I felt something hitting my head, and I opened my eyes to see what it was. But I immediately had to close them again because of the brightness in the room.
"Hey, wake up," I heard J.J say from across the room and I groaned.
Why hadn't my alarm went off?
I prepared myself for the light in the room as I slowly opened my eyes again, and watched the red numbers staring back at me.
"I can sleep for twenty more minutes," I groaned again and closed my eyes. I tried to fall back to sleep, but the soreness of my shoulder came creeping in on me. Fuck.
"You can't fall asleep again, can you?" I heard J.J say after a moment, and I could hear the smugness in her voice.
"Shut up," I mumbled and opened my eyes. She was sitting on the window ledge, fully dressed and she looked pretty much done with two hours left until school would start. "What are you doing awake anyway?"
"Couldn't sleep," she answered simply, but there was something behind those words. Some reason she didn't tell me.
"Why?"
"Bad dream," she smiled weakly and I sighed. She had bad dreams? There was no doubt about what they were about.
"How long?"
"Once in a while."
That's when I noticed the white paper she was playing with.
"What's that?"
"The reason I woke you up. David gave me a letter. I wasn't supposed to have it until my eighteenth birthday, but since we'll be in Sweden… I got it now."
"Is it from David?"
She shook her head. "It's from Dad. He gave it to his parents to give to me. He actually wrote on the envelope that I can't read it until I'm eighteen, but I want to and…"
"Don't read it," I stopped her. "He wanted you to wait. You should wait."
"Yeah," she sighed after a moment of silence. "And you should take a shower."
"I don't smell that bad," I stated and she looked at me. Okay, so I didn't take a shower last night after the game but I was tired…
"You smell like a hockey game. Take a shower."
I chuckled before I, without thinking, leaned myself on my left hand to get up. And then I winced before I used my right hand instead.
I could feel J.J's eyes on me as I got up, and then I heard a soft laugh coming from her. I knew why.
"It's morning," I half explained. I might have dreamt about doing some things with her as well that explained my hard-on. It wasn't even fully erected, but it was on it's way there.
"You always blame it on that. Y'know, I don't wake up with a boner every morning."
"You're a chick," I stated and heard her laugh before I suggested something. "You could help me…"
"So can the shower," she said and reached for the book next to her. I laughed before I closed the bathroom door behind me and stripped.
Fifteen minutes later I had dried myself and found a pair of boxers. I took the ice wrap from the counter, and tried to put it on my shoulder. And then I tried again. And again.
After five minutes of failing, I decided I needed help. I opened the door to our bedroom and saw that J.J was still sitting on the ledge of the window. This time with her guitar and a pen in her hands. I smiled as I watched her write some words in the book she had in her lap.
She was writing a new song.
"I know you have a thing for watching me write, but you're stressing me," she said without looking up and I chuckled.
"I don't," I corrected her. "I have a big thing for watching you write."
"Why?" she looked up and I smiled.
"You're left handed. It's fascinating to watch you write. It's charming. Sexy."
"15 percent of the world is left handed. Keith is. Go watch him write."
"Then it wouldn't be sexy or charming anymore," I told her and heard her laugh.
"I need your help," I said and lifted my right hand, holding the ice wrap.
She laughed again, putting the guitar in the window and got up to me. Just a second later she took the wrap from my hand and I felt her soft fingers on my shoulder. I tried not to wince, and almost succeeded. I felt her eyes on mine, so I met them and I didn't break our gaze.
"You have a big bruise," she murmured. "Does it hurt?"
"I can feel it," I said, and she rolled her eyes, seeing through me. Yeah, it hurt.
She was careful as she placed the ice wrap on my shoulder, and then she reached up to press her lips against mine. I kissed her back for a few seconds before she let go and wrapped her arms around my torso. Her right hand rested just above my heart, and she could without a doubt feel it beat faster under her touch.
"I'm hungry," she whispered and I laughed.
"You've been awake for like an hour, and you haven't been eating?"
"I was waiting for you," she stated simply and I rolled my eyes before I walked over to the closet and found a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Then we headed downstairs, and met both Mom and Keith in the kitchen.
"How's the shoulder?" Keith asked and I answered with a simple 'fine'. But, not surprisingly, Mom saw through me.
"Dean can you hand me a plate?" she asked. Yeah, that would have been fine if the plates wouldn't have been in a cabinet where I didn't have to reach my arms up in the air to actually reach them.
"Why do you have to be a nurse?" I mumbled under my breath and heard her laugh.
Both of them left twenty minutes later, when J.J and I were just about done with our breakfast.
An hour later we met up with Liam and Jenna, walked to school and from then the day passed pretty slow. The only good thing before lunch was in math when J.J actually proved the teacher wrong. She had solved the equation wrong, and J.J had solved it right.
Walking out of the classroom, almost reaching our lockers, I pulled her close to me.
"Is it wrong that I totally found that hot?" I whispered in her ear as she threw her math book in her locker. She met my gaze for a second to read how serious I was before she took the book from my hand and tossed it in her locker.
