I have up until chapter 19 written and done, and chapter 20 will be the last one. I'm going to try to post once each week for these last chapters, and I'll try to upload on sundays. Thank you for the reviews, and I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story.

"He knew all along," I heard J.J mumble to herself, tears stuck in her throat.

"What are you talking about?"

"This," she said, holding up the letter. I knew she was reading the last letter from her Dad, and I was busy with homework. Being J.J, she was already done with it. "He knew he wouldn't make it."

Yeah, I kinda knew that.

"Does he actually write that?"

"No, but it's easy to read between the lines. 'I've missed a lot of things. Your first words, your first steps, the first time you laughed… I didn't miss the first time you played the piano, but that's pretty much it. And I'm going to miss so much. I won't see you graduate. I won't see you go off to college. I will never see you walk down the aisle. I will never be a grandfather.' I just… Why the hell didn't he tell me this?"

Her sad tone was turning almost angry and she got up from the floor where she was sitting.

"He didn't want you to worry about him," I said slowly. She didn't exactly know that her Dad had talked to me.

"That's my Dad in a nutshell, but how can you know that?"

"He kinda told me."

"What? When? What?"

"At the hospital, after he woke up. You went to get something to drink, and he told me that he probably wouldn't make it. He had told the doctors not to tell you, because you had worried enough about him. I told him it wasn't fair, but he loved you. He's your Dad, and there was nothing I could do about it."

She stared at me, shocked and surprised and at first she didn't say anything. Then she yelled.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"He told me-"

"I don't fucking care if he told you not to tell me. We tell each other things. I thought it was everything, but apparently it wasn't!"

"J.J, we still do that. That hasn't changed."

"Something must have changed, since you didn't tell me this."

"I didn't tell you because he had a good frigging point, okay?"

"What point?"

"I told him you deserved to know, and he told me you deserved to know my feelings for you."

"So you told him about them, too? What, were you having a tea party or something?"

"Just listen to me!"

"Why? You don't tell me stuff, so what is there to listen to? God dammit, Dean! I could have spent a lot more time with him if I just knew what you two knew."

"You were there all the time! You even skipped school."

"Do you know how many hours I missed, not being there at night? Not being there when he fell asleep, or when he woke up? Do you know how many more hours that would have given me?"

"I see your point, okay? But you were there for him! He knew that you loves him, and you know that he loved you."

"Loved. Exactly. He's not here anymore."

"At least he was here."

"What, you're gonna bring your father into this?"

"That's not what I'm talking about, and I don't exactly have a Dad, do I? At least you do."

"I had one. But you're right. Yours never even wanted you. Yours wanted to abort you. But you know what? You never knew him! I knew my Dad. I love my Dad. I spent time with him! And now I can't anymore. Because he was taken from me."

I don't know how long we continued to scream at each other, but it ended with her leaving and me slamming the door on no one. I also slammed the doors between our rooms, throwing myself on my bed.

Fuck, I hate fighting. And this was our first fight since the accident. We didn't talk for weeks that time, and this was a lot bigger than that fight. This was about more important stuff.

I heard a knock on my door, so I sat up and saw Mom coming through the door. I didn't even know she was home.

"This is… empty. Is your room really this big?"

"I moved into J.J's room yesterday, but maybe I'll move back in here again."

"What happened?" she asked, looking slightly worried.

"Nothing. When did you get back?"

"Almost an hour ago. You don't look like nothing happened."

"I'm fine," I lied. If they got back an hour ago, they must have heard us. "How was your weekend?"

"It was great. How was yours?"

"It was good seeing Liam and Jenna again," I said, avoiding every thing else.

"If you're fine, then I should probably get back to making dinner," she said and turned around. She was just about to leave when I stopped her.

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you tell me? About the abortion?"

"You know," she sighed and walked up to me.

"So it's true?" I asked when she sat down next to me on the edge of my bed.

