Author: Zhampy
Rating: T / PG-15
Genre: Humour/Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own a single thing in the FFVII Compilation. See if you can spot all the references I steal throughout this fic!
Summery: A cynical yet happy Cloud takes to his training under Zack and is introduced to Angeal and Genesis. During an afternoon break they notice all the high scores on the recreational pinball machine are a "DRH"-Doctor Hojo! The SOLDIERs begin to believe Hojo ain't such a bad guy after all, much to the good doctor's dismay.
Contains: Main pairing is Cloud/Sephiroth with a Zack/Aerith side-dish and some other minor pairings. Some OOCness for humourous purposes, AR, couple of OCs, and occasional foul language.
a/n: It's my birthday today, so here's a present from me to you! (I don't think I've quite got the hang of this birthday thing). If you don't like it, it's not returnable. No refunds!
Modus Operandi
Episode Three – Pinball
Zack had a desk.
Granted it was in a large open-plan room with numerous other SOLDIER Seconds desks but it was still quite the unexpected revelation. Though it did make sense as a mentor-SOLDIER had paperwork to file.
"Um," Zack looked wholly uncomfortable sat behind his desk. But Cloud waited for him to continue with a ghost of a smirk dusting his features. "I have to reprimand you for being drunk during teaching hours. I mean it's cool if you wanna to get drunk—i'll come wif ya! But only off duty, y'know?"
"Sorry," the grin burst out across his face.
"C'mooon!" Zack whined. "You can't smile when i'm lecturing you, man!"
The SOLDIER at the next desk over laughed as Zack folded over the front of his own desk, hiding his face. "You are bad at this."
"Shuttup, Kunsel," Zack muttered from his facedown position (on his desk).
"Even I could do a better job," a red-headed man to Zack's other side said (from behind his own desk).
"Ha! Even Johnny says he could do better. Lowest of the low, Zack," Kunsel jabbed his friend in the side.
Zack squirmed.
"Just do it how Angeal would do it."
What? Who? Since when did Zack have a mentor? Huh? What's going on? Something's changed! Aaaaaaaaaa!
"Don't give me advice in front of my mentee," Zack whined again while rolling his head, his hair moving like an actual honest-to-Gaia porcupine. Holy shit.
"But what would Angeal do?" Kunsel persisted.
"Uh, well," Zack lifted his head (from his desk) and thoughtfully stared up at the ceiling fan. "Well, i'm well-behaved! He's never had to say anything."
The other SOLDIER shook his head ruefully before turning back to his work (at his desk). "You're not getting the full mentor experience, friend."
Johnny leaned over (his desk) to grab Cloud's attention. "You'll give Zack his full experience, right?"
"Oh, yeah," Cloud smirked evilly. "Yeah, I can do that."
"Guys!" Zack squeaked loudly and pounded his fists onto his desk in an overly dramatic, yet controlled fashion. "Stop giving him ideas!"
The room erupted into a cheerful laughter. It was a nice atmosphere—friendly and welcoming. Something Cloud had never experienced with his military misadventure. The smug grins on his two dead friends where practically visible in the back of his mind. He felt comfortable already. Comfortable enough to touch things that weren't his. A small vase holding a single flower caught his eye.
"Hey, put that down!" Head-Zack ordered.
"Hey, put that down!" the real Zack swiped the tiny vase and returned it to its home at the leftmost corner (of his desk). "That's very special."
"Looks pretty dead?" Cloud replied knowingly.
"I don't get much free time to leave the compound," Zack explained, but when it was clear his friend didn't understand he continued. "I bought it from a pretty girl In the slums."
"Cost him 500 gil! And it died a week later!"
"No one said Zack was smart with his money."
"Or could resist a pretty face."
"Ah, that explains why he picked Cloud as his apprentice."
From their desks Kunsel and Johnny were talking over Zack as if he had popped out to use the loo or something. Evidently the man didn't mind as he continued to clear away his belongings into a desk drawer.
