A/N: Okay, I'm back. Sorry for the delay! First I had to fight some terrible case of writer's block, and when I finally got through, the Internet decided that my story wasn't ready to meet its beta yet :D Thanks a lot for the reviews, subscribing and favoriting - that makes me incredibly happy! Some things in this chapter were difficult for me to write, so I'm anxious to read your reviews - do me a favor and leave one, okay? ;) If you get bored reading A/N's, feel free to ignore mine in future - I just normally love reading them in other people's fics, so I get talkative in mine.

Special thanks: everyone who follows the story must already know my beta reader is CreepingMuse, who's always there for me to edit a chapter at the vampire speed ;) , give me suggestions or comment on the paragraphs. You're awesome and you know it ;)

Special thanks 2: to Karolina94 for a valuable reminder.

My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold

Until you find it there and lead it back –

Home.

Evanescence, "Bring Me To Life"

The black void wouldn't let go, but Elena knew she had to fight it. It was like she was sleeping and couldn't wake up, however hard she tried. She couldn't lift her eyelids, too heavy, couldn't even scream for help. Then something sweet trickled down her throat, and Elena found the strength to swallow. That was when the darkness finally released her.

The first sense that returned was smell. Elena inhaled deeply and a sweet fragrance intoxicated her, making her gums hurt. She welcomed the pain, because it was something to hold on to, something that prevented her from slipping back into the blackness. Elena took a sniff again and there was another, more familiar scent, the one that always meant love and safety. It enveloped her, and without thinking she shifted closer. Her hearing returned, and it was strange to hear her own heartbeat and breathing – very slow, but still reassuring. Elena could hear birds singing outside, flame crackling in the fireplace, the quiet hum of the stand lamp – but none of those mattered. All she needed was the sound of another heart beating next to hers.

"Damon," she murmured.

"Here." Of course. Always. "How are you feeling?"

Elena finally opened her eyes to meet his gaze. The one that she'd never seen him direct at anyone but her.

"Different. There's this feeling, like it's not me anymore. It's scary, it's confusing, but it's… exhilarating in a way."

"That's what it's like to be a vampire," said Damon. His words made it real – she was a vampire, it wasn't a nightmare, it wasn't something that could be undone. It was her reality now. Elena Gilbert, the sweet caring girl she used to be, was gone. It was too much to take in; she wasn't ready to deal with it now, and she tried to force the thought out of her head.

But her mind wouldn't listen, the thought running in circles in her mind. She winced, and then Damon caressed her shoulder, never averting his gaze. His touch distracted her, thankfully, and she moved her head closer to his neck, almost touching.

"Your senses are heightened, you want to do a hundred things at once, and if one desire is more powerful than the rest, it's next to impossible to restrain. You can't control it," he went on. "But you will be able to. Soon. You're gonna be okay, I promise," he added all of a sudden. "I won't leave you."

"I know you won't," she said, smiling at him. "But we both know I'm not gonna be okay." Elena saw hurt and guilt in his eyes, and instantly regretted being so blunt. But she couldn't help it. So she jumped to the next question. "How did it all happen? How did I end up here?"

"I'll tell you, but first you need to feed and rest."

He shouldn't have mentioned feeding. Now Elena understood that the sweet fragrance making her gums hurt was the smell of blood, and that Damon had given her blood while she was asleep… or unconscious? This time her gums hurt even more, before finally giving way to sharp fangs. Elena sat up abruptly and felt veins appearing around her eyes, moving under the skin – the feeling was unpleasant and unfamiliar, but she didn't care anymore. She was reduced to a single need, and it was hunger. Damon jumped to his feet, grabbed a blood bag from the cabinet and tossed it to her; and she tore into it, relishing the energy and saturation filling her with every gulp.

When she was done, Elena suddenly realized what had happened. For the first time, she had lost control over herself, turning into a beast, a monster. If she hadn't come around guarded by Damon, she could've destroyed some innocent person the same way she had just destroyed the blood bag.

Sitting down on the bed next to her, Damon touched her face, and Elena felt it become human under his fingers. She tried unsuccessfully to blink back the tears forming in her eyes, but Damon embraced her wordlessly and let her give vent to her emotions in his arms.

Stefan didn't follow Damon to the boarding house – he didn't need to be reminded how awful his actions were. No one could despise him more than himself – not his brother, not even Elena. Self-loathing was a skill he had mastered perfectly, and he believed it was more than enough to punish himself for every wrong he couldn't fix.

He realized he had nowhere to go. So much for all the time he had spent gaining the trust of the people of Mystic Falls – he should have known sooner or later he would do something to ruin it. He wanted to explain himself at least to Bonnie. He desperately needed someone to understand him.

"Bonnie, I-"

"Stefan, just… go, please. That was one of the worst moments of my life, and it was your fault. Are you sure you wanna mess with me right now?"

"Please. I know it was wrong to take the choice away from her, but now at least she'll be safe – Klaus won't kill her."

"Really? And you decided to do it on your own so that her death would be what? More pleasant? More surprising? Or you found some twisted romance in the fact that she died at your hands?"

"It's not like that. I know what I took away from her, believe me, I do. But I gave her a different life. And it wasn't her fault, so Klaus will probably hunt me down, and leave her alone. Perhaps in the long run she'll understand that it was for the best."

