OK so let say this first off; thank you so much for reading this...I wasn't sure if anyone was going to at first but it seems to have caught on. Much love to you all for that! Secondly I'm giving you the next instalment of this story because it was fresh in my mind and The Odd Couple's next chapter is going to be LONG and requires a lot of time management and planning. That one should be out by the weekend. So once again thank you for the reviews/favourites...they really push me to write more and I will be looking for suggestions as well for both stories so don't keep your ideas to yourself...share!
Happy Reading All...and all praise the true owners of Glee...aka not me!
Chapter 6
(KPOV)
"You have to move on with your life and I guess so do I. I still have one more year left at McKinley and you'll be in another state literally chasing your dream...we're still friends but...we'll each have our own lives. I-I guess it was a g-good-bye."
No no no, why is he leaving me? Why is he doing this to me? I made this all up in my head, how could this gorgeous boy ever really find me attractive; never mind want to be my boyfriend? He was just a friend if that! He was moving...leaving and leaving this pathetic best friend behind! Damn it Hummel why can't you see that you were never good enough for him and that he never cared about you like that!...
"It's not like I have anything to keep me here Kurt"
Tears, Pain, Depression...so much pain, so much pain...
(BPOV)
Kurt's violent rocking and mumbling woke me up. I glanced quickly at the alarm clock and noticed it was only 6:30 am. I hurriedly looked back over at Kurt who was shaking uncontrollably and his face was scrunched up in a pained grimace. He was flushed and as I tried to pull him closer to my chest I noticed that he had been crying in his sleep.
I was arguing internally with myself because I didn't know if I should wake him or not but I couldn't bare to watch someone I cared about so much be in so much visible pain. It was literally breaking my heart with every passing second.
I cradled his muscular but lithe form and firmly rubbed his shoulder and back as I tried to stir him out of his nightmare.
"Kurt...Kurt babe, please wake up." He only moaned a little louder at this and choked out, "Blaine why?"
I could only hope that he was responding to the sound of my voice and that I wasn't the one causing these pained expressions to form on his face. He continued to sob and shiver and his movements were becoming a little more animated which caused me to panic a little so I shook him a little more sternly and kept calling his name.
"Kurt...Kurt please you're scaring me please...please Kurt"
Kurt woke with a scream but thankfully it was mostly muffled into my chest. I had jumped at the initial noise but I just ignored it all and cradled him into my chest as I heard him begin to sob now that he was awake.
"Shhh Kurt it's ok...it's gonna be fine, you're safe." I was rubbing up and down his arm and I planted small pecks to the top of his head as I felt his arms tighten around my abdomen.
I kept this up for a few minutes because he still hadn't said anything so I continued to soothe him until I felt his sobs lessen and his breathing slow down to a more normal pace.
"I'm sorry Blaine...you shouldn't have seen me like this." I pulled away from our tight-knit embrace so that I was still loosely holding him but I could look at him. He was still facing my chest and wouldn't raise his gaze.
"Hey,...look at me, don't be sorry." He lifted his eyes slowly and I could see that beyond the beauty of him was something dark and sullen in his eyes. I couldn't suppress the frown that this caused. How could someone so beautiful look so pained? He sensed my apprehension and let more tears fall down his cheeks but he never broke our gaze. He looked like he was studying my face, as if at any second I would vanish into thin air.
"Blaine I...I wasn't ready for you to see this yet...I'm so ashamed."
"Kurt why are you ashamed, everyone has nightmares once in a while. Its no big deal." He shifted from my embrace at this and began to sit up in bed wiping his eyes and face as he did so. I followed suit by propping myself up on the headboard but I wasn't sure if I should try and comfort him any further physically.
"I don't have nightmares once in a while. Its almost always Blaine...", he buried his face in his hands and I let him continue, "I suffer from night terrors. It's a stress induced condition that I have been dealing with for a long time now. You shouldn't have let me stay last night; or you wouldn't have seen this...I should go."
