I do not own Naruto. Firing Main Blarg.
Chapter VII: Return to Konoha Part III: Fangirl Corps
Naruto landed with a small flump outside the stadium. Quickly grabbing his sunglasses, he frowned with disapproval at the crack that Lee had managed to make in the toughened plastic with his Morning Lotus. Extracting a small pen, he flicked on the power and traced it over the crack, melting and resealing it.
Satisfied, he dropped the pen back into the scroll and wound that back up into one of his pockets. He slipped on the glasses, pressed the button that would hide his eyes from sideway glances, and walked off into the village.
It was strange, walking around in the village without having hundreds of dirty looks pin you down from every direction. The villagers didn't treat him like Naruto, but as a stranger. There were a few curious looks and a few whispers, but otherwise nothing remotely like before.
Of course, that was just the adults. The teenagers and even some of the preteen girls were giving him adoring looks. Civilian and Kunoichi alike, they were staring at him. And not the bad kind of staring that he used to get. Despite the fact that these girls meant no harm to him, they seemed even more powerful and dangerous then death glares.
Naruto gulped and quickened his pace toward Ichiraku's Ramen.
By the time that he got there, it was as though the pied piper had come to town and all of the girls in town were following Naruto. Of course, by this time, he was doing an all-out sprint.
He dove into the shop like someone dodging automatic machine gun fire, tucked and rolled to a stop in front of Ayame, who stared at him.
Getting up, Naruto dusted off his clothes, and said with a smile, "Hello, Ayame. Long time no see."
Ayame stood there, confused. "Do I know you, sir?"
"You had better believe it!"
Realization hit Ayame like a brick wall. "N-Naruto? Is that you?"
Naruto nodded, and realizing the increased noise outside, pushed over several thousand ryo. He transformed into a nondescript traveler just as the fangirls broke the door down and charged inside, ready to claim Naruto as their own. They had a quick peek around, took a spin upstairs, and then charged off to the next eatery, determined to find Naruto.
Naruto sighed and dropped the Henge. Noticing that her father was nowhere to be found, he asked, "Where's the old man?"
Ayame sighed. "My father is in Suna right now. One of his suppliers has this herb that he insisted would make our ramen the tastiest in the world. Unfortunately, he neglected to mention the amount of time that it would take to get there and back. He's only halfway there, with that back of his."
Naruto was surprised. "The old man has back problems?"
Ayame nodded. "Oh, yes. He was a ninja, a Chunin. One time, on the way back from a mission in the land of waves, his team was attacked. They got away with their lives, but my father had some of his back muscles severely strained. They discharged him, and he's worked in our ramen shop ever since."
Naruto took this information and stashed it away in his 'random facts' folder. Most of what he knew was in here, since he didn't know how to organize them into readable files. Even if someone did enter his mind, they would have to spend months searching through that folder to get bits and pieces of what they wanted.
He shook his head to clear of it of the thoughts that had invaded. "Anyway, I've got some friends that might be coming over. You should be able to tell them apart easily. They're the Konoha Eleven. Just don't let any raving fangirls in here, I beg of you!"
Ayame winked and put Naruto's cash into a register. "Now, we couldn't have that, could we? Our number one customer wouldn't be much use to us if he's in a thousand tiny pieces, right?"
"Thanks, Ayame." He said in major relief. "I'll just have my usual, and wrap up three hundred bowls to go. Put the rest on my tab."
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Naruto was sitting in the shop's only conference room, a place designed for twenty people. It also had reclining leather chairs and a long table and a gorgeous view of the Hokage Monument. However, that table was currently groaning under the weight of several dozen bowls of miso and pork ramen.
Naruto had just forgotten how good Ichiraku's ramen was. Seven years of eating his own cooking had degraded his taste buds somewhat, but he could still taste a masterful bowl of ramen when he got his mouth around to it.
He was busy slurping down the nineteenth bowl of broth when a knock came at the door. Fearing the worst, he transformed again, choking in his haste. "Come in." he said, eyes still watering.
In walked… Shikamaru. He looked around quickly, didn't see Naruto, and then did a double take.
Lee was sitting there, red in the face, swaying uneasily in his chair. Shikamaru immediately locked shadows with him. If Lee got his hands on any alcohol and drank it, then he would be nearly unstoppable. His drunken fist style was just too damn fast and efficient for anyone besides Gai to counter.
"Lee… have you been drinking? Eh, why are there so many bowls of ramen in front of you?"