"Well, if you're going to get the full experience I should introduce you to Angeal, huh?" Zack grinned happily as he got to his feet.
There was a bounce in the dark-haired SOLDIER's step as he lead Cloud from the room.
Still can't believe Zack has a desk.
"Believe it."
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
As a worthless cadet his type wasn't welcome in the ShinRa Tower. So Cloud felt rather smug as he and Zack rode the lift up passed the eleventh floor. Quite the accomplishment! Clinging to his dead-now-not-dead friend like a parasite and sucking for all his worth. Such talent!
Twenty-third floor—going—gone!
Only high-ranked SOLDIERs had access to the Tower. Mostly all military personnel lived and worked in the compound surrounding three-quarters the base of the obviously compensating building. Implies a lot about President Shinra, don't you think? Regardless.
Thirtieth floor passing.
Wheeee!
As a cadet he'd never set foot any higher than the foyer and its opportunistic gift shop; sending hilariously terrible lies of the great fortune he'd encountered in Midgar to his mother on the back of a cheap postcard.
Thirty-ninth floor—aaaaaaaand—fortieth floor!
ding!
"You'll love Angeal," Zack was telling him as they moved down the hall.
Into the recreation room they went. The one room ShinRa had allowed some of its hardest workers to relax in. One place the company would reward those who risked their lives for a bunch of pompous shareholders sipping wine and laughing like horses.
And it was a shithole.
Absolutely awful.
A bunch of ratty old chairs positioned around worn tables. The walls had some serious damp going on or something, despite no other room in the entire tower showing signs of damp. The sick-green carpet was worn and had all sorts of gross stuff stuck to it that Cloud didn't even want to imagine originally had been; the windows smeared with handprints (what the hell?) and grease‽ Oh! But there was a massive flatscreen television! Too bad it was hanging on the wall at an angle and had terrible static lines interrupting whatever programme was on. Also that programme was ShinRa propaganda.
And by Gaia did it stink. Stank like a Sector 8 tramp using garlic to clean out his toe jam. Like a room full of sweaty men that'd not been cleaned since the Cetra had been alive. And, by all that he held dear, Zack was leading him further into this fetid hive of rancidness to two gentlemen, shining like beacons of cleanliness in this foul habitat.
"Eeaargh!" Cloud couldn't help but choke on his own saliva as the stench assaulted his nostrils and strangled his own oesophagus.
This immediately drew the startled attention of the men occupying the only comfy seats in the place.
"Who's the cannon fodder?" the man in the red coat snidely indicated Cloud.
"This is my mentee!" Zack announced loudly enough for the entire room to hear. "His name's Cloud. Say hello to Lieutenant General Angeal and Genesis. If you don't already know: Lieutenant Genesis is head of Second Class and Lieutenant Angeal is head of Third Class."
The dark-haired SOLDIER they had initially approached smiled richly. He looked strikingly similar to Zack. As if he were Zack from twenty years in the future. Hold on a tic!
"Are you a time traveller too?" Cloud blurted before he could stop himself.
"Ahahahahah!"
"Heeheehee!"
"Hah!" the man laughed loudly.
Clearly talking to Aerith and Zack in his head was already messing with his self-control.
"Uh! He came from Hojo's yesterday. Might still be a bit queasy after his first mako injection," Zack petted Cloud's hair gently. "Be cool, Spike."
"So you're the one Zack has been clamouring about all this time. Good to meet you, kiddo." Angeal shook his hand, confident and powerful. The man had a distinct paternal aura about him. Cloud liked him already.
Genesis simply held up his own gloved hand limply in greeting. "'sup. Sit down."
Cloud's superior officer, Thompson, was keeping to himself in a far corner of the room. Propping himself up by the two SOLDIER Firsts, Cloud levelled a look at the Captain, letting the smuggest, most patronising smirk grace his boyish face. It looked thoroughly foreign on him and Thompson was mad. Seriously mad. Like, beetroot mad. Like, finding-a-raisin-in-your-rocky-road mad.
"Man, what's his problem?" Zack eyed the angry man watching their group.