I reached out and grabbed his arm before he got out of bed,.
"Kurt you never had this problem at Dalton or even after...or you would have told me right?". He kept his eyes focused on the bed spread as he inhaled sharply and released it slightly laboured.
"It started just before you left last summer...but we don't have to talk about this now, I should really go Blaine, I've embarrassed myself enough for one day and the girls are probably freaking out right now."
I squeezed his arm which stayed his retreat yet again. "I already texted Mercedes last night to let her know you were here so that's covered. Secondly you haven't embarrassed yourself in my opinion because as I said earlier I want to get to know you again...and that includes the negative Kurt...all that you are."
I gave him my biggest most sincere grin but his own expression only seemed to soften slightly.
"Even though its early I don't think either of us want to go back to sleep at this point so I propose this,.." he cocked his eyebrow at me and my heart lightened knowing that his diva was making a small appearance again, "we get up and you go shower and make yourself feel better while I make breakfast!"
His apprehension showed at the thought of me making breakfast and I heard a snicker escape his mouth. "Blaine I remember when you tried to make breakfast for me once at my parents...if memory serves me there was almost a need for a fire extinguisher!" I slapped him playfully as I got up with a stretch laughing.
"Ok that's a fair point. But I have gotten better since I had to fend for myself ya know?"
"Yeah ok...I'll believe that when I see it."I walked over to where he was standing and stretching languidly now and wrapped my arms around his waist before he could protest.
"I'll prove it to you. Then after that we can come talk some more and maaayybee then I'll release you and let you go home." I playfully wiggled my eyebrows which earned me a small giggle before I leaned in and kissed him gently. Kurt raised his arms so that his hands were both on either side of my neck as he kissed me back.
We broke away a few seconds later but didn't pull away from each other at all really.
Kurt's one hand flew to his mouth in utter shock nearly hitting my face in the progress, "Oh my god Blaine! I haven't brushed my teeth yet. Gaga I'm so sorry!"
I roared; this man was too adorable for words sometimes...hell all the time.
"And I forgot my moisturizing routine last night and I don't have any with me! You know how important my skin is. Shit!"
I had to bite my lip to keep myself from laughing at him anymore.
"Kurt firstly I have morning breath too so I don't care; I just wanted to kiss you." to reaffirm this I kissed him lightly again and he seemed to relax a little.
"Besides there's a spare toothbrush in the bathroom you can use...and with regards to your skin care regime, well I kind of remembered most of the stuff you used and I bought some for myself."
"You what? Blaine why...", but he started giggling at me.
"What you always said I should start taking care of my skin so I did! I also loved the way it smelled...it..rem-minded me of y-you." I knew I was blushing now and I wondered how stupid must I look to him.
"Blaine, babe that's really...sweet. I never knew you missed me...that much; but I am glad that I had a positive influence on your skin care maintenance." He cupped my face and traced my cheekbone with his thumb as I got lost in his eyes again.
"I really did...and Kurt?
He blinked ever so slowly as he gazed at me, "hmmmmm?"
"Kurt whatever you're keeping from me I can wait to hear it. I'm not going anywhere. I don't know if I'm the cause of any of your stresses but I assure you I'm here when you're ready to tell me ok; I just want to know soon ok?"
He tensed slightly but our eyes never left one another. I tried to smile with my eyes so that he knew everything was going to be fine.
"Blaine I...ok I will; maybe later on today if I can muster the courage to do so."
A long minute passed but I leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead before bouncing slightly on my heels.
"Ok...now you go shower and moisturize to your heart's content. I'm gonna play chef!" I kissed him quickly and pulled him by the arm out into the living room.
He stopped me as we reached the living room and I nearly fell over from change in direction, "Um Blaine my clothes that I was wearing last night are kind of ruined and I can't wear these home do you think you could spare me some more clothes?"
"Sure, just go in the shower and I'll bring you some before you're out ok?"
