?"

"I'll take it," Jenna said. "Emily, truth or dare?"

"Just to be mean, truth."

"How and to who did you loose your virginity? Details."

"Will. I was fourteen. I barely felt it. It was tiny. Detailed enough for you?"

"I was sixteen, with my first boyfriend Justin. We did it in this bed."

Liam instantly jumped down from the bed with a shudder, and I heard several laughs.

"We're changing rooms again," he said and Jenna looked at him.

"I had sex in my old bed too."

"God, I need to change rooms with Adam," Liam shuddered again and I laughed.

"Liam, your turn."

"Fifteen. One night stand, Kayla. We were at a party, and I was pretty drunk."

"It wasn't Jake's party, right?" I asked. I mean, if it was Jake's party, that would be strange. And weird.

"Yeah, I think so, why?"

"Same night. Same party. Different girl."

"Seriously?" Liam asked, staring at me.

"Yeah," I said, drinking from my beer.

"That's not okay, man."

"You two share everything, don't you?" Jenna laughed and Liam gave her the finger. Then Jenna looked at me. "You never said too who."

"Olivia. Next."

J.J was last to tell her story. I knew every single detail of it, and I loved that. I chuckled before she talked, and I felt the others eyes on me.

"Sorry," I said, and chuckled again. "Sorry. I'm just thinking about something."

What I was thinking about was that night. I don't know why I chuckled, but I knew that I would always remember that night. And then my thoughts wandered to last night. And I grinned.

"Anyway," J.J said, looking at me. "Not that long ago, to Dean. Fairly painful."

"You never did it with Seth?" Emily asked.

"He was a jerk, so no."

"Okay, Dean, truth or dare." This time, it was Christina. Seriously, were they forgetting that there was more people in here?

"Truth," I rolled my eyes.

"What were you just thinking about? In detail."

"Yesterday," I said, drinking from my bottle. "And it might have been on what J.J and I were doing. You're not getting anymore details."

"Meaning you had sex?"

"Maybe," I stated and the others laughed.

"Mom and Dad will be back around two, and you know they will kill you if you're not back by then," Jenna told Liam and I looked at J.J.

"I don't have my keys, give me yours," she said, and I raised my eyebrow.

"Then I won't have any."

"Yeah, but I'll be home before you are. I'm getting tired, so I won't stay for too long."

"But there's no way in hell you're walking home alone, so I won't stay for too long. I'll call you when we leave, and I'll pick you up."

"If you can walk," she teased and I chuckled.

"I won't get drunk," I promised. I didn't feel like getting drunk. Besides, I didn't have any alcohol.

"I'll see you later," she said and I felt her lips against mine for a second. Then Liam, Joey, Emily, Christina, Marcus, Troy and I left. Apparently Marcus' older brother was home from college, and he had a party, so we were heading that way.

Liam and I followed the others, walking a few steps behind them.

"Sorry about you getting stuck at the hospital for so long."

"I'm not blaming you," he answered me. He hated that hospital. And he was kind of there because of me. "They would have called me in anyway, for a test, but because of the fire things happened faster. So if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have any idea of my kidney's failing. You kinda saved my life by taking me to the rink. And if it wasn't for J.J, well, then I wouldn't have let Jenna donate."

"What are you talking about?"

"She haven't told you?"

"No," I shook my head. I knew she talked to him, but I didn't know what they talked about.

"She told me what it felt like not being able to donate to Julia. And I don't want Jenna to hate herself if something happened to me. Because I know what she's like, and she would feel so guilty, and one day it would all burst. And she would do something really, really stupid."

I knew J.J wasn't that fond of herself. She didn't have much confidence, and I know how sad she was because of her family's death. And I understand her. She had never believed in herself, and an accident like that can't help with that. I knew that she was building that confidence, and that she for the first time in her life started to believe in herself. I knew who she was – I've always known exactly who she is – and now she's finding herself again. And it must be confusing, and hard, and devastating to start over again. Without the three persons that's always been in her life. I knew all of this, and a lot more, but I had no idea that she hated herself for not being a match for Julia.

Ten minutes later, we reached Marcus house and Liam found us alcohol somewhere. I turned my down.

"Good, more for me."

We stood there for a moment, talking as Liam drank from his beer.

"You're back from the hospital?" I suddenly heard Brian ask, and I tuned out there conversation. I looked around the room, seeing a lot of people from school. There was also older people, probably from college and my eyes stopped on one person. And he was walking towards me.