Taking my hand, she dragged me with her away from the crowd and toward the exit of the school. I had no idea where she was taking me until I saw it right in front of me written in black letters.
Janitor closet.
"You are brilliant," I said as she pulled me into the small room and locked the door behind us. "But really? In here?"
"We could be on a toilet and I wouldn't care," she answered me as she pressed me against the wall and I felt her lips attack mine.
I laughed into the kiss and I felt her smile. I wouldn't care either, though. Reading between the lines, I knew what she meant.
After breakfast, we had started a pretty hot make out session, and we were more than close to coming way too late to school.
With her lips still on mine, hard and passionate and slow, her hands found their way to my jeans to unbuckle them. Mine on the other hand were already cupping her breasts, grabbing and massaging and groping.
"Do you need a manual?" I asked a moment later, when she still hadn't managed to unbuckle them.
"There's too many buttons!" she said, annoyed and I laughed. I replaced her hands with mine, and I easily unbuckled every button. Then I found the buttons on her jeans shirt, my lips finding hers again. As my fingers fumbled over the buttons, her tongue darted into my mouth and I met it with mine.
By now, I was almost fully erected. It's insane how quick she can do that to me. Sometimes it's inconvenient. But I love it.
I opened my eyes when I was sure that I had unbuckled enough buttons to unveil her bra, but all I could see was a black tank top. Cursing to myself as J.J's lips traced along my throat, I unbuckled the rest of the buttons. She pulled the shirt off quickly, and then her lips left mine as I dragged the top over her head. Her lips attacked mine again, and I smiled into the kiss as I saw the roundness of her breasts cupped in the bra. Moving my lips from her mouth again, I traced them along her skin. Her throat, collarbones and finally her breasts. I hated the fabric of the bra for being in the way, but it would take too long to take it off. Besides, I always had a hard time with the clasp anyway.
So as I sucked where I could reach, my hands went inside her black leggins to pull them off. After getting them down halfway, J.J took over and kicked them aside. As she did so, I kicked my shoes off so I could get rid of my jeans. I don't know how J.J lost her shoes, but she must have taken them off somehow because they weren't on her feet.
We hadn't been in the closet for a long time, but our breathings were already speeding up and my heart were beating hard.
Thinking that I was already fully erected, J.J proved me wrong by placing a teasing hand inside my boxers, causing me to get a little harder. Needing to be inside her, I spun us around and pushed her against the wall instead. I lifted her up in a swift movement, ignoring the pain it caused me.
"Dean," she argued as she locked her legs around my waist. "Your shoulder."
"I don't care about my shoulder," I stated and pressed my lips against hers hard. With that said and done, I pushed her panties aside enough for me to enter her, and I couldn't help but to feel how wet she was already. I don't know how she managed, but she pulled my boxers down and a short moment later I was pushing inside of her. I couldn't get over the feeling that she was still tight around me, or the fact that I could feel her without a frigging rubber on. Before J.J, I had only had sex with a condom. So J.J was my first, so to say.
I heard a soft and quiet wince from J.J when I pushed, and I hesitated before I pulled out.
"It still hurts, doesn't it?" I asked as I slowly opened my eyes. J.J kept hers closed, but she answered me with a steady voice.
"Sometimes. A little bit. But the burning goes away after a few thrusts." When I still didn't do anything, she opened her eyes and looked into mine. "It's okay, Dean. The only way it's going to disappear is by doing this."
I waited for a second, but realized that she was right. But I still didn't want to hurt her. So I closed my eyes again, pressed my lips against hers and gave her a soft thrust. Her hips moved with mine, and I could feel that she was careful not to touch my left shoulder too much. I didn't want to hurt her, and she didn't want to hurt me.
I could feel how relaxed she was in my arms, and my thrusts became harder and deeper with every new one.
I felt her biting my lip softly, and I tried to suppress my moan. But I didn't succeed, and it came out louder than I wanted it to. And she answered with one of her owns, but hers where more quiet.
A short moment later, I felt her walls tighten around me and I released inside of her. Also a feeling that I loved.
I held her in the air as our breathings slowed down, and I kissed her before I let her down on the floor again. We helped each other find our clothes, and got dressed as quickly as possible.
"Isn't that cold?" I asked as she pulled on her leggins, and she nodded.
"Kinda, yeah. But only when we're outside."
I laughed at her lame answer as I buckled my jeans again. I handed J.J her shirt, and she quickly managed to buckle it.
But, according to me, she buckled one button too much so I raised my hands to unbuckle it. I could now see a little bit of cleavage, and it was perfect. Not enough for everyone to stare, but enough for me to see something if I wanted to. Which I would want to.
I unlocked the door, and looked outside to see that no one was there before I opened it completely and J.J and I walked outside hand in hand. I chuckled when I saw that her braid was completely ruined, and when I told her she let her hair out and if fell over her shoulders and stopped underneath her breasts. Much sexier.
"Where the hell have you two been?" Jenna asked as we sat down at their table a few minutes later, and I felt everyone's eyes on us.
"We just had to do something," I answered lamely.