He nodded and sauntered into the bathroom and closed the door. I sighed inwardly.
I really was falling hard for that boy. But what was with the night terrors? What happened to him that he didn't tell me? Was it me? God I hope he opens up.
I looked towards the kitchen and began figuring out what I was going to make for breakfast. Coffee for starters...yup coffee was a must.
(KPOV)
I let the hot water wash away the stress from this morning and relax the muscles that had tensed from letting Blaine see my weakness. I was having such a good time with Blaine. The date, the intimate kisses, the movie, and the warmth from sleeping beside him...it was all so perfect almost a fantasy and then I had to let myself slip and let him see that side of me.
Shaking my head at my embarrassment I stayed in the shower probably a little longer than I should have. After turning off the shower, I stepped out and found a towel and a black dressing robe waiting for me on the vanity with a note.
Its all I could find right now – B xox
Blaine was so cute sometimes. But I dried myself off and wrapped my body in the warmth of this surprisingly comfortable robe.
I opened the door to let the steam escape a little as I stood in front of the mirror and inspected the condition of my skin. Yep I was in immediate need of my skin care routine. I looked in the cabinets when I eventually came across at least 2 of the usual 3 moisturizers I use in what I would assume to be Blaine's medicine cabinet.
Aww he was serious. He had even used it. For some reason that made me feel really special.
After about 20 minutes or so I walked out of the bathroom to a very pleasant smell feeling much better. I looked over into the kitchen to see Blaine with a dish towel over his shoulder, his hair a little dishevelled, and he was working furiously over the stove. From the smell I figured it was pancakes which made my stomach grumble with anticipation.
"Smells good babe." He turned around quickly and I swear the whole room lit up with his smile. "Thanks, I guess pancakes with fresh strawberries is good for you?"
"Mmmm sounds perfect." I walked around the island and noticed the cups of coffee sitting waiting for us. I smiled appreciatively at this as I snaked my arms around his waist from behind him.
"Hmmm hi" He leaned back into me as his natural warmth made me tingle.
"Hi babe, I have to admit; you're much better at this than you were in school." Blaine laughed a little as he flipped the pancake onto the plate beside him.
"Well don't you two look cute being all domestic." I think that I jumped out of my skin a little and if I wasn't mistaken so did Blaine.
"Hey Jess...this is Kurt."
"Well DUH Blaine!" She walked over to where I was semi-frozen in the kitchen. She was definitely short I mean I had a foot on her at least. She had auburn hair and a pretty face with very kind eyes. She extended her hand introducing herself.
"Hi Kurt, I'm Jess. I've heard so much about you! Basically Blaine's been gushing about you since I met him."
I looked over incredulously at Blaine to see that he had turned a delightful red colour and was attempting to not look in our direction.
"Oh really? Hmmm Blaine care to elaborate?"
"No...Jess you promised." I raised my eyebrow at him and he pleaded at her with his eyes to stop embarrassing him.
"Well its nice to meet you finally too. Blaine doesn't stop talking about you either." This wasn't completely true either but it was kinda fun to watch Blaine squirm a little.
"Ok ok you two knock it off alright. Yes Jess I talk about him a lot and yes Kurt this is my goofy roommate who I will kick out if she doesn't behave herself."
Blaine had finished plating our breakfasts and walked up to wrap her in a headlock of sorts. They were both laughing pretty hard and I couldn't help but giggle at their sibling relationship of sorts.
Blaine let her go fairly quickly but she punctuated the little spat with a punch to his shoulder. "Blaine! I actually have to work today remember...so don't mess with the hair or the clothes."
"I like her already Blaine. Never sacrifice horse-play for good hair and a wrinkle free wardrobe." Jess smiled approvingly at me and said, "See someone understands B; I think I'm gonna like you too Kurt." she came over and nudged my shoulder as we both stood their with identical quizzical eyebrows and crossed arms.