"I guess I told myself I was protecting you. You might not understand now, but when you have a child on your own, you will. I don't know if you remember, but when you were four or five, you asked me about him all the time. You wanted to know his name. Where he was. I didn't know what to say. He broke my heart when he told me he didn't want you. Things were already strained between us, but when he told me to murder an innocent baby – my baby – then I couldn't take it anymore. When he was at work, I packed my things and left. I never even looked back. Not when I felt your first kick, or when I held you in my arms for the first time. I haven't looked back once. Then you started asking those questions, and I thought that maybe it would have been easier to stay. And then I met Keith. I never meant to fall for him, but I saw how easy things were for you two. I saw how much he loved you, and how safe you were around him. So immediately I was too. If you hadn't liked him, I never even would have considered moving in with him. Marrying him. He's my everything, but so are you. You're my baby, and I can't even imagine how life will be like when you leave for college next year. Oh god, is it just six months left?"

I chuckled once, and then turned serious again.

"Why were things strained between you two?"

She looked at me for a moment before she answered that.

"He found out I was a hunter. After that he didn't look at me the same way. Things were different."

Mom had told me years ago about her old life. About the way her parents raised her, about how she always wanted to get out. Live a normal life. I didn't really take it good, but I accepted it after a while and now Mom and I told each other everything. We had always been close, but we became even closer after that.

"Why did you tell me?"

"About me being a hunter?" she asked and I nodded. "I never meant to. That life was beyond me, and I had a future. But when you stumbled over the mat and found the devils trap underneath it… You deserved to know. Not knowing didn't make you any safer than knowing."

"Do you think you would have stayed with him, if he didn't found out?"

"I don't know," she shook her head. "But I'm happy I left. I wouldn't have met Keith again, we wouldn't have moved here, and you wouldn't have met J.J."

"We had a fight," I confessed.

"I heard," she said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"We screamed some things, and right before she left she said that maybe we should just break up. I agreed."

"You know she doesn't mean that," Mom said and I felt her hand around my shoulders. "People say things when fighting. You probably said something, too."

"Yeah," I sighed. "But she sounded pretty serious. And I can't blame her. I did lie to her."

"You're not a liar, Dean."

"Her Dad told me that he didn't think he would make it. He told me not to tell her, so I didn't. I told her today. She didn't like that very much."

"That's not lying," she told me. "That's just withholding important information."

"Aren't you supposed to make me feel better?" I asked. Because she really wasn't. She kinda made me feel worse.

"I don't know what to say to make you feel better, but I do have something that might."

"What is it?"

She laughed at my expectation and held out an envelope. I hadn't even noticed that she had it.

"The papers came today. You officially have two parents."

That sort of made me happier than it should, but it felt good. Keith had been there for me half my life, but now it was official. And that felt good.

"Does this mean I have to change my last name?" I asked and I heard Mom laugh. I knew I didn't have to. She still held her name. And no way in hell I would change my last name to Hicks.

"Things will work out – believe in that," she said, pressed a kiss on my temple and then left.

J.J wasn't in school, and Liam told me she had slept at their place. But she hadn't said anything about the fight, so neither Jenna or Liam knew anything.

I just wanted to see her, and tell her how fucking sorry I was. That I really should have told her everything from the start, and that I was sorry for some of the things I said yesterday.

I wanted to make sure that things were okay between us again.

I opened the front door and a moment later I was in the kitchen, grabbing something quick to eat.

"Where's Mom?" I asked Keith when he walked into the kitchen a moment later.

"She's at work, she'll be home in a few hours. Did you talk to J.J today?"

"Mom told you?" I understood and he nodded. "She wasn't in school. She won't answer my texts, and I don't know where she is."

"She's upstairs."

"What?" I asked, but before I had the chance to say anything I was running up the stairs, stopping outside her door. I opened the door, but she wasn't there. So I walked through the bathroom and saw her sitting on my floor, leaning against my bed.

"Hey," I said and she looked up at me.

"Hi," she answered, getting up on her feet. We stood like that for a moment, a few meters away from each other, and said nothing.

"I'm sorry," we said in unison, and then I took the few steps that was needed for me to reach her. She met my arms when I opened them, and I held her close.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you," I mumbled against the crook of her neck, breathing her in.

