There was a moment of silence at Emma's tearful confession. Frank turned to look at Jane who did not seem so surprised at the revelation and after a moment of staring at one another (he could not help it! She had such beautiful eyes!) They broke apart and Frank said cheerfully,
"Oh is that all?"
Emma tore herself away from Jane and glared furiously at him. "Is that all?" she repeated. "Is that all? I have just told you the very secret nature of my heart that I did not know myself until this very moment and you say is that all?"
"Oh come on Em!" Frank said only slightly unnerved at the furious look Emma was giving him. "Jane and I have known about your feelings for Mr Knightly since we were children. This is hardly groundbreaking news."
"Those feelings before were merely a childish infatuation!" Emma shouted. "I out grew those years ago despite your teasing! I only realised that instead of a strong and deep friendship I had been feeling something so much more for him and you just say is that all?"
Frank inwardly moaned Emma was never going to forgive him for that, he just knows it. She will remind him every single time for many years to come but instead of arguing with her, he allowed Jane to speak.
"Emma dear," Jane said gently, "Frank did not mean to insult you. He was just pointing out that it had always been so obvious that you loved Mr Knightly. After all you are always seeking his company and look so happy when you are in it. He is the only one who can truly calm you down and give you the comfort you desire. I had hoped that your feelings for him were beyond friendship."
"And Mr Knightly would fall over his feet to assure your happiness," Frank said as he pulled out his handkerchief and held it out to Emma. "If you just tell him how you feel I am sure he would propose to you in an instant."
"He will not," Emma moaned and she wiped her eyes dry, "he has never seen me more than a silly girl and I know he has a romantic inclination towards Harriet."
Frank laughed. "Oh come on Em, Mr Knightly and Harriet Smith? It would never work."
"Oh just leave Frank Weston!" Emma shouted as she threw his handkerchief at him. It flopped helplessly on the floor. "If you cannot be helpful then perhaps you should go, you...you...insensitive hog-grubber!"
Frank's smile disappeared altogether as he picked up his handkerchief his whole demeanour had changed to a much cooler one. "Very well I shall leave," he said coldly, "after all I was supposed to return to Richmond anyway."
With a shallow bow he leaves quickly without a second look at Jane much to her own disappointment.
"Oh Emma," Jane almost chided her friend, "Let's get you upstairs and wash your face and fix yourself up before your father thinks you have fallen ill and bans you from all balls together."
EWEWEWEWEWEWEW
Mr Knightly did not think he could be in a more tense situation.
The Eltons having realised their behaviour had meant they would be cut off from the little society Highbury had to offer had quickly resolved their problems with both the Westons and Woodhouses. Of course they had continued to pretend they were the ones who had been wronged and it had been Emma who apologised to them but no one could be bothered to correct them.
Highbury had always been made for the quiet life after all.
To enjoy the fine weather they had been given Emma, Jane, Miss Bates, Frank, Mr Weston, Harriet Smith, the Eltons, and Mr Knightly had gone for a walk before returning to Hartfield for a cold drink and some entertainment.
For reasons unknown Frank was acting sullen and was giving Emma a somewhat cold attitude while Jane was more quiet than usual, and Emma seemed distant and depressed despite being in the company of her dearest friends. Once they were settled down in the parlour of Hartfield Emma went to fetch the letters their nephews had left behind on the last visit of Isabella and John over the Easter Holidays and Mrs Elton turned to discuss the Strawberry Picking party in the following week.
"I do think you need a feminine touch-"
"No thank you; there is only one woman I trust with such matters-"
"Mrs Weston," she said somewhat disdainfully.
"No Mrs Knightly," he corrected her.
There was a loud clattering sound and they turned to find Emma had dropped the box of letters. "I am sorry," she said ducking down to pick them up. "They had slipped."
Jane rushed over to help Emma pick the little cards up. Mr Knightly watched worriedly as Emma murmured shakily to Jane, he could not make out the words but he could see she was shaking and rather pale, he hope she was not ill. It would worry her father far too much if she was ill. Once they were settled Emma sat between Frank and Jane and the tension seemed to have doubled as everyone quietly turned to play the game.
Mr Knightly watched enviously as Emma sent a word to Frank who solved it quickly enough and grinned before sending her a word of his own. They shared a smile that caused Jane to frown a little bit.