"Oh god what have I done introducing you two." We just looked at each other and then Blaine and then chuckled a little evilly. Yep I liked this girl. She was just so approachable and friendly. No wonder Blaine lived with her.
"Ok you two, enjoy the rest of your day. I'm gonna have a bite to eat at the shop, Blaine you still gonna play your set today?"
"I'm not sure. We'll say no for now but if my afternoon frees up then I'll message you and let you know."
"Ok B, and Kurt it was nice to meet you finally. I hope and expect to see lots of you soon...maybe not as much as Blaine wants to see that is...", I turned beet red at this and so did Blaine. She was weaselling her way out the door when Blaine picked up and threw his slipper at her retreating giggling form as she left the apartment.
"I'm sorry about her; she has no verbal filter. She just say whatever pops in her head."
"That's fine babe. Besides I like her, she's witty, likes to poke fun at you which amuses me and has her head on straight about fashion and hygiene. I think we'll get along famously."
"Yeah. Ha! That's what I'm worried about. 2 on 1." We both laughed before grabbing our plates and coffee and settling on the living room couch to enjoy our breakfast. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it but Blaine could cook. The breakfast was delicious and I for once had no critics about it. I was apparently making a lot of appreciative noises while I was eating too which earned several satisfied smiles and a chuckle or two from Blaine.
Blaine cleared the plates and rejoined me on the couch intertwining our hands immediately after he sat down. We sat in a very comfortable silence for what seemed like a long time. We just stole glances at one another and I kept surveying the pictures on the walls and the tiny details of his face that I had forgotten. Like when he smiled his eyes squinted a little more on the right side than the left. Also the shape of his ears which were so small and feminine which balanced off his slight five o'clock shadow. Ahhh Blaine. I really loved him...still.
"Kurt?". The sound of his voice made my heart literally skip a beat as I rejoined the planet from the Blaine-verse where I was daydreaming.
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you something?" I tensed a little because he sounded a little more serious than I would have liked.
"Sure go ahead." He seemed to take large breath then as if it took a lot of effort to say what he was going to.
"Earlier you said that your night terrors started just before I left last summer right?" I only nodded because now I was very nervous about what he'd say next. "Well I don't know if you want to open up about anything just yet but I have to know...was I the cause of all this stress? I have to know."
Looking at his uncomfortable expression and seeing his eyes begin to water like that I knew I had to tell him ; at least start to.
"Blaine I...yes you w-were t-the s-start of it." I let my head fall. I knew that if I had the strength I would have got up and ran out the door at this point; that was until I heard the choking sobs of the person beside me. Blaine was crying. He had put down his coffee and placed his face in his hands. He wasn't just crying but bawling into his hands.
"Oh god Blaine, it's ok. It's alright it wasn't your all fault." He raised his head and looked at me; his face was red and his eyes already starting to get puffy.
"How can you say that its not my fault? You started have perpetual nightmares because of me..ME! How can you even be here with me right now knowing that? What did I do to deserve you back in my life after the pain I've caused you?" I reached over and patted his shoulder and when he flinched I forced is face out of his hands as I cradled his face in my own.
"Don't Blaine. Don't. You leaving was only the beginning and my own weakness caused me to make...choices that made it worse so don't put this all on yourself because it isn't all your fault."
"Kurt?" He leaned into my touch and I melted. He needed to know the truth now even if I wasn't ready to tell him completely I was going to anyway.
"Ok here's my story...let me get it out ok?" He nodded in agreement and I took a deep breath before I began and lowered my hands so they were linked with his.
Courage Kurt
"Blaine I never stopped having feelings for you. After that day at the Lima Bean when told you I thought you were going to serenade me instead of Jeremiah I thought you would never see me as more than just a best friend. There were occasions where I thought you liked me like that but I was never given any reason to believe that you wanted more from our relationship...until now that is." He sniffled and tried to interject but I cut him off with a sassy wave of my hand, this shut him up; it always did.