"Rumour has it he's having an affair," Angeal said quietly as he seated himself.
Cloud could barely hold back an amused snort as he perched himself at the end of the sofa Zack had settled on.
"What's this?" Genesis' head snapped in the direction of the conversation. "Why've I not heard this before?"
Briefly Angeal looked shocked, them grinned at his friend. "Maybe you've fallen out of the loop."
"Not true!" Genesis snapped.
Zack leaned forward closer to the redheaded First, holding a hand up to his mouth all secretive-like. "It was with Rude," he informed his superior, whose eyes widened at this delicious gossip.
"Close," Angeal countered softly. "It was that young boy, Reno, I think his name was. Candidate for Turks."
"Ew!" Zack baulked. "Kid's Cloud's age!"
"That's what I heard."
"Yeah, always knew he was gay."
"They where seen in Wall Market together."
"Dude likes to do the kid up in dresses."
"I wonder what other fetishes he has."
"Freak."
"But don't spread it around."
"Genesis," Angeal pointed his finger at his friend akin to how one would an unruly puppy. "Did you hear that? Don't spread it around, okay? Don't."
"Hmmphh, yeah, whatever," the man flicked his hair and crossed his arms and legs in an overly flamboyant show. But he couldn't resist sending the object of their conversation a haughty look and waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
The young man with the humongous forehead shot to his feet and stomped from the room, slamming the door so hard on his way out that it bounced on its hinges. Every single person in the room fell silent.
"Ah, he's just pissed about his receding hairline," was Genesis' breathy explanation as he luxuriously ran a hand through his own thick locks.
"Balding and having an affair with a Turk?" Angeal murmured thoughtfully.
Cloud had never vibrated harder than when he was damming back a reservoir-sized bout of laughter.
"This seat's moving," Zack bluntly said as he examined his vaguely vibrating sofa curiously.
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
Scene 3
Take: 11
LATER THAT AFTERNOON.
"Hey, hey!"
All eyes would turn to him as Genesis entered a room. No matter what that room may have been filled with—ducks, geese, mice, chocobos, blind helper-moogles—all eyes immediately on Genesis without fail. The Crimson Lieutenant would have it no other way. So it came as no surprise when the man kicked the door open that every SOLDIER in the recreational room looked their way. The crimson man swaggered over to his usual seat, mindlessly swatting away his fellow comrades as he fell down with a thwomp.
Cloud followed Zack as he was learning to do. It would probably be best not to show his hand to the two Firsts. Not quite yet. Training had gone well all things considered, despite the fact he'd spent most of his time flat on his face. It had only been a single day and he was already pissed about his weedy little boy arms.
"Sorry, bro." Zack didn't sound apologetic.
"Thems the breaks." Neither did Aerith.
Mmph, Cloud huffed as he plopped down in a chair removed from his little group of superior officers.
Evidently Angeal noticed his little unamused display and offered a friendly smile. "You did well today, kiddo. Excellent form and you handled your blade with natural talent."
"Yeah..." Cloud grumpily watched the floor, playing footsie with a ball of dust.
"And that flip was cool!" Zack butted in eagerly. "You have to teach me that! Well... not the falling-on-your-face bit, but that first part!"
"You're supposed to be teaching Cloud these things, not the other way around, Pup," Angeal chuckled lightly.
"Yeah, well," Zack wriggled impatiently in his seat, "that was pretty sweet though!"
"Nothing I haven't seen before," Genesis muttered pompously as he gazed at the back of his own hand.
Why the heck was Genesis such a tremendous ass?
"It is pretty damn tremendous, if you ask me," Aerith suggested happily.
"Hey, eyes on me only!" Zack admonished her.
It was pretty fine... no! Wait, no! Why was he thinking of the lieutenant's backside now?
"Damn it, guys!" Cloud scolded his headmates. Everyone turned to him; Angeal with a creased brow, Genesis as if he'd just been slapped and Zack of confused trepidation. "Uhhhhh..." he really had no explanation.