"I shouldn't have taken it so badly," she answered me and leaned out. "I-I didn't mean what I said. About breaking up. Can you forgive me?"

I didn't answer her right away, wondering why the hell I should forgive her. I'm the one who messed up. So I'm the one who should ask for her forgiveness.

But she took my silence the wrong way, and she got nervous.

"Can you? Are we still together? Yes, no, maybe?"

I smiled, cupped the side of her face and pressed my lips against hers.

"Definitely."

"I love you," she said against my lips and I pressed them against hers harder.

"I love you," I echoed as I broke the kiss. "I hate fighting."

"I couldn't even sleep last night, because of the things I said. I didn't have the right to tell you about John that way."

"It's okay," I promised. "Why didn't you answer my texts?"

"I didn't want to take this over the phone," she answered simply and I nodded. Yeah, it was better between four eyes.

"Have you always been this tall?" she asked, her arms still locked around my neck and her chin leaning against my shoulder.

I chuckled and answered her.

"I've been 6'1" for two years, and you know that."

"And I'm 5'9", so how can you suddenly feel so tall?"

"And you feel really small right now," I answered her. It was the truth, she felt tiny in my arms.

"We're pathetic," she chuckled. "It sounds like we were apart for years, when all it was was one night."

"Yeah, but I don't want to be apart from you," I murmured and found her lips again.

"It's not that long until we have to apply to college, and I have no idea of where I wanna go," I stated, looking at J.J.

We were sitting in her couch, and we had just got back upstairs. There was still people downstairs, but I was too tired to be social.

It was Mom's birthday, and this day was far from over. And I was tired already.

"I know exactly where I wanna go, but it's in San Francisco. That's a long way."

"That's across the country. Literally. What school is it?"

I knew I would end up at some college, but I didn't really care about which one. I had never thought about going that far, though.

"It's the Academy of Art University. It's a great school for photographers, and it's one of the best in the country. I've kinda always wanted to go there."

"Then you should apply."

"But it's a long way," she said and moved closer to me, her face only inches from mine. "I wanna be close to you, and I can't if I go there."

"There are more schools in San Francisco."

"Your home is here, Dean."

"Yeah, for now. But I could easily find a new home. With you."

"Do you really mean that? Would you be ready to move across the country for me? I don't have anyone here, but you have your Mom. And in a few months, you'll have a brother. Or a sister."

"I love you. And if I have to give up a small town in Vermont for you to live one of your dreams… I would gladly do it."

"If you were the one going to a school somewhere far away, I would follow you."

"I know," I answered her and pulled her face to mine. I captured her lower lip, sucking on it hard and passionately. She kissed me back, her hand grasping the side of my face as she moved closer to me.

A short moment later, we broke the kiss and I heard her laugh.

"What?"

I felt her run her fingers over my lower lip, her eyes staring into mine.

"Your lips are swollen," she stated and I laughed.

"So are yours."

"I figured."

She smiled, and I felt myself do the same.

"So we're moving to San Francisco this summer?" I asked, and she smiled a little bigger. It was easy to see how much she wanted it.

"If we can get in, then yeah."

"You'll get in. I'll just have to find a college first before I can apply."

She chuckled and then sighed. "You'll find one."

"You think so?"

"I know so," she promised. "And you will be one sexy firefighter in a few years."

"You're going to force me to wear the uniform at home, aren't you?"

"Probably, yeah," she laughed. "But if you were wearing a pair of working pants, then I wouldn't let you take them off. Ever."

I laughed, knowing she had like an obsession with them. And with necks. And noses. And hair. And jawlines. She has many obsessions.

"So, if you were a guy for a day, you would wear a pair of working pants?"

"Maybe later, toward the evening."

"What would you do first then?"

"Whack off."

I laughed at how fast she answered, and because she sounded so sure.

"Why whack off?"

"I've just always wanted to know what it feels like. I mean, guys don't have to put down as much energy as we do."

"If you think we don't have to work for it, you're wrong."

