My deepest apologies for this HUGE delay. Some stuff has happened in my life that made it hard for me to write something funny, and I have had writer's block too. Please don't hurt me!

ATTENTION! I have decided to jump forward in time a bit – there is a limit concerning how many chapters can be named "Stuff that happens on a boat". I'm pretty sure that it takes more than three days for a ship to cross the Atlantic Ocean (well, duh), and I find it highly unlikely that a ship would pass Gothenburg and round Denmark and the south coast of Sweden (look at a map to know what I'm talking about) without anchoring anywhere, but what the shell, this is my story. This boat's going straight to Stockholm. So there. And I'm also aware of that Stockholm doesn't lay directly by the sea (like New York does), but I'm moving the city out to the coast.

Disclaimer: On a lamppost, there's a note stuck with a piece of tape. It reads: They are not mine. How many times do I have to tell you that? Ts ts ts. Love, Idun.

Chapter 15: Land ahoy!

"What time is it?" Mikey asked.

Splinter sighed, and picked up a watch from Donatello's magic bag of tricks. "3.42 pm, my son."

"Fer how long have we been on this freakin' boat?" Raph grumbled.

"Since noon… three days ago."

"Great."

The turtles and Splinter were no longer very upset concerning the fact that they were stuck on a boat on its way to Scandinavia – they figured that they as well could deal with what their destiny had in mind when that time came. Or, more precisely, Splinter figured that they as well could deal with what their destiny had in mind when that time came. Leo, of course, agreed with him, Raph and Mikey didn't bother to make a fuss about it – even if they thought it was the stupidest thing they'd ever heard – and Donnie didn't get it anyway. No one had the energy to translate all that rubbish into Swedish.

They had spent most of the time hidden in the container that, until recently, had been filled with stuffed pink elephants. It was quite roomy, so they didn't have to crowd themselves together. In fact, Mikey had fixed up the place, so now it was pretty nice – for being a container on a cargo ship, that is. He had snatched some blankets from a lifeboat, and sneaked into the kitchen for some snacks once or twice. Much appreciated – the pizza Don had brought wouldn't last forever. Or rather, much appreciated by everyone but Leo, who wasn't taking the sea too well…

FLASHBACK

Mikey went up to Leo who was hanging over the railing, looking pretty pale. The oldest turtle had stopped worrying about being seen – after the scene in the dining hall, people either thought that they were hallucinations or some kind of circus artists anyway – actually, he didn't worry about much at all anymore.

Mikey put a comforting hand on Leo's shoulder. "Don't worry, bro, so far no one has died from sea sickness."

"Don't say that," Leo whined, "right now, the hope of a soon death is the only thing keeping me alive."

Mike raised an eye ridge. "Um…"

What he was going to say after "um" we will never get to know, since Leo's eyes widened in that moment, he bent forward and threw up a bit more.

'Geez,' Mikey thought, 'poor guy. And we've only been on this blasted boat for seven hours. I so don't look forward to the rest of the trip.' He patted Leo on the head awkwardly.

END FLASHBACK

While the turtles and their very own rodent were either in the container or on deck watching Leo vomiting, Shredder was looking for his very own rodent.

Yes, Prince Albert was still missing. Saki was totally beside himself. He spent all his time either searching, crying his eyes out or sitting apathetic in Lord Somerset's berth, gulping down Earl Grey tea with a drop of lemon. The British guy did his best to comfort him. He had even promised a big reward to anyone that found the guinea pig – 36902313465789, 66 pounds, to be precise. Because of that, several dishonest individuals had brought forth false, more or less believable Prince Alberts (one was a mini pig in a pink dress). The Shredder wasn't fooled, though, and would have ripped both the hoping-to-soon-be-billionaires and the fake Prince Alberts to pieces, if it wasn't for Lord Somerset assuring him that suing would be a much more painful punishment. A month ago, the old British fellow never would have said such a thing, but after a few weeks in the US, he had become slightly Americanized (AN: no offence, Americans!). The Alien-American reluctantly agreed.

Number 4 was happier than ever before. He had spent every day with his new found love. Although a cruiser isn't the most romantic place on Earth, they liked to take moonlight walks on the deck, staring at the stars. They had yet to kiss (on the mouth, that is, they had lost count of how many times number 4 had kissed Julia's hand and she had kissed his cheek), but there was no doubt that it was gonna happen in a soon future – at least, that's what the other Elite ninjas thought.

"He's lost it," number 1 said, as they watched their love-struck companion writing a love poem to the young woman.

"Yeah," number 3 agreed and shook his head sadly. "He really could've become something. But no, he had to devote his heart to that girl." Number 2 settled for just sighing.

"Guys, help me out here," number 4 interrupted them. "I've written a poem to Julia, I want to know what you think about it." He cleared his throat. His friends backed away.

"So wonderful, your looks,

The opposite from the cook's,

Your eyes as blue as the sky,

Lovelier than apple pie,

Your lips as red as blood,

Not at all like mud,

For you I could go to the end of the world and back,

Bashing mannequins until they crack,

I'd do anything for you

And I hope you love me too.

So, what do you think?"

Number 1, 2 and 3 were dumbstruck. There simply wasn't anything to say. It took several minutes before number 2 found his words.

"Um, what exactly do you mean with 'bashing mannequins until they crack'?"