"Hhmmpphh." The one to break the awkward staring was Genesis. Weird kid had been blurting random stuff out all afternoon.
Still looking mildly confused Zack stood slowly as if he were worried he'd startle Cloud like a newborn chocobo. "Okaaaaaay... well, I'm going over here now."
"Hey, wait," Genesis followed Zack over to the only pinball machine in the room and immediately began telling him what to do. "No, no, hold the plunger back. Go on, put your gil in, press start."
Angeal shook his head as his best friend began telling his protégée how to play such an exceedingly simple game.
"Hit the button. No, no! Aim for the moogle's antennae!"
Beeping and ringing noises.
"Wait until the ball's below the chocobo's beak to—no! You're doing it wrong. All wrong!"
The black-haired Second was beginning to look rather miffed with his direct superior bearing down over him and critiquing his slick pinball skills.
"It's gonna—push it now! Oh! So close. Okay, this time wait until the ball is just above the chocobo's beak to flip."
Gensis missed as the boy rolled his eyes.
"When the cactuar has its arms up hit the left—got it?—the left side, bounce it off that bumper, ricochet into that corner, let it drop, flip it to the top and land it in that basket, wait a sec and jump it! Let it roll passed those stars and flip after the third one—you got it!"
This time he missed the irritated sigh.
"Oh. It didn't pay out."
"I'd have won that," Zack annoyingly pointed out. "Twenty gil."
"Don't blame me, comrade," Genesis held his hands up in a non-confrontational manner. "Blame ShinRa. They're the ones making all the dough, am I right? Hey!" The Crimson Lieutenant then walked over to some men playing table football to impart more of his invaluable knowledge. "I hope you picked yellow shirts..."
Zack grabbed either side of the pinball machine and tried to lift it off the floor. He was grunting fantastically when Angeal hopped over.
"I want my money back," Zack said.
"Sorry, Pup," Angeal replied placidly.
Cloud joined the pair. "Sounds like you shouldn't listen to Genesis, huh?" What a knob.
"Ugh, don't tell me about it!" Zack muttered.
"I hope those aren't words of treason," Angeal eyed the pair with a smooth grin.
"... you have to twist your wrist..." Genesis could be heard advising in the background.
Angeal produced twenty gil from the ether. "How about a real game?"
"Yeah!" Zack looked elated. Beyond happy. Exuberant. Like a puppy with a new bone, or a cat with a fresh catch. Joyful. Euphoric.
"I just really like pinball okay?" Head-Zack explained uncomfortably. "It's not weird or anything..."
"'It's not weird' to take your girlfriend on a date to the arcade and spend all her money on pinball."
"You enjoyed it too!"
"I left! I don't who you were getting money off."
"... say what?"
"Gonna get the highest score," still-alive Zack was saying.
"Yeah, good luck with that," Angeal murmured too quietly while inserting the money.
"... anticipate where the ball will be when you..." Genesis again.
Skilfully Zack beat the game and earned his lost money back, splitting it with Angeal.
"Whoa!" Cloud watched as the badly rendered, flailing moogles and cactuars in top hats danced off the screen leaving the high scores behind. "No wonder the Lieutenant said you wouldn't win!"
"You said I wouldn't win, sir?" Turning the puppy-dog eyes on, Zack looked at his mentor sadly.
Caught out. "Well, no—it's not..." Damn! Cloud could hear like a bat!
"I want my money back," Zack petulantly held out an expecting hand. With a defeated sigh Angeal passed over his ten gil. Worked every time. Then looking over the scores Zack's eyes widened. "No wonder I didn't win!"
Angeal rolled his eyes.
"... don't get snippy, I'm only trying to help!..."
"The lowest score is over sixteen million," Cloud poked at the screen. "Amazing."
Zack pushed his face into the machine. "Highest score... what kind of number is this‽"
"I've never seen so many zeros," Angeal said slowly.
"I don't know. Remember that karaoke competition when you sang—"
"Zack! We are not speaking of that again!" Cough, cough. "But this is rather impressive."
