Author's Note:
This one is fluffy at the beginning but I couldn't have a whole chapter of nothing really so there's some important stuff at the end.
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN IT!
Ch. 9 Shock
"More coffee, Lily?" James asked Lily dotingly, holding the pot gently in his hand.
"Oh yes, please." Lily grinned and lifted herself slightly from her seat to kiss his cheek, "You're so thoughtful."
A half-chewed piece of sausage fell out of Sirius's mouth.
"Lily don't drink that," Delia advised firmly. "Potter's spiked it with Amortentia."
"Delia, I can't believe you!" Lily pouted a bit. Serena knocked over a glass of pumpkin juice. "James would never do that," she continued, "Would you?" She turned to James who was leaning on his elbow and gazing dreamily at her. He didn't answer. "James?"
"No, no, of course not," he answered, snapping back to reality. "I would never. Besides, Delia, if I had been planning on hood winking her I would have done it long before now."
Delia's eyes narrowed as Lily smiled victoriously at her and then returned her full attention to James. She watched them for a moment then turned to look at Sirius who had continued his eating, although with less appetite then before.
"If this is some sort of joke you've come up with," she started threateningly.
Sirius opened his eyes wide and innocent. "Would I do that?" he asked.
Delia was unaffected by his charm. "Yes."
"Well, I didn't," he returned happily to his food although every few minutes he would glance up curiously at James and Lily's faces in complete confusion.
"What happened to you two?" Remus asked, the first to address the two personally about their (or at least Lily's) sudden change of sentiments. "You're acting like you're married."
"I came to my senses," Lily informed him. Under the table she found James's hand and squeezed it gently. "Luckily James is the most patient man on Earth." She leaned her head against his shoulder.
Delia choked on her sip of tea. "Too hot," she lied. James and Lily weren't listening.
"Mmm, Lily," James held out a piece of toast. "You have to try this blueberry jelly. It's incredible."
Lily obligingly took a bite of his already bitten bread. "That is good," she agreed, "But it's jam, not jelly, James."
Peter fell out of his chair.
The rest of the school had similar reactions. James carried all her books for her and was late for every one of his classes that wasn't shared with her as he insisted on escorting her to each room. When Professor Myrtle, the Ancient Runes teacher (James had only signed up for the class because Lily was in it) caught them passing notes she lapsed into complete silence for a full minute and then burst into joyful tears and dismissed the class early on account of a " most wondrous miracle".
In many cases, people reacted similar to Professor Myrtle, joyful and glad that the two top students and Head Boy and Girl had finally started dating. Others, namely Slytherins, didn't care. A great many girls, most in younger years, began sobbing on sight, as well as a few of the younger boys. There was one however, who's grief surpassed all other's.
Severus Snape paced his dormitory, glad that he was the only one inclined to remain inside on the surprisingly warm day, for March. He ran a hand through his hair. He looked at it disgustedly and then wiped the greasy residue off on his robes.
No wonder she doesn't love you, his bitter side told him. Why would anyone care for you?
But she said she cared, he fought back. She told me she cared. She was the only one who ever cared. Maybe it would have been different if I'd told her sooner.
No it wouldn't, the cruel voice in his head returned
Why would she have saved me on the roof if she didn't care? He asked.
She does care, just not about you. She cared about looking like a hero, and probably she's afraid of seeing blood, the voice retorted.
Not Lily, Severus couldn't listen, he wouldn't listen. She's not like that.
Everyone's like that, the voice laughed at him. The only person anyone cares about is his or her own self. Even you.
That's not true, he insisted.
It's not? The voice sniggered, mocking him.
Yes, Severus thought, but it was more a question then a convicted statement. She's my friend though, he continued when the voice didn't comment, If I'd told her before bloody Potter got to her (he conveniently forgot that Lily had been the one chasing after James) then she would have—
She would have what? Kissed you like she did Potter? He could hear the voice smirking.
He flinched, unintentionally, No, no she'd have, she'd have…
Exactly, the voice was victorious
But I still love her, he was pleading now but the voice was unsympathetic
So what? It demanded. Where will that get you? A one-way ticket to the permanent ward at St. Mungo's after you drive yourself mad seeing them together constantly. You're not an idiot; you've seen Potter after her all these years. Now that he's got her he won't be letting her go. One day they'll get married, and have children with Potter's mop of unruly hair and her sparkling emerald eyes—
Stop! Severus interrupted as tears streamed down his cheeks. Don't! I can't, I can't hear that. No! No, that can't, that isn't. He lost all composure and sank to the cold stone floor in the middle of the empty dorm room.
You have to hear it; the voice was cold and heartless. You have to get over her.
But I can't.
You MUST! The voice was angry now, not amused
But I can still be her friend? He begged
No. How would you get over her and still be her friend. Besides, she won't have time for you anymore. You just wait. See if she comes looking for you any time soon. She'll be shopping in Hogsmeade and snogging in broom cupboards.
Stop! Severus insisted again. I can't take it. He caught his breath and held back the need to sob uncontrollablyAs his breathing steadied he gathered his thoughts. But what if I tell her how I feel, what if she does love me?
She doesn't, the voice stated it like a fact. But if you need proof think back to last night. You called to her but she didn't listen. She ran to James instead of you.
Severus choked back another fit of hysteria. So that's it? She never loved me? She never even cared?
That's it.
So what do I do?
That's up to you, but don't try killing yourself again. She won't save you next time; she'll be too wrapped up in Potter and you don't want to throw your life away. Severus flinched again. Find something useful to do, something important.
Like what? He was desperate for any distraction; anything to save him from the dark pit of despair he was falling into
What do you think? The voice trailed off suggestively
"I know," Severus whispered to his self. He stood and wiped away his tears. A deep breath steadied him and relaxed his tense muscles. He forced his love for Lily into a deep hole in the bottom of his heart and sealed it away, never to be thought of again.
What he didn't realize was that forcing something to the bottom of one's heart in never a very good idea. It has a tendency of breaking free and completely numbing all the senses to any emotion but pain. But to destroy his love he found his self incapable of doing and so it lingered on, always to be in the back of his mind for the rest of his miserable life.
He slowly walked down the staircase to the Slytherin Common Room, with each step regaining a bit of the natural arrogance and supremacy in his air that all Slytherins have. In the Common Room he found Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix Black and several of their cronies.
"I have thought about it and I would like to accept your offer, Malfoy," he said calmly; no one in the room could have guessed that he'd been lying on the floor, weeping only minutes before.
"I'm glad," Lucius smirked at his companions and then looked to Severus again.
"It would be my honor to serve the Dark Lord."
A/N: An even more emo ending then the last one. I actually really like the way this chapter came out. It certainly explains why Snape is such a cynical person when he's older, and why he hates Harry so much. Now I'm going to go read and/or write something more cheerful. Review, review review!