"Julia's scared of them. They give her the creeps. And I'm gonna protect her from them!" Number 4 struck a silly superhero pose.

Number 2 nodded slowly. "Okay then. As long as we're on the same page."

Donny kept Leo company at the railing, trying to comfort his older brother by speaking a language which the older turtle couldn't understand. "Ta det bara lugnt, Leo. Jag förstår att du vill spy upp dina inälvor, och att det känns som om allt och alla är emot dig, men jag är säker på att vi är framme snart, ska du se." (1)

In that moment, his eyes widened and his face split in a big grin. "Vad var det jag sa? Vi är här! Land ohoj!" (2) And sure enough, land could be seen at the horizon. Donatello rushed over the deck, through the door marked 'Lastrum – Obehöriga äga ej tillträde', and down the stairway. In fact, he rushed extra much there, since his ninja balance was gone and he therefore tripped and rolled down the last seventeen steps. He didn't let that stop him, however, and ran up to the container in which his Sensei and two of his brothers were playing Go Fish.

"LAND OHOJ, ALLIHOPA!" (3) he screamed happily. "Sverige väntar på oss! Kom upp och titta!" (4)

He dragged his confused family after him.

Julia sat in her berth, dreaming about a certain someone, when she suddenly saw land through her window. "Åh, är vi redan framme?" (5) she asked herself. "Antar att tiden går fort när man har roligt. Bäst jag börjar packa." (6)

She brought up her suitcase from under the bed. When she opened it, she dropped her jaw. "Prins Albert?" (7)

Yes, Shredder's beloved pet had been in her suitcase the whole time. 'Why?' you may ask. Well, it was a nice suitcase. Roomy. Warm. Pink. Matched the furry pet's leash and all.

Julia picked up the small animal and patted it. "Vad söt du är! Jag ska ta med dig till din husse. Efter vad jag har hört, har han saknat dig förfärligt." (8)

Prince Albert squeaked something that could mean either yes or no, or maybe something completely different. I don't know, I do not speak guinea pig language. I'm just the narrator.

Right then, there was a knock on the door and number 4 entered with a bunch of daffodils. "For you, my love!" he declared.

"Oh, number 4, they're wonderful! And guess what I just found?"

"What?"

"That pet your boss has lost!" Julia held out Prince Albert. Number 4 took him. "That's great, Julia! I'll leave him back at once, it'll cheer my master up. I cannot stand seeing him like he is now, it's tragic." (Little did he know that his three friends were saying the same about him.) "Do you want to join me?"

"Sure. I have heard so much about that Shredder, it would be interesting meeting him in person."

The two love birds made their way to berth number 294. Number 4 knocked politely. "Excuse me?"

Lord Somerset opened the door and recognized number 4 as one of his new friend's servants. "Yes?"

Number 4 bowed and Julia curtsied. "We have something for my master, sir. Please let us in," asked the Elite ninja.

Lord Somerset raised a red eyebrow but stepped aside.

"Master?" number 4 said nervously.

"Yeah, what is it?" Shredder growled. We already know that he wasn't in his best mood.

"We… we found this, master."

Shredder looked at what his minion was holding – and lit up like a bunch of… a bunch of… of… a bunch of very shiny things. "PRINCE ALBERT! YOU'RE BACK! I WAS SO WORRIED!"

He snatched up the little creature and cuddled with it. "Oh-my-little-sweetie-daddy-has-missed-you-so-much-did-you-miss-daddy?-I-worried-so-much-about-you-thank-goodness-you're-back-what-happened-did-the-mean-turtle-do-anything-to-you-are-you-all-right?" He said all that in one single breath. Number 4, Julia and Lord Somerset gave him looks.

"Dude, there's land!" Mikey exclaimed.

"Thanks fer pointing that out, Captain Obvious," Raph said. "I never would've guessed."

"My sons, now is not the time to fight. How are you feeling, Leonardo?"

Leo raised his head and looked at his father. His face was pale and sweaty. "I've been better, master."

"I can see that," Raphael agreed. "Ya look like you've been run over by a bus." He made a pause, just for effect. "Twice."

Leo gathered the strength to glare at him. He was on his way to say something, when Don bumped into his shoulder in what was meant to be a friendly punch, but nearly knocked the weak, blue-clad turtle over. "Ser du? Nu är vi där! Hallå Sverige! Jag är HEMMA!" (9)

Yes, I know it isn't the longest chapter, but it isn't the shortest either! And there will be more of the turtles and Splinter in chapter 16. I promise!

About that "afraid of mannequins"-thingie… well… okay, I admit it, it comes from me. I think they are creepy. I mean, there I am, shopping clothes, meaning no harm, when I turn around and discover one of those things staring at me with lifeless eyes… Ugh. Freaky.

1. Just take it easy, Leo. I understand that you want to puke up your guts, and that it feels like everything and everyone is against you, but I'm sure we're there soon, you'll see.

2. What did I tell you? We're here! Land ahoy!

3. LAND AHOY, EVERYONE!

4. Sweden awaits us! Come up and have a look!

5. Oh, are we there already?

6. I guess time goes fast when you're enjoying yourself. I better start packing.

7. Prince Albert? (AN: Duh. You need no translation to figure that out.)

8. How cute you are! I'll bring you to your master. After what I've heard, he's missed you terribly.

9. You see? Now we're there! Hello Sweden! I'm HOME!

Until next time (which won't take as long)!

Idun