"That's not what I'm saying. But you probably succeeded the first time you played with yourself, am I right?"

Now I had to frigging think. I mean, when was that? I had done it like a million times since the first time. And I can't even remember how old I was.

"Probably," I guessed.

"Yeah, I didn't. It took me years, and a lot of work and technique. Fantasies aren't helping. At least not for me. I actually thought I was unable to reach an orgasm, because it never worked. But then one day it did, and now I know how to do it right. And sometimes it still doesn't work."

"It worked when I did it for you," I offered and she smiled.

"You know that there is one hell of a difference between doing it yourself and having someone else do it."

"Yeah," I stated with a chuckle. I knew that too well.

"Ever since you helped me, it's not even fun to do it anymore. I want your hands, your fingers, instead of mine."

Oh god, this was turning me on. We were having a serious conversation about fingering, and it turned me on.

"When have you had the time to use your fingers, exactly?"

I mean, we were around each other like all the time.

"Let's just say you're not the only one using the shower."

And now, the next time I did, I would totally imagine her playing with herself. I never actually took my fantasies that far, even though I did take them far. Before our first kiss, I would imagine her naked. Then I would imagine her naked as I imagined her lips being on mine. Sometimes I imagined that my hands were hers. Sometimes I imagined us having sex. But never had I imagined her playing with herself.

"You can tell me all of this, but not your bra size?" I changed the subject and she chuckled.

She pressed a kiss on my lips before she got up from the couch.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I feel like a shower," she smirked, and I knew she was just teasing. I heard a soft laugh escape from her lips before she closed the door to the bathroom and I let out a sigh.

A short moment later, I heard a knock on the door and before I had the time to say anything it opened.

"I'm sorry, this must be the wrong room…" the man apologized.

"Wow," was all I could think, and the word actually left my lips.

"Wow, what?" he asked as I stood up.

"I mean… Wow. You must be Greg's brother."

The man standing in the doorway was pretty much a copy of J.J's Dad. A younger, shorter copy. Yeah, that had to be his brother. He was wearing normal clothes, but I knew he was a marine as well. Actually he was a paramedic, but he had signed up when the marines needed more paramedics on the field. He had been gone for almost two years. And now, I guess he was back.

"David," he confirmed. "Do you know where Jennie's room is?"

"You're actually standing in it."

"Oh," he said and walked in. "Where is she?"

Just then the bathroom door opened, and I saw J.J walking into the room.

"Who are you-" she started but then noticed David in the doorway. "David?"

She didn't have the chance to say anything else before she took the steps that was needed to reach him. I heard that her voice was shaky when she said his name, and when she hugged him I could see tears stream down his face. I didn't doubt that she was crying, too.

This was awkward, and I felt really uncomfortable where I was standing. I had always hated seeing people cry, and even though I had seen J.J do it a lot since the accident, it was still uncomfortable. A part of me wanted to get the fuck out of the room and leave them alone, and the other part of me wanted to be there for J.J. To console her, if that's what she needed.

But this was the first time she saw her uncle in almost two years. He couldn't come to the funeral, because no one could reach him. No one knew where he was. But now he was home, and now he knew that his brother was dead.

"I'm gonna…" I started when J.J leaned out a moment later and she turned to look at me, shaking her head.

It wasn't the shaking of her head that made me decide on staying. It was her eyes. It was like she needed me there, and how could I go then? I mean, how could I just leave?

I gave her a quick but small nod, letting her know that I would stay, before I moved over and sat down indian style on the edge of the bed. They could take the couch.

J.J wiped the tears with the back of her hand, and I saw David do the same.

"How long have you been home?"

"Three days. I would have come here as soon as I heard from Mom and Dad, but…"

"It's okay," J.J answered before she started walking. I thought she would walk over to the couch, but a second later she was taking a seat in my lap and I wrapped my arms around her torso. I felt her twist her fingers with mine as David took a seat on the couch.

I didn't fully listen to their conversation until David mentioned the letters Greg had written for J.J.

"How do you know about them?"