"You totally pawned in the janitor closet, didn't you?" Liam understood, and I heard a round of laughter around our table as J.J softly blushed. If nothing else had given us away, that would have.
"No," I lied smoothly but everyone saw through the lie.
Next class was P.E and because of my shoulder I couldn't be in the class. But I could be there to watch.
The teacher – he was actually new and had transferred here only a month ago – had to leave for a short meeting, but told us that we would have to show something that we had been doing. So no one dared to skip this class.
"So, Freckles, shouldn't you be warming up?"
"For what?" she asked, wrapping her arms around my torso and meeting my eyes.
"Am I wrong when I think that you will show off and do like a thousands of flips?"
"Flips?" she asked, both looking and sounding surprised.
"Hey, I don't know what it's called. You're the gymnast."
"You actually got it right. I taught you well. All you need to do now is to become a little more flexible."
"So you're doing a flip?"
"I'm doing two somersaults, also called salto or flips. But yeah."
"You probably haven't been doing one in like forever, so shouldn't you practice?" She probably hadn't been doing one since the accident. "And what do you mean, I need to get more flexible?"
"I mean like this," she said, backed up a few steps and then easily slid down into a splits.
She laughed when I pulled her up a few seconds later, rolling her eyes. I was just about to lean down and place a kiss on her lips when we heard applauding and some screaming, so we turned our heads in the right direction. Someone had pulled out all of the ropes, placed a mat underneath them and now Joey and Liam was having a competition about who would reach the top first. Looks like Liam won that one. I'm not surprised. He has some upper body strength.
J.J squeezed my hand harder before she pulled me with her, going
through the crowd. Everyone but us seemed to have been watching.
"Ready for a match?" Liam asked J.J, wiggling his eyebrows, causing all three of us to laugh.
"On three?" J.J asked, dropped my hand and walked up to the ropes. And man, her legs looked good on those shorts. Not to mention her ass.
"On three," Liam confirmed as they both glanced up toward the ceiling. Someone counted, and then they were off. Liam was fast, but J.J was faster. She's smaller than him, smoother in her movements, and she's strong. She might not look strong, but she has muscles. Mostly from her time as a gymnast, but she was still in shape. And she had motivation. If she hadn't followed me to the gym from time to time, or followed her doctors instructions… Then she probably wouldn't even be able to walk without pain, even now a year and a half after the accident.
So yeah, you can't see her muscles, but they're there. She has abs down under that's not possible to see, but you can feel them. Her stomach is just as hard as mine when flexing them. Not that mine was showing any more than hers was, but they were still there. It depends on what kinds of training you do, and what muscles you're training while doing it.
She reached the top almost a second before he did, and he cursed while climbing down and jumping the last part. J.J was laughing, causing me to smile. She walked up to me, and I felt her lips against mine. Wrapping my arms around her, I lifted her up an inch above the floor. Or at least I was going to, because I felt a stabbing pain in my shoulder.
"I told you," J.J stated when I put her down, and I rolled my eyes through my pain. Yeah, she told me. But who cares? A few more days of pain is nothing. Besides, I could just take some painkillers when I got home.
I leaned down again, felt her soft lips against mine and then heard a cough a few moments into the kiss. So we broke it and looked around us. Great, the teacher was back.
"Dean and Jennie, mind keeping your eyes on the class?"
"Sorry," we said at the same time, pressing our lips together not to laugh. That didn't keep Liam and Jenna from laughing, though. Or the rest of the class. Except a few people, meaning Olivia and her friends.
J.J stretched as the others showed something up, mostly things a five year old could do. Then there was J.J.
She got up from the floor in one swift movement, walked a few paces away from everyone, making sure there was room for what she was about to do. She took a quick but deep breath before she prepared herself, and two seconds later she was doing her thing. One, two somersaults… No wait, three, four, five, before she landed on the floor again and actually stopped. What happened with doing two? And it's not like I was bothered with the fact that she did more, it was just that it looked difficult. And dangerous. I mean, that would hurt a lot if she missed it. So I was kinda nervous when she did them. Proud, but nervous.
"I know, I know," I heard her say to the teacher. "I'm not supposed to make those without a mat underneath."
The teacher wasn't just our teacher. He had also been her old gymnast teacher, so he was well aware of what she could do and not.
"But good job. That landing was almost perfect," I heard him say before he high-fived her, and she laughed. "And we miss you on the team."
"I miss the team, too."
"You should stop by some time," he said and she nodded.
"Yeah, I might just do that."
"How long time do you need in there?" I asked from our room, and heard J.J answer through the bathroom door.
"Five more minutes."
"Why does it always take forever for girls to get ready," I muttered to myself under my breath.
"I heard that," J.J stated through the door and I rolled my eyes. Turning my gaze toward the computer again, I saw that the page had loaded.
I was checking college's in San Francisco that could give me a firefighter education. And I might have found a good school for it. It wasn't all that expensive. Reasonable, I guess.
J.J was already done with her application, but she hadn't sent it yet. She said she'd wait for me. We'd do it together.
