The view was glorious the company was not.
A couple months or so ago Mr Knightly had suggested the trip to Box Hill in order to cheer Emma up after a more tiring encounter with Mrs Elton. Unfortunately Mrs Elton had gotten wind of the plan and invited herself to join them and once her horse was injured she forced everyone to cancel. So now on this very hot July day they were exploring the natural beauty of Box Hill before settling down for a picnic.
Mrs and Mr Elton were somewhat sullen and the former of the pair had been criticising every aspect of the trip. Mr Weston was attempting to keep the cheery atmosphere up by it was blatantly obvious his mind was distracted on the thought of his heavily pregnant wife who was ordered to rest by Mr Perry. Miss Bates as well was attempting to fill the silence with nonsensical ramblings although she was distracted with worry for Jane who had become quieter and quieter throughout the day. Harriet merely smiled in a puzzled polite manner as Mr Knightly was stonily silent and Frank was irritable and sullen. The trip that had meant to be exciting and fun for Emma but instead she was beginning to have a miserable time on her first ever trip outside of Highbury.
Emma knew that Frank had always hated hot weather it caused him remain in an insufferable bad mood but she had hoped he would be an understanding friend and behaved nicely for her trip outside of Highbury.
Instead he was sour and irritable as always in the summer and it lowered Emma's spirits immensely as they sat for the picnic and there was not a smile to be seen.
As everyone picked sullenly at their food Emma shot both Jane and Frank a pleading look to do something. Smile, start a conversation, throw that meat pie at Mrs Elton, just something would be better than this tense atmosphere.
Jane appeared to have missed the silent desperate plea as her eyes were kept cast down onto her untouched plate but Frank saw it and gave Emma a bright and completely fake grin before starting a jesting conversation that caused Emma to giggle.
"I blame you entirely, you know I have no choice you had commanded me," Frank teased after several jesting complaints, "I have been unable to resist you since the very moment I met you all those years ago."
"Your gallantry sir is unanswerable but," she lowered her voice into a loud whisper, "No one else is speaking. We should not be speaking of such nonsense in front of seven silent people."
Miss Bates tittered nervously and Jane smiled weakly as Mrs Elton whispered equally loud to her husband, "I am silent for I did not want to give offense."
This caused Frank rudely to laugh before he sprawled out on the ground resting his head onto Emma's lap. If it had been a quiet afternoon in the gardens of Highbury with Jane resting beside them with a book Emma would not think of it at all but this caused her to think of Jane's worries and suspicions and she could not bring herself to be comfortable about this.
"It is a shame your wife could not be here," Mrs Elton said loudly to Mr Weston, "some of us could do well with our governesses here."
"We need a diversion," Frank said before anyone else could reply, "a little word game of sorts. We desire to know what you are all thinking off!"
Miss Bates began to ramble quietly of the many things she was thinking off from the weather to how her mother might be faring on her own with Mr Woodhouse to how pretty Jane looked in her new white dress trimmed in blue silk (a birthday gift from Isabella and John) which Emma had whole heartedly agreed with although Frank was pulling faces at his future aunt's ramblings which made Emma feel somewhat weary but at least someone was trying to have fun.
"I never say what I am thinking I am the soul of discretion," Mrs Elton said clasping a hand to her chest dramatically.
Frank laughed again and Emma could not help but giggle if Mrs Elton thought she was discreet then Emma hated to see what Mrs Elton thought was bluntness.
"Ah now we only want something entertaining!" Frank protested. "We only need either one thing very clever, two things moderately clever, or three things very dull indeed and I am sure we shall all laugh merrily at all of them."
"Well then I shall do very well with your game," Miss Bates said cheerfully, "Three things very dull indeed. Oh I can be relied upon to say three very dull things when I open my mouth, am I not?" she opened her mouth to continue her babbling and Emma felt a sharp pang of irritation at her friend's aunt and immediately stepped in before they were bored with the nonsense that was surely to come out of Miss Bates' mouth.