He could not help but notice something had changed between the three of them. On occasion it appears nothing has changed and they are the troublesome three they had always been but then there are times where Jane and Emma are naturally closer with their many interests and shared gender but then Frank and Emma had similar personalities and appear to be having a more intimate relationship, and then Frank appears to have a flirtation with Jane as well and the girls are not as close as they seem to be. As well as today Frank and Emma seem somewhat estranged which was highly unusual but once they are friends again Jane distances herself.
He did not like this change at all especially if the change continues to progress the way it is he would lose Emma and likely to see her and Jane deeply hurt.
Frank created another word and gave it to Jane she sent it back looking rather cross and he tried to give it again before Jane stood up. "Pardon me," she said quietly, "I am tired from the walk and then to rest."
"Oh yes, Jane," Mrs Elton agreed, "We should go as well Mr E, I do feel rather tired myself."
Emma left to see the Eltons, Frank and Mr Weston, and Harriet off at the front of the house while Mr Knightly decided to clear away the letters when he found the word Frank had made for Jane.
Fiwe
Carefully he moved the f and the w around and glowered at the word.
Wife.
A distant memory of when they were barely six where Frank stood up and declared he would marry both Emma and Jane. Well you cannot, Mr Knightly thought darkly, it is not only unlawful and morally wrong but it is a selfish thing as well. You cannot have both of them.
"Oh you did not have to tidy them away," Emma's voice drifted in the room behind him. He quickly pushed Frank's word into the box unable to hurt Emma's feelings as he heard her walk closer towards him. "Thank you."
"It was nothing," he said as he pushed the remaining letters back into the box, "Emma...do you think that Frank may have a more intimate attachment to Jane than he pretends to have"
Emma seemed to have frozen completely as if she was made of ice and snow she was so pale as well. "I have no reason to think that Frank pretends anything when it comes to his attachment to Jane," she said quietly and firmly.
Mr Knightly did not press further as he could not bear the thought of hurting Emma and telling her about Frank's word to Jane would likely hurt her deeply. Instead he murmured his goodbyes and left Emma to organise the room for the evening activities of the family household.
He was so uncertain at what he should do now.
EWEWEWEWEWEWEW
Jane refused to open her eyes when she felt Emma climb into bed beside her. There is a long silence between them as they laid there in the slowly growing darkness.
"I think Mr Knightly suspects about your romantic relationship with Frank," Emma said finally. Jane said nothing but she opened her eyes and listened carefully to see what will be Emma's next few words. "I neither confirmed or denied anything...but I cannot lie to him Jane...I cannot lie to him."
Jane felt for Emma's hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. "I am sorry Emma," she said softly. "I do not want to keep lying. I am so tired of it all but for some reason Frank continues to persist in keeping everything a secret."
"He does not want you to suffer the insults and snide remarks from that society and his own aunt," Emma said immediately, "he only wants to protect you."
"Does he or does he regret ever asking for my hand?"
"Jane," Emma sighed, "he would never regret such a question. He loves you."
Jane did not reply. Emma did not fully understand her fears and suspicions especially since she is the centre of them. It tires Jane out so much because she had no place to hide and cry without Emma appearing and trying to get her to talk. Although she knew that Emma deeply loved Mr Knightly it did not stop the fact that Emma was a beautiful rich woman who already held Frank's affections as a foster sister, such affections can easily turn to love as it has easily turned with Jane. Then of course everyone wanted Frank to marry Emma, they were a perfect fit with their cheerful, warm, and outgoing personalities and enjoyed many activities from dancing to exploring the world around them. Of course socially as the richer members of society in Highbury they too were a perfect fit.
Jane with her quieter lifestyle, poor circumstances, and less than beautiful looks could not compete with Emma Woodhouse and Frank has very likely realised this.
The long silence between them dragged on and for a second Jane almost thought that Emma had fallen asleep.
"Mrs Knightly," she whispered in a complete horror, "He is thinking of marriage with Harriet."
Jane doubted that but she did not voice such thoughts. After all she constantly finds it difficult to believe Emma when she said Frank loved him.
EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW
The Strawberry Picking party was not a success. The heat was insufferable and Frank managed to arrive late in a sullen and dreadful mood because of it. Mrs and Mr Elton managed to amuse the whole party with Mrs Elton's arrival on a donkey which will bring amused smiles on people's faces for years to come. Midway through the afternoon before Frank had managed to arrive Jane departed and Mr Knightly was rather inclined to believe it was due to Mrs Elton's persisting nagging to become the Smallridges' governess.