"Hey, get in here for a sec," I called and a moment later the bathroom door opened. Wearing a pair of jeans, a tank top and the hockey jacket I got about a week ago, J.J was barefoot, holding a mascara in her hand. Her hair was in a messy braid, but it looked good on her. Sexy, even.
"What?"
"You're gonna wear that, aren't you?" I asked, indicating on the jacket.
"It's your own fault. What did you want?"
"I might have found a school," I said and pointed at the laptop.
"What school?" she asked, walking up to me. She leaned down so that she better could see the site I showed her. After a moment of reading, she still hadn't given anything away.
"What do you think?"
"It sounds pretty good. Is it for two years?"
"No, three," I corrected her and she nodded. Hers were for only two years. "Should I apply?"
"It's your decision. But I think you should. It's one step closer to becoming a firefighter."
She was right. And I've wanted to become a firefighter for years. Since I was like six. And then I met Keith, and I actually got to follow him to his job… And since then I've been hooked. It's what I wanna do in my life. I wanna help people somehow. I couldn't be a cop. That's just not me. But a firefighter? Yeah, I could really see myself as one.
"Go get ready so we can get out of here," I said, placed my hand on her ass and pushed her away while I heard her laugh. I saved the site, closed the laptop and got up from the couch where I was sitting right after I heard the bathroom door close again.
Walking to the closet, I changed my shirt for another one, put on a pair of socks and then left the room to head downstairs.
Both Keith and Mom was at their jobs, so J.J and I were home alone. But not for long. As soon as she was done, we would head on that date.
I had already found and packed those old skates from when I was thirteen. They were a little bit to big on her, but she could wear them with some thicker socks.
My things were already at the rink, in my locker. Like always.
A few minutes later I heard footsteps upstairs, so I quickly put on my shoes and a jacket and sneaked out the door just in time for J.J to walk down the stairs. She didn't see me, though.
I waited a few seconds before I pressed the door bell and I heard J.J from inside.
"Dean, can you take that?"
I pressed again.
"Dean?" I heard her shout before the footsteps got closer to the door and a few seconds later she was standing in front of me.
"What are you doing out here?"
"We have a date, remember? I'm supposed to pick you up," I said and walked inside as she chuckled. "This is a very nice house you have."
She shoved me slightly and I laughed before I reached down for the bag on the floor.
"You done?"
She nodded as she grabbed a bag of her own, this one smaller and composing of a camera. She jumped in her shoes, took her jacket and then we walked out the door.
Fifteen minutes later we were at the studio, and J.J started to set things up. Don't ask me what she was doing, but it was something.
"Can you stand over there?" she asked, pointing at a white wall.
"Why do you want me in front of the camera?"
"I just gotta check the lights, I won't take a picture."
Narrowing my eyes in a feign expression, I walked over to the wall and saw her smile as she rolled her eyes.
Looking into the camera, she made some changes and then I saw a flash.
"You said you wouldn't take a picture," I stated and she chuckled.
"Yeah, I lied. I'll erase it, but I need to check so that everything is alright."
She took a few more pictures before she did something else and them walked away from the camera.
"You done?"
"Almost," she said and walked up to me. Suddenly I felt her lips against mine, and I kissed her back. Sucking on her lower lip, I closed my eyes and then suddenly noticed something.
"Was that a flash?" I asked against her lips.
"Maybe," she said and captured my lips with hers again. Her tongue entered my mouth, and I gladly kissed her back as I noticed something that was probably a flash again.
"These are too big," J.J complained and I kneeled down in front of her. She was sitting on the bleachers in the rink, and I was already done with my skates. J.J was almost done with the lacing, but I stopped her hands. She was doing it all wrong. I told her.
"Don't complain. I haven't been standing on a pair of skates since I was like eight. I don't know how to do this."
"Not like this," I laughed and unlaced them to do it all over again. I pulled them hard, and then did the same thing with her left foot.
"All done," I said, got up and took her hand to pull her up from her sitting position.
"Just so you know, I will fall down," she warned. Laughing, I led her down the bleachers to the rink, and got out on the ice while she still stood on the ground.
"Maybe this was a bad idea," she murmured and I laughed.
"No, it's not," I told her. "Now c'mon."
She shook her head and I laughed again as I skated toward her. I grabbed her and lifted her up as she tried to get down, but I took her out on the ice before I let her down. Her legs went in two different directions, only causing me to laugh more.
"You're like Bambi, you know that right?"
"Shut up," she said. "I'm gonna stand here just so you know."
"No you're not," I said, faced her and took both of her hands before I started to skate us both around the rink.
"How are you doing this backward?" she said, a small laugher in her voice. "I can barely do it straight forward."
"You can't do it straight," I corrected her and she glared at me causing me to laugh again. "I've been playing hockey since I was like what, five? It's not that hard."
"But it is," she said and I continued to drag her around.
She got the hang of it after a few minutes, but she refused to let go of my hands. I didn't complain.
"I'm gonna call you Bambi from now on, just so you know," I warned her and she rolled her eyes as she chuckled.
"Then I'll call you Freckles."
"That's your nickname," I laughed.
"You have freckles too."