Bonnie eyed him in disbelief.

"Stefan, do you have any idea how unbearably selfish you are? You killed my best friend, you turned her into a monster against her will, you put me through the worst experience imaginable, and you're giving me excuses? You want me to understand you after what you've done, because it will make you feel better? You saved her life? You got your revenge." she shook her head. "Grams and I trusted you with this town. Damon trusted you with Elena's life. You ruined both. You don't get forgiveness anymore"

The vampire wanted to say something, but all the words were gone when he realized she was right. Bonnie's big eyes were watching him, full of pain and contempt – and it was his fault. It wasn't human blood, or compulsion, or the legendary nonexistent switch – he had made a decision and now he was going to deal with the consequences. It was probably the first time he had to do that.

Stefan turned away and rushed into the night, running away from Bonnie's hurt gaze, but powerless to escape from himself.

"Why did he do it, Damon?" asked Elena through her tears, and it hurt him to be so helpless. He had promised to never leave her, and the moment he had, his brother had used the situation to his full advantage. Damon felt guilty for what had happened to Elena, but he knew his guilt wouldn't help her – nor would revenge or anger. The only thing he could do was be there for her.

"He thought it would be safer for you to be less fragile," answered Damon, pulling back and looking her in the eye. "Trust me, we can get through this."

"Get through this? Didn't you see me a minute ago? I'm a monster."

"Elena-"

"Elena died, Damon! This," she pressed her hand to her cheek, wiping the angry tears away, "is not me. I don't wanna be like this. At the end of the day, vampires are all monsters. Klaus, the other Originals, Katherine, Stefan, you – you've all done so much evil that I don't think it's even possible to make amends. I don't want to be a part of this."

Damon knew that she had to say it all, she had to share her agony and despair, but he didn't know how much more he could take. I've always thought I would be more than happy to take anything from you – pain, grief, suffering, as long as you were willing to share them. Why does it hurt so much when you call me a monster, if I've always called myself the same thing? Why do my actions seem a hundred times worse when you say them?

"Look at me." He grabbed her shoulders and met her angry gaze. For a moment Damon thought she must have been right – she wasn't the Elena Gilbert he used to know. She looked so broken, and something was missing in her eyes – he knew exactly what it was. The spark of vitality that she had had even at the darkest moments was gone, and Damon thought he would never forgive Stefan if it was gone forever. "Elena, you're not gonna be a monster. I won't let you."

She shook her head.

"I already am."

"You'll be a monster if you stop caring. If you don't let yourself feel anymore. What I see now is exactly the opposite. You're so hurt because you feel. Right?"

Elena looked at him, doubtful.

"I have some experience here," Damon continued. "Think of Jeremy, Bonnie, Caroline, Matt, Ric… Damn it, think of me and tell me you don't care."

"Of course, I do," she whispered, and he smiled – it was a simple, genuine smile which he so rarely used. Elena reached out and touched his face, her fingers brushed against his cheek, his jaw, and rested on his neck. It took nearly all Damon's restraint to stay still. In a moment she jerked her hand away and dropped her gaze.

"Even if I care, I am what I am. Don't try to convince me otherwise. Don't lie."

The bitterness in her voice made Damon wince. He knew she was going to need time, a lot of time, before accepting the new reality.

"I never lied to you, Elena. It's not gonna be easy. But I need you to have as much faith in yourself as you have in me."

"But what about Stefan?" she asked.

Damon pressed his lips together and took a deep breath. Of course, Stefan would come up. He couldn't understand how Elena still cared about what would happen to his brother after what Stefan had done.

"What about him?" he answered with a question.

"I loved him, Damon. And I wanted to love him. It was… safe."

Damon couldn't but snort. Yes, of course, my little bro is the epitome of safety.

"And now… I don't know what to do," she said.

"He's not the most important person in your life," stated Damon, and he couldn't care less if he sounded too bold or too insightful.

Elena was quiet for a while.

"No, he's not," she admitted. "And I know I should hate him. God, I want to hate him…but I can't. I'm confused; one moment I want to rip his heart out of his chest, and the next moment I just want him far away, and then it just hurts, and… I don't know what to do."

"You'll figure it out," Damon told her. "You just need time."

As much as he wanted to take Elena in his arms again, to tell her about Klaus, about the spell, about how she cared about him more than he could have hoped, he had to keep her physical and emotional state in mind.

"You need to rest," he said, and Elena obeyed, lying down on the bed and wrapping herself in a comforter, not because she was cold, but just because it was cozy.

"Don't leave," she whispered. As if you had to ask.

"Never," he bent over her and kissed her forehead. She looked at him with wide eyes, a new spark lighting them, and Damon couldn't really understand it. Her broken soul seemed a little healed – certainly it wasn't because of such a simple gesture?

"You… You didn't-" she stopped abruptly, smiling and closing her eyes.

"What?" asked Damon, slightly worried.

"Ask me when I wake up," the smile was still there, and Damon felt relieved.

"You know that you're not a monster at all, right?"

Elena sighed and shook her head slightly.

"Ask me when I wake up," she repeated before drifting off.

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