Emma had at first thoroughly enjoy herself it had been a long time since she visited Donwell Abbey and she did not know how much she had missed its large arched ceilings and grand long corridors that had managed to keep a rather cosy feel to it. She could not help but relish being in Mr Knightly's home instead of hers for it was a very refreshing change not that her father agreed as he grumbled quietly to himself and the silent Mrs Bates by the fireplace. She enjoyed being able to pick the delicious large red fruits and could not wait to have them as a treat after dinner.
Her enjoyment began to fade as she saw Mr Knightly and Harriet close to one another as Mr Knightly was discussing something in great detail. She could not allow herself to get upset since she had not seen Harriet this happy in a long time and Mr Knightly seemed to enjoy himself as much as she had been before.
She could not ruin either of her friends' happiness even if it had meant she would have to break her own heart for them to be happy.
She sighed heavily and decided it was all for the best really if she kept to her word about being an old maid like Miss Bates. To hide her own dark mood she decided to return inside where she found Jane marching across the foyer looking rather distressed and furious. They exchanged words in which Jane revealed how very tired she was and Emma knew she did not mean about the exhausting weather and behaviour of Mrs Elton today.
As she said goodbye to Jane and enjoyed the shade of the great oak tree that stood far from the gardens Frank made his way in his own irritable mood and continued to grumble quite for some time before Emma snapped.
"Oh for heaven's sake Frank! If you are not going to enjoy today then perhaps you are better off returning to Richmond!"
Frank looked at her rather shamefaced. "I am sorry Em," he said apologetically, "it is just that I came across Jane on my way here and we had argued. It had not been a very good one and I fear she is thinking of ending our engagement."
"She just does not want to keep on lying," Emma reassured her friend immediately forgiving him. "Perhaps if you were to tell your father and Mrs Weston-"
"I cannot!" Frank blurted out immediately. "You know what my father is like Emma. He would instantly contact my aunt about the match and then that would be that. She would ensure I could never return to Highbury and Jane while she lives if I wish to inherit so I can afford to care for the Bates' I must hide this until my aunt has died."
"But surely all this lying and keeping secrets is only causing more damage!" Emma cried out. "It is ever so exhausting and difficult. Poor Jane has Mrs Elton pulling at her to accept the governess job. Jane has to lie whenever she receives a letter from you and it is so difficult for her to keep a calm front when people drop hints of a match between you and I. Surely the secret must end now so we can all be able to sleep peacefully."
"And perhaps," Frank snapped his eyes glittering with anger and hurt that Emma did not agree with him, "if you were to tell Mr Knightly your feelings you would not feel the need to break down in tears so often in public."
"Jane is right," Emma said tonelessly, "this is ever so tiring."
She then walked away ignoring Frank's calls and pleading. She leaned against the cool stone of one of the storage houses and sighed heavily. She suddenly had a longing desire to go to bed and never get out for at least a decade. Surely then there will be no drama to endure.
"Emma?"
Emma jumped slightly rather startled at the sudden soft call of her name. She turned to see Mr Knightly staring down at her in concern. "Oh Mr Knightly," she said with relief, "you had startled me."
"Are you all right Emma?" Mr Knightly asked as he stepped closer to her. "I had saw you arguing with Frank."
"You did not hear what was said did you?" she asked worriedly and rather fearfully. She could not bear the idea of having Mr Knightly's pity for not being able to return her feelings.
"No, no but you did seem very upset," Mr Knightly said reassuringly, "Do you wish to talk about it?"
"No," Emma shook her head, "it is best left alone today but I do wish to have a hug as silly as it seems."
"It does not seem silly at all," Mr Knightly said with a soft smile that lit up his beautiful eyes.
Oh why did he have to be so beautiful as a man should be?
He took her hand into his before he pulled her gently into a warm comforting embrace. She buried her face into his shoulder and enjoyed the sensation of having his bare hands touch her back. The heat seeped into her dress and yet it did not feel uncomfortable despite this insufferable hot weather. She breathed in deeply and got hold of the delightful scent of Mr Knightly's soap and Donwell Abbey merged together. It almost made her dizzy with delight.
She wanted nothing more than to spend all of eternity locked in this very moment in his arms.
Oh why did the world have to be so cruel? Why did he have to fall for her friend rather than her? the pain was beyond any other in the world and she knew it would remain with her until the day she died.