"Oh but there is a difficulty you shall be limited only to the number three," Emma said snidely before letting out a rude snigger as Frank chortled in her lap. Within moments her laughter trailed off into silence as the impact of her rude words sunk in. She saw the surprise mingled with hurt on Miss Bates' face and the fury on Jane's pale face and instantly realised what she had done. "Miss Bates, I-"
"I think we should take a walk, do you not Emma?" Jane interrupted Emma with a sharpness in her voice that was most uncharacteristic of her. "It is far too nice to lay about and I cannot stomach the idea of eating." She stood up immediately and held her hand out to Emma. "Come along, we must walk."
"Oh yes Jane," Mrs Elton agreed with more warmth than she had addressed anyone other than her husband today, "A walk is far better for us than sitting here."
"I wish only to walk with Emma right at this moment in time, Mrs Elton," Jane snapped.
Mrs Elton looked as if she had been slapped while Frank laughed once more. With a mixture of shame, guilt, anger at herself, anger at Frank, anger at the whole scenario, Emma pushed Frank out of her lap and stood up without any assistance of Jane who still grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her along into the wooded area.
A rare moment of the Hartfield Household was about to happen and Emma knew she deserved it right now than she ever had in her life.
A lecture from Jane Fairfax herself.
EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW
"How could you?"
The moment Jane had found a private secluded spot far away from their fellow picnickers to ensure no eavesdroppers she had pushed Emma away from her and demanded an answer. She could not believe her friend's behaviour right now, it was one thing to be inappropriate with joy since it was her first trip away from home but it was another to encourage Frank into not being rude and uncouth but flirtatious with her own person as well. Did Emma not have a single consideration to how Jane felt when she allowed Frank to rest his head on her lap so publically? And then...and then the insults of all insults to be so rude to her aunt, her aunt who had cared for Emma and worried over her as if Emma had been her own flesh and blood, as if she was nothing but an irritating fly in this unbearable heat!
Jane was shaking she was so angry right now.
"How could you?" she repeated when Emma made no answer. "How could you treat my aunt with such...such...such...oh I cannot even think of a word to describe how rude you have been Emma Woodhouse! That is how rude you have been towards my aunt. My aunt, who had cared for you since you were a child, who had helped you with your darning and embroidery and advocated every pass time for you to your father. My aunt who is your guest and should be treated with the utmost kindness for never having scolded you or taking advantage of you or even treated you unfairly. I cannot believe you Emma Woodhouse! I cannot believe you at all!"
"Jane," Emma whispered hoarsely looking thoroughly ashamed of herself. As she should, Jane thinks bitterly to herself. "Jane...I am so sorry...I did not mean to...I do regret it the moment I had said it."
"It is not me you should be apologising to," Jane said stiffly, "it is my aunt you should be making your apologies to."
"Yes, yes of course-"
"And now we are clear on this matter excuse me I am in need of a moment alone to recollect my thoughts," Jane interrupted once more with a coldness that she has never had towards her friend.
If her aunt is inclined to forgive Emma for her hurtful words then so will Jane but Jane cannot forgive Emma right now for her behaviour with Frank. She was filled to the very brim with envy, bitterness, hate, and anger to even think of keeping a polite manner towards one of her oldest friends. She did not think her restrain will last long before she is screaming at Emma for that as well.
As if she understood the very thoughts in Jane's mind, and upon occasion Jane is sure she could, Emma left Jane alone to recollect her thoughts.
It was so painfully obvious that Frank no longer wished to marry her. He was no longer attentive to her as he used to be and he was much warmer and flirtatious towards Emma who was of course a much better match. Emma may love Mr Knightly but if his affections are indeed for Harriet Smith alone then who is a better second option than Frank Weston himself?
To rub salt in this already fatal wound to her heart she loved them both deeply and always had. She could not bear the thought of standing in the way of their happiness she was never raised to be selfish only to be grateful. Therefore there was only one route for her to take...
She had to become a governess.
