I'm sorry it took so long to upload this chapter, but I've been having some troubles with getting my internet to work. But it works now, so that's good. I hope you will enjoy this chapter, and considering it ends kind of cliffhanger-y, I hope you will be able to wait for the next chapter because it's going to take a while.

The last chapter will be divided in two, and therefore it feels better to have both of them written and done before I upload the first one. Like that, I can upload them with just a few days inbetween. So expect the next chapter to be up week 14 or 15. Review, and let me know what you think okay?

Dropping my bag on the floor, I heard my skates hitting each other inside it. I was exhausted. More than that. Practice was for an hour longer than usually today, and it would be for three more weeks. We had a tournament to get ready for.

Kicking off my shoes, I pulled off my jacket and found my way into the kitchen.

"Mom?" I called out. It smelled like something was burning, and walking into the kitchen I noticed that it was the food on the stove that caused the smell. What the hell? Mom never burned the food.

"Mom?" I called out again, trying to locate her. I pulled away the frying pan and tried to guess what had been in there. I heard footsteps then so I turned my head and found Mom in the entrance to the kitchen. She was crying.

"What's wrong, what happened?" I asked, and I could hear the worry in my voice. I rarely saw Mom cry. Something was really wrong.

"It's just hormones."

"Mom, don't lie to me."

She looked at me, a single tear rolling down her cheek. Wiping it away with the back of her hand, she closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath.

"Mike's sister just called. He's dead. I… I don't know how to tell Keith, I…" she stopped talking when I took the few steps that was needed to reach her, and wrapped my arms around her. We stood like that for a few moments – her tears had nearly dried when I leaned out of the hug to look at her.

"And look at the food-"

"Don't fucking worry about the food," I interrupted her. "I'll go out and get something. Just… what happened?"

Mike was Keith's best friend, so I understood Mom. I mean, if I found out that Jenna was dead, how the hell was I supposed to tell J.J? I just… couldn't believe this. I met him the day before we went to Sweden. He used to be here all the time, and he used to babysit me all the time when I was a kid. He was that cool uncle that everyone loved.

And now he was gone.

"There was a shooting, and he was hit in the chest. He died in surgery this morning. Keith will come home in two hours, and I don't know what to tell him. How do I tell him that his best friend is dead?"

Him getting killed in a shooting should shock me, but it didn't. He had been a police for fifteen years. He was moved to New York three years ago. If he hadn't moved, then he would still be alive. But I couldn't think like that.

"I don't know," I answered her as another tear rolled down her cheek and I wrapped her in my arms again. She leaned out after just a few seconds though, took a step back and placed her hand on her stomach. A saw a small smile on her lips. It was sad, but it was still a smile.

"She's kicking," she explained and I felt myself returning the smile. Then I realized I had actually never felt her kick. I mean, that was my sister in there. Why hadn't I felt her kick?

Slowly reaching my hand out, Mom understood what I was doing so she grabbed my hand and placed it where hers had just been. I didn't have to wait for long before I felt something move. It was like a soft brush at first, but then there was another kick and it was hard. I mean, really hard. She was strong.

"I think she likes you," Mom smiled and I laughed as my hand fell to my side and then I sighed.

"I didn't mean to put this on you," Mom whispered and I knew that she was back to talking about Mike.

"You didn't," I said honestly. "I have to check on J.J, then take a shower, but I'll go out and get some food later, okay?"

She nodded and I continued.

"If there's anything, just let me know. I can be here when you tell him…"

"No, you don't have to. But thank you, sweetie."

I smiled softly before I left the kitchen and hurried up the stairs and into our room. J.J was exactly where I left her this morning. Except for the fact that she was under the covers instead of above them.

She hadn't walked to school today, because she said that she didn't feel super. She didn't exactly look good either. She was pale and her eyes were dull. She was probably getting sick.

Walking over to the bed, I lay down under the covers and wrapped her close to me. Even through the clothes, I could feel how warm she was. Yeah, she was definitely getting sick.

"You okay?" I whispered and she answered with a groan.

"Not really. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Dean," she said, her voice weaker than usually. "I can hear it in your voice. What's wrong?"

I was quiet as I pulled her closer to me, and kissed her shoulder before I burrowed my face in the crook of her neck.

"Mike died this morning."

Turning around, J.J faced me and she really didn't look too well. I could feel that she had a fever, but there was definitely something else going on.

"You haven't been up today," I stated. She was still just as naked as she was this morning when I left her. "You need to eat something. And drink something. I'm gonna take a shower, and then go out and get something. What do you want to eat?"