"You're Jennie's friend… Dan, right?"

"Dean," I corrected him. "So, Seth, what are you doing in town?"

He's supposed to be at college. Three towns away. But here he was, grinning in front of me.

"My parents told me her Dad died. I guess I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Well, that sounded okay. Nice. Except the fact that he's a jerk, and Greg died two months ago. He could have given her a call.

"I heard she has a new boyfriend, any idea who it is?"

"Why?" I wanted to know, and I felt slightly irritated. Seriously, I was turning into a jealous boyfriend/ex-hater. This was so not okay. I'm not the jealous type.

"I kinda want her back, and I want to see who I'm competing with, y'know. Do I got a shot?"

"No, I honestly don't think you do," Liam stole the words from me.

"Hm, why? We all know she's not over me yet, in that case she would have got a boyfriend ages ago. Besides, this guy is just a distraction."

Yeah, okay, I think I'm allowed to be the boyfriend who hates the ex right now.

"You don't even know who he is."

"C'mon, he's nothing compared with me," Seth answered and winked. Winked.

"It's me," I said, my voice flat. "I'm her 'distraction'. So, still think you got a shot?"

"Definitely. Sorry, Dan, but she loves me."

Dean. It's not that hard.

"Yeah, who told you that?" Liam stepped in before I had the chance to say something.

"That girl over there," he answered, pointing at Olivia. She was watching us, a grin on her face. Oh, seriously? God, why did I ever go out with her? I mean, what's wrong with me?

"Yeah, well, she's lying. And she didn't get a boyfriend before because her Mom and sister died."

"Then why get one after her Dad died?" Seth answered Liam, staring at me. Hm, I had never noticed how tall he was before.

"Are you even listening to yourself, dude? I was there for her, unlike you. "

"I was there for her."

"Then where were you at the funeral? Or at the hospital, when she woke up? Or you know what, where the hell where you when she realized she would never talk to her sister again? Never get advice from her mom again? I was there. You weren't."

"Yeah, I was. Sure, you were there with a roof and four walls, but I was there with my love. I'm getting her back."

"There's a lot of talking, Seth, but will there be any actions? Did you even love her? Nice way of showing it, in that case."

I was very well aware of the eyes around us. Everyone at the party was looking at us. But I didn't care. I just wanted to shut him up.

"You're just saying this because I was doing her long before you were."

"Doing her?"

"You know what I mean," he grinned and I fought the urge to hit him. Hard.

"I know what you mean, but I wouldn't chose that word. And should it really be coming from you?"

"Y'know what? I'm gonna leave now, and look up J.J. And I'm gonna do her again. And again. And again."

"If you don't hit him, I will," Liam stated and I looked at him.

"I can't let you do that."

"See? He won't hit me – no one will."

Without turning to look at Seth, I lurched toward him and felt my fist hit his face. Hard. It actually hurt, like hell. I can't imagine how his face felt like right now.

"You know what? I'm gonna leave, and I'm gonna go spend the night with J.J."

And with that I turned around, grabbed Liam and left.

"I don't remember him being that big of a jerk when he were going out with J.J," he said and I shook my head.

"Neither do I. Can we just get out of here?"

"We basically already are," he said as he chuckled. In the short time we had been in there, it couldn't have been more than an hour, it had gone pitch-black outside. Or it would be if it wasn't for the snow and the street lights.

"Just to be fair though, you weren't there when she woke up either."

"That's because the last time I saw her, she told me she didn't want to see me again. So sorry if it took me three days to get there," I almost sneered.

"Relax, I didn't mean anything," he said and I put my hands in my pockets.

"I know. I'm sorry," I apologized.

"I would be pretty pissed of too if I were you."

"I'm gonna call her," I said and found my phone. It took a few signals before she picked up, but she said she would be out in five minutes.

And she was. We said good-bye to Liam and Jenna, and then we started to walk home. I still had my hands in my pockets, so J.J wrapped her arm around mine.

"So, how was the party?"

"I met your ex, and I turned into a jealous ex-hater and hit him," I confessed.

"What?"

"Yeah, and Olivia was there. Apparently she told Seth that you still loved him, and so he thought he could get you back. He even said I was just jealous because I knew he were banging you long before I was. His words, not mine."

"So you hit him?"

"I hit him because he's pigheaded, a jerk and he said he would find you and do you all night. And because Liam would have done it if I didn't."

She sighed, and I looked down on her, finding her eyes looking into mine.