Disregarding Zack's silent mirth and Angeal's dented pride, Cloud continued to examine the pinball machine. "Someone's got a lot of time on their hands. They're all a 'DRH'."
A lot of free time voluntarily spent in this shithole? Someone didn't have their head on straight. Christ, it still stank in here.
Angeal shrugged. "Any guesses?" he asked conversationally.
Cloud and Zack huddled down together, whispering and casting glances at the Lieutenant as if he were trespassing on their private conversation. One that he'd initiated. Kids these days. Slowly they lifted their heads in unison having come to some form of agreement.
"Dio Ricardo Hernandez?"
"Dio hasn't visited ShinRa since the Great Sephiroth-Genesis LOVELESS débâcle at Gold Saucer," Angeal replied.
"The what?"
"Maybe Dolores Regina Haughtington XXIII?" Zack suggested.
"Crazy cat lady's not allowed in the building."
"I think it's kinda rude to talk about the President's wife in that way..."
"Oh! Doctor Hollander!" Cloud pointed out triumphantly.
"Can't be Hollander. He doesn't have dexterous thumbs."
"So..." Their heads turning slowly, Cloud and Zack looked at each other.
"Hm?" Angeal hadn't quite boarded their train of thought.
"Doctor... Hojo?"
Suddenly the room fell silent and every man present dived for cover behind chairs, under tables or behind other men hiding behind chairs or under tables. Well, at least Cloud now knew the trigger for clearing a room.
"Don't use your newfound powers for evil," Head-Zack whispered as if he were as nervous as those in the room. Despite being very dead and very bodiless.
"With great power comes great responsibility," Aerith said sagely. "You certainly shouldn't use it to get Zack out of bed in the morning. Or if you want the last rash of bacon. Or if you're just tired and want him to push off."
Angeal and this Zack were the exception to this rule. Angeal had never had to suffer under the spindly scientist so had little to fear, and the current Zack had the memory span a goldfish would be jealous of.
"...stand with your feet on either side of the table..." now Genesis was talking to thin air having not noticed everyone was hiding.
Eventually people realised that there was no madman with an oversized novelty syringe chasing them around the room to the Benny Hill theme. They slowly emerged brushing off imaginary dust and whistling innocently. Some even went back over to listen to Genesis who still hadn't broken from his tirade this entire time.
"Guess it makes sense," Zack pondered. "Dude's a scientist. Guess you could use science to play, huh?"
Cloud shrugged. Why the hell was he being asked this. Though he could hardly imagine the sour professor spending time in a room with lots of his victims—ahem—patients, playing pinball. Actually no, Cloud could imagine that and it wouldn't surprise him that the oily old psycho would psyche out his victims—ahem—patients through pinball.
"That is so cool," Zack announced.
"What‽"
"I didn't know Hojo was so talented." Zack seemed genuinely impressed.
Cloud baulked. "I don't think you understand—"
"To get all the highest scores."
"You can't really think—"
"Good for him."
"But Hojo's a bas—"
"Wow."
"Who's that?" a random man in a Second Class uniform wandered over.
"Professor Hojo beat the crap out of this game," Zack excitedly explained.
Soon enough a crowd had gathered around the pinball machine all "oohing" and "ahhing" at this impressive display of dominance over an arcade game. Cloud's jaw was literally (okay, not literally) resting on the floor. He looked over to Angeal who didn't look the least bit surprised, as if he were accustomed to this sort of idiocy.
"It's Hojo!" Cloud said desperately.
"I know," one of the men replied. "I'm as surprised as you."
"Maybe he's not such a bad guy after all."
"No one who likes pinball could be evil."
"I've never seen him in here before."
"Maybe he's just shy."
"He is pretty short. He's probably intimidated by all of us."
"Excruciatingly painful mako injections must his way of making friends."
"And restraining us to the table so we can't leave him."
"That's so sad. We should make an effort to welcome him."
"..."
Shock had actually robbed Cloud of the ability to speak.