"Dean," she whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn't know him that well, but I know you did. And your Mom, and Keith. Oh god, does Keith know?"

"Not yet," I answered. "Can we just talk about something else?"

Seeing Mom cry, and now talking about it… I really didn't want to cry. Not now, and not in front of J.J.

"I love you."

I leaned down to kiss her, but she stopped me.

"You're gonna get sick."

"After last night, you already passed it along to me. So just let me kiss you. Please."

Meeting my eyes, she nodded after a moment and removed her finger from my lips. Then I leaned down and gently brushed my lips against hers.

Paying for the pizzas, I grabbed it from the counter and walked outside where I met Jenna and Liam. They hadn't been in school today either, but when Liam called asking if they could crash at our place he said he would explain everything later. I warned them about J.J being sick, but he said it didn't matter. And then I asked Mom. I never asked if someone could stay the night, but because of Mike I felt like I had to. She said it was okay though.

"Okay, explain."

"Not even an 'Hello'?" Liam asked, a bag hanging over his shoulder. Looking at him, he looked at his sister and then let out a sigh as we started to walk.

"Jenna told our parents last night," Liam started and Jenna continued before he could.

"And now it's a civil war at home. Oh god, the yelling."

"Mom took it well, but Dad is a known homofobe."

"He's not a homofobe, he just doesn't believe in love between same genders. He tried to tell me that it was all made up in my mind, and when I told him it wasn't he kicked me out. Liam said he couldn't do that, and he kicked him out too. Mom is pissed."

"Shit," was the only thing I could think of saying and so I did. We had reached my car while talking, and while driving home they said they probably only needed to stay tonight. Things should have calmed down by tomorrow, but I told them that they could stay for as long as they wanted to. They knew they were always welcome.

Apparently their brother took off long before school started this morning, and wasn't home yet. If the situation really was the way they said it was, I couldn't blame him for leaving without saying anything.

"Fuck," I mumbled under my breath as I parked outside the house.

"What?" Jenna asked as we climbed out of the car and I walked straight toward the wall underneath my window instead of the front door.

"Keith is home."

"Yeah, so?" Liam asked as I started to climb carefully up the wall. The steps on the ladder were slippery, with some ice being on them.

"His best friend died this morning, and Mom is probably telling him right now. I don't want to be there to see it."

Liam helped Jenna up the final steps as I knocked on the window to our bedroom. It looked like J.J was sleeping and I hated to wake her up, but the window was locked from the inside.

Knocking again, J.J opened her eyes and I could almost hear her groan as she stumbled out of bed and opened the window. I was barely inside when J.J was back on the bed, wrapped in the covers.

"Wow, you look like shit," Liam commented as he climbed through the window.

"Well, thanks," she answered sourly and I chuckled before I sat down on the edge of the bed and took out my pizza. Asking J.J, she said she didn't want anything but I figured I would save some for her. She had to eat something.

Talking while eating, Liam and Jenna told me more about what was happening at home. Jenna also revealed that her girlfriend had broken up with her yesterday.

"What?" Liam asked, just as shocked as me. I mean, only yesterday did I learn that she even had a girlfriend. And now she didn't anymore. "Why?"

"I said I wasn't ready to tell everyone, and go public. So she called it off."

"Okay, wait, you said you loved her so why aren't you crying right now?"

"Because there's a lot more than just my girlfriend breaking up with me going on right now!" Jenna almost snapped back, and I had to admit that Liam's question wasn't the best. Sometimes he doesn't really think before talking. But he never meant to hurt anyone.

"I'm sorry," he apologized and when he wrapped his arm around her shoulder I felt like I was in the middle of some brother/sister thing I shouldn't be in the middle of. Thankfully there was a knock on the door right then.

"I heard you up here, and figured you took the window way," Mom said as she walked inside the room and I handed her her food. Taking it from me, I asked about how Keith took everything about Mike.

"Not good. He's talking to his wife right now. He just needs some time. I think. How is she?"

I glanced back at J.J and noticed that she was already back to sleep.

"Not good," I answered simply, looking at Mom. She was trying to hide all of her feelings about Mike, and about Keith and about everything. She tried to focus on J.J.

"Let me know if she gets any worse," she answered before she turned around, said hello to Liam and Jenna and then walked out of the room.

I finished eating a short moment after that, and the three of us continued to talk. Yesterday at school we hadn't talked much about the Christmas break, so we did now. I told them about Sweden and how I would love to go back. I told them about how I was there when a horse gave birth, and how J.J tried to get me up on one but failed. Liam commented on my necklace, which he hadn't noticed before now. Then he asked about their gift, wondering if we had used it yet. Liam and Jenna might not know details, but the four of us doesn't keep secrets from each other so I told them that yeah, the book was useful.