"Before regionals that one year when we sang that duet together things seemed to change. It was like we were getting closer but after regionals it just stopped. We stopped getting coffee as much and you seemed distant and I couldn't understand it. So when the opportunity to go back to McKinley came up; ran with it because my heart was slowly breaking being around you. At first I thought I could deal with you and me just being friends, and I did, but then that friendship started to die and I couldn't take it."
"With me at McKinley you started making an effort again to come and see me and I thought we had found ourselves once more and that everything was alright but as the summer and then the following year began I noticed you drifting away from me. I thought it was something I had done so I left it alone and just acquainted it to friends drifting apart and that's exactly what happened up until the day that you told me you were moving to New York."
Blaine winced at that day and I felt myself tighten as I was getting to the hardest part of my story. He kissed my hand instinctively and I took that as my cue to continue.
"That day Blaine was the day before my terrors started. You and I had argued that day if you remember and some heated and selfish things were said on both parts but when you said that there was nothing left to keep you there...a small part of me died that day. I know that it was a heat of the moment thing but that didn't mean it hurt any less. I was head over heels for my best friend still and he basically brushed me off to move out of state. That's why I couldn't come and say good-bye to you last year. It hurt too much."
"Oh god Kurt, I'm so sorry!" He pulled me to him in warm and tight embrace. He kept chanting and chanting I'm sorry over and over as if the more times he repeated it the more it would sink in.
We rocked back and forth; both of us in tears at this point but I pulled away much to his dismay.
"Blaine there's more; and if I don't tell you now I don't think I ever will." My heart was heavy but I needed to finish this.
"Ok so that summer after you left I tried really hard to continue with my normal life. I went out with Mercedes and Rachael, my dad took me clothes shopping...yeah you heard me right and even Puck was trying to be all buddy buddy with me. It was weird but I kept sinking and the dreams became more real and frequent. "
"My family ended up taking me to the doctor eventually where I was sent to a sleep clinic for 2 days. It was a definitive diagnosis for night terrors and I had to attend therapy twice a week but the only thing that seemed to help...was Finn. Finn would end up sleeping beside me every night so that he could calm me down when I woke up screaming. He knew that I was dreaming about yours and my failed relationship but he never brought you up or asked me anything. He let me cry and he was the best brother I could have asked for. I love Finn and because of him I got through the summer."
"It was at the beginning of the school year again when things got a little better. I had school to take my mind off things and of course the girls were by my side along with Finn,Puck and Sam. That was when met Will. I told you about him remember?" Blaine's eyes flickered with an emotion I was all too familiar with: jealousy and for some reason that fuelled my courage to continue.
"Well Will and I got along famously at first. We went out for coffee all the time, shopping and Mr. Shue even gave us the opportunity to sing at Regionals together. I was happier than thought I could be with a boyfriend that cared about me and helped me forget my depression. My dreams were becoming less frequent and Finn actually moved back into his old room for a while. This didn't last long though. Mercedes said to me one day that she thought I was using Will as a replacement for the friendship I lost with you. I guess that its kind of true now but at the time it just seemed like she was over-reacting. Plus this was around the same time when I started texting you again. Will did not like it. He didn't like that I talked to you and seemed to get very...anxious when I spoke of you. Well...that anxiousness turned a little violent eventually..."
"Kurt? What happened? What did he do to you?" His jaw was set very tightly and for a moment I thought he might shatter his teeth they were clenched so hard.
"Blaine...please let me finish."
"Fine."
"Hhhh ok...so I was getting a little nervous around Will because he seemed to really not like it when other guys would talk to me; especially you because he knew we had a close friendship at one point and a history. Well I was brushing it off due to his short temper or something but my dreams kept getting worse until the night of the Nationals party when we were messaging back on forth; and we were being extra flirty for some reason. I couldn't tell you then...I was in too much shock to believe it but... He c-came into the r-room and well saw I was m-messaging you and well...he h-hit me a c-couple times, threw my p-hone and b-broke my n-nose...and I- I couldn't tell y-you."