Zack thrust his arm high in the air above the crowd. "Permission to invite the Professor to pinball night?" he asked his Lieutenant General.
"But we don't have a pinball night?" an anonymous SOLDIER pointed out.
"Then i'll start one!" Zack announced. "Annual pinball night starts tonight! I don't know what time."
Cloud facepalmed.
Zack nailed Genesis' turned back with his kicked puppy-dog impression. "Permission, sir?"
While the crimson man didn't acknowledged his comrade he did non-committally wave a hand over his shoulder and mutter; "yeah, right, whatever. Now, since you didn't pick yellow shirts and this guy has no legs..."
Placing a hand on his friend's shoulder (which was uncomfortable seeing as the man was currently at least two heads taller than himself), Cloud asked; "why are you doing this?"
"I, uh, need easy money. Flowers are expensive, you know! I'm gonna ask him how to play at my check-up tonight. Bet he's got some great advice!" Zack admitted.
Cloud could only facepalm harder.
"Alright everyone," Zack shouted. "Operation Be-Nice-To-Hojo is a go!"
"That is a terrible name," one man said.
"Gaia help us all if Zack ever becomes General," a second replied.
"I'd be a good General," Zack pouted.
The crowd instantly descended in a rabble arguing over Operation Be-Nice-To-Hojo.
"Oh, don't worry! If I ever see you on the battlefield I won't help you out if you're gonna be such a child about it!" Now Genesis had pissed off his so-called table football friends as he threw his arms in the air, dramatically throwing the table across the room.
Pause.
"Now you see what I have to deal with," Angeal said flatly.
Cloud couldn't have had more sympathy for the man.
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
As usual, Hojo was waiting impatiently in one of the smaller laboratory rooms for a routine SOLDIER check-up. Not that he were impatient because he enjoyed doling physicals. It wasn't like he savoured toying with these so-called military elite, using their bodies as his own scientific playground rearranging organs and... heh heh heh.
Hojo allowed a rare smile to grace his bony face. "I love my job."
"Doctor!"
"Eagh!" Hojo spun around to face the now open door. "Do not sneak up on me," he ordered brusquely.
Then to his horror the SOLDIER smiled.
Smiled.
He smiled at Hojo.
The man didn't immediately cower, or fear for his life. Didn't think that angering the professor would result in a lifetime of infertility and/or mako poisoning. That he could be drummed out of the SOLDIER programme and immediately sequestered as a lab specimen being forced to grow a second head and four arses.
"You won't be smiling when it's burrito night," Hojo muttered darkly to himself.
"I'm sorry, what?" the young man asked.
Damn SOLDIERs and their enhanced hearing! If he weren't such a fantastic scientist he wouldn't have this problem.
"Take your clothes off and sit on the table."
"A gentleman would at least buy me dinner first," the man grinned as he began unclothing.
Hojo stared.
Just... stared.
Squashing his irritation and the slight feeling that something was off, Hojo took up his notes. "You are Chapman, correct?"
The young Second Class hopped up onto the cool metal table after covering himself with the provided medical shawl. The kind with the nice airy backs. "That's me!"
The boy was too chirpy. Hojo jotted down a little red cross besides the man's name.
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
Another red cross marked the chart as the latest SOLDIER left the room. Hojo shook his pen to check if it still had plenty of ink left. Lots of bad marks this session. Something strange was happening and he didn't like not knowing what. Probably nothing that couldn't be fixed with MORE MAKO however. Nevertheless, he indicated sharply for the next man to enter the room.
"Disrobe and take a seat," he snapped aggressively with his back turned.
"What, no foreplay?"
That cheeky voice was Zachary Fair according to his notes. Hojo pre-emptively made a red slash over the young man's notes. "You have already started off on my bad side," the professor warned, though he didn't know why he should.
The spiky-haired youth laughed loudly and jovially.
This was not right.
But the boy had clothed himself with the provided gown and seated himself.
With little ceremony, Hojo jammed a syringe into Zack's arm.