Naruto struggled inside the shadow possession and managed to loosen it enough to say, "Shikamaru, you baka! It's me, Naruto! NOW LET GO OF ME!"
Shikamaru dropped his hands, looking sheepish. Naruto scowled and transformed back into his original state. "Good Kami, Shikamaru. What the hell was that for?"
Shikamaru just looked even more like a herd of sheep. "You've never seen Lee drunk, have you?"
Naruto shook his head. "No, I haven't, and something tells me that I don't want to either."
Shikamaru gave his customary sigh. "It's really troublesome. Lee has no tolerance to alcohol, and gets drunk from the tiniest sip of sake. Even those imported bourbon balls will get him drunk enough to break out into his drunken fist. If that happens, get Gai as quick as you can. No one else can stop Lee in that state."
Naruto nodded as he slurped down another bowl of ramen- his twenty fifth. "Sho," he said, his mouth crammed to the bursting point, "Is ushi how hets hunk, het ushier how sesei?"
Shikamaru sweatdropped. "What? It's bother enough to talk to you when you're in a ramen frenzy, but at least speak a language that we can understand."
Naruto swallowed his mouthful of noodles and slurped down the broth before responding. "I said, if Bushy-Brow gets drunk, get Bushier-Brow Sensei?"
Shikamaru nodded but didn't get a chance to respond as the rest of the Konoha Eleven, save Ino and Sakura, filed into the room. Naruto took advantage of this momentary distraction to down another bowl of ramen.
Everyone took a seat and started staring at Naruto, who was in the middle of slurping up another bowl of ramen. "Wha?" he mumbled, mouth full of noodles.
Everyone's eyebrows twitched. Shino finally broke the silence. "Naruto, you do know that eating too much of that stuff is bad for you, right?"
From downstairs came the distinct voice of Ayame shouting, "Hey, kid, keep a lid on it, will ya? You're going to drive us out of business!"
Everyone laughed, the tension broken. Naruto just shrugged and grabbed a fresh bowl of ramen. "Well, don't just stand there like idiots! Come on and eat!"
Choji sat down and grabbed a bowl of ramen. Immediately, just from seeing how much he ate, there would not be enough ramen. He made a shadow clone, transformed it, and sent it downstairs for another seventy-five bowls of ramen, which Ayame and six shadow clones carried up with some difficulty.
By this time, Kiba, Naruto, and Choji were all exchanging death glares over the last bowl of ramen. They had each eaten sixteen bowls since their arrival, but all three were ready to fight over that bowl of pork ramen. When, all of a sudden, Naruto moved and-
Neji calmly took the bowl of ramen and started eating it, not noticing the killer intent coming from the other three ninja. Everyone else just sweatdropped and slowly backed away from Neji, who was still eating Ramen without a care in the world.
As one, Naruto, Kiba, and Choji stood up, eyes turned into flames.
"THAT WAS MY RAMEN!" They yelled as one, and dove at Neji.
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Meanwhile, at Naruto Fangirl Corps GHQ. (Secret Basement room Under Hokage Tower)
"See here, Exhibit A." Ino intoned to the fangirls gathered in the auditorium, who were all staring at a picture of Naruto as he was, seven years ago. "This is Naruto Uzumaki seven years ago, as an annoying brat. He shows little similarity to our Exhibit B," She clicked the slide projector, and it switched into a picture of Naruto taken that day. "This is the current day Naruto Uzumaki." She finished hearts in her eyes along with every girl in the room.
Sakura took the stand. "Along with this, seven years ago, Naruto had a crush on me. From now on, it's every girl for herself. We would just like to congratulate the winner in advance. Now, some base rules. You cannot injure Naruto Uzumaki permanently. If another girl gets him, you can try to steal him away, but you can harm the girl in question, and third of all, aside from those rules, there are none."
Ino switched off the projector and flicked the lights on. "Now, we have some tips. Naruto has been gone for Seven years, but we have a few things that we know that he likes. First of all, his love of Ramen is Legendary. Not even Choji Akimichi could match him in an eating contest of that stuff. Second, training. He will train literally from daybreak to sunset or until he passes out. Third, Penguin Sleeping hats. According to Intel that we secured from an undisclosed location, Naruto still likes sleeping hats. And lastly, the color orange. I'm sure everyone here remembers that jumpsuit that he used to wear. Now, good luck, and good hunting. I believe that he is at Ichiraku's Ramen right now, so go get him!"
With a cheer, half of the Konoha female population filed out of the room looking for Ramen, Training Materials, anything that resembled a penguin hat, and everything orange. Sakura carefully sealed the place up and grabbed a bundle from behind the door, while Ino did the same.
