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Attention! I have no idea whatsoever about how much snow there use to be in New York City in the middle of December. Up where I live, we normally have 20-25 centimetres by then. In this story, I'll say that there's about five centimetres in NYC. Don't kill me if I'm totally wrong.

Disclaimer: Jag äger inte de kampsportutövande sköldpaddorna. (I don't own the martial arts practising turtles.)

Chapter 6: One of Santa's Elves

What Donatello had seen was a simple souvenir shop. It was closed for the evening, but there were a couple of spotlights that lighted up the window. The turtle read off the sign.

"'New York City'," he said to himself. "Aha, nu vet jag var jag är. Förenta Staterna, vem kunde ha trott det… synd att jag inte kan engelska." (1)

He looked around and shrugged. "Nu när jag är här kan jag lika gärna se mig omkring lite. Vem vet när jag får chansen att undersöka det Stora Äpplet nästa gång?" (2)

He set off down the street walk, happily humming: "Bjällerklang, bjällerklang, hör dess dingelidång, flingor som det virvlar om i en munter vintersång…" (3)

Little did he now that he was being watched from the rooftops. Watched by people who were not his brothers…

"So, what do we do now, Fearless Leader?" Raph grunted. "We've lost our crazy bro who obviously cannot take care of himself. He ain't able to fight, climb, or even speak properly! Oh, he's gonna get into trouble, or my name ain't Raphael. Let's face it Leo, we're in deep shit."

"Don't you think I know that already? You don't have to remind me!" Leo hissed. He tried to come up with a plan quickly – they had to find Donny fast, and hey, he was the leader anyways, it was his job to come up with plans in no time. He had his image to think about. "We could split up, like when we chased him in the sewers…"

"Yeah, and that went out fine," Raph said and rolled his eyes. "He knocked ya out cold, remember?"

Leonardo frowned. "Point taken." He had to admit, Raph was right – but that didn't mean he had to like it.

"But we have to do something," Mikey said with worry in his voice. "He could get hurt."

"Or, someone else could gethurt," Raphael muttered.

Donatello shivered in the cold – it had started snowing, and the white flakes landed and melted on his unprotected reptile body. "Usch, vad kallt. Jag måste hitta något att ta på mig." (4)

He had been lucky so far. Amazingly enough, no one had seen him, thanks to the fact that the streets were pretty deserted – at least the street he'd been strutting down, I don't know about the rest of New York.

But the luck must end some time.

"Oh, look Granny! It's one of Santa's elves!"

Before Donatello knew it, a little girl came running up to him. She wore a light purple jacket, a white scarf, and light green mittens and cap. She also wore a smile so bright that it could've lightened up Shredder's personal skyscraper. "Wow, this is so cool! You are Santa's elf, aren't you, Mister Elf Man?"

Don stared at the little girl, confused. An old woman came up behind her. She gave Donny an apologizing smile, and turned to the girl. "Yes, Zoë, I do believe that you are right! My, will you look at that! One of Santa's elves!"

Donatello smiled uncertainly. "Ursäkta mig, men jag förstår inte riktigt…" (5)

Zoë's smile threatened to split her face in two. "Oh, was that elf language, Mister Elf Man? That's so cool! Don't you think it's cool, Granny?"

"It is very cool, Zoë. But I do not think that we should bother Santa's elf any longer…"

"Mister Elf Man, can you tell Santa that I want a wand and a racing car and a pony and a spaceship and a crocodile and a castle and an alien and a Chinese dragon…"

"Zoë…"

"… and a light sabre and a computer and a magic carpet and a blue wig and a werewolf and a stuffed panda and some crayons and a puzzle…"

"Zoë…"

"… and a purple mask just like yours and a kangaroo and a yacht and one of Santa's reindeers – preferably Rudolph – and a palm tree and a jet plane and superpowers and a Silver Sentry action figure and…"

"ZOË!"

If they'd been in a forest, the cones would've fallen from the trees from the volume of Granny's voice. Zoë shut her mouth and stared at her older relative. Don stared at her too, but with grateful eyes. When the little girl started to tell him about what she wanted for Christmas, his brain had only heard 'waw waw waw' and he couldn't bring himself to tear his eyes from her. Not even those strange creatures in the sewers had been so confusing.

"You have to excuse her, Sir," Granny said. "She's never seen an elf before." She smiled against Donnie. He didn't understand, but smiled anyways.

A snowflake landed on his beak and he shivered again. Granny and Zoë noticed. "Mister Elf Man, you're freezing!" Zoë gasped.

Granny gave him a concerned look. "Are you alright, Sir?"

Don understood, even though he didn't get the words. He tried to give them an 'I'm alright, don't worry about me' look, but unfortunately, his teeth had started to chatter. He did his best to hide it, but the humans didn't buy it.

Granny picked something up from a large bag she'd been carrying. It proved to be a gigantic dark blue coat with a practical hood. She handed it over to Don. "Here, Sir. You seem to need it. It was for my husband, but that old pig can manage without it."

"He can get that clay pot I made in school instead," suggested Zoë. A grimace – something between disgust and horror – crossed Granny's face, but disappeared immediately. She forced a smile. "That's a great idea, honey. I am sure he will be thrilled." Zoë beamed.

