Author's Note:
I think this chapter is a little choppy, but I can't make it into two chapters because it just isn't long enough. I hope, no, I know, you guys will like it. (That was a big hint.)
Ch. 8 Taking Flight
Serena was mad. She had been friendly and open and caring, and what did he do? He lied.
"Damn you fucking liar," she muttered to herself. She was mad.
What, did he think I was too delicate to understand what he is? She thought to herself as she stormed towards the Gryffindor Common Room. It's not like I act like a scardy cat! She rounded a corner and crashed solidly into a very startled person.
"Sorry," she grumbled without looking at the person as she grabbed her bag off the floor and started to walk around them.
"Serena?" a voice she recognized asked. She instantly looked up and her eyes flashed when her assumption was proved true.
"You," she said in a low, menacing voice.
"Uh, me?" Remus stared at her uncertainly, deciding if he could out run her.
Suddenly Serena smiled, but her eyes showed that it was all a ruse. "So, how's that weak immune system of yours doing?" she asked in a falsely sweet voice, her eyes flashing. "You haven't been to the hospital for a while, probably not since the last full moon."
Remus blanched and turned slightly green. He grabbed Serena's arm and dragged her into the broom closet on the other side of the hall. "What did you say?" he asked her, his voice somewhere between anger and fear.
"I said," Serena pulled her arm out of his grip, "that you conveniently always seem to be sick or have a relative's funeral on the nights of full moons.
"You know," it was a statement; his voice was both defeated and terrified.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Serena asked; surprised that he wasn't going to deny her assumed accusation. "I thought we were friends."
"You aren't mad?" he looked up from the floor.
"Hell yeah, I'm mad," she told him. "But not because of what you are."
His brows rose in question, "Well, why then?"
"Because you didn't tell me," Serena told him. She sighed deeply.
"But you don't hate me?" Remus's eyes were beginning to light up. "You don't want to run screaming, or have me kicked out of the school."
"No!" Serena shook her head in frustration. "You're my friend. Why the hell would I want one of my best friends kicked out of school?"
"Cause he's a werewolf." It was the first time either of them had said the word. It seemed to echo quietly in their ears.
"I don't care," Serena told him, slipping her hand into his and giving it a squeeze.
Remus's smile was so sudden and so thankful that Serena laughed. He threw his arms around her back and hugged her so tight she almost lifted off the ground. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," he whispered in her ear, "Thank you so much."
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Remus had never been happier for the next few months. After Serena's fury at his deception, he told Delia about his "furry little problem" and she was completely calm although, naturally, shocked. Once the entire group knew he could be much more relaxed around them and he opened up more.
The one place where he really opened up was at Lily's animagus lessons in the Room of Requirement. He found he enjoyed being able to talk about being a werewolf instead of always being on his guard. It was on one such night that he finally told Lily what it was like.
"The change is really painful," he told Lily. "But even worse is the feeling that you're losing yourself. Slowly my self awareness drifts away and no matter how hard I struggle to keep it, it slips through my fingers like smoke." He held up his hands and waved his fingers, pantomiming smoke rising through his fingers.
"Do you remember anything after you, change?" Lily asked him cautiously.
"Sometimes," he started, "I feel like I'm kept more human, and I keep more control when I don't make the change alone. When James, Sirius, and Peter are with me I can sense their human personalities and so I retain mine."
"Fascinating," Lily was staring at him in a rather unnerving manner.
"Anyways," James interrupted them, walking over and helping Lily stand. "Ready for another practice?" he asked her.
"Of course," Lily assured him with a quick and sharp smile; she was a bit annoyed that he'd interrupted her and Remus's conversation.
"Well then," Sirius stood on the other side of the room where he had been engrossed in a book (strange, right?). "I'd best be off to detention, I've got lines" he announced. Professor McGonnagall had caught him snogging his current girlfriend, Patricia Meterson, in a broom cupboard the night before. "I will not snog exceptionally hot babes in broom cupboards, I will not snog exceptionally hot babes in broom cupboards…" he pretended to write in the air. James laughed and clapped him on the back, Remus chuckled lightly, and Lily raised one eyebrow accusingly. He shrugged at her disapproving look and sauntered towards the door. Just as he reached the doorframe he paused. "And try not to keep our dear Jamesie up too late, won't you, Lillian?" he asked over his shoulder.
"Not at all, Siri," Lily said in a little girl voice as she marched over to him and pushed him out the door, slamming it behind him.
"I'd better be going too," Remus told them with a shrug as he stood slowly, straightening his stiff legs. "I have to patrol tonight," he told them glumly.
"Why don't you skip tonight, Moony?" James asked, "Ditching is healthy once in a while. God knows; you'd be able to come up with an excuse."
Remus glared at James and shook his head regretfully but said nothing. Instead he turned his attention to Lily, "Have a good night Lily." With that he walked to the door.
Lily sighed and turned back to James. "I've been meaning to ask you," she started, but then hesitated.