Now it was a race, a contest. The prize was Naruto's affection. Let the games begin!
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Buuuuurp! Belch! Vomit!
Those were the sounds of Naruto, Choji, and Kiba, respectively.
Three hundred bowls of ramen, two hours, and thousands of glares and sweatdrops later, Choji and Kiba finally admitted defeat to Naruto, who was still eating. Even with Akamaru's help, Kiba had reached his limit half an hour ago, but kept on going so as to not lose to Naruto again.
Choji, on the other hand, never one to turn down a free meal, no matter where it came from, just ate his way steadily through bowls and bowls of ramen, occasionally ordering different flavors just to change it up.
Naruto, however, was just plain drinking the stuff. Despite the fact that six shadow clones were carrying up the ramen as fast as they could, he completely outstripped their capacity to bring stuff up.
Kiba and Akamaru admitted defeat when they fell over backwards, toppling his chair. However, Choji and Naruto went at it for another half hour, glaring at each other, daring the other to stop eating.
However, Choji, despite the prestigious eater that he was, could not match Naruto in eating ramen. He acknowledged Naruto's victory by bowing out of the competition with many a belch and wavering belly. However, Naruto was still eating, to everyone's amazement.
Naruto was on his one hundred fifteenth bowl of food when he suddenly put down his chopsticks, which were slightly splintered from such heavy usage. He gave an almighty burp, stood up, and walked over to the door, opened it, and yelled for desert. By this time, however, over 90% of the dishes that Ichiraku had were piled up in the conference room. How anyone was going to pay for all of this was beyond them. But Ayame brought up several pieces of cake and fresh fruit, upon which Choji and Kiba ate like starved men upon bread.
Naruto, on the other hand, was extending his hand toward his fellow ninja, who were literally emptying their pockets of all the money that they had with them. However, it wasn't enough to cover even a tenth of the bill, not including the tip.
He sighed and reached for a scroll in his coat, wiped a speck of blood on it, and out popped a huge toad, easily the size of Naruto himself. This wallet was filled to the brim with coins and cash, but Naruto rummaged around in it for a checkbook, upon extracting it, wrote out enough money to buy himself a new house, if anyone was willing to sell them theirs.
He handed the check to Ayame, gave another few whispered words, handed her a fresh scroll, and stuffed the wallet back into its own scroll, closing it with three seals. He dropped the scroll back into a pocket and turned around to look at his friends, who were staring at where the frog was a few moments ago.
"What?" he asked. "Did you really expect me to be as poor as I was a few years ago?"
Nobody spoke, just stared at Naruto, who shrugged again. "Well, to answer your questions of how I got so much money, I took several freelance missions a year under an assumed identity. Get the money transferred to my bank account and let the interest build. That's how to make an instant fortune on your own."
Everyone else blinked. That sounded way too intelligent to be Naruto. Then they all relaxed when he stood up, stretched, and hopped onto the windowsill.
"Gotta run, training calls!" With that, he hopped out the window, leaving everyone confused.
Finally, Neji chuckled. "Well, I can see why Kakashi-sensei gave him the 'Number One Loudest, Unpredictable, Hyperactive Knuckleheaded Ninja' title. He really is unpredictable, isn't he?"
Kiba groaned from the floor, "You have no idea…" and Akamaru agreed with a whine, making everyone else laugh.
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Naruto landed outside Ichiraku's Ramen with a soft thump. He slipped on his sunglasses and started walking down the street, whistling softly and hands behind his head, completely at ease after eating.
However, before he had walked half a block, Naruto sensed several high speed chakra signatures approaching him. They weren't anywhere near as powerful as Akatsuki, but they were on par with Chunin. While they weren't a threat, enough Chunin could overpower him. And he sensed dozens closing in on his location, along with over a hundred Genin, plus nearly two hundred civilians.
Naruto didn't know what kind of welcoming party this was, but he didn't like it. He casually slipped his hand into his pouch and gripped the hilt of his chakra blade. Little did he know, that kind of weapon wouldn't ever work on the hordes of fangirls rapidly closing on his location.
He knew that he was in serious trouble when the first fangirl poked her head over the rooftop, forehead protector easily visible. Not only that, but she wore a Jonin vest. Great, now he had Jonin on his tail? Not exactly the kind of person he expected to escape from. Before he could think further, the said Jonin jumped down from the roof and landed in front of him, hands hidden behind her back.