The old woman turned to Don again. He was still holding the coat, examining it as if it was an interesting insect and he had been his normal self. Granny frowned. "What are you waiting for? Put it on!" When Don looked at her quizzically, she pretended to put on an invisible coat, to make him understand. 'He might be retarded,' she thought. Her suspicions were confirmed when Don lit up and put on the coat. He smiled. "Tack så mycket." (6)

"There's the elf language again!" Zoë squealed.

"Yes, but we must go home now," Granny said. "It's time for dinner, and the elf has some… eh… elf stuff to take care of." She took the little girl's hand and started walking. When she passed Don, she leaned to the side and whispered in his ear: "Nice costume, Sir."

Zoë waved enthusiastically as they left. "Good bye, Mister Elf Man! Tell Santa I said hi!"

Don waved back. "Hejdå, lilla flicka!" (7) When the humans disappeared, he frowned and said to himself: "Konstig unge. Verkade lätt psykotisk. Vad ger dom sina barn att äta här?" (8)

His face brightened. "Men den gamla damen var snäll när hon gav mig den här rocken. Nu slipper jag frysa." (9)

He merrily continued his way down the street. "Nä se det snöar, nä se det snöar, det var väl roligt, hurra…" (10)

"We have spotted one of the turtles, Master."

Seven Foot ninjas watched Donnie from above. They had been following him for three blocks. Right now, their leader was speaking on the Foot phone (AN: Like the shell cells, but for the Foot. Did that make any sense? Eh… okay, I'll shut up now.) with none other than Oruku Saki, also known as the Shredder.

"Excellent. Which one is it?"

"It's the one with the purple mask, Master… he's behaving quite strange, though…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he's walking down the street, without a disguise, as if he wasn't a gigantic turtle at all. He just spoke to an old woman and a little girl on the street – stupid kid thought he was an elf of Santa Claus – and…"

"And just what, may I ask, is stupid with believing in Santa Claus and his elves?"

The Foot soldier frowned. "Nothing Master… It's just that everyone knows that Santa isn't real, neither he nor his elves."

"So? Let them believe if they want to! What right do you have to walk around, crushing people's childhood dreams? HUH?"

The soldier couldn't believe his ears. Was the phone broken? He moved a couple meters, hoping to get a better signal from his new position. "Master, could you please repeat what you just said…?"

"No! I do not want to talk to you anymore, you incompetent twit!" Shredder snapped. "Put someone with a little humanity on the phone!"

"But, Master…"

"NOW! Or I'll practise my new cool ninja moves using you as a dummy!"

The Foot soldier gulped and handed the Foot phone to one of his fellow goons. "You talk to the Master," he said quietly. "Be careful with what you're saying, his mental stability seems ready to fall into little pieces…"

"I heard that, fool!"

Foot ninja number 2 held the phone to his ear. "Um, is everything alright, Master?"

"Now it is, when I don't have to listen to that moron anymore. You're not that mean, now are you?"

"No, of course not, Master," the soldier answered, although he had absolutely no idea whatsoever about what his boss was talking about.

"Thank you. I'm surrounded by insensitive dorks who think that they can say anything at all, even if it hurts people's feelings, people who have done nothing to them. You're the only one I can trust. You, Hun and that guy who use to come here and repair my hot chocolate machine when it breaks."

By now, the soldier felt pretty terrified. "Eh, thank you, Master. I'm really sensitive, I promise. I cannot watch The Care Bears without getting touched and start crying."

"That feels so good to hear!" The great Oruku Saki sobbed. "You have no idea how wonderful it is when you've got someone who listens to your problems and offers a shoulder to cry on…"

"Riiight. Um, not that I want to change the subject, Master, but what about the turtle?"

"What turtle? Oh, you mean THAT turtle! Just kick his butt and put the bug on him. It'll send out a signal that'll lead me directly to the turtles' secret lair! My diabolical plan cannot fail! Bwahahahaha!"

"Sure, Master… We're on it."

"Wait, don't start yet! I must say 'charge'! It's my right as your boss!"

"O-kay…"

"Are you ready? On three. One… two… CHAAAARGE! There. Now you can go."

"Thank you, Master. Over and out."

The soldier snapped the Foot phone shut. He turned to his comrades and shook his head. "I knew that he'd lose it one day. People with power always go mad."

The others nodded, and they prepared to jump down into the alley, where they would 'kick the turtle's butt and put the bug on him'.

If I've gotten this whole thing with Santa's elves completely wrong, please forgive me. Santa's got no elves in Sweden, so I'm pretty much guessing what's with this whole elf thing.

1. You must not forget that any ideas and suggestions for the story are welcome. I've got a whole Word document on my laptop, only for plot bunnies!

2. Aha, now I know where I am. The United States, who would've thought… pity I don't know English.

3. Now when I'm here, I can as well go for some sightseeing. Who knows when I get to investigate the Big Apple next time?

4. (AN: These are the Swedish lyrics to Jingle Bells.)

5. Ugh, so cold. I got to find something to wear.

6. Excuse me, but I don't really understand…

7. Thank you so much.

8. Good bye, little girl!

9. Weird kid. Seemed slightly psychotic. What do they give their children to eat here?

10. But the old lady was kind when she gave me this coat. Now I don't have to freeze.

11. (AN: Another Swedish winter song. It's a children's song about the joy of snow, or something.)

Idun