"I got my own," he answered. "He mentioned the letters he had written for you. I guess he just wanted to make sure you would get them. Where were they?"

"You don't know?" J.J asked, sounding shocked.

"No. He mentioned them, but he never said where they were. All he said was that you would know where to look."

"Why am I not surprised?" J.J chuckled low to herself. "They were in the cabin. He wrote me one in the hospital, and I found that one on the piano."

"In the cabin? How did he get them there?"

I had actually been wondering the same thing, but I had never asked. Mostly since the last time we mentioned that letter, we argued.

"He wrote that he had your Dad place it there. He has the key, and it's the same town. It would be the easiest that way."

"Why didn't he just give it to you?"

"I don't know," J.J shook her head.

I tuned them out after that again, and an hour later I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I managed to reach it, and then silently cursed in my mind. How the hell could I forget that I had a match in an hour? First of the season actually, because of the fire and all of that.

"Hey, I gotta go. Joey's outside in five minutes," I said and reluctantly let go of J.J's hand before she moved from my lap.

"I'll see you there," she answered me when I pulled my hockey bag over my shoulder and was about to leave the room.

"You don't have to come, you know," I told her honestly. I mean, her uncle was here. I wanted her there, but she really didn't have to come.

"Have I ever missed one of your games?"

"Yeah," I answered and she gave me a soft glare. The only ones she had missed was maybe two, and that was because they had been out of town. She didn't even miss a game when she was still jumping on crutches a few months after the accident.

A few seconds later I was walking down the stairs, and I noticed that there was still around ten people around. Some from Mom's work, Keith's parents, and some other people.

"I'll see you tonight," I said as I walked by the living room where they all were, and Mom turned around to look at me.

"I'll see you in an hour," she corrected me and I raised an eyebrow. "It's your first game."

"I've played since I was ten. And it's your birthday. You really don't have to be there."

"Birthday or not, I've never missed a single one of your games. I intend to keep it that way."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. Besides J.J, Mom had always been my biggest "fan". It's ridiculous.

I found my jacket and my shoes and as I walked outside, Joey was already there. He hadn't been officialy playing with our team for long, and he had kind of taken Liam's place on the team. But Joey was good – he had played for the school since our freshman year.

So this was his first game with our team, and he looked kind of nervous. I was way pass all of that. When you had been playing for as long as I have, you don't get nervous until the very second before the match starts. And even then, it's barely. But it's good to be nervous.

It would be really weird to play without Liam, though. We had been on the same team for so long, playing together for so long, that I always knew where I had him.

Our coach always managed to squeeze in the time for a speech before every game, and today was not any different. But I can't say it was as encouraging as they usually are.

"First game of the season, and if we don't win today it won't be our last. But to get some respect for the tournaments, we need to win this. Otherwise it will be easy to kick us out. So don't make mistakes. We can't afford that." After saying that, he reached for something in a bag and started throwing something out to us all. When Joey got his, I saw what it was. New jerseys. "We're a new team. We need new jerseys. New jackets. A new captain."

As he said those things, he tossed me my new shirt and I barely had the time to look at it before I saw the 'c' on the right chest.

"Are you serious?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" he stated. "The team voted. You're our best player. You've been here the longest. You know the team better than I do."

"You guys know I'm only gonna be here this season," I stated, looking around. Sure, I was honored. But they needed a captain to stay. This was my last season. They knew I was leaving for college next year.

"The team voted," he said again and tossed out black jackets. Even my team jacket had a c on it, my last name written in cursive on the front, and the team name written on the back.

Twenty minutes later, the game had started, and I can't say it was an easy start. The other team almost scored twice in almost five minutes, and we needed to pick it up. We hadn't practiced much this season, but we're better than this. And it looks like I'm the one who needs to show it.