"Ow!" He winced then shut his hole as the illegible handwritten rules were pointed out to him. He couldn't read them but assumed they went along the lines of "shut up, numbnuts'.
Then recalling what his fellow SOLDIERs had said back in the recreational room about horrifically painful injections and friendship, Zack instantly brightened. Of course. The man was notoriously shy apparently. He had to do something to ease the professor's worries and show that he was more than happy to engage in a mutual friendship. Heck, the professor could even be his pinball sensei.
"Haha, you're a riot, doctor!" Zack clapped Hojo on the back so hard that it knocked the man's glasses from his face. "Ah! I'm sorry, sir, let me get—"
Before he could apologise for the excessive force of his friendly gesture (Angeal was always telling him to watch his strength) and retrieve his new friend's glasses, the professor held up a hand stopping him dead.
Now he'd upset his friend. He didn't like upsetting his friends. He had to make it up somehow. Maybe he'd buy the scientist a book on pinball. Yeah, that'd do nicely! But for now he should at the very least pick the glasses up.
"I really can't apologise enough, sir!"
Bending down his head suddenly began to spin from the injection, and before he could regain his balance he fell to his knees right over the...
CRUNCH
"Eeeeyikes."
Before even someone with superhuman speed could react Hojo had snatched a scalpel from the side and thrust it in Zack's face.
"You insolent little whelp! Get out of my sight before I slice you open and perform a marionette show with your innards!"
"C'mon, sir!" Zack begged pitifully. He were beginning to believe Hojo was not the cool guy he'd come to imagine. "I just need to make some easy money. I've gotta buy some floweeerghs—err—weights and beef joints and err, porn and other manly stuff." To emphasise his point he began flexing.
Hojo stood silently, his head turning ever-so-slowly at an angle.
-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-
"Aaarrrghhhh!"
Cloud was almost knocked tits-over-arse as the black streak sped by. He was taking full advantage of his brown nosing as he, Angeal and Genesis where making their way to the recreational room. The three stopped dead in their tracks in silence, stunned into a stupor.
"Was that...?" Angeal asked carefully.
"A butt-naked Zachary Fair," Genesis cackled gleefully. "Bare as the day he was born!"
It was nine in the evening that Zack had decided to schedule the first annual (actually weekly) pinball night, and perhaps just to humour the young man, Angeal and Genesis had deigned to show their faces. The recreational room was usually closed to SOLDIERs after 7pm due to security reasons or some such nonsense. Hardly, Cloud thought. The neighbouring floors simply needed some silence to get any work done, and they could hardly do that with a bunch of boars and apes stamping about.
Not too much later Zack popped up behind the group, this time fully—if not hurriedly—clothed, thankfully.
"Um." He scratched the back of his neck with an embarrassed flush rising to his ears. "We're not inviting Professor Hojo to play pinball. I got the impression he doesn't like games."
"You're an idiot, Zack," Cloud promptly asserted.
Angeal and Genesis only nodded in agreement.
Without much incident (one of them tripped—guess who?) the group reached the recreational room to be greeted with the sounds of an active pinball machine, dulled by the closed door, but still audible over the silent hallway.
"Heyyy, someone's playing," Zack scowled indignantly. "How dare they ruin annual pinball night, That's cheating!"
The Second stomped off ahead of the group then immediately reeled back upon entering the room, all the annoyance draining from his posture. And Cloud couldn't blame him for doing so.
Oh, my Gaia. Oh, my Gaia! Why had he not prepared for this? He knew it was coming! It had to eventually! Ah, shit! Shit, shit! Shit! Shit on a stick.
The man was tall. So damn tall. Like, why would anyone need to be that tall? It had been bad enough when he'd been an adult, but now he had the body of a puny sixteen-year-old and the density of a rake. If he tried to throw a punch it'd be like tossing a handful of mashed potato at a brick wall. He guessed Sephiroth would be a little annoyed if he tried that.
"Hey, Seph!" Zack saluted with a huge grin. "Did you come to join pinball night? I'm sorry, it's been cancelled."