"Yes?" James encouraged.
"Well, where do your nicknames come from?" she asked.
James laughed, having been expecting some awful life or death philosophical question. "From our animagus forms," he informed her. "I'm Prongs for a stag, Sirius is Padfoot for a dog, Peter is Wormtail for a rat, and Remus is Moony for a werewolf."
"Oh," Lily said, nodding. "So then can I have a nickname too, once I've become an animagus?" she asked. "You even said last week that I was almost there. I might even change for the first time today."
"Of course you can have a nickname," James laughed at her enthusiasm. "But we'll have to pick it out as a group, not just you and me."
"Good," Lily smiled and her eyes lit up.
For the next hour James showed her the last of the Marauder's personal notes about becoming animagi. They added the last few ingredients to the potion she would have to drink and he taught her the incantation, animorphmagi encanti, as well as the complex wand movement. They were extremely careful; not knowing how bad the consequences would be should they fail.
"Okay, lets do it," Lily encouraged after she performed the wand movement flawlessly for what felt like the hundredth time. The potion had started emitting rumbling noises, like thunder and pale, pale green sparks were shooting off of it, exactly as described in Animagi Encyclopedia, which James had stolen from the Forbidden Section of the Library.
James looked at her dubiously, "Are you sure?"
"I'm ready," Lily told him. "What more can we do?"
"Try to sleep all night but really be awake and thinking about the fact that you're about to break one of the most serious wizarding laws?" James suggested. "Or thinking about the fact that you'll be running around in the night with a psychotic, no offense to Moony, werewolf once you've made the change?"
"You did, and you do," Lily accused, popping her hip to the side and folding her arms. "You promised to help me," she reminded him.
"But, but," James looked for any sort of objection, "The guys will have wanted to be here, Moony, Wormtail and Padfoot."
Lily sighed. "You're right, I do feel a bit bad about that," she admitted. James visibly relaxed. "I know," she ran over to James's bag and grabbed a small, hand held, silver mirror out of it. "Sirius," she called into it, "Psst, Sirius."
"How'd you know about that?" James asked her.
"I do talk to my brother, on occasion you know," Lily reminded him. "Shhh," she hushed him as Sirius's face appeared.
"Lily?" he sounder surprised. "Where's James?"
"He's right here," Lily answered hurriedly. "I'm ready to try the spell and James won't let me because he thinks everyone else should be here."
"What?" Sirius asked. "That's bullshit, you hear me James? That bullshit!" He shook his head, or at least it looked like he shook his head to Lily; he could have just been moving the mirror. "Why would you need us to be there? We'll see you change form plenty of times afterwards. The first time you change you'll only want to stay for a few minutes anyways because it'll drain your power. Tell James to cut the crap and I look forward to knowing what your animagus form is tonight." With that Sirius put down his mirror and the connection was lost.
Lily turned to smirk at James. "Sirius say to cut the crap and he wants to know what my animagus form is by tonight," she repeated although she knew he'd heard.
James took a deep breath, "You're positive you want to go through with this?" he asked her. "You can say no and no one will think any worse of you. They may even think better of you knowing that you're not insane."
"A thousand times, yes!" Lily insisted, somewhat touched by his concern.
"Fine," he walked over to the cauldron in the corner and filled a vile with exactly one and one sixth of a cup of the potion. He handed it to Lily with a shaking hand and stepped back.
"Here's to," Lily hesitated, thinking of something to toast. "Here's to you," she decided and James's dark face lightened a bit, just a tiny bit. Then she shot the potion down quickly.
It tasted sweet and addictive, like a honeysuckle bloom, and she hesitated, wanting to savor the rich flavor. Then she saw James's face and gulped hard. The book said they had to drink the potion quickly or it wouldn't work. She pulled her wand out of her pocked and grimaced at James. He was looking pale and a tinge green.
"Animorphmagi Encanti," she said slowly and perfectly, being sure to annunciate each syllable specifically. A tingly feeling filled Lily's arms and legs and a high singing filled her ears. Pale green smoke, almost white, swirled around her slowly, forming a cocoon of mist. At first it was transparent and she could see James's mystified face. Then it gradually grew opaque, blocking all light but the eerie, greenish light it produced. Lily stretched and felt her body shrink into a much smaller shape. Her arms expanded outward and her legs shortened. She closed her eyes as she felt them changing, becoming sharper, stronger. Her toes turned to clawed, hook like feet. She felt lighter, much lighter, as though her very bones had lost mass. Finally she felt her face change, it condensed and sharpened to a point. Then, suddenly, all the mist disappeared and she was free.
Lily swooped across the room, scarcely paying attention to her success, just the sudden speed and silence she felt in her body. She did, however, notice James's cheers. With her tremendously strong ears, it sounded like thousands of people screeching in a cave where the echo reverberates thousands of times. Lily made one last turn about the room and then soared over to land on James's upraised arm. She sat completely still and stared into his eyes. She closed them and concentrated on her human form and suddenly, she was standing on her own two feet again.