"Hi!" she said, rather breathlessly. "My name is…"
But before she could go on, multiple Kunoichi poked their heads over the rooftops, brows furled. Before Naruto could do anything, they had all jumped down from the rooftops and surrounded him.
In the span of five seconds, Naruto went from being alone and walking without a care in the world, to surrounded by dozens of raving fangirls. But that wasn't the worst part. He could sense that the civilian fangirls weren't more then thirty seconds out, rumbling down the street.
By this time, all of the fangirls were arguing among each other, and several catfights had broken out, except that the Kunoichi were all using jutsu that came very close to hitting Naruto. The first Jonin that jumped down was now engaged in a fight with half a dozen Chunin, sending off blasts of water from her palms.
Kyuubi, this is getting out of hand. Any suggestions before I get torn apart?
The fox laughed. Kids, if this were me in my original body, I would mate with all of them, but that isn't really an option for you. So I just have one piece of advice.
What?
Run away… very, very, very quickly.
Well, no shit, Sherlock. But how the hell am I supposed to get away? These fangirls are crazy!
You could just blast a hole in the crowd with your Rasenshuriken.
No thanks. I don't want Baachan on my case with several dozens of fatalities. It's going to be hard enough as it is to remain in the villagers' good books.
Well then, I think that we should-
Kyuubi never got a chance to finish his sentence. The reason was simple. Hundreds of civilian fangirls arrived and trampled over the comatose Kunoichi, of only a handful were still standing. They surrounded him and started trying to force things into his hands, asking him out on dates, and the like.
Naruto panicked. He flared chakra enough to singe some of the girl's hair, but that only seemed to them as a way to demonstrate his power. They fought forward with renewed vigor, slowly backing Naruto into a back alley. His arms were raised, desperately fending off the raving fangirls. Somehow, despite all of this training, he had never once considered how to repel pack of females.
When his back touched stone, he knew that he was in major trouble. Without space to retreat, there was no way for him to keep them back.
Naruto started making seals faster then the eye could see, using chakra to speed up his hands. He nicked his thumb on the way past one of the seals, and slammed his palm into the ground.
The fox within him paled. Naruto, you baka! Don't bring me into th-
"Demon Summoning no Jutsu- Chibi Style!"
With a huge cloud of smoke, Kyuubi appeared in his nine-tailed form. However, he was the size of a large dog, and looked exactly like a Cartoonized version of himself. The glare that Kyuubi shot him before he was buried by squealing fangirls clearly said, I am sooooooo gonna get you for this…
Naruto took advantage of the momentary disruption to run up the nearest wall, charging as fast as he could toward training ground seven. Two Chunin, possibly trackers, tried to keep pace and did a decent job of it. He couldn't put as much chakra as he wanted to into his jumps, as that would pulverize the buildings below him, so he had to backtrack to his physical strength and small bursts of chakra out of his palms to push him forward.
When he had almost gotten there, he made two shadow clones and stepped up the energy coming out of his palms and feet, dramatically increasing his speed to outstrip the two Kunoichi following him. All three versions of him scattered in the training grounds, the real one diving below ground to camp out under the monument.
Half an hour later, Naruto was regretting camping out under the monument. Kakashi was paying one of his long visits to the monument that was six feet above him. He was forced to completely extinguish his chakra supply so as to not alarm Kakashi.
Two hours into the visit, he sensed several chakra signatures approaching his location, or rather, where Kakashi was, still staring at the stone. One of them he recognized as Sakura's, and the other couple had to belong to fangirls. He shuddered as they walked over where he sat, hunched.
A few seconds and some muffled words later, seven of the chakra signatures departed, leaving only Sakura behind.
Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. A split second too early, as it turned out.
Sakura punched the ground with all of her prestigious strength, splitting the ground next to him and exposing his dusty form. "Why hello, Naruto," she said, swinging the pack off of her back and grabbing him out of the hole.
Sakura slammed him as hard as she could, catching him off guard and knocking him out for a few minutes. She smirked and slipped chakra-reinforced wire around him and tied him to a tree. She then got behind the same tree and undid the package, pulling out a bikini. This was going to be interesting.
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Naruto woke up with a massive headache and his limbs numb. When he tried to move, he found that his arms were numb and bound. Before he realized that he was tied to a tree, Sakura had walked back around, dressed in the said bikini, and Naruto went wild, trying to get away.
But no matter how much he bucked, he the wires could not get loose. He tried a second tactic, banging his head against the tree. It didn't work. As a last ditch effort, he stood up with all of his strength and uprooted the tree, running off with it into the forest.