"Mrs Elton I accept the governess post," she said to the somewhat surprised but pleased woman. "I am ever grateful for your recommendation."
"Oh I am pleased to see you have seen sense, dear Jane," Mrs Eton cooed with a smugness that should be outlawed it was so unnatural. "I shall write to Mrs Smallridge straight away and inform her of your decision."
"No I shall write to her myself after all I must prove a worthy candidate as governess," Jane said hastily.
"Very well, oh I am glad, it is a relieve Jane to know you..."
Jane began to tune out Mrs Elton's pleased twitterings about her accepting the governess position. The slow terrible feeling of dread and regret filled Jane as she felt she might have been mistaken. She did not want to be a governess, she would much rather stay home at Hartfield with her family, but she had no choice.
For some strange reason she felt as if she had sold her soul to the devil.
EWEWEWEWEWEWEW
Emma was attempting to admire the view. As beautiful as it was it was now marred with her own negative feelings and the terrible events of today. She was certain she has lost her dearest friends with her god awful words to Miss Bates. It did not matter if she did not mean them they were still hurtful and Miss Bates no doubt feels the sting.
There was a crackling sound as someone treaded upon some twigs which caused Emma to turn around.
It was Mr Knightly.
Her heart both skipped a beat and sunk to her stomach. As much as it pleased her to see him she could tell from the way he was frowning she would be in for a scolding.
She cannot bear such a telling off when she was already punishing herself. She needed to speak to Miss Bates or Jane not Mr Knightly right this moment. "Have you seen Harriet?" she said loudly before he could speak. She stood up and made to leave. "I worry she might have gotten lost, do you think she shall be safe?"
"Emma I must speak now," Mr Knightly said, "for I cannot hold my tongue a moment longer." She waited tensely while he took a slow deep breath to gather himself. "Badly done, Emma that was badly done."
"I know I did no-"
"I cannot even begin to understand how you could humiliate such a woman in front of her other friends," Mr Knightly continued as if Emma had not spoken. "She has cared for you deeply Emma, she has asked for nothing and refuses to live on your charity no more than she already has. How can you even think of insulting her? It is against every moral and duty as the mistress of her household to insult her so. It is beneath you to insult a woman who you should care for. She has so very little in the world and what she has, has been given to her by your father. You insult him as well as her and I cannot even begin to say how disgraceful your behaviour was today. Badly done Emma, badly done indeed."
Every word that Mr Knightly uttered stung her deeply. This must be what Miss Bates have felt when she had insulted her so! She could not make a reply she was so hurt and ashamed of herself, Mr Knightly must have been satisfied with her silence taking it for her feeing thoroughly scolded because he had turned and left her to her thoughts almost immediately, she sank to the ground and was stunned to feel a wetness in her eyes as the green scenery blurred into one.
A sob fought itself out of her throat violently as she wept. How could she be so thoughtless? How could she be so cruel and cold to insult a friend that was not only hers but her father's, one he cared for enough to invite in their home, one who had helped raise her to be the woman she is. How could she? Her thoughtless behaviour has lost her not just Miss Bates, Jane, and maybe even Frank who loved Jane so deeply he would have to side with her, but now Mr Knightly who she loved above all.
She could hear footsteps behind her and she tried desperately to wipe her tears away before they were seen. It appeared it was far too late to hide them because the person beside her had already seen then and already fell to the ground before wrapping their arms around Emma.
"Oh Miss Woodhouse, Miss Woodhouse, do not cry, please do not cry," Miss Bates murmured as she rubbed Emma's back. "It is fine, everything is going to be fine, do not cry dear."
"I am sorry," Emma sobbed, "I am so sorry. I did not mean to ever insult you. I did not mean it. I am sorry, I am so, so sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Miss Bates said as she continued to rub Emma's back. "It is all forgotten about. There is no need to mention this to your father or discuss it any further. Please just do not cry anymore."
Emma could not stop the tears she merely sobbed against Miss Bates' shoulder broken heartedly as she was sure she had ruin her world with her own bare hands.