"Yeah, but you're the one who hates yours. Which makes it more fun to call you that."
"Can you stop being so smart all the time?" she complained as she laughed and I joined her.
"Nope," I answered and she rolled her eyes.
"So I forgot to tell you something," she said a moment later.
"What?"
"I'm gonna start with a different kinds of pills."
"Why?" I asked. "The ones you're on now… What's wrong with them?"
"Nothing, but I get these headaches from them. I already talked to your Mom about it, and I found another kind I want."
"Meaning…?"
"Nothing special. I'm gonna be on these until they're over, meaning in a few days. And then I'll start on my new ones as soon as my period starts."
"That gives us a week with no sex," I complained. "And then another week when you're on your period. Why are you laughing?"
"Because you're adorable," she laughed. "You went months without sex, and now you're complaining over two weeks."
"Of course I am," I stated with a frown and she laughed again.
"There's this one little thing though…"
"What now?" I asked, groaning.
"The new pills I'm gonna be on… They take away my period. Completely."
I felt myself smiling like a moron, and she laughed again.
"You look like a five year old on Christmas morning."
"This means sex 24/7. 12 months a year. So why can't you start on them tomorrow?"
She laughed, let go of my hands and shoved my slightly. But it gave the wrong effect though, and she's the one who ended up on the ice. I laughed as I skated over to her and reached my hand out to help her up. She took it, and I was about to pull her up when she dragged me down over her and I landed on top of her. I was about to get up when she wrapped her right arm around my neck and pulled me down to her face, her lips meeting mine.
After kissing her back for a long moment, I broke the kiss and leaned out.
"With only a few more days of sex, we should head home."
"Oh, really?" she mused with a smile.
"Definitely."
"We still have a movie to watch. And we were supposed to eat something."
Mentioning it, I was kinda hungry. Damn it, did she have to ruin the moment?
"Some food, and then we'll go home and have sex?" I offered and she laughed and shook her head in amusement.
"Your Mom is going to be home," she stated. More teasingly than seriously.
"Who cares? We haven't had sex in three days."
"Two," she corrected me. "And last night I have you head."
"And now you're only turning me on more, so we better leave."
She laughed but we got up, and twenty minutes later we were sitting in a café, taking our orders.
J.J ordered a pasta salad with roast beef, and some garlic sauce on the side. It sounded delicious, but I took toasts with ham and cheese, and extra red onion. And some garlic sauce on the side.
Two cokes with that, and we were talking as our food was made.
"I forgot to ask, what do you want for Chr- Right, New Years?" I changed my words when she shot me a warning glare. She should only know that I was already done with her gift. Or at least one of them. I was done with the one I would give her on Christmas Day, but I didn't know what I wanted to give her when she turned eightteen.
I bought her a matching set of lingerie for Christmas. I know she said I would only get something I thought was sexy, and it would end up really uncomfortable. But I had talked to the sales person. I'm not stupid.
"I don't know. What do you want for Christmas?"
"Nothing," I said. Mom and Keith had already given me their gift. The trip to Sweden. It would cost a lot of money, so I hadn't asked for anything else. And now when J.J asked, what did I want?
"You could give me a new phone," I teased. "I need a new one."
Mine was getting old, but I liked it. I knew how it worked in my sleep. No way I was giving it up.
"I could give you a bigger spot in the closet," she joked and I agreed.
"Yes, that you can do."
She laughed and our food came out, so we started to eat.
"I can't believe we're leaving in twelve days," I said.
"You nervous?" she asked, a smile on her lips.
"Not about the trip. No, I don't like flying and it's a long flight, but I'll be fine. But meeting your brother, and the rest of your family? Yeah, kinda."
"You shouldn't worry about that. My brother… He's a lot like me. My grandmother doesn't know a word in English though, so I have to translate."
"And your brother's girlfriend?"
"She's good for him. She's a veterinarian, and they met through her job. His dog was sick, and there she was. When she moved to the house with him, she gave up her work. She didn't like the people she was working with, and she started her own business. She goes around the farms in town, and takes care of the horses. And cows, and whatever animals there might be."
"And your brother, did he have a job before he started breading horses?"
"He's always loved horses, and when his Dad's father died, he took over the farm. But he used to compete in car racing. He was good, and actually came in second in a competition where the best in Sweden can compete. So don't freak out of he drives really quickly when he picks us up. It's a habit."
"Nice habit," I laughed and she joined me.
"There's one more thing you should know though."
"What?"
"He's really good at reading people. I can read people too, but he's good. He can tell you exactly how a person is just by talking to that person for a few seconds. For me it takes a little longer, but yeah… So don't worry about first impressions. He will know pretty much everything about how you are after saying 'Hello'."
"That is good to know," I agreed. "Wait, you can read people?"
"You didn't know that?" she asked and I shook my head. "I kinda thought you knew. I don't talk about it though, just like I don't talk about money. But I still kinda thought you knew."
"I had no idea of the fact that you're a millionaire, so yeah… You're good at hiding stuff."
"That's one of the reasons you can't lie to me."