It took a few seconds, but I managed to get to the puck and I tackled the other player to get a hold of it. I almost flew against the goal, but I was too fast for the rest to reach me. Instead a player from the other team tackled me – hard – and I ended up on the ice. I quickly got up and shoot for the player who had tackled me. I tackled him harder than he had tackled me, knowing I would probably get a warning because I did so. But I didn't care, reached for the puck and changed my directions. Eric and Colton were by my side the entire time as I skated for the goal, and we kept passing the puck between us to make the other team confused. It worked, and they never had the chance to steal the puck from neither of us. With a few meters left before the goal, I had the puck again. I am a forward, after all. Two seconds later, the puck was in the goal and ten minutes in, I had scored the first goal for tonight.

The first period was over pretty quickly, and none managed to score another goal. Same with the other team.

Halfway through the other period, Colton scored our second goal and only a few seconds later our opponents scored their first.

And with only a second left of our second period, I scored again and then right before the period was over, I was tackled. Again. Harder this time. My left shoulder hit the rink in the corner section, and I could hear it smash against the wall. It wasn't exactly a cracking sound, but almost. That's gonna fucking hurt like hell tomorrow.

I cursed under my breath just as the period was over, and I skated over the ice with one hand on my left shoulder. I winched when I touched it, but I ignored the pain and found my way into the locker room where the rest of the guys were already.

"Go find Hamilton," Coach said after looking at me for a second but I ignored him and sat down.

"I'm fine."

"If you don't find him, you're benched for the rest of the game."

I knew that wasn't just a threat. He meant what he said. So I got up from my seat and found my way to Brian in his office in the back of the locker room. Brian had only been with the team for about a year, but he was the best physical therapist we had ever had.

He chuckled when he saw me, already having things prepared.

"I figured Tatarnic would send you here," he said as I sat down on the cot.

"What is it with you people calling each other by your last names?"

Seriously, the full staff did it. Our coach, our associate coach, our head scout… Everyone.

"Just take your shirts off," he said and I managed to pull the jersey over my head before I took everything else off. Shoulder pads, elbow pads, neckguard and then finally my t-shirt.

I heard another laugh, and realized the hickey J.J had given me a few days ago was still showing.

My shoulder was already swollen, but apparently there was nothing wrong. It was just sore, and it would bruise up and hurt for the next couple of days.

Brian wasn't happy about the fact that I wanted to get back out there, because apparently I shouldn't really use my left arm. But he gave me a shoulder ice wrap, and I would be able to fully move my left arm. Meaning I could play.

As soon as it was on, I could feel the cold and it already felt a little better. But I knew I shouldn't be fooled to believe that things would feel okay. Because as soon as that wrap was off, it would hurt again. Probably more than before, since I would play. But I could take it. We needed to win the game.

"Tatarnic won't be happy, and there's a chance he won't let you play," Brian warned as I put my t-shirt back on.

"Yeah, I know," I answered simply. Brian helped me with my pads so that it would go faster, because the game had probably already started again. And as I walked back out into the locker room it was empty, just like I had guessed.

I took my hockey stick and my helmet before I walked out of the door, and found J.J leaning against one of the walls.

"Your Mom sent me when she didn't see you," she explained before I even had the chance to wonder what she was doing there.

"I'm not surprised," I chuckled and she came up to me.

"You okay?"

"Okay enough to play," I answered her. "But I'm not really supposed to play. Or use my left arm for a few days."

"Maybe I shouldn't tell your Mom that," she said and let out a small chuckle. I smiled with her and then sighed.

"You know, I have something for you," I said and opened the door to the locker room. I found the jacket I had already put in my bag, and took it up before I walked back out to J.J.

"I love it," she grinned and took it from my hands.

"You can't use it all the time," I told her, knowing she would steal it from me whenever she had the chance. "I need it from time to time. Besides, it has my name on it."

"So?" she asked with a smile playing on her lips. "Then people will know that I'm yours."

"I think they know that anyway," I answered with a smile and then I reached down to place a soft kiss on her lips. She kissed me back for a second before she let go and placed her hand on my chest.

"Now go out and do your best, captain," she said and I chuckled before I left.

I didn't even have the chance to put my mouthguard back in before Coach stopped me and pulled me down on the bench.

"You can't bench me, I went to see him."

"He also told me about your shoulder. So sit there for now. We're gonna need you in about ten minutes or so."