When Jenna took a shower, Liam and I took the time to play some video games. He beat me at FIFA, but it was my turn to win when we played NHL 11.

Then there was the big question on how we should sleep. If J.J weren't sick, I would have taken the floor or the couch downstairs, letting Jenna take the bed with J.J. But no way in hell I would sleep somewhere else but next to her right now. When Jenna asked why, I told her the truth.

"She doesn't get sick often, but when she does it's bad. The last time she had a flue, she had to go to the hospital."

"I don't remember that," Liam said.

"We were twelve, and neither did I but Mom told me. She also told me to keep an eye on her, because it can get that bad again. So I'm not leaving her side."

With that decided, Liam said he would take the floor and Jenna could take the couch. I remembered that we had a spare mattress in the garage, and Liam offered me to help me carry it.

Before walking downstairs I let my hand linger on J.J's back, under the shirt she put on before I left to get the pizzas. She was even hotter now than before and she would definitely need some aspirin.

Liam and I crept down the stairs, and we didn't talk until we reached the garage where I turned on a light to find the mattress. Which wasn't the easiest task.

"I figured out what I wanna be when I grow up, now when fotball's out of the way," Liam said and I laughed at the way he expressed himself. He laughed with me before he continued. "First, I'm gonna be a pilot."

"A pilot?" I asked him, turning around. He stood against a wall, his arms crossed and he nodded. "And what do you mean, first?"

"Okay, so you can't tell Jenna this…" he waited until I had nodded before he continued. "Then I'm gonna serve in the army."

Liam in the army? Fuck, I couldn't say I couldn't see him there. But that didn't mean that I wanted him there. And I understood why I wasn't supposed to tell Jenna. But he had to tell her at some point.

"You should be more worried about telling J.J," I said, grabbing the mattress and pulling it out on the floor where Liam grabbed the other end and we went back to my room.

"Nothing's gonna happen to me, okay? I'll just fly a plane."

"Yeah, and J.J's Dad was just going to drive a truck, and he ended up in a coma for a year before he died."

"I'm not gonna drive or fly or whatever over something that can kill me."

"It's the fucking army, Li. Look, you think you're invincible, but you're not. You gotta see that. You have to understand that, or you'll end up dead, or something similar."

"Okay, class," our English teacher said as he walked into the classroom about five minutes late. He's never late.

There was a week left until my birthday now, J.J was healthy again and things had been sorted out at Liam and Jenna's house. Except for the fact that their parents were in a divorce. But other than that, things were peachy.

Dropping a file on his desk, our teacher continued.

"Good for you, I turned fifty this weekend and I'm still hungover. Bad for me, I forgot what we were supposed to do today," he laughed with the class and then turned serious. "So we're gonna play a game. Guys, pick a name from this hat so that you won't be paired up with anyone you know. Hopefully."

He walked around with a hat as he talked, and I grabbed a small piece of paper from it. Reading the note, it said Olivia. Oh, great.

I mentally slapped myself when I showed Liam my note, and he quickly made a motion for us to change. Whatever name he had, it couldn't be worse than Olivia.

"Thanks man," I mouthed and he shrugged it off with a disgusted face. He called out Olivia's name, and then our teacher looked at me. I was supposed to say the name I had got.

Opening the note, I smiled.

"I got J.J."

Our teacher told us to pair up with our partner, and then find some place where we could be ourselves.

"Be back in an hour, and next lesson you're gonna write a small essay on what you learned today."

He handed us another piece of paper as we walked out of the room, and told us not to open it until we were alone.

J.J grabbed my hand and lead me to the gym where we sat down on the bleachers, facing each other. She pulled her legs up as I sat indian style, and she opened the piece of paper.

"What does it say?"

"We're supposed to warm up, so that we'll be comfortable but I think we're already there so let skip the two first challenges. Okay, so number three – tell your partner a secret."

"A secret? But you already know everything," I laughed and she mused.

"Oh, there's gotta be something."

Yeah, there was. But I had sworn to myself that I would never tell her. I forced Liam to never tell her. It wasn't something she had to know. But at the same time, it was the only thing I could think of.

"I… I remember the exact moment I realized that I loved you."

"How is that a secret?" she chuckled but fell in silence when she saw that I was still serious. "Dean, how is that a secret?"

"Liam and I, we were walking home from school and…"

—- flashback —-

"For christ sake, just say you're sorry and make up," Liam complained. "You've been moping around for two weeks, and it would all be fixed if you just told J.J that you're sorry."