Hm, that kinda made sense. Not that I wanted to lie to her, and I had never felt the urge to do that. But she did see through me in a way I kinda wish she didn't. So now I had that one explained.
"So what was your first impression of me?"
She laughed softly once before she talked.
"I couldn't really read people when I was seven, Dean. It's something that's grown as I've grown."
"But what if you could, without knowing about it? Why else would you sit down next to me?"
"Because you looked lonely," she explained. Yeah, I had heard that one.
"But why you? If I looked lonely, than someone else would have seen it. Someone else could have sat down next to me. And then we wouldn't be sitting here right now."
"You're right," she agreed after a moment of thinking. "That's another thing, too. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Like you said, if I hadn't sat down next to you that day, then we wouldn't be sitting here now."
"I don't know what I believe. I think we all have an end that we're going to one way or another. But we have a lot of different roads to chose from. Different choices to make. But they all bring us to the same end."
"I believe a lot of things," she said. "That too. And a person has to go through pain so that they can appreciate the good stuff. And if you don't go through pain, than nothing good will ever happen to you. And a person can't only chose the easy roads in life. You have to make a wrong turn, make mistakes. Learn from those mistakes. And live life the hard way. Otherwise you won't get anything from it. You can't only pick the easy things in life."
"It's scary how we think in the same way," I said. "And how we always kinda say the same things. And finish each other sentences."
It happened every day almost. She could randomly say something, and I was just thinking the same thing. Or we could comment something at the same time, with the exact same words. And tone. It was scary. But I guess it was because we knew each other so well.
"I think it's because wen have spent so much time together, and because we know each other so well."
Yeah, scary.
"So, everything happens for a reason?"
"Trust me," she replied. "It's been tested. I don't see a reason for why Mom, and Dad and Julia aren't here. But there must be one. Somewhere. And even though I might not ever figure it out, it's there. And I think I need to believe that for things to be okay. Otherwise I don't know what I'd do. If I didn't have that one small thing."
"Maybe it's so you can walk stronger out of all of this?"
"Yeah, maybe. But still, if I ever get married… What is the reason why Dad isn't leading me down the aisle?"
"Maybe someone else was destined to do it," I offered and she smiled.
"Yeah, maybe," she repeated. "And now, when we're kinda on it. There's one more thing you should know about me."
"And now you're kinda scaring me," I told her honestly. She went from a smile to a serious face. Yeah, she was scaring me.
"I… I kinda sense things."
"Sense as in… it's gonna rain?"
"No," she laughed. "I sense people. Maybe spirits is a better word. I'm very open to all of that. It developed a few years ago, and it's gotten stronger. In the middle of the loss of Mom and Julia, it disappeared. But it creeped back, and when I lost Dad it was almost back. And now it's kinda stronger than ever. Mom was the same. She knew how to turn it off, which I don't. She never had the chance to teach me that. I was too weak, and I'm still not completely developed. This is something that grows stronger until you die. I'm creeping you out, aren't I?"
She was babbling, meaning she was nervous.
"No," I said hesitantly after a moment. "I just have to clear one thing up. With spirits you mean…?"
"Ghosts?" she said it like a question and I nodded slowly. Wow. She sense ghosts. This was not freaking me out. Not at all. It was just… freaking me out in a different kind of way.
Mom is a former hunter, of ghosts. And J.J… senses them.
They have to talk. Right now. Just… Yeah. They need to talk. We had to get home, so that they can talk. About this.
"Are these… ghosts… like mean, or something?"
She immediately shook her head. Okay, so Mom would probably have a different opinion on that.
"They can be confused. But mostly they're just here to help, or see someone. Since I haven't learned to turn it off, I can feel them more often than I want to. But I often know who they are. And they've passed over. They're in peace. And even though I can't see them, they do kind of try to communicate from time to time."
"But there are those who haven't gone over to the other side yet?"
"Yeah, but I've never come across one of them. I guess they kinda sense that I'm too weak. I don't know. I can't help them."
"Wow… just wow."
"I'm freaking you out," she said again. By now we were finished eating, so as I shook my head I stood up.
"No, really, you're not. I just.. wanna go home, okay?"
"Yeah," she said, got up and pulled on her jacket as I did the same. We had already paid, so I grabbed her hand after we took our stuff, and we left.
I didn't say a single word as we walked home, and I think that worried her. But I just had to think things over.
Yeah, J.J sensed things. Ghosts. But she didn't know what else was out there. Hell, I didn't know half of the things. If even a third. But Mom knew. And if I let J.J talk to Mom, would that scare her off?
I knew J.J was open minded, so now I just hoped she was opened minded enough.
"Mom?" I called out as we walked inside the house, and I heard her answer from the kitchen. Great. As long as I did this without thinking, it would be fine. Hopefully.
Still holding J.J's hand, I led her with me into the kitchen. Keith was in there as well.
"Mom, can I talk to you about something?" I asked, letting go of J.J's hand and standing by the kitchen counter. Mom got up from the table and stood next to me.
"You look… worried," she said and I nodded.
"I need you to talk to J.J," I said quietly.