Sakura smiled and changed back into her regular clothes before resuming the chase on Naruto. She would not lose him.
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Naruto was now fully scared senseless. He hadn't expected anything of this caliber upon his return. Ready as he was for a few fangirls, after what Tsunade had told him, but nothing of this degree. There was a major difference between half a dozen and half a village of fangirls.
He charged out of the forest and through the village, using all of his chakra to go as fast as he could. Leaves flew off the branches as he tore through the streets, whipping branches off the tree until all he was carrying on his back resembled one of Lee's old training logs.
With a savage burst of strength, he shattered the trunk of the tree as he was running by the Hyuga Estate, sending wooden shrapnel cleanly through the outer brick walls, missing the people inside by fractions of an inch.
He tore by the abandoned Uchiha Estate, briefly thinking of seeking refuge inside, but discarded the idea when he saw fangirls with whistles inside. They blew hard, and he ran harder away, literally leaving a dust plume sixty feet high in his wake.
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Choji was lying back in the park, ready to sleep off the huge amount of ramen that he just ate. He had just closed his eyes when the ground started rumbling.
Dismissing it as someone using a powerful jutsu in training, he rolled over and started snoring. However, fifteen seconds later, when the rumbling hadn't stopped, he opened his eyes and looked out upon a scene that he would never forget.
In front of him was a literal herd of girls, all running in one direction. And in the distance, near the Hokage monument, he could just pick out the faint outline of Naruto, running like after peeking into the hot springs, arms in the air, and screaming in terror.
Choji lay back down and chuckled as the last few stragglers jogged past where he was, obviously hoping that he might double back. He would tease Naruto about this later.
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Naruto panted as he turned another corner and found yet another group of fangirls lying in wait for him. Just how fuck many of them were there?
Jumping in the air, he reached into his pocket and drew out a slip of paper that Tsunade had given him earlier in the day. It showed the location of his new home- his father's old bachelor pad. It, no doubt, would have anti-fangirl countermeasures.
Taking one look at the address sketched on there, he reoriented his flight in the direction of the Hyuga estate. His father had royally pissed off the Hyuga when he had bought the patch of land directly across from their home and built a lone house there. It was his father's doing, and it would be his refuge.
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Inside the Hyuga Estate
Hinata had finally gotten home after the fiasco at Ichiraku's Ramen. She slipped off her sandals upon entering the estate and immediately headed off for her room to write in her diary. She still kept one of these things, since she didn't trust Ino not to possess her every couple of days for new rumors.
After spilling her heart and soul to those pages, she got up from her bed and took a shower in a room down the hall. Nothing really special there, at least, not until she got back to her room and found Neji and her younger sister, Hanabi staring at the pages of her diary, both spluttering and red.
Hinata dashed forward faster then the eye could see and snatched the book out of Hanabi's hands, but it was too late and the damage was done. Hanabi's look of shock slowly changed to one of impish delight as she looked at her sister.
"Oooh… I never knew that you looked at Naruto in that light…"
Neji didn't say anything, just poofed away with his face as red as a beet. Hinata had a nagging suspicion that he was going to go check on Tenten, to make sure that she wouldn't join the Naruto fanclub.
Hanabi, however, was still standing there, with that same mischievous look on her face. Somehow, despite being five years younger then her older sister, Hinata was still nervous from that look.
"What?" Hinata had finally snapped.
Hanabi gave a look that chilled Hinata to her core. "You know, sister. There isn't really anyone in my generation that I might be interested in. Naruto looks like a real gentleman now. If you don't claim him soon, I might ask father for permission to date him… then he would be mine!"
Hinata looked horrified. "Hanabi! You wouldn't dare!"
Hanabi gave an airy laugh, quite unlike her usual self. "Sister, I would dare. I will see you later; I'm off to join the fangirls!"
She waltzed out, leaving Hinata clutching her diary in a death grip. Naruto was slipping further and further from her grasp. She had to do something, and quickly!
Hinata slipped the diary back into her closet and vaulted out the door. She had to find Naruto! But the moment she stepped outside, something wet fell on her hair. Reaching up, she was horrified to find that it was blood.
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Meanwhile, with Naruto…
Naruto had crash-landed right in the middle of the Hyuga estate. Ironically, it had been in a fountain, like Jiriaya did so many years ago.
He kicked off from the ground again before any guards could come and investigate the source of the disturbance. Naruto flew through the air, noticing as he did, two huge herds of fangirls, literally stampeding toward where he was aiming for.