I broke down and slid off the couch and onto the floor sobbing. Blaine jumped down onto the floor and held me.
"Kurt what that bastard did was inexcusable. No one should ever think of hurting you like that no matter what! If I ever get my hands on that fucking piece of..."
"Blaine..please I have to tell you the rest."
"There's more? What else did he do to you?" Blaine unlocked our embrace to trace his forefinger across the bridge of my nose where the obvious break was.
"Oh Kurt why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to involve you...I wasn't sure seeing you would make things better or worse for me."
Blaine just stared at me and let more tears fall. Blaine would want nothing to do with me after I finish this story even if he did still want me now.
"I got out of there that night after having to fight my way away from Will. That night after bandaging and icing my wounds I fell apart in Finn's arms. It took everything I had to keep Finn from grabbing my dad's shotgun away from him and going hunting for Will. I'm really glad now that he stayed because Finn saved my life." Courage Kurt
"The dreams never came that night because I couldn't sleep. I was kept awake all night by the words that Will had said to me. He called me a whore, a slut and that you never cared about me and would never care about me the way that he did. I h-had gotten lost in my own head and I started to believe him; because well if he cared about me and hit me and you cared about me and l-left...maybe I really was worthless."
I was losing it and Blaine was looking more and more concerned but he didn't release his grip from around my shoulders so I continued through the sobs.
"So...I found my sleeping pills...a-and I didn't know w-what I was doing Blaine...I really didn't but I t-took 20 of th-them in one go."
"20! Kurt...oh my god Kurt.." His voice was a whisper by the end of that sentence.
"Thankfully Finn woke up when he did and caught me before I hit the ground semi-unconscious. He forced his fingers down my throat and had me barf up the pills. I-I didn't get much in my system but he nursed me back to health all night with the phone by the bed all night in case we needed to go to the emergency room. He never told my dad for fear that his heart wouldn't take it. Finn saved my life and has kept my dreams at bay with just his mere presence ever since. I-I ...he's the only one who knows how w-weak I've been...how weak I am. He's the only one who knows I'm broken; and I gotta know...now that you know all this...do you still want me...even if I am damaged?" I was almost out of tears at this point. I could cry a river but nothing was coming out. I was waiting on the head of a knife for Blaine's answer for which was fairly certain would be' leave and never come back.'
Blaine didn't speak but only pulled me so I was sitting in his lap with 2 very protective arms around me, and he held me as if I was going to get up and storm out.
"Kurt...I'm so sorry for what you've been through and I will never stop apologizing for what I did to cause you stress or heartache. I have been head over heels for you since junior year but I chickened out telling you. I tried to tell you but I just couldn't because believe it or not I was afraid of rejection. Ha! I was weaker then than you ever could be Kurt. You are everything to me and always will be; you're not worthless and any asshole that says otherwise can take it up with me!"
He pulled me close to him so our faces we almost touching, "Babe I'm so glad you had Finn to take care of you, remind me to thank him when I see him next, but I promise to take care of you from now on. No one will EVER hurt you again...least of all me, ok?
I sniffled but smiled. "You mean you still...w-want m-me, even if I-I'm b-broken."
He soothed my cheek lovingly, "Always have, always will. You can't get rid of me now."
I started laugh crying if that was possible because I felt that even though the dreams were far from gone I had some peace. Blaine would take care of me or at least he was willing to try. I leaned in and kissed him then and I knew that he wouldn't leave me again. The kiss meant so much as we wrapped ourselves together. "I love you, forgive me" Blaine said it just above a whisper and I think my heart stopped at that moment but I knew I felt the same. It had always been Blaine, so I whispered back, "I love you too...and I do."
Wow that was long...so lots of story, angst, emo-ness but now ya know the full extent of what Blaine did to Kurt as well as what he's going through. Night night all...review and give suggestions :) Much Love 3