"About what?" she replied and I looked at her hoping she would understand. "Oh, that?"
"Yeah, that."
"Are you sure?"
"No," I shook my head. "But she deserves to know. I could tell her, but you'd say it better. You know more than I do."
"Do you want to be here?"
I shook my head without thinking. I wasn't sure I wanted to see her reaction. Or hear it. It was better if it was just Mom.
Mom nodded before she turned toward Keith and J.J, and told Keith discreetly to leave.
"J.J, can I talk to you? Alone."
"Ehm, yeah, sure."
And with that, Keith and I left. I walked up the stairs, leaving J.J's camera and the bag with the skates in our room before I sat down in the window. And waited.
Two hours must have passed before I got out from our room and sat down in the middle of the stairs, hoping to hear something. By now, they must be finishing up. If they weren't already.
But I didn't hear a word and a few short moments later Keith came out from the kitchen, and was about to head up the stairs when he saw me sitting there.
"Your Mom wants to talk to you."
Nervously I got up, walked down the stairs and headed into an empty kitchen. J.J wasn't there. It was just Mom, sitting with a cup of tea at the table.
"Where's J.J?"
"Don't worry," she caught up on my worry. Of course I was worried. I could have jeopardized our relationship by letting Mom tell her everything. I had no idea of how J.J felt. Or where she was for that matter.
"Where is she?" I asked again as I sat down opposite to Mom.
"She left maybe ten minutes ago. Said she needed to think. But she took it kinda well. Better than you."
"That's not helping."
Mom took a gulp from her tea without saying anything, and I found myself biting on my lower lip. Something I do when I'm nervous.
"What's it been, three years since I told you about me?"
"I think so," I said and nodded. Mom continued.
"I didn't tell you everything, and I never really planned on telling you what I'm about to say. But now when you've met John, and you're older… I've been talking to Keith about it, and I should tell you."
"Tell me what? You know, this isn't helping either."
Especially not since she looked worried. Like I would run again.
"About two years before you were born, actually just a few days before John proposed to me, I met this man. I actually noticed him following me, so I confronted him. He was another hunter, and told me something was after us. So I took him home. I was still living with my parents, and your grandfather was not happy."
Mom had never talked much about her parents. I knew a demon killed them and that they were hunters, but not much more.
"He didn't trust other hunters, but there was something about this man… I trusted him. He tried to help us with the case, and when we thought things were taken cared of, my parents died. There was nothing he could do, so the man left. I told John the only thing I could think about – my Dad had a heart attack while driving and both he and Mom died. He believed me. So two years later, we were married. I just found out about you, and I'm basically just trying to figure out how to tell John when someone knocks on the door. Again, the same hunter as two years earlier. Only this time, he wasn't alone. He had his brother with him. I could see that they were close. And they told me I had something coming after me."
"What was after you?" I asked. I had more questions, but I had a feeling I could ask them later.
"An angel. Right? Yeah, I had a hard time believing them. But still… There was something about that man, and I tried to believe him. He promised he would explain everything, so I trusted him. More things happened, and John found out we were hunters. As you know, he didn't take it well. But under the circumstances, he had to trust me when I told him I knew what I was doing. Even though I didn't. My patient was starting to run out, and I faced the older brother. Told him he had to tell me what the hell was happening."
"Did he?"
"After I told him I would leave, yeah. I didn't believe him at all, but he told me things only I would know. And I had to believe him."
"So what did he say?"
Taking a deep breath, she looked at me. She was nervous. And worried. And that made me scared. I rarely saw Mom like this. Only scaring me more.
"His name was Dean. The other man, his brother, was Sam. And they… they said they came from the future."
"Excuse me, what?"
"My reaction exactly," she told me. "Dean told me something more, though. He and his brother weren't only from the future, but they were my sons. I didn't believe him. How could I? But then he started listing things. Like how I would sing 'Hey Jude' when he was about to go to sleep, because it was my favorite Beatles song. And how I would make tomato rice soup…"
"when I'm sick," I finished for her and she nodded. "I'm Dean."
How could this be happening? How? I mean, what? Was this true?
My head was spinning, and I got up from the chair I was sitting on. Just walking around the kitchen, trying to grasp one of those questions I had in my head. Trying to understand what she was saying.
"Dean, sit down. Please?"
"No," I told her, shaking my head frantically.
She stood up, and tried again.
"Let me finish, okay?"
I was still shaking my head like a crazy person.
"How is this… I mean, what? How?" I asked again.
"I know this is a lot," she offered.
"This is more than a lot!" I didn't mean to raise my voice, but I did. And she seemed to understand me. "This is insane!"
"I know," she replied slowly. "It's more than insane. But you deserve to know."
"Yeah, well, I don't want to know!" Despite everything, I was on the verge of tears. Fuck, why the hell was I about to cry? I mean, I haven't cried in years. Why now? Fuck, I'm stronger than this.
"I'm sorry," she offered in a quiet voice, her blue eyes staring into mine. And I don't know, that was enough for me. Because she looked so sad, and I can't see people cry. Especially not my Mom. I mean, she shouldn't be crying. But she was close. And that was enough for me.