Knowing that his father had sealed up the place tight against fangirls, he did the only logical thing that he could. He pulled out a kunai from his pouch and cut his thumb, as he would likely bite his finger off if he tried it the old fashioned way. Unfortunately, he was shaking so much that he missed his thumb and hit his arm instead.
Instantly, a fountain of blood gushed out from the wound. Naruto slather his hand in it and flung as much of it as he dared toward the gates before he focused Kyuubi to heal the deep cut.
Landing heavily, he slammed his hand into the gate and shouted, "UNLEASH! UNLOCK! UNSEAL! FOR KAMI'S SAKE, JUST OPEN THE FUCKING GATE!"
The gate stood there, and with a deep voice that sent Naruto jumping back in surprise. "Password please."
Naruto was literally panicking now, as the fangirls were closing to within five hundred feet of him. "Password? Oh… you have got...to be… FUCKING KIDDING ME!"
"Password accepted. Welcome home, master."
The gate sprung open and Naruto tumbled inside, slamming it shut behind him just in time. The fangirls reached through the bars of the gate, grabbing his hat, but he managed to get away.
Naruto straightened up, felt his hair, and turned around to the fangirls. "HEY, YOU STUPID FANGIRLS! GIVE ME BACK MY HAT!"
Out of the crowd emerged a figure that Naruto had never expected to show up in his fangirl club.
"Sure, Naruto-san. I'll give you back your hat. If you open the gate, that is." Hanabi said, giving him the puppy dog look.
Naruto stepped back as though struck, hands raised. "Do you take me as some kind of idiot? I can get another hat, thanks."
With that, he turned sprinted up the steps to the front door, pushed it open, and locked it behind him with a resounding click that echoed throughout the square. The fangirls gave a cry of despair and began pushing harder against the gates.
Naruto's father had meant well. He had built the house and reinforced it to prevent fangirls from entering. However, he never considered that his son would attract so many girls, Sakura, or so many Hyuga. The poor gates were never meant to withstand the sheer number of fangirls outside.
The gates, the first line of defense for Naruto and his father against fangirls, flexed slightly, and then shattered.
Like invaders that had broken though the walls of a castle, the fangirls swarmed in. Some were immediately caught in traps and dispatched into holding cells. Others were knocked out with sleeping gas and transferred to the said holding cells. In the span of fifteen seconds, sixteen hundred fangirls were locked up in the cells under Naruto's house.
Only three remained in the courtyard. Hanabi, Sakura, and Ino had dodged all of the traps. They walked slowly up the steps and approached his door. Sakura didn't bother to knock, just punched the door from its hinges. They walked inside the house, not bothering to look for traps, since they were pretty sure that there weren't any.
It was lavishly furnished. This place hardly qualified as a bachelor pad, more of a bachelor mansion. Naruto had obviously paid for the very best technology, what with the wall screen TV, easily over a hundred inches, the latest cooking, with canisters you dropped in as raw ingredients, and sparkling tile. Something told them that he had paid for this while he was doing that eating contest.
They slowly walked up the stairs, stalking like wolves toward deer, except their target was Naruto, and not his life, but a life with him.
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Naruto relaxed and sank into the Jacuzzi in the master bathroom, letting it wash away the aches and pains from the eating and running that he had done that day. Normally, he didn't allow himself luxuries such as baths, but he had given in after seeing the amount of blood and dirt on his clothes and in his hair.
Sinking underneath the water for a few seconds, he let the powerful water jets rinse through his hair, unclumping them.
When he got back to the surface, Naruto shook his head to clear it of water, drained the tub, brushed his teeth, and then went downstairs for a quick snack before he went to bed. After seeing nothing but ramen in the cupboards, he got an idea for some fun.
Crossing his fingers in the familiar shadow clone seal, he made three shadow clones. One pulled out a bowl of ramen, one extended his finger, one filled a small saucer with water, and the original sat down at the table, a pair of chopsticks ready.
With a nod, the first clone pulled off the cover of the cup and tossed it to the second, shouting, "Noodles!"
The second one dumped the water in, threw it to the last clone, and shouted, "Water!"
The last clone did two seals and a small stream of fire hit the cup, cooking it instantly. After he put the fire out, he threw it to the Naruto at the table and shouted, "Fire!"
The real Naruto caught the bowl of ramen, placed it down, and stuck the chopsticks in, and shouted, "Add them together and what do you get?"
All four of the Naruto's raised their hands. "RAMEN! RAMEN! RAMEN!"