"Bad form that you started before anyone got here, though," Genesis jokingly prodded at his taller friend.
"I should reset the machine again," Zack said as he trotted over, oblivious to the green gaze following him, then stopped. "Even though it's cancelled. Nah, I should do it anyway."
The young Second reached around and began twiddling with a screwdriver he'd brought especially for the occasion. Even though the event was cancelled he couldn't resist checking out Sephiroth's game. The General never visited the recreation room and Zack had no idea he even liked pinball. As his curiosity had gotten the better of him and given him an unfair advantage of a player's skill, he would sit out the next pinball night.
"Um, um," he spluttered. All the high scores were back; all signed as 'DRH' again. Those weren't there earlier he'd wiped the machine! Heck, one of them was so high it were glitching the screen out. "Er, sir?"
"Holy hell!" Genesis popped over. The man looked over between the machine and Sephiroth a few times, then his gaze shifted to Zack with dawning recognition. "Hahah! Oh, my Goddess! You actually went and harassed Hojo over this. You really are an idiot."
Zack pouted.
"Why'd you do it?" Angeal asked.
Sephiroth didn't reply, his head simply titling slightly as he recalled Hojo's foul mood and all the people disrespecting him that day. "No reason," he finally said at length. Then his eyes pinned on the unknown cadet.
Gaaahh, was about the most intelligible thing Cloud's mind could produce.
"Danger! Danger, Cloud Strife!" Zack's arms would've been flailing if he'd had any.
"Oh!" Zack suddenly remembered he had his trainee in the room. He slung his arm around the blonde boy's shoulders in a friendly display. "This is Cloud, my protégée! He's an Officer Cadet, SOLDIER candidate."
To Cloud's surprise, Sephiroth looked at him with something that could vaguely pass as amused sympathy. "Yes, I know."
Ahhhhh! He knows!
Zack practically slapped himself on the forehead for his stupidity. "Of course."
Oh, yeah. Guess it did make sense that as General, Sephiroth would know about every SOLDIER and anyone moving through the ranks.
"Durr."
"Oh, shut up."
"Excuse me?"
Cloud crunched his eyes closed. Aarghh, I hate you guys.
"Love ya, babe."
Zack immediately came to his rescue. Tightening his grip he said; "oh, don't mind Cloud, he's—"
"He's weird," Genesis bluntly interrupted.
"But talented," Angeal said in an effort to interject something positive.
Zack moved forward with him, probably all-too unaware about the sudden anxiety that had gripped him and robbed him of speech for a second time that day.
Cloud's heart was beating so hard that if he were on the outside inspecting himself he would swear that his eyeballs were bugging out of his head rhythmically. "Damn, Cloud! What's happening to your eyes‽ " Zack exclaimed in horror.
Nothing registered in his mind as he looked on, wide-eyed, like a deer caught in Sephiroth's proverbial headlights.
"Hi," Cloud squeaked.
Oh, fantastic. That's just great. That's the best you could do, Cloud? Honestly. Could you have sounded more lame? No salute? No confident grin? No shine in your eye that says you could take him? No. No, of course not. You said 'hi'. Good job. Would you like your balls delivered to you first, or second class post? I don't think they do a 'YOU'RE AN IDIOT' class.
Angeal came to Cloud's other side and placed a comforting hand on his unoccupied shoulder. "You have to be nice to the cadets, Seph. You can't do that."
"I didn't do anything."
Genesis cackled in the background.
"You know what you did," Angeal said sternly, but the General looked slightly puzzled.
"I'll take your word for it. It won't happen again," he said anyway. "Regardless, we should leave before security get on our case."
Cloud's eyes rolled to the sky as he were spun around and pushed out the door. Kill me now.
As they left the room Sephiroth followed them and allowed a wicked smile to cross his features. It had been a good day.
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a/n: I really dislike introductory chapters! Thank god they're over now! And thanks for reviewing! Really lights a fire under my butt! I get working faster! Exclamation mark!