"We're pathetic, aren't we? Fighting each others ex's."

"We're pathetic," I agreed. "But they're more pathetic, because we actually won."

She laughed, and then changed our subject of conversation.

"What you said about being a jealous boyfriend," she said. "I've always hated jealousy. It's cute in the right amount, but it can easily turn into too much. And everyone knows that jealousy kills."

"Did I go too far?"

"I know you, Dean. You of all people are not the jealous type. So no, you didn't go too far. It's that cute amount, which shows that you love me."

"Yeah well, I do."

"So do I. Love you, I mean."

"I got that," I laughed and fished my keys up from my pocket. We walked up the stairs to the porch and it took me a moment to find the keyhole in the dark. But I found it, and within a minute we were inside with the door locked behind us.

"Tired?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Not at all. Y'know, I make this killer hot chocolate."

"And I make mad french toasts," I told her and laughed.

"Now I feel like having french toasts."

"And I feel like having hot chocolate," I agreed. "I'll make mine, and you'll make yours?"

"Agreed," she chuckled and walked up to the fridge as I took out the toasts.

"There's only two left," I noticed and turned to J.J.

"So, we'll share."

"Definitely."

And with that, we started. As I was ready to put the toasts on a plate, I noticed how she placed two cups on the table in the corner of my eye.

I quickly poured over the raspberries and blueberries, and then served with two forks.

"This does look delicious," she stated and I nodded.

"I told you. Now why are ours different?"

"Because you know I don't like whipped cream."

"So you got marshmallows instead? I want them too."

"Don't pout, they're there underneath it all."

"I wasn't pouting," I told her and laughed with her.

I took a gulp of the hot chocolate – it was indeed hot, and J.J was right, she was good at this – as J.J took a fork and tried the toast.

"This isn't half-bad," she said and smirked as I narrowed my eyes. I decided to change the subject instead of answering her.

"Freckles, can I ask you something?"

"You don't have to ask if you can ask me something. You know you can."

"Yeah, but it's kinda personal."

"We were pretty personal last night, or was that all a dream?" she asked and I laughed. I got her point, but it was still personal.

"I talked to Liam…"

"He told you what I said in the hospital, didn't he?" she understood.

"Not quite, but I figured he wasn't just talking about Jenna when he mentioned self-hatred."

Her eyes drooped to the plate, her fork playing with the toast. And she said nothing.

"If you don't want to talk to be about it, fine. I get it. But you need to talk to someone, J.J."

"I talked with a shrink for almost ten months, Dean. It didn't help. I hated going there. A shrink is supposed to listen, right? I never got that feeling."

"Find a new one," I offered.

"I can't talk about stuff with someone I don't know. I don't care if that someone is hired to talk and listen or not, it just doesn't work that way. If I'm going to talk, I need someone I can trust. Someone I can rely on. Someone who really listens. And honestly, I can't find that with a shrink. I don't need someone to talk to, discuss with, or get advice from. I don't need someone to tell me what to say, or do. All I need is someone who will listen. And don't push me away no matter what I say."

"That's what friends are for, right? You have Jenna, me, and you have L…"

"If I'm going to talk to someone about all of this, it's you. I know I can trust and rely on Jenna, she's been my best friend since before you and I even met, but I don't want to talk her. I want to talk to you."

"I sense a but."

"I'm scared, Dean."

"Of what?"

"Telling you everything. A part of me is terrified that when you see what a wreck I am, you will push me away. The rational part of me knows that that won't happen, because you've seen a part of that wreck. And I know that if anyone can handle it, it's you. And I try to tell myself that."

"But that doesn't take the fear away…"

"No. Now that I'm finally have started over, I'm more scared that ever. I used to know exactly who I was. I don't anymore. I don't know who I am without my family and I-"

"Hey," I stopped her ranting. "You're still you. You're Jennie Walker. You're still a sister. You're still a daughter. You're still a great musician, and a fantastic photographer who will reach far someday. You're still adorable when you're nervous. You're still mature, and childish, and strong-minded, and intelligent, tough, kindhearted, tenacious, stubborn, curious, simple, complicated, sensitive, beautiful. And you're still the girl I love. You have grown so much. You're so fiercely independent, J.J. And you're brave. You're not the same person you were a year ago, but no one is. I know I'm not. And I'm here. No matter if you tell me everything, or nothing, I'm here. I'm not pushing you away for opening your heart. No sane person would push you away."