With that, the clones dissipated, and Naruto laughed. Sometimes I kill myself.
Yeah, that's right kid. Laugh it up. You won't be laughing for much longer…
Naruto looked up in surprise. Hey, Kyuubi. When did you get back?
Oh, about ten minutes ago, after nearly losing three of my tails to those human females. I don't see what you human guys see in them…
Naruto shuddered. I don't see anything in that group of raving girls.
The fox chuckled. You had better not. Otherwise I might just stop supplying you with chakra. Without it…
Yeah, I know, without your chakra, I can't unleash my best jutsu. That's like the ninth time that you've told me. Now, let me eat and I'll go to bed.
The fox withdrew from his mind, half chuckling, half fuming. Naruto took a deep breath and started eating. He had specifically ordered his shadows clones to buy him the densely packed variety, designed for traveling ninja, who were often hungry.
Naruto finished, dropped the bowl in the trash, and headed upstairs to the master bedroom. He wouldn't have preferred to sleep here, but this was the only room that was booby-trapped and had an emergency escape route.
What Naruto didn't know was that his father had only reluctantly slept here after the break-in attempt by fangirls while the gate was still under construction. And as the saying went, those who don't know their history are destined to repeat it. Those words could not have been truer.
He had just dozed off and was about to head off to Kyuubi's cage for their nightly chat, when he felt something touch his leg, then his chest, then in a place where he really shouldn't be touched.
Naruto's eyes shot open and he took in his surroundings in a flash. Three girls were draped over his bed. It was amazing, really. They had gotten through the gates, past the courtyard traps, and past the door's defenses, which were formidable in its own right. Fangirls were indeed one of the deadliest forces on the planet.
But back to the present situation. This was getting out of hand. Naruto reached behind his back and pressed a small switch concealed in the sheets, and the bed split down the middle, and all four of them fell.
Twisting in midair, his clothes and equipment fell out of conjoining chutes and he slipped everything on, rolling to a stop in the dojo built sixty feet under the residential area of the building. One of Naruto's shadow clones had discovered the place while putting new sheets on the bed. Naruto himself had planned on using it for some pre-breakfast training, but now was a good a time as any to use the place.
Half a second later, the three girls landed as well. Naruto recognized Sakura, Ino, and Hanabi. Well, two jonin and a chunin had made it past his defenses. Only to be expected. Naruto's father had only designed the gate to withstand civilians, genin, some chunin, and only a handful of jonin. Sheer numbers had overwhelmed it and must have filled all of the cells designed for those who did get inside.
Naruto finally sighed. "Well, I can't blame you for trying. So I'll make you a deal. If you are the first person to get a clean hit on me, I'll go out with you, ok? But you only have fifteen minutes, so get started on my mark."
They all nodded, speechless after his offer. It was a dream come true.
Just before they started attacking, Naruto raised one finger. "One second, please; I need to take my weights off."
As they watched, he formed a small ball of chakra on his fingers and started tapping seemingly random points on his body. With Hanabi's Byakugan, she saw chakra weights, invisible a mere second before, falling to the ground. With each impact, the entire ground shook. Weights came off his fingers, wrists, legs, elbows, shoulders, neck, chest, back, and feet. All in all, the weights, when fully charged with chakra, weighted more then four tons.
The girls gasped at the way the ground was shaking, and after the last tremor stopped, he raised his hands in a Lee-like style, giving them the green light to attack him.
The three Kunoichi attacked as one, each trying to land a clean blow. Naruto simply laughed and vanished into thin air. Even Sakura was amazed by his speed, as it even surpassed Lee's speed with weights off. But then, Lee carried seven tons, three and a half tons on each leg. How was Naruto so fast?
Despite the fact that they didn't know it, Naruto had to keep most of his strength sealed away, reserving it only for his time of need. With Kyuubi's Tailless chakra and his own massive reserves, they were more then sufficient for day-to-day usage. However, if fighting a really powerful enemy, such as an Akatsuki Member, he would unseal his power in fragments, steadily boosting his energy supplies to match the need.
Thirteen minutes later, not one of the girls had even come close to landing a blow on him. Hanabi had even tried using the Heavenly Spin, but Naruto could match the speed of her rotation flawlessly, so she didn't even touch him. In fact, he had time to make dozens of clones, one or two at a time, to go and harass them, but even those were exceedingly quick.