"I'm an owl," she told James in a dazed voice.
He chuckled, "I noticed. A beautiful dark, dark brown owl."
"I did it," she slowly lost the fog in her eyes as excitement replaced the awe, "I really, really did it."
"You really, really did," James told her proudly, all his disgruntled feelings lost at her happiness.
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Lily threw her arms around James's neck and hugged him tight. "This is incredible."
James hesitated at the sudden embrace and then wrapped his arms around the small of Lily's back and hugged her in return. "Any time dear," he told her, "Especially if I get this kind of reaction next time too."
Lily's arms let go at his words but James kept his wrapped around her waist. "Oh yeah, ha, ha," she remarked sarcastically, laughing off her embarrassment. "Were you really that worried?" she asked.
"I still am," James told her quietly.
Lily's smile was rueful, "I'm sorry for that. Thanks for caring." He had released his hold on her but they were still just inches apart.
"I'll always care Lily," James told her quietly, "I love you."
Lily's face flickered through thousands of feelings like a filmstrip, embarrassment, relief, anger, flattery, fear, satisfaction, sorrow, contentment, and, love? She stepped back slowly.
"James," her voice was slow and regretful but her eyes were accusatory, and disappointed that he had ruined their easy friendship. "James, don't," she begged him.
There wasn't any filmstrip on James's face; all his energy was focused on one feeling, pain, indescribable, uncontained, pure, anguished pain. He didn't plead, beg, cajole, grovel, anything. He just walked from the room. Lily watched him go in complete regret as tears began to slip down her cheeks.
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Severus walked through the halls on a purpose. He looked down each hallway as he passed. He hoped to run into her without going to the Common Room. He didn't want to deal with that fool who thought he loved her.
Severus knew he needed to apologize. He had been cruel to her for years but now they were friends, now they talked and she cared for him. She was the only one who cared for him. The first one to care for him.
He had to tell her he loved her. Had to tell her before it was too late, before he lost her to that fool. He needed to see her, had to tell her…
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James felt a tear squeeze through the corner of his eye. He wiped it away furiously but it was just replaced by a new one. He hardly watched his surroundings; he didn't need to think anymore when he walked in the castle, his feet would find their way.
It was late. That much he noticed. The halls were empty and there was the silence he recognized from his many nighttime wanderings as the result of many sleeping people.
How could you be so stupid? He asked his self. You were friends. Wasn't that enough? She cared about you for once and you threw it down the toilet. You had to go lovey on her and she rejected you again. You should have seen it coming; she's only rejected you hundreds of times before. He pinched the bridge of his nose to fight the coming headache. He needed to calm down; she would be his friend again. Of course she would, he reassured his self. "James!" He could even hear her voice, "James." Wait he really could hear her voice.
"James," Lily chased him down the hall, frantically sprinting. "James, stop!" She thought she heard someone call her name from a side passageway but she ignored it.
James turned to look at her briefly and then he kept walking. "You don't have to worry Lily," he called over his shoulder. "I'll pretend it never happened. You can pretend I never said it."
Lily had stopped running a few feet behind him. "But I don't want to," she whispered. He turned slowly, disbelief etched on every feature on his face. "I don't want to forget what you said," she told him in a louder voice.
"You don't?" James took a slow step towards her, hope dominating his eyes.
Lily laughed through her tears at his shock. "No," she shook her head through the laughter. The torchlight cast shadows on her face, emphasizing her sudden elation.
James took another slow step towards her. "But then you," he paused, unwilling to believe her, fearing being hurt again.
"God, guys are so stupid!" Lily exclaimed. She reached up and grabbed the back of James's neck and pulled his face down to meet hers and kissed him as fiercely as she could. She pulled away for a moment, searching his eyes for a reaction. All she saw was complete and total adoration. "I love you too," she whispered against his lips.
A second later she had her arms wrapped around his neck and he was kissing her back as fiercely as she. Lily finally got to run her hands through his already messy black hair. It's as amazing and soft as I'd thought, she thought to her self. He pressed her against the wall and pulled away briefly, a hand on either side of her head.
His voice was husky, "You have no idea how long I have waited to hear that," he confided in her. He bent his neck to kiss her again but hesitated as she spoke.
"I think I have an idea," she informed him. He didn't respond, just smiled and kissed her again.
Just around the corner Severus Snape was pressed against the wall, tears pouring down his face and his chest heaving as he tried to keep breathing.
He was too late. She didn't love him. Potter had won again. He felt every seed of compassion he had left within him wither and die. She didn't love him. He swore every person in the castle could hear his heart breaking. She didn't love him. He never told her how he felt. But it didn't matter; she didn't love him.
A/N: Nice little emo ending to an otherwise really happy chapter. I guess I couldn't take that much happiness in one chapter. Just kidding, I'm not that depressed, see... D