"But I'm not! This isn't my fault, can you realize that? She's the one who said she hates my girlfriend, so it's her own fault that we haven't been talking for two weeks."

"God, I hate your girlfriend but you're still talking with me, aren't you?"

I shot him a glare, and he rolled his eyes.

"This is all about pride, isn't it?"

"Shut up, or I'll kick your ass."

Liam snorted before his face turned serious.

"Hey, isn't that J.J's car?"

"Can't we just stop talking about her?"

"No, seriously, look," he said as he stopped in his trail and grabbed my arm to turn me in the right direction.

And there it was. A truck, crashed into the side of a black sedan.

J.J's Mom drives a black sedan.

Fuck, it can't be them.

There was already two ambulances at the scene, and I tried to think.

It couldn't be them. J.J and Julia got picked up from school twenty minutes ago. I overheard her talking to Jenna, and they were supposed to go to the hospital today. It was wednesday – they always go to the hospital on wednesdays.

But looking at the license plats, I saw that it was the right car.

Liam started running as I did, but I came to a stop when I saw two men carrying a body bag.

Someone was dead.

It might be Jennie.

I wasn't thinking clearly, but suddenly Liam held me back from running to the scene. I heard my own voice, but I don't know what I was saying.

"Hey!" Liam screamed at my face when I didn't react, and I forced myself to look at him. "She might not be in the car, okay?"

"She's in the fucking car, Liam! I saw her climb into it, twenty minutes ago! She and Julia, they're in that car. And someone is dead – that's a fucking body bag!"

It felt like I was going to throw up.

"Let's be rational. They haven't even opened the back doors yet."

Liam was right.

So that was her Mom.

But that didn't meant that J.J was still alive. How could someone even survive that crash?

"What if she doesn't make, Li? I mean… I… I love her."

I don't even know how I noticed it, because I couldn't think clearly, but the words sounded so true and I realized that it was the truth. I loved J.J. I was in love with her.

And I might not be able to tell her.

Because now she might be dead.

"I'm in love with her, Liam."

I could feel the tears in my eyes, but I didn't fucking care.

Liam was still standing in front of me, his eyes staring into mine. I don't know how he could be so calm, but I needed him to be calm because I was freaking out.

"I know, man. I know."

—- end flashback —-

"You… you were there?" J.J stared at me, her hazel eyes wide with shock.

"Yeah, and I waited in the hospital until you woke up. I was scared that you didn't want to see me, because you told me you didn't. And I couldn't face that. I had just realized that I loved you, and I almost lost you, and I couldn't face you not wanting to see me. So I left right before you opened your eyes."

"I didn't open my eyes for 28 hours, Dean."

"I know," I stated matter of factly. I was there after all. And those 28 hours where the longest in my life.

She was quiet for a long moment, tears falling from her eyes the entire time. She tried to wipe them away, but they only kept coming. I reached out for her hand, and she squeezed mine back until she pulled back and took a deep breath.

"Do you remember how I had to stay at the hospital for two extra weeks?"

"Yeah, you got a infection."

"That's the official story," she said and I was just about to ask what she meant with that when she took another deep breath and then said five words I had never expected.

"I tried to kill myself."

The silence lasted for two minutes and forty-four seconds, and then she couldn't take it anymore.

"Say something, please?"

"What? You what?" I stood up, and I didn't like raising my voice toward her but I couldn't help it. Not right now.

I mean, I almost lost her and she tried to kill herself? How the fuck could she do something like that? How could she do that to me? How could she just leave me like that? How?

"How could you be ready to just leave me like that?"

"It wasn't about you, Dean! I wasn't in love with you, and I didn't know that you were in love with me."

"I was your best friend! How could you do that, and then not tell me about it? Does anyone know?"

She looked at me, her eyes sad, and I knew the answer.

"Who knows? Jenna? Does Jenna know?"

I mean, if she told anyone it would be her.

But she shook her head.

"Liam?"

Another shake.

"Then who?"

"Your mom."

I don't know, but I fucking lost it then. Mom and J.J where the only two people I told everything, and I thought it was the other way around as well. Obviously it wasn't.

I could hear J.J calling after me as I left the room, but I didn't fucking care. I had to talk to mom. I had to know how she could keep something like this from me.

"Mom!" I called out as soon as I came home, slamming the door behind me. "Mom? Where the fuck are you? I know you're home, because your car is outside!"

She wasn't in the kitchen, and not in the livingroom. I heard a noise from her bedroom then and I opened the door without knocking. I would usually knock but I was kinda pissed right now.

My anger flew out though when I saw her.

She was on the floor, in a pool of blood.