Sakura had tried punching the floor as hard as she could, in a vain attempt to hit him with the debris, but to her dismay, the floor remained intact no matter how much energy he put into his blows. Naruto's father had developed many jutsu down here, so the walls and ceiling had to be well reinforced to stop accidents from destroying the village.
Ino hadn't even tried to land a blow, instead sitting back and throwing kunai at the targets that were stationed around the room. She knew that she was outclassed the moment that Naruto had taken his weights off. If he didn't want her, then all he had to do was say so, not run around with the speed of a hurricane.
Finally, after the fifteen minutes were up, Naruto reappeared where he was before, reapplying the weights to their previous state. All three girls looked dumbfounded as he pushed open a staircase and bowed them through it.
With a goodbye that had the sense of relief, Naruto almost kicked the three girls out of his house. While Sakura and Ino stumbled back to the apartment that they now shared, Hanabi walked across the street and back into the Hyuga compound.
Hinata caught up with her halfway back to her room. "Sister, what happened?"
Hanabi gave a warm laugh. "I can see why you like Naruto, sister. It has been decided. I definitely want him for my own now. Catch up if you can, sister!"
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The next day, Naruto had instructed his clones to repair the damage done the gate and reset all of the traps. Another sixty clones had gone down to feed and water the prisoners, who would be kept until he knew that they were no threat to him anymore. That is, if the prisoners could be held within such cells.
The moment that the first Naruto clone had walked in, the girls had all started tearing at the bars, bending them easily. Most of the clones had been destroyed when the fangirls overwhelmed their defenses that were set up in the containment hall, but several had escaped to tell Naruto of the news.
Naruto had immediately made more clones that went off to fetch Konohamaru, Choji, Kiba, Neji, Shino, Lee, and Shikamaru. He would need all the backup he could get. He would have gotten Kakashi and Gai, but didn't want to have them having one of their contests in the middle of helping him.
All of the guys had arrived shortly before the Fangirls charged into the clearing, trampling the small plants. The civilians mainly stayed on the ground, though some of the braver ones had decided to climb the trees and buildings to try to grab him if he escaped that way.
Naruto pointed with one finger at the horde of fangirls. "I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU! I HAVE DEFEATED YOUR LEADERS, AND I WILL WIN! ME AND MY ARMY OF MEN WILL PREVAIL! SO DON'T come to me…" he faded off as he saw that his speech hadn't had the least bit effect on them. He slowly leaned down toward Konohamaru.
"Eh, Konohamaru." He whispered. "You… you have that jutsu ready, right?"
Konohamaru looked puzzled. "Boss, what jutsu?"
Naruto gulped and slowly lowered his finger. They were royally screwed now. He was surrounded by hundreds of fangirls with no way out. One by one, the fangirls slowly closed in for the kill. Naruto's life flashed before his eye, that is, until a cloud of smoke formed in front of him and Kakashi stepped out.
Naruto was shocked. "Kakashi-sensei! What are you doing here?"
Kakashi glanced back at Naruto, his one visible eye in a 'U'. "I'm helping you get out of this mess. Sheesh, only you and the fourth could attract a crowd this large. I just hope that I haven't lost my touch…"
"What are you blabbing on about, Kakashi-sensei?"
"You can use the Haraishin, correct?"
Naruto nodded, comprehension dawning in his eyes.
"Focus your power toward the Hokage's Tower. There's a Haraishin symbol etched into the back of the Hokage's chair. Get there and I'll meet you at training ground seven in half an hour. Now go!"
"But, what are you going to do?"
Kakashi turned back to the advancing fangirls. "I'm going to hit them with a unique jutsu of my own… and it's not the Chidori."
With that sentence, he pulled down both of his masks. The effect was immediate and overwhelming for the fangirls, who immediately forgot about Naruto. Fangirls started falling over by the dozens, collapsing entirely at the sight of Kakashi's unveiled face.
Naruto briefly decided on staying and watching the show, but several of the fangirls were still closing in on his location, so he decided to leave the rest to Kakashi. He made the familiar seal and teleported away in a flash of yellow, leaving hundreds of unconscious fangirls and seven very confused guys behind him.
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Author's Note:
Heyo.
Sorry about the long wait. This was meant to be a crack chapter, but it kinda broke down halfway though, so it took longer then i thought.
On the other hand, it is much longer then any chapter that i have posted before. In fact, it is 18 pages on MS word. w00t.
Anyway, the next chapter will focuse on Naruto's progress and he demonstrates some kickass jutsu that ive been developing.
Until next time
Xingster
P.S. Comment. The more i get, the more inspiration i have for writing!