"I could have a brother," I said, a tear rolling down my cheek. I mentally slapped myself for crying, and hated myself for doing so.
"I know," she answered me in a sad voice and suddenly I realized that this wasn't about me. Yeah, I could have had a brother. But my Mom would have had another son. When she walked away from John, she also walked away from having another son. And she knew that. That was strong of her, and it only made me look up to her more.
After a moment of looking at her, I spoke.
"What else did they say?"
"That I had to leave John, since a future angel didn't want me to have kids. I told them I couldn't, because it was already too late. I was already pregnant. That changed things. We didn't get much further, because the angels came then. They had their ways of fighting them, and I felt helpless. I was a good hunter, but I had no idea of how to fight angels. I had never heard of them. I thought they were stories. And suddenly there was two bad angels standing in front of me."
"So I guess angels are bad?"
"Not all of them. Dean and Sam… they had a friend. An angel. I never found out his name, but he showed up and he helped them. And after that, they left me with a warning."
"What warning?"
"Not to get out of bed on November second, 1997."
"Why?"
"I don't know," she said slowly. "No clue. But they left, and John was… not handling things well. It was not a good time to be pregnant. So when I told him… You know how he reacted. Him coming back now makes me believe that he only acted like that because he was confused."
"If you wouldn't have left him, you would have had another son. How could you walk away knowing that?"
"I wasn't happy with him. Dean and Sam had told me some stuff, and all I wanted was for my kids to grow up in a normal world. But there they were, hunters. And I didn't want that. That made it easier to walk away. And now I have Keith, and I'm happy. And you're having a brother. Or a sister. And things have worked out fine. More than fine. I'm glad I walked away. Yes, sometimes I wonder. But I don't regret it."
"I still don't understand how you did it."
"Me neither. But I already loved you, and I wanted what was best for you. And I didn't think that John was. When you have kids…"
"I'll understand?" I asked and she nodded with a smile.
"They're going to be your everything."
"Wait…" I realized something. "You've always told me that angels are watching over me."
"I wish I knew his name," she said. "He helped you. And even though I walked another path, I believe that he's out there somewhere. Watching over you."
"You know, I always thought I was named after your Mom."
She chuckled and shook her head.
"What can I say?"
I chuckled with her, but knew that I had to go somewhere to think. I needed to be alone for a while.
"I.. I'm gonna go."
"Are you okay?" she asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, I just need to think."
"I'm sorry I told you all of this," she apologized and I shook my head.
"Don't be. Now I know where I got my name," I tried to joke but she saw through me and tried to smile.
I made a move to leave the kitchen, but Mom made a move to hug me. And I hugged her back for a few seconds before I left the room and walked up the stairs.
It was dark by the time J.J came back, and I had almost fallen asleep on the bed. I never meant to, but it was tiresome to think about everything Mom had told me. I mean, it was a lot to think about. My life would have looked a lot differently if she had just stayed with John. And I felt selfish, but I liked this life. And so I felt horrible choosing this over a brother I could have had. And been close to.
I sat up when I heard the bedroom door close, the room almost pitch black. But I could see J.J's silhouette walking toward me.
"Hey," she said and I responded with one of my own.
"You okay?" I asked and I saw her nod.
"And you?"
"I don't know," I told her. "I mean, Mom told me…"
"She told me when I got back. She figured you'd talk to me. So will you?"
"I don't know," I said again. With a sigh this time.
I heard something land on the floor, and when J.J slowly straddled me I realized it was the hockey jacket she had been wearing all day. She was only wearing her jeans and a tank top, and I placed my hands on her ass to pull her closer to me. Locking her arms around my neck, I saw her face lean in closer to mine and I felt her soft lips against mine after a short hesitation from her. I kissed her back, sucking on her lower lip as she sucked on my upper. After a long moment, probably twenty minutes, of sitting like that, our kisses slow and gentle, I moved one of my hands from cupping her ass to cupping her face, pulling her even closer to me.
Breaking the kiss, she leaned out a little bit and pulled her tank top over her head. Before she could kiss me again, I traced my lips over her throat. I know she loved it, and as I kissed her throat she gently bit my earlobe.
Despite the fact that I wasn't in the mood, I could feel a growing hard-on. And since J.J was sitting so close to me, she could feel it as well.
"You're not okay," she stated softly as my lips had moved to her breasts, sucking on them and hating the fabric of her bra for being in the way.
"I'm fine," I argued, my hands working on unclasping her bra. Succeeding, I quickly grabbed it and tossed it on the floor somewhere. Without saying a word, my right hand yet again found her ass as my left hand grabbed her left breast, kneading it just the way I knew she liked. I captured her right nipple with my mouth, sucking on it before I gently took a nibble at it.
"Dean," she moaned quietly. "We shouldn't… You're not… okay."
Despite her words, she seemed to give in. Still sucking on her nipple, her hands found my face and turned it to hers, her lips founding mine again with a soft moan. She leaned us backward, with me landing on my back against the soft bed. Still kissing her, I rolled us over, my hands tracing over her body.